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Nov. 19th, 2014 10:09 am
the_rck: (Default)
Since I signed up for the most recent multi-fandom friending meme, I thought I should write a little introduction to myself, just in case anyone pops over here from there.

Note 25 Sept 2015: I'm dealing with breast cancer right now, and I talk about it uncut. I'm doing well and not in any danger, but I know that many people would rather not read about it. I should be past everything but the tamoxifen by the end of this year.

Bits and pieces about me. Possibly more than you ever wanted to know. )

[sticky entry] Sticky: Sticky Post

Jun. 19th, 2037 04:56 pm
the_rck: (Default)
I mirror at least 95% of my content on LJ and DW. Read where you're most comfortable.

My friending policy is pretty open. If you want to read my journal, go ahead. I won't mind. I don't automatically read in return. I used to, but my time's a little more limited now than it was then. If you feel like dropping me a comment to let me know why you friended me, I'd appreciate it. Sometimes I have no idea at all and wonder.

If I'm reading you, I'm interested in something that's in your journal. I don't expect to be read in return but certainly won't mind if I am. I know that I have more time for reading online than most people do, and I know that my entries about my every day life, parenting, chores, etc. aren't of much interest to most people. That's all fine.

I don't lock very much. Right now, it's just an occasional post about my adolescent daughter. She's embarrassed by me talking about her online, so this is a compromise. My book logging, DVD logging and fic announcements will always be unlocked.

Also, if you stop reading my journal, feel free to take me off your list. I won't be upset. (Though if I think we know each other well or if we're acquainted offline, I may inquire as to why.) I may or may not stop reading you in response. It will depend on what sort of content you post and whether or not you lock most of of it.

I don't post fics on LJ or DW. I don't post fic fragments on LJ or DW. My fic can be found at my website or at AO3 ([archiveofourown.org profile] the_rck) or, for those things not explicit, at fanfiction.net as therck. I mostly write for Weiss Kreuz and The Chronicles of Narnia, but I've written a fic or two in a wide variety of fandoms for various exchanges.

I don't often use cut tags. Mostly, I use them for lists where I think people will only be interested in some items and for discussions of writing that go more than a paragraph or two or that have details that I think might bother some readers.
the_rck: (Default)
I used the c-PAP for three and a half hours last night. Right now, I'm sniffling and sneezing. I fear the two are connected. I washed the reservoir and nasal pillows pretty thoroughly on Friday. I didn't want to try to wash out the hose, but I think I'm going to have to because this makes three occasions when I've had severe allergies starting the morning after using the c-PAP.

I finished two fics yesterday. Well, one is certainly done, barring a thorough proofread. It's gen, so that's not nearly as hard to arrange as it might otherwise be. The other needs a second opinion if I can find someone willing given the moderately obscure fandom and the explicit and potentially squicky content. I've got a couple of people I can ask, but I was a little too fried last night to do it.

We went out for frozen lemonade at Sweetwaters last night. Sweetwaters gives coupons to the middle schools to hand out to every child who gets at least three A's on their final report card, and the school put the coupons in the envelopes with the report cards. Cordelia got hers and got a cinnamon roll. I got a frozen lemonade and a chocolate croissant. Scott got a ginger tea.

We finished that up a little after 8:00, and as we were just across the street from Plum Market, we went over there for the half price bakery goods.

It's been very cool, in the low 70s, so Scott opened a lot of our windows early yesterday afternoon. They stayed open all night and are still open. I don't think this relates to my sneezing because that didn't start until the windows had been open for about twenty hours.

Cordelia has been doing movie marathons. She's currently got about a dozen DVDs from the library. Of course, mostly what she's been doing is listening to her Hamilton CDs over and over (those were a gift from Scott's brother and his family). We listened to a little of that in the car last night, on the way to and from Sweetwaters. I still can't say that it does anything for me, but I'm glad Cordelia has something she's really passionate about.

Both of our Time Capsule storage drives are insisting that they're too full to allow backups. The program is supposed to delete old backups as needed in order to keep making current backups, and we have backups going back at least two years. At this point, anything from 2015 can absolutely go. One of the drives has a terabyte of storage, and the other has three. We have no idea what's going on to make them say they only have a few megabytes of space left. Scott thinks that wiping them is probably going to be necessary. We'll start with just one in case we need the backups on the other before we have clean backups on the first. Scott keeps saying that he needs a lot of time to do this and then getting cranky with me when I mention that it needs to be done (and later today he will be more cranky because I didn't make him do it while he had time).

Maybe he can figure out how to get Cordelia's laptop to backup via Time Machine, too. We've never managed that, and at this point, she's actually got stuff she'd be devastated to lose. It wasn't so important when she was seven.
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Cordelia is now saying that she doesn't want to go to camp in August because she doesn't think she can handle a week without me. She also says that she's sure all of the other kids will be awful people and that there will be so many people present that there's no hope of her managing to spend any time with the people she actually knows.

She's been wanting lots of hugs and cuddling and reassurance that I'll always be there for her. She's also afraid any time she lets herself stop and think (mostly in the evenings). Her days have been pretty full, but she comes home and tells me that, even though she had fun, she missed me horribly. I think she's got some sort of worry that, if she's not checking up on me regularly, I'll just vanish.

I finally listened to the voicemail Cordelia's psychiatrist left. She says that the Celexa ought to stay at a steady level for twenty four hours on a single dose and that this may mean the dose is too low. Cordelia is afraid of upping the dose because she's connected her tiredness to the medication. I need to call the doctor back on Monday to discuss it.

Cordelia has more or less mastered swallowing small pills. Last night, she asked what I take for cramps, and I gave her a naproxen. It took her two swallows to get it down, but she did, and she was astonished to discover that it did help.

Her report card came today. It's all A's with an A+ in gym and an A- in algebra. Cordelia's of the opinion that they can't have counted the algebra final in that grade because she thinks that would have taken her down to B+ or even B range. I can't tell from PowerSchool whether or not she's right. It doesn't actually matter. B grades are good, too, and that particular class has been nasty for all the students due to the teacher not being very good.
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I wrote a lot yesterday, a bit more than 2300 words. I find that amazing given that I spent most of the day in a groggy haze, trying to figure out whether or not I had a window for napping.

Scott had to work 3 a.m. to 7 a.m. today. We got a call from the shift supervisor about half an hour after Scott went to bed. The guy wanted to make sure Scott knew he had to come in. He kept stumbling over what he was saying and talking in circles. I'm pretty sure that he had a script in mind for the call and that I blew it up by saying that Scott was in bed and couldn't come to the phone. Scott identified the caller simply based on my description of the guy's confusion.

I ended up staying up a bit later than I meant to because the writing was working well. For some reason, just the thought of needing to go to bed makes me able to produce words and plot and all of that. I think I slept a solid eight hours once I did go to bed, so there's that. I kind of want to go back to bed, though.

Scott has Monday scheduled off because it's our anniversary. I have a couple of minor errands that will be much easier if someone gives me a ride, so we'll deal with those. The rest of the day is ours. Cordelia is now saying that Scott and I should celebrate however we want, including without her, because it's our day. (She said something on the order of "I wasn't involved in your wedding.") This is a change from years past. I don't know that we'll leave her at home, but it's nice that, if we did, she'd be okay with it.
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I slept better last night than I did the night before, and the sneezing and such seem to be gone. I will likely keep taking the various allergy medications for a few days in case what I'm seeing is them working rather than the trigger being gone. I'm still pretty tired, so I will likely try to nap later on. Cordelia and I don't have anything planned today, so I think it will be feasible.

I'm debating Camp NaNo. The main thing against it is that it doesn't tend to motivate me to write more or more often. The social aspect only works for me if I know the people I'm interacting with. Then again, signing up costs me nothing (except a lot of emails from the website).

I realized yesterday that the first two pages of a side project I was working on didn't belong in the story at all. They were necessary world building/scene setting for me but would probably bore readers. I can work in a lot of the details that matter later in the story and in small chunks.

Does anyone know anything about the folks running [personal profile] captiveaudience? The maintainers on the AO3 collection are [archiveofourown.org profile] nonx and [archiveofourown.org profile] CaramelShadows. The former looks like a sock, and I don't recognize the latter. The exchange theme, captivity with either Stockholm Syndrome or Lima Syndrome, sounds like something I'd have fun with, but I suspect it's not likely to be a large exchange. At the moment, it looks more appealing than Fic Corner simply because there's nothing in the Fic Corner tagset that I'd be really enthusiastic about writing. There are a number of things I could write and/or request, but I don't know if I'd enjoy writing any of them.

I suspect that part of the problem is that the things I'd be comfortable offering to write are all kind of old and not necessarily the sorts of things that people think of first when signing up for exchanges. There are often specific requests that are things I'd be comfortable writing, but without the specifics, I don't dare offer because there's a lot of those canons that I don't feel I know well enough or have time/access to review properly. The things I can generally offer always have way more offers than requests.
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I think I'm having allergy problems right now. I started sneezing mid-afternoon yesterday, and by evening, my nose was running, and my left eye was watering constantly. No idea at all why my right eye is clear, but I'm glad of that much. I got about three hours of sleep last night because, any time I moved, I'd start sneezing and/or desperately need to blow my nose. (I'm not sure Scott got much sleep either.) Basically, shifting around makes me feel an itching burn in my sinuses that's really unpleasant. I've gone through an entire box of tissues so far.

I may have to take my box of tissues and a bag to throw the used ones into and vacate the house this afternoon because I'm pretty sure that the stuff the cleaning lady uses will make things much, much worse. But I can't imagine what I'd do with myself for five hours, especially if it's raining.

I'm trying to think of anything that changed in the house yesterday, and I'm coming up completely empty. I also didn't eat or drink anything different or use different toiletries.

My anniversary present for Scott has arrived. I got him some bluetooth earbuds. His old ones died, and he needs them for listening to podcasts and audiobooks while doing things like mowing the lawn.

Cordelia has her volunteer training for working at the library this afternoon. I need to prod her a bit to make sure she actually eats something before she goes. She'll also have to leave earlier than she wants to be because of the bus detour (the training is at the Traverwood branch).

Scott will be going to bed early tonight because he'll need to get up around midnight to go to Top of the Park and get Cordelia. She has asked the friends she's going with if any of them can give her a ride home but hasn't gotten any answers yet. I offered to spring for a cab, but Cordelia balked at the expense. I don't know, though, $11 for Scott not to have to get up in the middle of the night? Sounds like a bargain to me.

I managed nearly 700 words on my NPT story yesterday. I still don't know exactly where it's going, though, and I'm a bit over 3000 words. This does not bode well. Then again, endings often come up unexpectedly and smack me in the face, so maybe I'll find the end soon.
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Cordelia spent last night with her best friend, a sleepover. They went to a movie at Top of the Park (outdoor showing), so they were out quite late. I think they saw Hidden Figures. The girls are eager to go to more of these movies. The main difficulty is getting them home afterward. I don't think the buses run that late, and Scott can't stay up for that. I doubt the other girl's parents can either.

My psychiatrist says I should use Ativan every night for a while in the hope that that will get me used to the c-PAP. We discussed Lunesta as an option as well, but I wasn't keen on it because new medications that sedate me can send my anxiety through the roof. Lunesta might not since it's supposed to make a person fall asleep really, really fast, but... I thought trying Ativan first was wiser.

She also wants me to practice taking the gear off and putting it back on in as close to night time darkness as I can manage in the hope that that will help the anxiety caused by feeling less able to respond to an emergency. (What sort of emergency, I can't imagine. The anxiety portions of my brain are simply adamant that I must be prepared for emergencies at all times. All possible emergencies rather than anything specific.) There's a reason that, when I startle awake, including with an alarm, I wake pretty completely and can function immediately, no matter how tired I am. That ability to function fades as the day goes on.

I took an Ativan last night and used the c-PAP until Scott's alarm at 5 a.m. I slept without it after that until about 8:30 when Cordelia texted me with a question. That's two hours longer than I'd have slept on a school night. I'm still tired, but I'm able to function. Maybe this will work.

I'm starting to get a headache now, so I'm going to lie down for a while.
the_rck: (Default)
I slept terribly last night. My body wouldn't relax enough for sleeping for the first few hours. I'm pretty sure that it was mostly stress over needing to go out today for an appointment. I should have taken an Ativan, but getting up to do it seemed like way too much effort.

Cordelia dragged me out of bed in a panic at midnight because she'd looked at the bus website and discovered that the bus she'd planned to take to the Traverwood library today and Thursday is detoured and won't go there. There's a chunk of the route that's completely closed, so they have a bus (the A shuttle) covering the part of the route from our place to the closed area and then a bus (the B shuttle) covering from the closed area to the other end of the route. The first bus, on its way back toward downtown, takes a longish detour out to Kroger in order to let people transfer to the bus for the other half of the route. That other half seems to go to the library, but it looks like it would take a good bit longer than the normal route.

Right now, the plan is for Cordelia to catch either the A shuttle just as it starts its detour to Kroger or the bus that normally runs up and down that road and to get off at the street that leads to the library. She'll have to cross a busy road, but there's a light there, and I don't think the walk is all that far. It is possibly farther than I could comfortably walk right now, but I can't walk all that far.

I'm glad to know about the detour because that's the bus I would normally take to get to Kroger, and I'd have absolutely panicked if I got to the point where the road is closed and didn't know what was going on. I don't like the other bus option for getting there, even though the trip is shorter, because it requires crossing five lanes of traffic and because I'm not quite sure where the stop is along there.

Cordelia went downtown to the library yesterday because she had some holds that came in late on Sunday, after we'd already been down there. She was really pleased by how easy it was to get there and is trying to get me to suggest destinations that she might enjoy.

I'm hoping that my psychiatrist (who I'll see today) will have some ideas for making the c-PAP work. All of the alternatives available to me sound pretty terrible. I think it's possible that she'll tell me to take Ativan every night for a week or two to see if I get to the point where my brain accepts that the c-PAP doesn't actually reduce my chances of surviving an emergency. I'm pretty sure that that's my basic problem, and it's not amenable to me wearing the gear while awake to get used to it because it's not the gear that's the problem-- It's my sense that, when asleep, I'm hugely vulnerable and can't afford anything that makes me less able to react. This is a problem that I've had with medications that make me mentally fuzzy.

Today's to do list )
the_rck: (Default)
Waffles actually are kind of easy, at least when I'm working from a mix. The biggest hitch was the egg not wanting to mix. Scott had told me to use a spoon instead of a whisk because having lumpy batter is fine, but the egg white was kind of clumpy, so I had to go to a whisk anyway. Our waffle iron has a light that comes on when the waffle is done (my assumption is that this has to do with sensing temperature since it's the same light that comes on when the iron has preheated).

In the afternoon, after the library trip, we went to Vault of Midnight, the game and comic store downtown, and Scott got two Firefly game supplements and a cooperative game that he thinks I might enjoy.

We had dinner out for a third night in a row. This time we went to a Chinese place near the Kroger. Cordelia was unimpressed by her chicken lo mein which basically had no flavor to speak of, but we all like the chicken with mixed vegetables and shrimp with mixed vegetables that Scott and I got. The service was not stellar. I'm pretty sure that the waitress must have been inexperienced. She asked for our food order immediately after we sat down, before we'd even had time to open the menus, and kept coming back to ask at very short intervals. She never refilled our water glasses in spite of a request. After the meal, we asked for three boxes, and she brought two.

After that, we went next door to the Asian grocery and bought a lot of mochi. I also got some ginger coconut hard candies, and Cordelia got some guava sour candies and some pear juice that she's had before and really likes. Scott got a large slotted ladle which we do need. I told him that we should be shopping there for dumplings and buns and such rather than at Kroger. I'm pretty sure that the stuff there was half to two thirds the price of the same stuff at Kroger, and it's just across the street.

Scott and I watched two movies that I'd gotten from the library. Well, for certain values of watched. I'm not sure that either of us actually paid much attention to Beauty and the Beast (2017). I'm sitting at a really terrible angle to see the TV and never quite managed to get interested. Teen Titans: The Judas Contract was better and held our attention.

There's an exchange I didn't sign up for for which I'd like to write about a dozen treats, but (and this is why I didn't sign up) it has the same due date as Not Prime Time. I really don't think I'm going to write that many stories in that window. Ah, well. Maybe they'll keep the collection open for after the fact treats.

I'm considering signing up for Fic Corner, but I'm not really enthusiastic about anything that was nominated. (I didn't nominate because of computer troubles. Me nominating probably wouldn't have helped as I skew toward obscure books from the 1960s through the early 1980s.) There's one thing I'm pretty certain I could write. There are things I could probably write and am sure I own. There are things I might be able to write but am not sure I still own. There are things that might be interesting to try but that would require buying the canon (if I could find it). Many of these are books I haven't read in decades.

Today's to do list )
the_rck: (Default)
Scott and I went out for dinner at Bob Evans on Friday. We talked about other options, but we didn't want to go downtown, and I wanted to avoid anything too challenging to my digestive system. We also hoped (and were right) that Bob Evans wouldn't be crowded the way that fancier places were likely to be. We discovered that Bob Evans doesn't season its fries and such which is a huge bonus for me as I have problems with black pepper.

Cordelia's friend is at home. Her mother says she's resting. Cordelia says she's watching movies. I'm not sure if the movie watching is medically approved or not. I was expected her to have another 'cognitive rest' period with no books, screen time, movies/TV, phone conversations, etc. (I'm not actually sure how that works because I know that, if I were in that situation, I'd be spinning stories to keep myself from being bored, and that's more mental work than, say, listening to an audiobook).

I've started a second chapter to my Not Prime Time story. I'm still not sure what the movement in the story will be-- character development, plot development, something else altogether? I got as far as I could with the first POV character and have now switched to someone else. I don't think I have time for a chapter for each character even if that sounds like it would work.

We went out to Totoro last night to celebrate Cordelia's graduation. The hostess who's been there as long as I've been going there (possibly she's also the owner?) was astonished that Cordelia's finished middle school because she remembers Cordelia at three years old. Scott tried a different dish than his usual because he wants to avoid the grease of the tempura. He had spicy barbecue chicken which he said was quite spicy for his taste. I didn't try it, so I can't measure it against my own (wimpy) scale. Cordelia had a couple of sushi rolls, and I (as usual) had a bento, salmon teriyaki this time. I brought most of the fried food home with me to eat this morning. We split an order of vegetarian gyoza.

We have begged off from going to Scott's sister's Father's Day gathering. Their parents are traveling (in Europe, I think), so we just don't have the usual impetus. Scott liked the idea of a relaxing day at home. Cordelia and I haven't gotten Scott a gift, but he says what he wants is a chance to buy something at one of the local game stores. There's one not far from the library, so he'll wander that way while Cordelia and I get our books.

Next up-- I figure out how to make waffles. Scott says they're easy.
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I'm doing work on my laptop again today and don't know how long it will take. We're looking for duplicate files because it looks like my music files are taking three times as much space as they ought.

Cordelia's best friend was in the ER again last night. During their movie night, her head started hurting, and her vision blurred. Given the concussion three weeks ago, the host parents called the EMTs. Cordelia has been upset and panicked since then. The friend texted her at 3 a.m. to say she was okay, but all her mother is telling us Is that prayers are wanted.
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Cordelia's best friend's family needs to move this summer, so it's now kind of up in the air as to which high school she'll end up attending. It will depend on whether or not they find a house to buy and where or if they need to move to another rental somewhere. I know they want to stay on this side of town because the girl's mother works at the VA hospital and needs to commute by bus. I've referred them to the buyer's agent we worked with, and I warned them about the Orangeburg sewer line problem that many houses have. A collapsed sewer line is both horribly expensive and beyond inconvenient. The city keeps a database of where Orangeburg lines have been replaced, and they recommend using it to see if the house you're interested in has had it replaced and/or is in a neighborhood where other houses have. A lot of these neighborhoods were built all at once.

I ended up spending about three hours at an urgent care clinic last night. I think that, every time my body does something weird now, my clinic's triage nurses are going to look at my medical records and panic because it could be something terrible. In this case, one round of the standard PT for vertigo (the Epley maneuver) seems to have settled things completely.

I missed my window for dinner, so all I ate after lunch yesterday was an applesauce pouch. I had grabbed it on the way to the urgent care clinic because it had already been five hours since lunch. We tried to pick up a vanilla frosty on the way home, but the Wendy's was out of vanilla, so I was SOL on that front.

Scott and Cordelia went to the class picnic without me (and still got to the clinic to pick me up before I was actually done). Scott sent me a picture of Cordelia and some of her classmates wading. There's a lot of bean salad leftover. When I tried some this morning, I was irritated to discover that some of the beans were actually crunchy. I used pre-cooked, canned beans. Crunchy is not something I wanted or expected, and it probably explains why there's so much leftover. I'm not sure what to do about that at this point. I don't want to eat crunchy beans, but I can't exactly pull out the problematic ones to cook them further now.
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I'm still dizzy off and on. It's worse when I get overheated, and it's more likely to happen when I'm sitting or lying down than when I'm walking. It doesn't seem to relate to head movement in that it can happen when I'm lying completely still or when my upper body is still and I move one of my legs. I think that a lot of sleep helped some but not entirely. Extra water is not helpful at all. I don't have any other symptoms, so I'm not dreadfully worried, but I called UHS to see if they want me to try to come in to see someone. A nurse is supposed to call me back about that.

Apparently, it's not possible for me to get a different c-PAP face mask any time in the next ninety days because of insurance limitations. I could have gotten one if I'd managed to make it to Medequip on the Monday after my sleep disorders clinic appointment (which was on a Friday) because that was the last day of the thirty day window for making changes. I'm very, very frustrated by this. Medequip insists that it doesn't matter what insurance I have because they're all exactly the same on this. I'm not sure I buy that, but... Time to email the sleep disorders clinic people.

My laptop is crashing on me from time to time. I'm pretty sure it's the battery because the precipitating event each time has been the power supply connection getting abruptly separated. I can unplug, sometimes, without a crash, but it's a crapshoot at this point. I'm making sure to save everything before I move from one room to another. We've ordered a new battery, but we opted not to pay extra to get it tomorrow. It should arrive on Monday.

My parents made it here in time for Cordelia's graduation. As it happened, they needed to pick up a couple of doors from the local lumberyard (They were looking for something very specific, and nobody else had two doors like that).

The graduation was not quite forty minutes long. It was early enough in the day that it wasn't utterly sweltering in the multi-purpose room. I still had problems, but I'm having trouble at home where it's 78F, so... Yeah. I recorded the ceremony for Scott, but I don't think I got a high quality version. We were so far back that mostly I got backs of other parents' heads, and my arms and hands shook a lot while I held the camera. Cordelia sang with three other girls, and she was one of two students to get a Phoenix Award for exemplifying the qualities the STEAM program wants to encourage, including leadership and academic excellence.

There was a short reception on the concrete patio just outside the multi-purpose room after the ceremony. There was bottled water and cookies and fruit (for some reason no one touched the half bananas which were all turning brown on the exposed bits.

My parents and I went to Cardamom, a nearby Indian restaurant, for lunch. My mother was disappointed that her medium spicy dish was too mild. In my experience, the level of spice there varies wildly. I suspect that different cooks set mild and medium at very different degrees of heat. After lunch, they helped me run an errand that required going out to Cordelia's doctor's office to get a form signed and faxed to Skyline before the end of school day tomorrow (which will be only a half day). It was just a form that says that it's okay to give her standard OTC medications if need arises. It had to have a parent signature and a doctor signature. I suppose the latter is just in case I failed to realize that Tums or cough drops might set off Cordelia's non-existent allergies or something. I found the form irritating because I was supposed to list everything that I gave permission for. I just wanted to sign something that says that, during the week she's at camp, the nurse should use their best judgment as to what she needs to take. I'm sure I can't think of all of the possibilities.

Right now, I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm up to going to the class potluck tonight. It will be out of doors (the indoor venues were about six times more expensive), and I'm not sure how well I can handle the heat even if I'm just sitting in the shade.

I have a bit of carryover from yesterday's to do list:

Return the call that came in Tuesday while I was at my appointment
Email my sister to find out if she really can get a free viola for Cordelia
See if I can figure out how to retrieve my iTunes playlists
Find a plot or something for my NPT fic

I also need to:

Shower.

The Skyline nurse is supposed to call me tomorrow morning (I reached her today while she was in the middle of things).
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Okay, I think I need to move the nap up my list of priorities. I'm feeling lightheaded with occasional dizziness (is dizziness the right term when I sometimes look at words on a page and they swirl?), and fatigue is the most likely cause. I looked at what I've eaten and at how much water I've had. I haven't started any new meds. I don't have other symptoms. The dizziness doesn't seem to relate to what position I'm in, standing, sitting, or lying down. It might relate to me turning rapidly which would make an inner ear thing more likely, I think.

I considered going out to the grocery store because Scott didn't get everything I needed for making the bean salad (I was a bit too ambiguous on the grocery list) and because having some snacks for when friends come over this evening would be nice. It just seems like a terrible idea if I might have a sudden few seconds of dizziness while, say, crossing a street.

I have at least managed almost everything I need to do that requires walking around. I think this is a good reason to order delivery for lunch rather than trying to cook.
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According to my SIL, our nephew is beyond tired of the whole Eagle Scout thing. He's earned it, but the troop he was with when he fulfilled the requirements folded before he could get the bureaucratic parts dealt with, and he got jerked around a lot as a result. The ceremony will be in August, and he's trying to persuade his parents that that part isn't necessary or that, if it is, it can be five minutes folded into his graduation party in July.

I asked the clinician at radiation oncology about the patient portal's inability to realize that having a diagnostic mammogram scheduled means that one does not need a screening mammogram. She told me that that's the result of a deliberate administrative decision that she doesn't agree with. There is no way to disable that reminder as long as the patient's file says they're female. It has to be gotten rid of by a clinician every single year, and doing that has been made deliberately difficult because people were lying about screenings having happened or having been scheduled just to make the notice go away.

The clinician said that she's been trying to get them to make an exception for women who've had double mastectomies because some of them find that reminder actively traumatic because it reminds them of what they've lost. Many of them feel it's a message that they're no longer really women.

For me, it's just an irritating untidiness, but it's active cruelty for some people.

Today's to do list )
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I survived my mammogram. It didn't show any sign of problems. The whole thing was very, very stressful because they made me wait an hour after the mammogram before telling me that it was okay for me to get dressed and leave. My SIL wasn't allowed to wait with me, and I wasn't allowed to have my cell phone on. I hadn't brought a book because I hadn't realized that either of those things would be true. The magazines in the waiting room were all things that I couldn't bring myself to try to read. The New Yorker seemed too difficult, and Family Circle seemed like the sort of thing where I'd look at it and not actually be able to understand why I was doing it. The TV was set on HGTV which-- Well, at least it wasn't Fox News, right?

I came close to crying a few times while I was waiting, and that got worse as time went on and I realized that I might not make it to my next appointment (a follow up at radiation oncology) on time even though everyone had assured me I would. I got to that with one minute to spare, but it was a very, very near thing.

I managed a couple of loads of laundry and filling and running the dishwasher and getting the trash and the recycling out in the morning before my appointment.
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Scott and I had a discussion last night about tabletop RPG rule systems that was both extremely frustrating and fairly enlightening. The first thing that became clear was that we had very, very different definitions of 'simple' and 'flexible' when it comes to rules systems. I don't think either of us are necessarily wrong

He adores FATE and Cortex Plus while I look at them and shudder. I prefer some sort of percentile system or GURPS that's very, very, very light on the rules/dice or, if I can get it, something diceless. I once played a game where we traded off GMs every hour, and each GM had a preferred dice system, so we changed that regularly, too, even though we had continuous plot and characters.

I think the basic problem is that he considers the rules and the manipulation of the rules to be an interesting part of the game, a way of simulating character problem solving efforts. I don't. I compared it to min-maxing during character creation. I find it mechanical rather than creative and an active impediment to the parts of the game that I'm actually interested in.

I want dice/rules to be an added factor that can make the story go in an unexpected direction from time to time. He wants dice/rules to be tools that both players and GM use shape the story into their preferred lines.

It took me a lot of effort to get Scott to understand what I was trying to say.

Scott thinks that my preferred style of play only works with long established trust between players and GM and that it's really easy to screw up. He's probably right. I'm more on the improv/collaborative writing end of things. Whatever results the dice give, the point is to come up with a cool and compelling story that everyone present is into. I know that he can run games for a lot of players who I can't really manage because I have trouble with players who aren't enthusiastic about story in the ways that I am.

For Scott, a game is flexible if the rules will allow players to put together problem solving approaches based on how the rules work, a very engineering approach. For me, it's flexible if it allows a wide range of settings, genres, character types, etc. without insisting on divisions that hem the story in.

Explaining what we each mean by 'simple' is harder and not something I'm prepared to tackle just now because my brain is turning to goo.
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I have my music files back. It took a lot of time to get them to my laptop and still longer to figure out how to get iTunes to see them. I still don't have my playlists, and I'm kind of exhausted at the prospect of trying to rebuild them.

I've written about 900 words in the last twenty four hours. I started writing about 10:30 last night (when I needed to be in bed at 11:00). I'm not sure why the words tend to start flowing then. I've written more this morning, but I kind of desperately need more sleep, so I don't know how much more I'll write before I do that. All of the words are on the Not Prime Time story, so that's now over the minimum word count.

I had a headache all night, not bad enough to get up and do something about it but bad enough to be aware of it when I moved. My morning tea and breakfast seem to have either killed it or pushed it below the threshold of awareness.

Scott has purchased some motion sensitive night lights. He put one up just outside our bedroom because he's worried that we'll get hurt when we get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I hate the damned thing already. He's got it right at my eye level which would also be Cordelia's eye level. That means that, when it comes on, it's a bright flash right in my eyes. I'm sure that problem never occurred to Scott because he's a foot taller than we are. The time I'm in the bathroom is just long enough for it to turn itself off, so it's another startling, painful flash of brightness when I head back to the bedroom.

We've lived here for more than twenty years, and I've never had problems going from bed to the bathroom in the dark, so I feel like Scott's bought a technological solution to a non-existent problem.

Scott and Cordelia both liked Wonder Woman, generally speaking. They didn't have any specifics that they didn't like, but they also didn't have specifics that they out and out loved.

This week is going to be sporadically busy. Tomorrow afternoon, I have a mammogram and an appointment with radiation oncology. My SIL is coming with me. Last year was so horribly stressful that I thought I'd better have company. I don't expect any problems, but... Wednesday evening is our biweekly game night. Thursday, Cordelia's eighth grade graduation is in the morning. My parents are coming for that. In the evening, there's a picnic for all of the eighth grade families. I think there's enough space in there for me not to end up brain fried. I hope so anyway.
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I'm feeling a good bit better today. I'm still sneezing off and on, but the headache is gone, and I'm less tired than I was.

Scott, Cordelia, and one of Cordelia's friends have gone off to see Wonder Woman. The showing was due to start about five minutes ago.

We're attempting to retrieve my music files right now. A huge file has been downloading to my computer for about the last sixteen hours. It's maybe two thirds of the way done, so I expect it will be going for a considerable while yet. I probably won't know until tomorrow morning whether or not I really have the files. Scott thinks he might be able to retrieve the applications that I lost, too, but those are much lower priority.

My main goal for this afternoon is to work on my NPT story. I've found my pretext for bringing the characters into proximity, so I think I can move forward more quickly now.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to fight my way through a graphic novel I've got from the library. Most of the text is white on black which is very, very difficult for me to read. It tends to wobble on me, especially if the font is at all irregular. I've renewed the dratted thing three times and only opened it yesterday. It's not due until next week and can still be renewed, but... I only want to renew it if I'm sure I'll actually read it.

June 2017

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