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I did a little writing last night, less than 300 words. I was just too tired to focus.

When I tried to call a cab for getting to my appointment yesterday, I discovered that the company's phone was out of service. I used it nine days ago for getting to UHS, so it's a very recent development. I was at a point in time when I really couldn't afford to call around to see if any of the other companies I found listed on Google actually still exist (at least one listing was for a company that I know absolutely doesn't), so I ran for the bus.

I got lucky in that the bus was only about half full. I'd expected it to be packed at that time of day (around 8:30 in the morning) because that bus links commuter lots to the university medical center/hospital and to central campus. Possibly the fact that the students are gone made the difference, but I'm used to every bus before 9:30 being standing room only and not letting anyone on for the last three stops before the hospital. (We're four or five stops back, a couple of miles away.)

The clinician I saw agreed that, if I feel worse and am not sleeping using the c-PAP, that it's not actually helping. She prescribed a different mask, just in case that will help. The main reason, if I understand correctly, is that this mask and headgear shift where the hose is so that it may not cause me so much anxiety. Otherwise, we're going to hold off until after I see my psychiatrist on the 20th. The hope is that she can prescribe something, other than Ativan, that I can take at night so that I sleep more deeply. I have no idea what that might be. Benadryl doesn't make me sleepy. Melatonin gives me headaches that last for days. Ambien is off the table entirely because of my genetics being a terrible match for it.

After the appointment was over, I wandered around the medical center a bit, doing Ingress. Then I took the bus downtown, doing more Ingress along the way. About ten minutes after I got off the bus, I reached level 10 in Ingress. I had been hoping to do that on my birthday, but I was so sick that day and the next that it wasn't even remotely an option.

After that, [personal profile] evalerie and I met at Jerusalem Garden for lunch. I got a chicken shwarma sandwich that proved spicier than I wanted to be. I also got fries which the menu said would have sumac on them, but the waitress told me, when she brought them, that they don't put sumac on any more, just a pre-mixed salt and pepper (including cayenne) blend. I wouldn't have ordered them at all if it hadn't been for the promise of sumac, so I was disappointed.

Cordelia ended up eating my leftovers, half the sandwich and a lot of fries, when she got home. She complained about the spice in the sandwich but ate it anyway.
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I have phone calls I need to make today, and I don't want to deal with them. I also desperately want a nap and know that, even if I lie down, I'm unlikely to sleep.

At least, my mother called me back (I left her a message last night). She and my step-father can't come to Cordelia's concert after all but do plan to come to 8th grade graduation. I had thought that 9 a.m. would be too early given the two hour drive, but Mom says that that's much easier than trying to drive home at night. Also, they have contractors working on urgent house repairs, and the contractors will only work if someone's at home.

One of my phone calls, I need to make around 3 p.m. as I'm calling a high school teacher, the choir director, to talk about choir camp this summer. The other call, I can make any time, but it's also not urgent urgent, so it's hard to make myself do it. That second call is to schedule a tune up for our air conditioner. I really hate to spend the money on it, but getting it done will keep the dratted thing running for longer.

We had a session of Scott's new Firefly game last night. I think I'm going to loathe the system because my preference is for rules that require no decisions on my part and that I don't have to think about or use very much. That's my preference when I'm GM, too. No matter what I'm running, I run rules lite. People who've done a lot of table top gaming tend to boggle when I say that GURPS is my preferred system but that I run rules lite. GURPS is the most flexible system I've seen for character creation/setting creation/genre bending. I'm just not prone to deal with the picky rules in play. I've got a general feel for what different dice rolls mean relative to the numbers on the character sheet, but I'm guided more by interesting story than by the dice. I don't ignore the dice altogether, but I can go a session without asking anybody to roll anything.

I think that what I want is a weird hybrid of GURPS, Amber Diceless, and some form of percentile system.

I have an appointment at the sleep disorders clinic tomorrow. They called me yesterday in response to my patient portal email. I'm not sure what they're going to be able to offer me. The main thing the woman I talked to thought was that I need anti-anxiety medication. Yeah, I do. I've only been trying to find something that works, long term, since 1987. The only things I've found that work are controlled substances, and I'm not willing to take those every night even if some doctor was fool enough to prescribe them that way.

I'm so frustrated by this health crap. I can get plenty of lectures about potential long term problems but no discussion that everything they tell me to do about those is killing me right at the current moment. When I'm drowning, I'm not going to worry about the risk of sepsis from splinters from the bits of wood currently keeping me afloat.

I'm kind of irritated with the lecture series I'm currently watching. The title of the series is 'The Other Side of History: Daily Life in the Ancient World.' Apparently, the only places that existed in the ancient world were Egypt, Rome, Greece, Britain, and certain other small bits of Europe. Eleven episodes out of forty eight focus on Greece. Six focus on Egypt, and one of those is on Hellenistic Egypt. Thirteen episodes focus on Rome and territories under Roman control. The date on the box is 2012.

Cordelia's friend with the concussion was back at school yesterday. She's still having some headache issues and is taking things very easy. I don't know if she'll be at the concert tonight or not. Her father is becoming a US citizen today (her mother did a few years ago, and both kids were born in the US), and that, naturally, is a higher priority for her limited energy than the concert.
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We went to Blue Nile for dinner on Saturday. As usual, we got the vegetarian meal for three. When we get the version with meat, we don't eat enough of it to justify the added cost. The vegetarian version is tasty, filling, and what we really want when we go there. There was live music which isn't really our thing but wasn't terrible. Service wasn't great. We ended up waiting for five to ten minutes at a time on three different occasions. There seemed to be plenty of waitstaff, and they were by no means full, so I really don't know what was going on.

I sent patient portal messages on Saturday to the oncology nurse I see to discuss my decision to stay off of Tamoxifen and to the sleep disorders clinic to ask what I should do about the c-PAP. I am almost entirely sure that the problem is not the headgear. I have issues with being worried that I'll break the hose, disconnect the hose, bend it so that air can't get through, etc. I also have issues with feeling like I'm trapped by the machine itself. Taking off and putting on the headgear feels as insurmountable as sitting in the middle of a row in a crowded theater and desperately wanting to escape. (I felt this yesterday while sitting at my SIL's house because I was stuck in a corner and couldn't get out without getting several people to move. It's very stressful even when there's no reason for me to need to get up at all.)

Feminine TMI )

We spent about five hours at Scott's sister's house yesterday. We left much later than planned because everything we tried to do kind of blew up in our faces. Cordelia's back went out rather abruptly Saturday evening, and she was still hurting a bit by Sunday morning. She doesn't seem to have done anything at all to cause it, either.
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Scott and I managed our errand at the bank yesterday (transferring Social Security money from Cordelia's account to ours) and picked up food at the Syrian place on the way home. I was a lot less hungry than I had thought I was, so I didn't eat all that much. I ended up napping off and on for most of the afternoon and evening. We're currently planning to go out for the birthday celebration today if I feel well enough.

Right now, I'm awake, but I've still got pretty bad cramps. I think I can manage with the cramps as long as I don't need to walk too far or for too long.

I managed to start my Not Prime Time story last night in spite of still having no ideas on the plot. I know the characters and starting situation, but there needs to be a goal/event of some sort because the characters aren't going to come together unless forced by circumstances. I don't know... Is there a random disasters generator somewhere online? I also need to find where I saved off the canonical timeline so that I can figure out what year it is in the story. Maybe there's something real world that I could use. Not a real disaster-- that would be tacky at best-- but some hint of something that could have been and wasn't.

And the chronology I've got doesn't cover the pertinent part of canon. There's a time skip between what it does cover and when I need to set this. I don't know how long that is. I don't think it can be less than two years, and it seems unlikely to be more than five, but I don't know.

I also wrote another 700 words on other things last night.

I was considering signing up for another fic exchange, but the deadline for that is some unspecified time today, and I keep looking at the options and realizing that what I would be likely to write and what I would like to read are both out of step with what other people seem to be interested in. Maybe I could write a treat or something if I have time and inspiration or do a pinch hit if I see one that's a good match.

I have a library book due tomorrow that can't be renewed. I haven't started it yet, so I rather suspect I'm not going to. Ah, well. I can put another hold on it. The waitlist only has one person on it, so I should get it fairly soon.
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It's very frustrating that Scott set aside a day for me because of my birthday and all I can do is lie down with a hot water bottle pressed to my belly. And that's after taking naproxen to deal with the cramps. I know my body needs this, but my last period was in October. Couldn't this have happened last week? Or next week?

I finally stopped sneezing and such around 11 this morning. The key when this happens is for me to dehydrate myself which kind of freaks out people who are trying to take care of me. Most of the time, drinking more water is good when I'm sick, but this particular thing won't stop until I dry out enough.

I slept badly last night. Part of that was the runny nose (I didn't even try to use the c-PAP), part of that was the cramps, and part of it was different parts of my body wanting different temperatures. My upper body was cold, but I had to keep moving my feet out from under the blankets and shifting around to find cool spots on the bed for them. Sadly, no cool spot ever last more than about four seconds.

I took a cab to my appointment yesterday and then took the bus home afterward. I probably should have either taken a cab home or waited for Scott to pick me up. I almost missed my stop due to just completely spacing out with exhaustion. I did a little bit of walking around and playing Ingress after my appointment. I'd probably have done a little more, but Cordelia's after school meeting got canceled, and she was worried about where I was.
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I was hoping to go into town a couple of hours before my appointment today and get lunch and walk around a bit, playing Ingress, but I don't think that's going to happen. I've been sneezing violently off and on. It's raining. Oh, and I have cramps. (On one level, a period would be a good thing, but I really don't want one, not ever again. Also, it would be very difficult for the timing to be worse.)

Cordelia's best friend is home with a concussion. A laptop fell on her head at school yesterday. My assumption is that she was getting one out of the lower rack on the cart while someone else pulled out and dropped one from the upper rack. I wouldn't expect that to be a fall of more than a couple of inches, though, so maybe not. It's just that she's a very tall girl. I can't think how else a laptop would be in a position to fall on her. Even if she was seated, no one would be likely to carry a laptop high enough to drop it on her. And Cordelia said 'fell on her' rather than that someone dropped it on her.

At any rate, Cordelia wants to do something for her friend but rejected every suggestion we made. I'm going to email the girl's mother to ask if there's anything she'd enjoy. If the mother suggests something, I think Cordelia will feel more comfortable with it than she does if we, her parents, suggest things.

Oh, I know! Every time Cordelia visits her friend wants her to bring a particular DVD. A copy of that would probably be a great gift.

Scott's mother called in the middle of my planned nap time yesterday morning. She was taking a walk while Scott's father was at rehab (for heart trouble) and wanted to chat with someone during it. She's very disappointed that my c-PAP isn't making me feel better. Hers apparently did, right away. I explained that, while I wear it, I sleep like Cordelia was six months old and sick and sleeping in the next room. As of tomorrow, it'll be three weeks since I got the dratted thing.

Scott's of the opinion that three weeks is long enough that I should have adjusted and that, since I haven't, I need to talk to someone at the sleep disorders clinic. I'm not sure what they'd have to offer. I don't think it's the specific gear so much as any gear at all. I sleep better when I take Ativan, but I really can't do that every night.

I wrote 1500 words last night but still haven't managed to start my NPT story. I realized after talking to a friend that I was focusing on the wrong character. That other character still needs to be featured prominently, but there's another character who, when I talk about my ideas, is more pivotal. Since that other character was also requested, shifting focus makes sense.
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Cordelia decided that she was close enough to done with her big project (all that's left is eight more illustrations) that we could celebrate last night after all, so we went to dinner at Saica. She tried something new. Actual raw fish sushi, a tray with a variety of different things. I got a bento and brought most of it home; that fed me and Cordelia for breakfast this morning.

Cordelia liked her presents. We mostly got her books. I watched her wishlist for months and jumped on books when good used copies came up. There were two Funko Pop figures, too. General Leia and Finn, if I recall correctly. She says that Baby Groot is still her favorite. She also thought that General Leia looks weird because of not having a mouth.

I'm still not sleeping well with the c-PAP. I'm waking more often. It used to be that I could sleep about six hours without needing the bathroom, but now it's a maximum of about three hours. At that point, I wake fully and won't get back to sleep unless I empty my bladder. I think that, on school nights, I'm getting about five hours of sleep. No wonder my legs ache and I'm starting to get headaches a lot.

Generally, by the time I'm ready to nap, it's lunch time, and then there's not enough time after lunch to actually sleep before Cordelia gets home. She doesn't like me napping when she's home and will come in to check on me every twenty minutes.

The lab test results from my ER trip were released to me today. I have no idea what most of the things tested for are, but I think there's at least one thing I want to ask my primary care doctor about when I see her next week. The chest x-ray showed a 'slightly elevated left hemidiaphragm,' and that's not something that's ever been mentioned on any previous chest x-ray. Dr Google gives scary information about that that I really think doesn't apply here because they wouldn't have let me leave the ER as casually as they did if they thought I had, say, an abdominal tumor.

I've turned on the air conditioner now. I need to schedule a tune up for the system. It was 85F in here when I checked the thermostat last night, and we try to keep it a bit cooler than that, especially since I'm still having problems with feeling overheated in spite of having stopped the Tamoxifen.
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Scott meant to wrap Cordelia's birthday presents last night while she was at an orientation meeting for one of her summer volunteer things, but it completely slipped both of our minds. I guess she'll have to deal with gift bags, because I really don't want to deal with how my hands will feel if I try to do the wrapping. Last night was the last chance for Scott to do anything before her birthday while she wasn't home.

She's asked to celebrate her birthday on Saturday instead of tomorrow because of a big school project that's due Friday. She's been asking me repeatedly what part of speech certain things are, and I answer and then second guess and triple guess. Is 'most' in 'most are red' a noun or a pronoun? If it was 'most apples are red,' it would be an adjective. Is it still one when the noun is implied? Is 'that' in 'this is the thing that we decided' a conjunction or a pronoun or something else entirely?

My Fandom5K recipient hasn't given me any sort of feedback on my fic. Those went public at midnight, Eastern, Saturday/Sunday, and my recipient didn't put a comment on the AFK post in the community, so I don't know what's up there.

I finished one library book yesterday, an actual novel aimed at adults, and got about a third of the way into a second one (which can't be renewed and is due Sunday). I stopped because I hit a point where I'm pretty sure something I don't want to watch is about to happen.

I've had three zits in the last two days, so I'm wondering if my body's gearing up for a period. I don't want one and haven't had one since early October. If I get one, it resets the clock on menopause and, of course, will just generally be a PITA. I turn 50 on the 26th, so it's sort of early for full on menopause (plus my hormone levels don't support me being there quite yet), but... It would be so nice not to have to deal with that again.

My to do list for today is to shower and to get the trash and recycling out. After that, I have things to read, watch, and write. I'd kind of like to nap, too. I had an awful time getting to sleep last night because I was kind of keyed up.
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My last PT appointment went well. Mainly, at this point, it's a question of me keeping up my exercises and being careful. Next week, the only medical appointment currently scheduled is Cordelia's PT, and that's at a time when Scott can take her without me going along. I just have to figure out a decent dinner option for her that she can eat in the car because PT ends at 6:00 and she has something else from 6:00 to 8:00.

Since Cordelia was off at Cedar Point all day, Scott and I went out for dinner at a nearby Chinese restaurant, Evergreen. We had eaten there once, right after we moved here a bit more than twenty years ago, and had not been impressed at all, but we thought it had likely changed. It had. The decor was completely different and so, I think, was the menu. We both liked what we got, but we were pretty conservative in terms of what we ordered-- Scott got chicken with green beans and ginger. I got shrimp with vegetables. I also tried their bubble tea. The tapioca pearls weren't the texture I prefer, but it was otherwise passable, just very, very heavy on the ice which made getting the tapioca pearls kind of challenging.

Cordelia ate the leftovers from both dishes for lunch and liked them. I was surprised by the one with ginger in it because she usually hates ginger. Of course, she's got a really nasty head cold, so maybe she couldn't taste it.

I got everything on yesterday's to do list done except for starting my Not Prime Time assignment. Hopefully, I can make a dent in that today. I also want to change our sheets. I think I can manage that if I wear thumb splints and am cautious.

We'll be getting together with Scott's family for Mother's Day tomorrow. For some weird reason, we're once again going to a particular Italian place where there's very little I can eat (I need to avoid oregano, basil, tomatoes, peppers, and black pepper and to limit oil/fat for reflux reasons) and where Scott's sister has had horrible service (as in forgetting to bring her meal out at all) more than once. The gluten free menu, which Scott's sister and mother both use, is extremely limited.

I don't know if Scott's sister's in-laws will be there or not. They might be, or they might be doing something earlier in the day. But if they are, maybe this is the only place they could find that could seat twelve people at 6:00 on Mother's Day? Without them, there would be nine of us which is still a pretty large group. I don't know.
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I tried to nap yesterday morning but didn't manage much in the way of actual sleep. This morning, I was able to sleep in because Cordelia spent the night at her best friend's house. Her friend's parents were willing to take on the task of getting the girls to the school in time for the 7 a.m. bus departure for Cedar Point.

Scott predicted the sleepover when he heard that Cordelia had walked over to her friend's house (with her friend). I think the walk took them about an hour because it is a fair distance, 2-3 miles. I had expected Cordelia to stay for dinner but not for a sleepover. Cordelia ended up texting me a list of things to pack for her. A few of those were really, really vague-- 'a book from my shelf that's not too heavy' for example. Scott ended up asking her about five or six different options before finding one she thought would work.

I caught the cold that Cordelia's had the last few days. Yesterday, I sneezed and had a runny nose. Today, I don't seem to be having problems, but it's hard to tell what will happen later today. I tossed and turned a lot last night due to the cold and didn't dare use the c-PAP because pushing crap into my lungs seems like a great way to make myself really sick. I don't have any options for dealing with asthma at this point, so I don't dare risk it.

My last PT appointment is today at 2:45. I don't want to go, but I will. I'll probably go a little early because some folks from the other Ingress faction took out all of the portals at the hospital. I could really use the AP for recapturing those.

My to do list for today isn't all that long:

PT
Grocery list
Shower
Start my NPT assignment
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The library finally checked in that CD that Scott returned on Friday. That's a relief. I was starting to wonder if our house was eating library CDs.

I tried to nap yesterday morning. I was in bed for several hours, but I don't think I actually slept until the last forty five minutes or so (and then I dreamed vividly). I tried the c-PAP through the first hour and a half, and again, it was saying that I was stopping breathing for more than ten seconds at a time over and over because the average per hour went up from 4.5 to 6.5. I'm supposed to try to stay under an average of 4.0 per hour.

Last night, I slept pretty soundly once I fell asleep, but I woke at 4:00 and didn't really sleep again after that. I've got two appointments at the hospital today, one at 10:30 and one at 2:00, so I'm not going to have the option of napping. I'm currently trying to decide whether or not we've got anything I can pack that will help me stay awake or if I should just hope that the cafeteria has something useful. I know there are a lot of options there, but I think they don't offer anything I can drink except water because they don't sell anything sweetened with sugar.

I wrote 860 words of something else that has nothing at all to do with any of the exchanges I'm doing or with any of my existing WIP. I mostly wrote it because it wouldn't leave me alone while I was trying to nap. I also added 400 words to one of my House of Sulfur and Mercury WIP. My word count for the year so far is a bit over 70000, so I'm definitely going to hit my word count goal for the year by the end of this month.

Cordelia has a cold and is very peeved about the fact. I'm almost certain to catch it from her, and Scott's pretty sure to catch it from me. I'm not looking forward to it. I was really hoping to avoid colds until after I'm used to the c-PAP.
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The c-PAP last night was not a success. I put the 'discomfort' levels on par with walking home from the bus stop on a broken foot and sprained ankle. My skin actually felt like it was burning where the nasal pillows touched. I'm going to clean them, assuming I can find anything safely unscented that's also mild enough, and try again tonight. The nasal pillows I used at the sleep clinic didn't burn, so I'm hoping this is something that can be cleaned off. The weight of the hose was also painful if I slept on my side facing the machine, and the headgear is, sadly, designed to put velcro on my cheeks. I think I can deal with that last by wrapping it. I'm not sure with what, but there must be something.

I kept the rig on for about two hours, possibly slightly more. The first hour, I couldn't possibly have slept even if things had been comfortable because Scott was playing videos on his laptop (while next to me in bed) and because lights were on in the living room.

I wanted to stay in bed longer than I ended up doing this morning, but my mother had said she might drive over today, so more sleep wasn't a good option. As it happens, she's not coming until tomorrow (or maybe not at all. The check engine light is on in her car, and she doesn't want to drive two hours each way without being sure that the car will make it).

The A-Ride folks say, in their canned message, that one is supposed to allow an hour and a half to get to one's destination. Half an hour for the pick up window and an hour for travel time. It's a shared ride service, so it's entirely possible to need to go far out of the way to pick up or drop off other passengers. I've done six rides in the last two or three weeks. Two of them ended up shared. Every one of them, the driver arrived either before my pick up time or right on the dot. Yesterday, I was at Medequip eleven minutes after my pick up and forty nine minutes before my appointment.

Fortunately, the guy I was supposed to see was free to see me early. I was done by the time my appointment would have started if they'd stuck to the schedule. They don't have an actually waiting area. They tell people to sit on the various recliners that they offer for sale. I eyed those and realized that only one of them was actually the right size for me to be able to put my feet on the floor while sitting. That's out of probably twenty different chairs. Being 5'2" isn't that weird.

I tried to do some editing yesterday and discovered that I was too cranky to deal with my beta reader's perfectly reasonable comments without shooting back sharp comments. So I sent an apology and closed the documents.

Scott went out and picked up the library holds last night. I had one that was set to expire today, and we weren't sure there'd be time to get down there today if my mother visited. We'll still need to stop by there tomorrow, but even if Mom does visit, Sunday will be less filled with things that Scott has to do. Getting holds yesterday means dealing with two DVDs that can't be renewed. I suggested we try to get through them both today so that we don't have to take them back mid-week.

PT is claiming I was a no show on Thursday even though I called. They aren't open today, so I can't call and complain about that. I did call. I did leave a message. My cell phone shows I was on the phone with their number for a minute and a half at 6:30 a.m. on Thursday. I wouldn't argue if they said I didn't give them twenty four hours notice, but I was not a no show.

The chest pain is less than it was. Breathing is almost never hurting now, and that was the most worrying bit.
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I'm feeling a good bit better today. I'm still being very cautious about what I eat. I was okay with tea and toast (with margarine, even!), but a little turkey lunch meat (nitrate and nitrite free) made me feel really terrible. I probably would have tried making rice if it hadn't been a Thursday or if I hadn't slept so late. Scott picked up some Cup o' Soup packets, some saltines, and some ginger ale for me. I would like to keep saltines around all the time for this sort of thing, but if we have them in the house, Scott devours them with margarine and then complains about the calories and how we shouldn't have such things in the house.

I've been sneezing and sniffling off and on. It'll be bad for five to ten minutes and then not there at all for half an hour and then come back again.

My sleep last night wasn't as good as I had hoped. I spent the last three or four hours convinced that I needed to get up to take medication every hour on the hour which was decidedly not true. I didn't need to take anything until a little after 5:00 when Scott's alarm went off.

Scott dug up a PDF of the Firefly character sheet. Unfortunately, it's not possible to save it after one fills it out; one can only print. I was going to put in what I've established so far and save for later editing when Scott was available, but I can't. I'm not sure it's useful to fill in what I have so far and print that when I'll have to retype it all later. I should see if Scott has a PDF of the game rules. If he does, I might be able to make the character on my own. The game book is too heavy for me.

I've written about 3000 words so far this month. I've spent most of my writing time editing rather than writing new text. I have a friend doing a beta read on my Fandom5K story. I haven't looked at her comments yet, but I get the impression that she might be looking for a different sort of story than the one I've written. That will make dealing with the comments harder because I'll have to weigh half a dozen different factors in deciding what to do in response to each or if I'm going to do anything at all.

We got a weird phone call yesterday that I'm quite sure was some sort of scam. Scott agrees, but we disagree about what it was trying to do. The caller ID said the call came from Comcast, an 800 number, and it was a recorded thing telling us that we have a service call scheduled today between 4:00 and 5:00. I'm pretty sure that they were trying to get me to talk to an 'operator' and give them personal information. Scott thinks it's a setup to try to get me to let some stranger in. I suppose the latter is possible, but I'm not convinced that it would work better than just showing up cold. Also, showing up personally is a much bigger risk and investment than phishing phone calls.

The idea of getting a call from an 800 is just-- That's not how it works.

If I wasn't fighting so hard to get through today, I'd probably call Comcast and report the call. Maybe they'd actually care that someone is spoofing their ID. Of course, it's Comcast...
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I slept really badly last night with reflux and gas and pain. I'm almost certain it was a post-stress thing because this is the response I'd expect from my body after the day I had yesterday. It hit hard enough, though, that I called to cancel my PT appointment. I really hope I did it correctly because it would suck big time to have to pay for the missed appointment.

I'm not even sure why I'm still up at this point. I meant to go back to sleep. At first, it was because I thought I might eat something, but everything I looked at in that direction provoked nausea.

I think that my miscalculation yesterday was to go ahead with our evening plans instead of crashing after Cordelia's appointment. I enjoyed seeing our guests, but I think I wasn't up to it. Also, one brought some mildly cheese flavored potato chips, and I likely shouldn't have had any given how things have been the last few weeks. I don't know how much those contributed to the reflux; given how things went, it's possible that they didn't have any effect on it at all. It's just that the rest of what I ate yesterday evening should have been safe.

Unless I was doomed to reflux no matter what I ate.

I have about 2/3 of my character for Scott's Firefly game. He keeps shoving paper character sheets at me and expecting me to fill them out. I finally explained very explicitly that no character sheet is important enough for me to write it by hand at this point. I'd been trying to figure out the best way to make my own version of the sheet online, but Scott tells me there actually is an online version. I'm kind of bewildered as to why he's been pushing the paper version at me for months.
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I've got my Not Prime Time assignment now. It's not something I expected to match on, but it is something I already knew I was comfortable writing rather than one of the things I looked at and thought that maybe it would be a fun stretch to try them. I'm not sorry to have matched on this, not even remotely, but I have to laugh a bit after how I worried about whether or not I could actually write some of the things I offered. I think the main hitch for this assignment is that my recipient and I have focused on different bits of canon. Nothing insurmountable.

The Tylenol they gave me in the ER helped my chest pain. That surprised me because, with most pain I get, taking Tylenol wouldn't help in the least. Of course, the bottle store brand stuff we've got is pretty much impossible for me open at this point due to my hands. I have a much easier time opening child safety lids on prescriptions than I do this stupid little pop-top thingy. Last time, I ended up spilling tablets everywhere, about a third of the bottle, because I had to use the edge of a toolbox to pry the dratted thing open.

I kind of want a nap, but Cordelia has an appointment in less than an hour, and I really can't send Scott off with her, solo, on this one. If nothing else, Scott will need time to park the car and so be late getting to the office. We'll be cutting things pretty close. He should be home around 4:00, and the appointment is downtown at 4:15.

I ordered lunch from Cottage Inn, a calzone, a milkshake, and cheesy bread (that last only because I was two cents under the minimum order for delivery). I had wanted to get a burger on my way home from the ER, but when we got there, there were two school buses in the lot and the drivethu was very backed up. Scott's sister really wanted to get home, and I didn't really want anything else I could have bought nearby, so I just asked her to take me home.

Scott's sister ended up staying with me all through the ER trip. Scott's parents had only just gotten out of bed when she called them, and Scott's father had a rehab appointment mid-morning. Scott's mother was prepared to come down after that if necessary, but we were done before it became an issue. There was a possibility that I'd be stuck there until after Cordelia got home because there was a possibility that they'd have to do a CT scan. I didn't want that if I could avoid it, so the doctor offered me a blood test to see if I had a clot anywhere in my body. He said it gives a lot of false positives and that, because of that, he doesn't usually bother with it. My having recently been on Tamoxifen made pulmonary embolism a concern.

But all the ER staff understood my desire to minimize more radiation exposure for my chest, and I think all of the signs were pointing toward me being right that the whole thing was chest wall muscles. They just needed to be sure they weren't missing something that would kill me. I didn't have a fever or a headache or nausea or coughing/sneezing. I wasn't wheezing. My blood pressure, heart rate, and oxygenation were all good. My cholesterol has never been even remotely iffy, nor have my triglycerides.

The doctor was willing to wait on ordering a chest xray until after we knew if he'd need to send me for a CT scan. The latter would show everything the former did and then some, so the only reason to do both was if we were in need of something immediately available. They do xrays within about ten minutes of them being ordered. CT scans take a good bit longer.

I do find it kind of boggling that the radiation oncology people reassure patients by telling them that the radiation levels involved are much less than those involve in an xray while the ER people kept telling me that xrays were much less than the levels involved in radiation therapy. I suspect they're both lying and that the answer is more complicated. They're used to patients panicking at the mention of radiation of any sort. I pretty much said that I was willing to do what the doctor thought was necessary but that minimizing additional exposure for my left breast was something I wanted taken into consideration.
the_rck: (Default)
As I thought, the problem is entirely chest wall/muscular. It might be something I pulled. It might be an infection that's not having other symptoms. It might just be fibromyalgia.

I'm to rest, take Tylenol if it helps, and apply heat. Oh, and not do anything that makes it feel worse.

I have to schedule a follow up with my primary care doctor, too, but I'm not giving that the world's highest priority. It comes after a shower and lunch and may not happen until tomorrow.
the_rck: (Default)
And the nurse doing the screening at UHS says I'm to go to the ER. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. I've called my SIL who is going to call my MIL. I don't want to call Scott because he doesn't have time to take off work and because I'm pretty sure this is nothing at all. It's just that the nurse said that heart attacks in women manifest in weird ways and that this might actually be that.

I'm packing up some things and will then call a cab because it will be at least an hour before my MIL can get to Ann Arbor (it would take Scott nearly that long to get home, too).

I will update when I know more.

ETA: Scott's sister is coming down because her parents only just got up. She's about half an hour away, so I'm not going to call a cab. A cab might save ten minutes, but it wouldn't be more than that and probably, at this time of day, would be less.
the_rck: (Default)
Damn. I'm going to have to call UHS tomorrow and hope they can fit me in around my other appointments this week. The right side of my chest is hurting and has been getting worse for the last four days. Up until today, I was assuming it was a pulled muscle since it mostly hurt when I reached for things or picked up something hardcover book or full kettle heavy, but it's been hurting to breathe off and on today, and the part of my chest between the collarbone and the actual breast on the right side is tender to touch. The other areas that hurt when I move/breathe are not tender to the touch, but they very definitely go around the side and up into the armpit.

It might just be fibromyalgia fuckery, but it also might be an infection of some sort. I don't have a fever, at least, but I'm concerned about the feeling of pulled muscles in my chest when I breathe. The list of potential causes of right side chest pain that I found is almost all things that seem pretty unlikely because of the location.

An appointment tomorrow might work since my potential conflict is anything after 3 p.m. If they can get me in earlier, it might work. Or maybe Thursday afternoon. PT will end about 11:30 Thursday.
the_rck: (Default)
My physical therapist says that I may need more sessions and that he thinks I'm likely to do well because I have a good attitude. He wants to get me to 50% less pain from the tendinitis because he sees that as a point at which what we're doing would clearly be working. He gave me a set of more general fitness exercises, and I'll have to figure out the best times for those. Before breakfast would be ideal from one point of view, but I don't see a way to do that unless I get up with Scott. The exercises themselves wouldn't take that long, but right now, I get up about an hour and fifteen minutes after Scott does. I can sleep in that window, but I can't if I decrease it at all.

My gynecologist is going to talk to oncology about my test results. Neither she nor I think that there's anything to worry about at present, but the endometrial thickening is something to monitor because it can hide things. It's just that it's not an uncommon thing for women my age on Tamoxifen. She said that I shouldn't consider this a factor in my decision about whether or not to go back on Tamoxifen.

On the assumption that I won't be restarting the Tamoxifen, I scheduled a uterine ultrasound for early August (not, thank goodness, a hysterosonogram this time). I need to set up a return visit with the gynecologist for after that.

I had lunch at Totoro after the appointment at UHS and then took the bus up to the hospital. I discovered that, if I walked really slowly, the tendon didn't start getting cranky nearly as fast. I had hoped to do some Ingress, and I did, but not as much as I'd expected. The Ingress servers seemed to be having problems so that, half the time, I couldn't see anything at all in terms of portals. When I could see portals, it took minutes, sometimes as long as five minutes, for a hack to process. I ended up taking about half an hour to walk the four blocks from Totoro to the bus stop.

My phone ended up with a reasonable charge at the end of the day, and I'm pretty sure that the slowness of Ingress was a factor. I had a charger with me. Of the two I found, one worked, and the other didn't. The one that didn't has Scott's company name on it and was, if I recall correctly, some sort of swag for days without accidents or something of the sort. Scott's of the opinion that it was very, very cheap and that the surprise is that it ever worked at all.

Scott put more memory in my laptop last night. That means that I'm going to spend some time this afternoon seeing whether or not it gets cranky when I try to run certain programs. Messages is still rejecting my AIM login, though, which is probably not surprising but is annoying. I suspect that this also won't help my problems with trying to access IRC with Adium (I don't like having to run Adium for AIM and Colloquy for IRC at the same time).

I ate a turkey (lunchmeat) sandwich for dinner last night around 7:00 and started having reflux issues around ten. Given the way my body was acting, I'd have thought I'd eaten bacon, a lot of bacon. I put off doing anything but eventually took an Ativan. That helped; the problem went away entirely, so I only lost about an hour of sleep instead of the three I'd have lost if I'd taken Tums and sat up waiting for things to resolve. I'm still inclined to make myself more black tea to see if that makes me more alert.

I've got two hours now before my cab comes for OT. Since it's Thursday, mostly what I'll be doing during that time is household chores. I want to run the dishwasher and make sandwiches for Scott and Cordelia and move all of the things that shouldn't be out when the cleaning lady comes. I should be home at least an hour before she comes, but I might as well do that now as later. Most of it takes very little time.

I'm very glad that the Not Prime Time moderators decided to make the requests public. I've seen a few things in fandoms that I wasn't planning to offer that I'm quite sure I could write. I can tailor my offers pretty carefully. If I understand the sign up form correctly, one need only offer one character grouping. I hadn't looked at those fandoms at all because I felt that the requests were likely to be entirely things I couldn't write due to the size of the canons in question. These groupings fit into corners that I know reasonably well and/or could review quickly. I need to settle on two more fandoms to offer and to figure out what I want to request. Once I know what I want to request, I can write my dear author letter and then sign up.
the_rck: (Default)
Good news on the hysterosonogram-- No fibroids, no polyps. Things aren't quite right in ways that the doctors put down to the Tamoxifen, so they want me to have another scan (not clear if another hysterosonogram is needed or if a uterine ultrasound would be enough) in three or four months. I've got moderate sized (about 2 cm) simple ovarian cysts on both sides. If I understand correctly, because of my age and the size of the cysts, those will have to be rechecked every year unless they go away.

There's some confusion about the appointment I have scheduled for Wednesday morning. UHS's system doesn't show any such appointment ever existing, but the patient portal still shows me that I've got an appointment there at 10:50 Wednesday morning. It popped up with instructions for the appointment last night, and I still have the upcoming appointment reminder I got a few days back and the appointment scheduled message. I would rather not need to go to UHS Wednesday morning, but I also don't want to deal with a missed appointment fee or not go if the doctor has something to say.

I crashed hard yesterday at about 4:30. I don't think I slept, but I also wasn't awake. I lay in bed and didn't move much at all for about three hours until it was absolutely necessary for me to eat something and take my dinner time medications. After that, I ended up staying up until my normal bedtime.

I got a response from my email to Interlochen. They do have accessible cabins, and they supply golf carts for campers who can't manage all of the necessary walking (there's a lot of walking. Certainly more than Cordelia could manage day after day on crutches). My impression from what the contact person said is that they put in temporary ramps for whichever cabins need them, but I could be completely wrong.

Scott and I finished filling out most of the forms last night. There's one more that we need to get Cordelia's doctor to sign before we turn it in, but that one doesn't need to go in until June. I had been under the impression that it wasn't mandatory, but apparently it is. It's a permission slip for giving Cordelia specific OTC medications as needed. The form says they'll only do it twice a month without specific other forms from the doctor filled out for each occasion which seems kind of silly for something like, say, ibuprofen for menstrual cramps.

I need to do some laundry today, and the trash needs to go out. I've already done several minor chores, so I'm resting a bit. I kind of want a nap, but I think I need water more than I need sleep because I had very little water yesterday.

I have some ideas for things I can add onto my Fandom5K to make it work better. My first reader pointed out that there's a good bit of time between the deadline Saturday and the reveal, so I can edit if I come up with more text or change things or whatever. I'm very used to thinking of posting deadlines as the end. One of the changes I should make will be painful because it will involve changing POV for some events and losing a few lines that I love. I don't usually have to do the killing my darlings thing, but this time, I need to.

The OT yesterday showed me some hand flexibility exercises. She also showed me some massage techniques for my hand and then told me that I can't do them because the pressure required would be bad for the thumb on the hand doing the massage. Given that, I'm not quite sure what the point of showing me was. I've got a short list of (hopefully) not too expensive things that might help with the exercises or with tasks that I need to do.

She had a pen that she thought might be easier for me to use. Sadly, I couldn't even get it all the way to the paper. It was too long for me to hold it the way I was supposed to, and the way I need to rest my hand to deal with the tremor was an issue, too. Basically, the things I do to work around the tremor actively conflict with the things I should do for the osteoarthritis. Since I can't write at all without dealing with the tremor and can cope with the osteoarthritis long enough to, say, address an envelope, the tremor coping techniques win.

She also showed me their pain scale which doesn't even remotely match mine. For me, pain bad enough to provoke swearing is a six or a seven. Pain bad enough to want to take medication and/or to be constantly aware of it is a three. For them, swearing is a nine, and medication/awareness is a five to a six. I kind of looked at the chart and thought that it was really for people who don't normally experience pain. It basically stretches out the lower end and has no room at the top for severe pain. I've always assumed that anything that hurt enough to rate a ten would kill me because my body couldn't handle it and that a nine meant pain so bad I passed out or mentally checked out in some other way.

ETA: And the nurse from the gynecology clinic just called to say that, oh, she was wrong and I do have an appointment tomorrow. She thinks I should keep it, and I think her reasoning is sound. If nothing else, I can get clarification about what additional scans I need when and see about scheduling anything that needs doing soon. I think that I would also like the gynecologist to talk to the oncology folks. The pain issues had inclined me heavily toward not going back to the Tamoxifen, and I think this is more on that side of the scale. I'm also kind of curious as to why the radiology report said I was post-menopausal when everyone else keeps saying that I'm not there yet (all of them use 'perimenopausal' except my primary care doctor who hates the term while still acknowledging it as a stage of life. I think she considers it too medically imprecise to be useful).

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