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Cordelia spent last night with her best friend, a sleepover. They went to a movie at Top of the Park (outdoor showing), so they were out quite late. I think they saw Hidden Figures. The girls are eager to go to more of these movies. The main difficulty is getting them home afterward. I don't think the buses run that late, and Scott can't stay up for that. I doubt the other girl's parents can either.

My psychiatrist says I should use Ativan every night for a while in the hope that that will get me used to the c-PAP. We discussed Lunesta as an option as well, but I wasn't keen on it because new medications that sedate me can send my anxiety through the roof. Lunesta might not since it's supposed to make a person fall asleep really, really fast, but... I thought trying Ativan first was wiser.

She also wants me to practice taking the gear off and putting it back on in as close to night time darkness as I can manage in the hope that that will help the anxiety caused by feeling less able to respond to an emergency. (What sort of emergency, I can't imagine. The anxiety portions of my brain are simply adamant that I must be prepared for emergencies at all times. All possible emergencies rather than anything specific.) There's a reason that, when I startle awake, including with an alarm, I wake pretty completely and can function immediately, no matter how tired I am. That ability to function fades as the day goes on.

I took an Ativan last night and used the c-PAP until Scott's alarm at 5 a.m. I slept without it after that until about 8:30 when Cordelia texted me with a question. That's two hours longer than I'd have slept on a school night. I'm still tired, but I'm able to function. Maybe this will work.

I'm starting to get a headache now, so I'm going to lie down for a while.
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I slept terribly last night. My body wouldn't relax enough for sleeping for the first few hours. I'm pretty sure that it was mostly stress over needing to go out today for an appointment. I should have taken an Ativan, but getting up to do it seemed like way too much effort.

Cordelia dragged me out of bed in a panic at midnight because she'd looked at the bus website and discovered that the bus she'd planned to take to the Traverwood library today and Thursday is detoured and won't go there. There's a chunk of the route that's completely closed, so they have a bus (the A shuttle) covering the part of the route from our place to the closed area and then a bus (the B shuttle) covering from the closed area to the other end of the route. The first bus, on its way back toward downtown, takes a longish detour out to Kroger in order to let people transfer to the bus for the other half of the route. That other half seems to go to the library, but it looks like it would take a good bit longer than the normal route.

Right now, the plan is for Cordelia to catch either the A shuttle just as it starts its detour to Kroger or the bus that normally runs up and down that road and to get off at the street that leads to the library. She'll have to cross a busy road, but there's a light there, and I don't think the walk is all that far. It is possibly farther than I could comfortably walk right now, but I can't walk all that far.

I'm glad to know about the detour because that's the bus I would normally take to get to Kroger, and I'd have absolutely panicked if I got to the point where the road is closed and didn't know what was going on. I don't like the other bus option for getting there, even though the trip is shorter, because it requires crossing five lanes of traffic and because I'm not quite sure where the stop is along there.

Cordelia went downtown to the library yesterday because she had some holds that came in late on Sunday, after we'd already been down there. She was really pleased by how easy it was to get there and is trying to get me to suggest destinations that she might enjoy.

I'm hoping that my psychiatrist (who I'll see today) will have some ideas for making the c-PAP work. All of the alternatives available to me sound pretty terrible. I think it's possible that she'll tell me to take Ativan every night for a week or two to see if I get to the point where my brain accepts that the c-PAP doesn't actually reduce my chances of surviving an emergency. I'm pretty sure that that's my basic problem, and it's not amenable to me wearing the gear while awake to get used to it because it's not the gear that's the problem-- It's my sense that, when asleep, I'm hugely vulnerable and can't afford anything that makes me less able to react. This is a problem that I've had with medications that make me mentally fuzzy.

Today's to do list )
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I'm still dizzy off and on. It's worse when I get overheated, and it's more likely to happen when I'm sitting or lying down than when I'm walking. It doesn't seem to relate to head movement in that it can happen when I'm lying completely still or when my upper body is still and I move one of my legs. I think that a lot of sleep helped some but not entirely. Extra water is not helpful at all. I don't have any other symptoms, so I'm not dreadfully worried, but I called UHS to see if they want me to try to come in to see someone. A nurse is supposed to call me back about that.

Apparently, it's not possible for me to get a different c-PAP face mask any time in the next ninety days because of insurance limitations. I could have gotten one if I'd managed to make it to Medequip on the Monday after my sleep disorders clinic appointment (which was on a Friday) because that was the last day of the thirty day window for making changes. I'm very, very frustrated by this. Medequip insists that it doesn't matter what insurance I have because they're all exactly the same on this. I'm not sure I buy that, but... Time to email the sleep disorders clinic people.

My laptop is crashing on me from time to time. I'm pretty sure it's the battery because the precipitating event each time has been the power supply connection getting abruptly separated. I can unplug, sometimes, without a crash, but it's a crapshoot at this point. I'm making sure to save everything before I move from one room to another. We've ordered a new battery, but we opted not to pay extra to get it tomorrow. It should arrive on Monday.

My parents made it here in time for Cordelia's graduation. As it happened, they needed to pick up a couple of doors from the local lumberyard (They were looking for something very specific, and nobody else had two doors like that).

The graduation was not quite forty minutes long. It was early enough in the day that it wasn't utterly sweltering in the multi-purpose room. I still had problems, but I'm having trouble at home where it's 78F, so... Yeah. I recorded the ceremony for Scott, but I don't think I got a high quality version. We were so far back that mostly I got backs of other parents' heads, and my arms and hands shook a lot while I held the camera. Cordelia sang with three other girls, and she was one of two students to get a Phoenix Award for exemplifying the qualities the STEAM program wants to encourage, including leadership and academic excellence.

There was a short reception on the concrete patio just outside the multi-purpose room after the ceremony. There was bottled water and cookies and fruit (for some reason no one touched the half bananas which were all turning brown on the exposed bits.

My parents and I went to Cardamom, a nearby Indian restaurant, for lunch. My mother was disappointed that her medium spicy dish was too mild. In my experience, the level of spice there varies wildly. I suspect that different cooks set mild and medium at very different degrees of heat. After lunch, they helped me run an errand that required going out to Cordelia's doctor's office to get a form signed and faxed to Skyline before the end of school day tomorrow (which will be only a half day). It was just a form that says that it's okay to give her standard OTC medications if need arises. It had to have a parent signature and a doctor signature. I suppose the latter is just in case I failed to realize that Tums or cough drops might set off Cordelia's non-existent allergies or something. I found the form irritating because I was supposed to list everything that I gave permission for. I just wanted to sign something that says that, during the week she's at camp, the nurse should use their best judgment as to what she needs to take. I'm sure I can't think of all of the possibilities.

Right now, I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm up to going to the class potluck tonight. It will be out of doors (the indoor venues were about six times more expensive), and I'm not sure how well I can handle the heat even if I'm just sitting in the shade.

I have a bit of carryover from yesterday's to do list:

Return the call that came in Tuesday while I was at my appointment
Email my sister to find out if she really can get a free viola for Cordelia
See if I can figure out how to retrieve my iTunes playlists
Find a plot or something for my NPT fic

I also need to:

Shower.

The Skyline nurse is supposed to call me tomorrow morning (I reached her today while she was in the middle of things).
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I did a little writing last night, less than 300 words. I was just too tired to focus.

When I tried to call a cab for getting to my appointment yesterday, I discovered that the company's phone was out of service. I used it nine days ago for getting to UHS, so it's a very recent development. I was at a point in time when I really couldn't afford to call around to see if any of the other companies I found listed on Google actually still exist (at least one listing was for a company that I know absolutely doesn't), so I ran for the bus.

I got lucky in that the bus was only about half full. I'd expected it to be packed at that time of day (around 8:30 in the morning) because that bus links commuter lots to the university medical center/hospital and to central campus. Possibly the fact that the students are gone made the difference, but I'm used to every bus before 9:30 being standing room only and not letting anyone on for the last three stops before the hospital. (We're four or five stops back, a couple of miles away.)

The clinician I saw agreed that, if I feel worse and am not sleeping using the c-PAP, that it's not actually helping. She prescribed a different mask, just in case that will help. The main reason, if I understand correctly, is that this mask and headgear shift where the hose is so that it may not cause me so much anxiety. Otherwise, we're going to hold off until after I see my psychiatrist on the 20th. The hope is that she can prescribe something, other than Ativan, that I can take at night so that I sleep more deeply. I have no idea what that might be. Benadryl doesn't make me sleepy. Melatonin gives me headaches that last for days. Ambien is off the table entirely because of my genetics being a terrible match for it.

After the appointment was over, I wandered around the medical center a bit, doing Ingress. Then I took the bus downtown, doing more Ingress along the way. About ten minutes after I got off the bus, I reached level 10 in Ingress. I had been hoping to do that on my birthday, but I was so sick that day and the next that it wasn't even remotely an option.

After that, [personal profile] evalerie and I met at Jerusalem Garden for lunch. I got a chicken shwarma sandwich that proved spicier than I wanted to be. I also got fries which the menu said would have sumac on them, but the waitress told me, when she brought them, that they don't put sumac on any more, just a pre-mixed salt and pepper (including cayenne) blend. I wouldn't have ordered them at all if it hadn't been for the promise of sumac, so I was disappointed.

Cordelia ended up eating my leftovers, half the sandwich and a lot of fries, when she got home. She complained about the spice in the sandwich but ate it anyway.
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I have phone calls I need to make today, and I don't want to deal with them. I also desperately want a nap and know that, even if I lie down, I'm unlikely to sleep.

At least, my mother called me back (I left her a message last night). She and my step-father can't come to Cordelia's concert after all but do plan to come to 8th grade graduation. I had thought that 9 a.m. would be too early given the two hour drive, but Mom says that that's much easier than trying to drive home at night. Also, they have contractors working on urgent house repairs, and the contractors will only work if someone's at home.

One of my phone calls, I need to make around 3 p.m. as I'm calling a high school teacher, the choir director, to talk about choir camp this summer. The other call, I can make any time, but it's also not urgent urgent, so it's hard to make myself do it. That second call is to schedule a tune up for our air conditioner. I really hate to spend the money on it, but getting it done will keep the dratted thing running for longer.

We had a session of Scott's new Firefly game last night. I think I'm going to loathe the system because my preference is for rules that require no decisions on my part and that I don't have to think about or use very much. That's my preference when I'm GM, too. No matter what I'm running, I run rules lite. People who've done a lot of table top gaming tend to boggle when I say that GURPS is my preferred system but that I run rules lite. GURPS is the most flexible system I've seen for character creation/setting creation/genre bending. I'm just not prone to deal with the picky rules in play. I've got a general feel for what different dice rolls mean relative to the numbers on the character sheet, but I'm guided more by interesting story than by the dice. I don't ignore the dice altogether, but I can go a session without asking anybody to roll anything.

I think that what I want is a weird hybrid of GURPS, Amber Diceless, and some form of percentile system.

I have an appointment at the sleep disorders clinic tomorrow. They called me yesterday in response to my patient portal email. I'm not sure what they're going to be able to offer me. The main thing the woman I talked to thought was that I need anti-anxiety medication. Yeah, I do. I've only been trying to find something that works, long term, since 1987. The only things I've found that work are controlled substances, and I'm not willing to take those every night even if some doctor was fool enough to prescribe them that way.

I'm so frustrated by this health crap. I can get plenty of lectures about potential long term problems but no discussion that everything they tell me to do about those is killing me right at the current moment. When I'm drowning, I'm not going to worry about the risk of sepsis from splinters from the bits of wood currently keeping me afloat.

I'm kind of irritated with the lecture series I'm currently watching. The title of the series is 'The Other Side of History: Daily Life in the Ancient World.' Apparently, the only places that existed in the ancient world were Egypt, Rome, Greece, Britain, and certain other small bits of Europe. Eleven episodes out of forty eight focus on Greece. Six focus on Egypt, and one of those is on Hellenistic Egypt. Thirteen episodes focus on Rome and territories under Roman control. The date on the box is 2012.

Cordelia's friend with the concussion was back at school yesterday. She's still having some headache issues and is taking things very easy. I don't know if she'll be at the concert tonight or not. Her father is becoming a US citizen today (her mother did a few years ago, and both kids were born in the US), and that, naturally, is a higher priority for her limited energy than the concert.
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Mostly written before we got power back:

Scott was expecting to work late yesterday, but he got a last minute reprieve. I didn't have all of the things I needed to make lunches for him and Cordelia for today, so I was glad that he was able to get those earlier. I still didn't make Cordelia's sandwich until around 9 p.m.

I added two or three sentences to several WIP yesterday but couldn't settle on anything. Also, writing on my phone is very, very slow. I always think that I'm writing a lot and then discover that it's less than 200 words. I updated my WIP DW account so that the more recent WIP fragments are there. Well, I don't think I put my NPT assignment fragment there yet (can't check easily at the moment due to having no power).

Sleeping without the c-PAP is making a vast and positive difference in my energy levels. I still want more sleep, but I'm not brain fogged, and I'm in less physical pain. I haven't heard back from the sleep disorders clinic yet. I did a little poking around on Google, and apparently claustrophobia is a big reason for people refusing to use a c-PAP. I'm not claustrophobic; I actually like small spaces. When I feel trapped, it's not because the space is small; usually, it's because of my perception of social expectations. I have no idea why the c-PAP is setting that off. I'm 95% certain that it's not the headgear or mask/nasal pillows. I think those are pretty much irrelevant. I've got issues with constant worry about the hose, and I've got issues with feeling trapped by being tethered to the machine. That is, I'd sleep okay with the headgear and such if it wasn't attached to the box.

Most of the library stuff I've got that I can't renew is DVDs, so I'm not making progress on any of that. I've got one DVD set that I haven't started yet that's a single season with twenty seven episodes. I don't think I'm likely to finish that given that it's due on the 11th. I'd have to do not much else. The other DVD set is a lecture series. I've watched two of the eight DVDs there, and each DVD has three hours of content. That's not due until the 18th, so I have a slightly better chance of getting through it before I have to return it.

We're supposed to have friends over for gaming tonight. I'm hoping that one particular person will show up because he knows more about Mac stuff than Scott does and might have ideas for retrieving those damned files. He often doesn't come, though, so I'm not holding my breath.

Scott ran into something on Facebook last night that talked about Fred Rogers being able to lift Mjolnir. It was very sweet and ended with Thor and Mjolnir going off to work with Habitat for Humanity because hammers are meant for building things, not for hitting people.

I'm currently debating whether I should nap or should shower and, maybe, go for a walk. DTE's now showing that most of our neighborhood is without power (22 customers, the last time I checked), so hopefully, they'll give us some level of priority. The DTE site shows a cluster of 21 customers on our street and then 1 on the cul de sac off of our street. They're treating those as separate and as having different causes (equipment failure for us and 'unknown' for the cul de sac) which seems odd to me because that other street is really not at all far away I could walk there in under two minutes without hurrying at all.

And the power is back, an hour earlier than DTE estimated.
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We went to Blue Nile for dinner on Saturday. As usual, we got the vegetarian meal for three. When we get the version with meat, we don't eat enough of it to justify the added cost. The vegetarian version is tasty, filling, and what we really want when we go there. There was live music which isn't really our thing but wasn't terrible. Service wasn't great. We ended up waiting for five to ten minutes at a time on three different occasions. There seemed to be plenty of waitstaff, and they were by no means full, so I really don't know what was going on.

I sent patient portal messages on Saturday to the oncology nurse I see to discuss my decision to stay off of Tamoxifen and to the sleep disorders clinic to ask what I should do about the c-PAP. I am almost entirely sure that the problem is not the headgear. I have issues with being worried that I'll break the hose, disconnect the hose, bend it so that air can't get through, etc. I also have issues with feeling like I'm trapped by the machine itself. Taking off and putting on the headgear feels as insurmountable as sitting in the middle of a row in a crowded theater and desperately wanting to escape. (I felt this yesterday while sitting at my SIL's house because I was stuck in a corner and couldn't get out without getting several people to move. It's very stressful even when there's no reason for me to need to get up at all.)

Feminine TMI )

We spent about five hours at Scott's sister's house yesterday. We left much later than planned because everything we tried to do kind of blew up in our faces. Cordelia's back went out rather abruptly Saturday evening, and she was still hurting a bit by Sunday morning. She doesn't seem to have done anything at all to cause it, either.
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I was hoping to go into town a couple of hours before my appointment today and get lunch and walk around a bit, playing Ingress, but I don't think that's going to happen. I've been sneezing violently off and on. It's raining. Oh, and I have cramps. (On one level, a period would be a good thing, but I really don't want one, not ever again. Also, it would be very difficult for the timing to be worse.)

Cordelia's best friend is home with a concussion. A laptop fell on her head at school yesterday. My assumption is that she was getting one out of the lower rack on the cart while someone else pulled out and dropped one from the upper rack. I wouldn't expect that to be a fall of more than a couple of inches, though, so maybe not. It's just that she's a very tall girl. I can't think how else a laptop would be in a position to fall on her. Even if she was seated, no one would be likely to carry a laptop high enough to drop it on her. And Cordelia said 'fell on her' rather than that someone dropped it on her.

At any rate, Cordelia wants to do something for her friend but rejected every suggestion we made. I'm going to email the girl's mother to ask if there's anything she'd enjoy. If the mother suggests something, I think Cordelia will feel more comfortable with it than she does if we, her parents, suggest things.

Oh, I know! Every time Cordelia visits her friend wants her to bring a particular DVD. A copy of that would probably be a great gift.

Scott's mother called in the middle of my planned nap time yesterday morning. She was taking a walk while Scott's father was at rehab (for heart trouble) and wanted to chat with someone during it. She's very disappointed that my c-PAP isn't making me feel better. Hers apparently did, right away. I explained that, while I wear it, I sleep like Cordelia was six months old and sick and sleeping in the next room. As of tomorrow, it'll be three weeks since I got the dratted thing.

Scott's of the opinion that three weeks is long enough that I should have adjusted and that, since I haven't, I need to talk to someone at the sleep disorders clinic. I'm not sure what they'd have to offer. I don't think it's the specific gear so much as any gear at all. I sleep better when I take Ativan, but I really can't do that every night.

I wrote 1500 words last night but still haven't managed to start my NPT story. I realized after talking to a friend that I was focusing on the wrong character. That other character still needs to be featured prominently, but there's another character who, when I talk about my ideas, is more pivotal. Since that other character was also requested, shifting focus makes sense.
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I'm glad we went to the viewing. We hadn't seen Mary and her husband (also named Scott) for quite a long time. Mary shared a house with Scott and his brother during college, and her husband moved into that house when my Scott moved out.

We spent most of our time talking to a third college friend, Jim, who also lived in that house and who is Mary's cousin. Jim's kind of responsible for me and Scott meeting in the first place. We mostly talked games. He's been playing that Pandemic version that can only be played once but that takes a couple dozen longish sessions to get through. He says it's a lot of fun and very difficult to master. He compared the monetary investment to buying a videogame that one only expects to play once or twice. He also commented that he's pretty sure that the reason his tabletop RPG group is stable is that none of them have kids. Which makes sense.

We picked up dinner at Plum Market on our way home. Scott got a salad and some mac 'n' cheese. We got some sushi for Cordelia and seem to have chosen well enough for her to eat it all. I got an assortment from the hot buffet. Most of it was just barely okay. There's one dish that I took a small amount of that turned out to be really, really good, but I was worried that it might have hidden dangers for me or even just have flavor I didn't like. If I'd been able to sample it first, I'd probably have taken just that and the steamed vegetables.

Scott is expecting to have to work late tonight, so he stopped at the center and cancelled Cordelia's PT appointment for this evening. The last time she was in, the therapist said that she might be ready to be discharged, so the hope is that we won't need to make up the appointment. I did mention that it was feasible for me to get her there and home again, but Scott wasn't keen on that.

I see my primary care doctor on Thursday. I need to make a list of things to talk to her about. I suspect that my difficulties sleeping will end up high on the list. Those are at least 50% scheduling (family obligations, medications, meals and reflux, Scott and Cordelia needing to be able to do things that are mildly noisy but enough to keep me awake) issues, but there's a good chunk that relates to the c-PAP and even more that relates to anxiety and to other physical issues.

Talking about sleep and schedules for my own benefit )

I just looked at the list of WIP that I used to follow on FFnet and discovered that I haven't checked on any of them in almost five years. I didn't realize it had been that long since I was reading fic regularly enough to keep going with that. I didn't have a FFnet account at that point, so I just kept an offline list with the url of the most recent chapter and the date of the last update. After two or three years of no updates, I'd gradually stop checking (unless the story was just that good...).
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I slept really badly last night. I spent a lot of time half-awake and thinking that the head gear for my c-PAP was on wrong without being able to figure out how. Looking at it now, with light, I can't see any explanation for my problems. I suppose it's possible that the whole thing was one of those semi-dreams, similar to me getting the inexplicable idea that I must lie on my right side (or my left or my back) or dire things will happen. When I wake completely, I always end up trying to figure out if there's any basis in reality for what I remember thinking because I'm never quite sure if there's something real there that I'm just forgetting.

I'm only up right now because Cordelia wanted me to sit with her before school. Having been up for two hours, I need to wind myself down a bit, so I'm listening to a podcast while I write this. I might write up our grocery list.

Cordelia's about two hours into The Two Towers. She's finding the battle scenes kind of tedious, but she seems determined to get through all three movies. She considers Groot better/cuter than the Ents.

A college friend of Scott's lost her mother a few days ago. Scott and I don't really have a way to get to the funeral which will be Monday morning, but we can go to the viewing which is Sunday afternoon/evening. It's an hour drive away. The current plan is to go to that while Cordelia's at a play. She's going to that with her best friend, and I'm going to ask her friend's mother if they can keep Cordelia until we get back.

I have a library book due Sunday that I can't renew. I'm halfway through it and very much want to finish. I've just stopped at a point where I don't want to deal with what I think will happen next. Once I've gotten some sleep, I think I may try skipping ahead a few pages to see if I'm right and whether or not I can deal with it. I've also got a can't be renewed book due a week from Sunday. I've also got four hours of library DVDs to watch. I can renew that set, but I'd like to return it.
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Cordelia decided that she was close enough to done with her big project (all that's left is eight more illustrations) that we could celebrate last night after all, so we went to dinner at Saica. She tried something new. Actual raw fish sushi, a tray with a variety of different things. I got a bento and brought most of it home; that fed me and Cordelia for breakfast this morning.

Cordelia liked her presents. We mostly got her books. I watched her wishlist for months and jumped on books when good used copies came up. There were two Funko Pop figures, too. General Leia and Finn, if I recall correctly. She says that Baby Groot is still her favorite. She also thought that General Leia looks weird because of not having a mouth.

I'm still not sleeping well with the c-PAP. I'm waking more often. It used to be that I could sleep about six hours without needing the bathroom, but now it's a maximum of about three hours. At that point, I wake fully and won't get back to sleep unless I empty my bladder. I think that, on school nights, I'm getting about five hours of sleep. No wonder my legs ache and I'm starting to get headaches a lot.

Generally, by the time I'm ready to nap, it's lunch time, and then there's not enough time after lunch to actually sleep before Cordelia gets home. She doesn't like me napping when she's home and will come in to check on me every twenty minutes.

The lab test results from my ER trip were released to me today. I have no idea what most of the things tested for are, but I think there's at least one thing I want to ask my primary care doctor about when I see her next week. The chest x-ray showed a 'slightly elevated left hemidiaphragm,' and that's not something that's ever been mentioned on any previous chest x-ray. Dr Google gives scary information about that that I really think doesn't apply here because they wouldn't have let me leave the ER as casually as they did if they thought I had, say, an abdominal tumor.

I've turned on the air conditioner now. I need to schedule a tune up for the system. It was 85F in here when I checked the thermostat last night, and we try to keep it a bit cooler than that, especially since I'm still having problems with feeling overheated in spite of having stopped the Tamoxifen.
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The afternoon yesterday was laid back. Scott and Cordelia gave me seasons 4 and 5 of Leverage and season 1 of Batman Beyond. Scott and I went to the library around 4:00 and did a little Ingress while we were out.

Cordelia watched The Fellowship of the Ring and was very puzzled as to why people like it so much. She also was very annoyed by the lack of female characters. When Arwen showed up, Cordelia noted that this was the first female character of any note/with lines of dialogue.

On our way to Brighton, Scott took Whitmore Lake Road part of the way with the idea of avoiding construction. Then he decided to go back to 23 because it had looked clear from what he could see of it. That led us to driving through some very slow bits of construction. I'm not sure we actually avoided any construction by taking Whitmore Lake Road at all, so I'm not sure what the point was.

Food frustrations/general crankiness )

I wasn't able to use my c-PAP for the whole night last night because part of my nose is inflamed and hurts terribly when anything touches it. I'm going to apply heat and see if that helps it resolve.
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Yesterday was all chores for me and for Scott. He got the groceries and mowed the lawn. He also figured out what was wrong with the new grill he bought. I think he's going to have to ship it back. Together, we did some laundry. I ran the dishwasher and changed our sheets. Oh, and took out the overflowing recycling and the trash that was starting to stink.

Cordelia had Scott clean the spider webs off her bike, and then she went out twice for short rides. We really want her to keep doing that because biking is one of the PT suggestions. It's not possible around here for many months of the year, but it's nice enough for it now.

I had some issues with my c-PAP last night, so I only used it for about two thirds of the night. I took it off after about half an hour of having trouble breathing even though, as far as I could tell, the dratted thing was running properly.

We went out for a late breakfast. Bob Evans had a half an hour wait, so we went to the other side of town to a pancake place called either Cathy's or Kathy's ([personal profile] evalerie, I seem to remember the place coming up on Gluten Free Ann Arbor with a query about their GF options. Their gluten free menu consists of three items, one of which is a salad without croutons. I don't recommend it for you). I had pancakes, and Scott and Cordelia both had French toast.
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I tried to nap yesterday morning but didn't manage much in the way of actual sleep. This morning, I was able to sleep in because Cordelia spent the night at her best friend's house. Her friend's parents were willing to take on the task of getting the girls to the school in time for the 7 a.m. bus departure for Cedar Point.

Scott predicted the sleepover when he heard that Cordelia had walked over to her friend's house (with her friend). I think the walk took them about an hour because it is a fair distance, 2-3 miles. I had expected Cordelia to stay for dinner but not for a sleepover. Cordelia ended up texting me a list of things to pack for her. A few of those were really, really vague-- 'a book from my shelf that's not too heavy' for example. Scott ended up asking her about five or six different options before finding one she thought would work.

I caught the cold that Cordelia's had the last few days. Yesterday, I sneezed and had a runny nose. Today, I don't seem to be having problems, but it's hard to tell what will happen later today. I tossed and turned a lot last night due to the cold and didn't dare use the c-PAP because pushing crap into my lungs seems like a great way to make myself really sick. I don't have any options for dealing with asthma at this point, so I don't dare risk it.

My last PT appointment is today at 2:45. I don't want to go, but I will. I'll probably go a little early because some folks from the other Ingress faction took out all of the portals at the hospital. I could really use the AP for recapturing those.

My to do list for today isn't all that long:

PT
Grocery list
Shower
Start my NPT assignment
the_rck: (Default)
The library finally checked in that CD that Scott returned on Friday. That's a relief. I was starting to wonder if our house was eating library CDs.

I tried to nap yesterday morning. I was in bed for several hours, but I don't think I actually slept until the last forty five minutes or so (and then I dreamed vividly). I tried the c-PAP through the first hour and a half, and again, it was saying that I was stopping breathing for more than ten seconds at a time over and over because the average per hour went up from 4.5 to 6.5. I'm supposed to try to stay under an average of 4.0 per hour.

Last night, I slept pretty soundly once I fell asleep, but I woke at 4:00 and didn't really sleep again after that. I've got two appointments at the hospital today, one at 10:30 and one at 2:00, so I'm not going to have the option of napping. I'm currently trying to decide whether or not we've got anything I can pack that will help me stay awake or if I should just hope that the cafeteria has something useful. I know there are a lot of options there, but I think they don't offer anything I can drink except water because they don't sell anything sweetened with sugar.

I wrote 860 words of something else that has nothing at all to do with any of the exchanges I'm doing or with any of my existing WIP. I mostly wrote it because it wouldn't leave me alone while I was trying to nap. I also added 400 words to one of my House of Sulfur and Mercury WIP. My word count for the year so far is a bit over 70000, so I'm definitely going to hit my word count goal for the year by the end of this month.

Cordelia has a cold and is very peeved about the fact. I'm almost certain to catch it from her, and Scott's pretty sure to catch it from me. I'm not looking forward to it. I was really hoping to avoid colds until after I'm used to the c-PAP.
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I keep forgetting to mention this-- A week or two ago, I got an anonymous gift from Amazon. It's a portable charger thingy for my cell phone. Scott says he didn't send it, so I'm assuming someone here did. Thank you, whoever you are. It's a huge help.

Looking at the records on the c-PAP, I have a lot of not breathing episodes when I'm lying in bed but not yet asleep and not many at all when I'm actually asleep. That is, I put the rig on and lay down about 10:15 last night. When Scott came to bed an hour later, I hadn't slept yet, and I got up to use the bathroom. The c-PAP said I'd stopped breathing for at least ten seconds thirteen times during that hour. When Scott's alarm went off around 5:00, the c-PAP said that, including that first hour, I'd averaged 2.5 occasions of stopping breathing. When I got up at 6:30, after not really getting back to sleep, the average had gone up to 4.5 which implies a heck of a lot of incidents during that hour and fifteen minutes.

Sometimes the nasal pillows hurt last night, and sometimes they didn't. I took an Ativan Sunday before bed and didn't take one last night. I'm not sure if that made a difference. I'm not noticing a change in my quality of sleep so far. That might be due to not being used to the differences in how I need to lie with the rig on, and that might be due to not having timing work out for me to be in bed as long as I normally would be.

I did some minor chores yesterday (sorting and putting away a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, preparing food for myself), and that was enough to make my chest hurt. Bending over is a problem as are reaching and lifting. Extending my right arm to pick up a half empty box of tea bags is enough to hurt a good bit. Tylenol still helps, but I think I'm going to have to try to get in to see my primary care doctor.

I wrote about 1600 words yesterday. It was on a sequel to the story I wrote for Yuletide 2016. I'm a little annoyed with myself for starting something else, especially when I have no idea at all how to get to the bit that I actually want to write. This also doesn't connect to the other chapters that I wrote in November but didn't end up posting because there was incomplete story arc in them. I still don't quite know how to wrap up that arc. It needs at least one more chapter. I guess that, if I do finish both stories, I'll end up making them a three story arc with The Wisdom That You Brought.
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I checked the shelves at the library yesterday and didn't find the CD that's been missing for months or the one that just disappeared. My best guess that both of them have fallen somewhere, either here or at the library, where nobody looks. I've searched everywhere I can think of here at home with no luck, and the likely places at the library aren't in areas where I can look. The new missing CD, naturally, continues the streak of me only misplacing CDs that I didn't enjoy listening to. It also can't be renewed, so I guess I'll be paying for it next weekend.

Mom arrived yesterday pretty much on time at 10 a.m. We talked for a little while then got in our car and drove to Bob Evans. When we got home, Scott worked on assembling the new grill he bought (the grates on the old one rusted through, and replacing them proved more expensive than buying a new, less fancy grill) while Mom and I talked, and Cordelia and her friend went to their volunteer orientation at the science center.

Mom mentioned having seen and loved Firefly and Serenity. That felt weird to me because she's usually down on SF stuff because of it reminding her of my father. She also talked about my step-father having a very traumatic encounter with an alligator while he was out kayaking. He went out alone for reasons that my mother wasn't clear on. She thought that part was unwise. Then he went to an area where he hadn't been before, with deeper water, and started seeing very, very large alligators. There was one on the shore that spotted him, rolled into the water, swam over, and then reared up on its tail to look down at him. He was sure he was going to die. Mom says he didn't stop obsessing about it for days.

I asked if it was likely a nesting mother, and Mom said that the time of year is right and that the circumstances rather sound like it.

I told Mom about the Sgt Pepper's/Star Wars (A New Hope only) mashup videos that I ran into earlier this week, and she wants the link. Scott adored the videos even though he only recognized two or three of the songs. The whole thing is here on YouTube. It's the entire album, so it's longish. People who know the album tend to be more impressed, but people who don't can enjoy them, too. They're captioned, too, which is rare for such things.

I made banana bread while we were hanging out. It's been years since I made it routinely, but I still remember the recipe without needing to open Joy of Cooking. The amounts of everything, including the final batter, looked too small until I realized that I used to make two loaves at a time and wasn't this time. The banana bread made a good snack for when the girls got back from orientation.

Cordelia tells me that she and her friend weren't the only middle school kids at the orientation. She'd been worried about that. I think that the fact that the camp accepts thirteen year old volunteers and almost no other volunteer opportunities do probably skews their pool younger. Cordelia's planning out her summer schedule with shifts at the library and at Food Gatherers. I'd probably have scheduled the camp first because that's two chunks of a week each. I wouldn't want to make scheduling those harder by committing to days here and there through the summer. She's already trying to figure out if it's feasible to do camp the week of her dentist appointment. She'd get done at 4:00. The appointment is at 4:15. If her father is home to drive, it's doable. If he's not, it's really, really not.

I wrote almost 600 words yesterday on chapter 7 of Auguries of Innocence. It needs some tweaking because I ignored one of the characters present, but it's progress. That chapter has been sitting for quite a long time. I still want to go back to my Fandom5K, but I'm also still not sure my level of exhaustion is conducive to being sensible about editing that. The currently posted version works reasonably well, I think. It could be better, but if I'm not physically/mentally up to it, the results won't be horrible or embarrassing.

Last night's experience with the c-PAP was better. At least, it didn't hurt. The hose was still a serious PITA, and I think that a four is too high for the humidity setting at this time of year, but I actually slept. I'm just low on sleep because Scott didn't let me go back to sleep after he got up. I may nap after Cordelia leaves for school because only five hours of sleep is just begging for a migraine by bedtime.

None of us have appointments today. Cordelia has PT tomorrow. I have two appointments on Wednesday and one on Friday. I'm hoping that this will be less stressful than the last three weeks were and that we don't add more appointments on for next week. At any rate, I have all day today and a good chunk of tomorrow to myself. Thursday is cleaning lady day, so even though there aren't any appointments, I can't really relax.

My chest pain is getting better. I made it worse yesterday by carrying a basket of laundry from our room to the top of the basement stairs (I made Scott do the up and down the stairs part) and by doing a lot of bending over to get things off the floor that I didn't want to be there when Mom arrived.

My hands have been hurting more. I think part of the problem is that I'm picking up and moving more moderately heavy things (dishes, empty or full, and hardcover books are a problem that way) and trying to hold open paperbacks to read them. The OT people said I should just switch to audiobooks. I pointed out that we own more than 5000 books. I didn't go into the other issues with audiobooks-- price, time investment, inability to 'read' them while other people are watching TV in the same room (or, often, while there are other people in the house at all). The next suggestion was a book stand. I've looked at those online, and they look pretty iffy. I don't think that buying one without a chance to try it out would be a good idea because the ones most likely to work for me are pretty darned expensive. Also, for in bed, I'd want one thing and for in the living room quite another.
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I'm still frustrated with the c-PAP. It didn't burn last night, but it did hurt enough to keep me awake for hours. If I sit upright, the weight of the hose pulls things down enough that there isn't painful pressure on my nose and upper lip, but when I lie down, things get bad in both places. I think I can help the upper lip by wedging something between my lip and the apparatus. I have no idea what to do about the nose. Tugging very lightly on things relieves the painful pressure without breaking the seal, but it's not something I can do while I'm trying to fall asleep, and I'm kind of at a loss as to how to jury rig something that would do the job.

I have turned down the humidity from five to four and may take it down to a three. I feel pretty constantly like my nose is filling up at a five. A four is better but still not where I want to be.

I need to look at the manuals because the c-PAP turned itself off entirely two or three times early in the night. I hadn't touched it, so I really can't think what might have happened. I was both relieved and cranky when I figured out that that was why it very suddenly got really, really hard to breathe through my nose. The machine is so quiet that I can't rely on hearing any sort of change.

My mother will arrive in a little bit. We're planning to go to brunch/lunch. Cordelia needs to be back here by 1:00 because one of her friends will arrive then so that they can go to an orientation session together. That's at 2:00 and only a ten minute walk away from here, but I think they're worried about being late. Mom might stay for dinner after Cordelia comes back from orientation, but it will depend on the weather. She's not comfortable driving after dark or in bad weather. It's sunny now and is supposed to stay that way, but...

Scott and Cordelia both really enjoyed Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Scott said it might be his favorite MCU movie so far which is pretty high praise from him.

I did no writing or editing yesterday. I'm not sure I will today, either, because of my mother visiting and because I'm still exhausted and cranky due to poor sleep.

After I got up to take my thyroid medication this morning, I didn't put the c-PAP rig back on. I was hoping to get some normal-for-me sleep to balance out the terrible sleep I'd gotten earlier in the night. I don't think I managed much, but I did dream vividly about used book sales offering books I desperately want to read but that don't actually exist. This sort of dream is not particularly rare for me and goes back even to elementary school, but I always wake up wishing that I has those books.
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The c-PAP last night was not a success. I put the 'discomfort' levels on par with walking home from the bus stop on a broken foot and sprained ankle. My skin actually felt like it was burning where the nasal pillows touched. I'm going to clean them, assuming I can find anything safely unscented that's also mild enough, and try again tonight. The nasal pillows I used at the sleep clinic didn't burn, so I'm hoping this is something that can be cleaned off. The weight of the hose was also painful if I slept on my side facing the machine, and the headgear is, sadly, designed to put velcro on my cheeks. I think I can deal with that last by wrapping it. I'm not sure with what, but there must be something.

I kept the rig on for about two hours, possibly slightly more. The first hour, I couldn't possibly have slept even if things had been comfortable because Scott was playing videos on his laptop (while next to me in bed) and because lights were on in the living room.

I wanted to stay in bed longer than I ended up doing this morning, but my mother had said she might drive over today, so more sleep wasn't a good option. As it happens, she's not coming until tomorrow (or maybe not at all. The check engine light is on in her car, and she doesn't want to drive two hours each way without being sure that the car will make it).

The A-Ride folks say, in their canned message, that one is supposed to allow an hour and a half to get to one's destination. Half an hour for the pick up window and an hour for travel time. It's a shared ride service, so it's entirely possible to need to go far out of the way to pick up or drop off other passengers. I've done six rides in the last two or three weeks. Two of them ended up shared. Every one of them, the driver arrived either before my pick up time or right on the dot. Yesterday, I was at Medequip eleven minutes after my pick up and forty nine minutes before my appointment.

Fortunately, the guy I was supposed to see was free to see me early. I was done by the time my appointment would have started if they'd stuck to the schedule. They don't have an actually waiting area. They tell people to sit on the various recliners that they offer for sale. I eyed those and realized that only one of them was actually the right size for me to be able to put my feet on the floor while sitting. That's out of probably twenty different chairs. Being 5'2" isn't that weird.

I tried to do some editing yesterday and discovered that I was too cranky to deal with my beta reader's perfectly reasonable comments without shooting back sharp comments. So I sent an apology and closed the documents.

Scott went out and picked up the library holds last night. I had one that was set to expire today, and we weren't sure there'd be time to get down there today if my mother visited. We'll still need to stop by there tomorrow, but even if Mom does visit, Sunday will be less filled with things that Scott has to do. Getting holds yesterday means dealing with two DVDs that can't be renewed. I suggested we try to get through them both today so that we don't have to take them back mid-week.

PT is claiming I was a no show on Thursday even though I called. They aren't open today, so I can't call and complain about that. I did call. I did leave a message. My cell phone shows I was on the phone with their number for a minute and a half at 6:30 a.m. on Thursday. I wouldn't argue if they said I didn't give them twenty four hours notice, but I was not a no show.

The chest pain is less than it was. Breathing is almost never hurting now, and that was the most worrying bit.

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