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Waffles actually are kind of easy, at least when I'm working from a mix. The biggest hitch was the egg not wanting to mix. Scott had told me to use a spoon instead of a whisk because having lumpy batter is fine, but the egg white was kind of clumpy, so I had to go to a whisk anyway. Our waffle iron has a light that comes on when the waffle is done (my assumption is that this has to do with sensing temperature since it's the same light that comes on when the iron has preheated).

In the afternoon, after the library trip, we went to Vault of Midnight, the game and comic store downtown, and Scott got two Firefly game supplements and a cooperative game that he thinks I might enjoy.

We had dinner out for a third night in a row. This time we went to a Chinese place near the Kroger. Cordelia was unimpressed by her chicken lo mein which basically had no flavor to speak of, but we all like the chicken with mixed vegetables and shrimp with mixed vegetables that Scott and I got. The service was not stellar. I'm pretty sure that the waitress must have been inexperienced. She asked for our food order immediately after we sat down, before we'd even had time to open the menus, and kept coming back to ask at very short intervals. She never refilled our water glasses in spite of a request. After the meal, we asked for three boxes, and she brought two.

After that, we went next door to the Asian grocery and bought a lot of mochi. I also got some ginger coconut hard candies, and Cordelia got some guava sour candies and some pear juice that she's had before and really likes. Scott got a large slotted ladle which we do need. I told him that we should be shopping there for dumplings and buns and such rather than at Kroger. I'm pretty sure that the stuff there was half to two thirds the price of the same stuff at Kroger, and it's just across the street.

Scott and I watched two movies that I'd gotten from the library. Well, for certain values of watched. I'm not sure that either of us actually paid much attention to Beauty and the Beast (2017). I'm sitting at a really terrible angle to see the TV and never quite managed to get interested. Teen Titans: The Judas Contract was better and held our attention.

There's an exchange I didn't sign up for for which I'd like to write about a dozen treats, but (and this is why I didn't sign up) it has the same due date as Not Prime Time. I really don't think I'm going to write that many stories in that window. Ah, well. Maybe they'll keep the collection open for after the fact treats.

I'm considering signing up for Fic Corner, but I'm not really enthusiastic about anything that was nominated. (I didn't nominate because of computer troubles. Me nominating probably wouldn't have helped as I skew toward obscure books from the 1960s through the early 1980s.) There's one thing I'm pretty certain I could write. There are things I could probably write and am sure I own. There are things I might be able to write but am not sure I still own. There are things that might be interesting to try but that would require buying the canon (if I could find it). Many of these are books I haven't read in decades.

Today's to do list )
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Scott and I went out for dinner at Bob Evans on Friday. We talked about other options, but we didn't want to go downtown, and I wanted to avoid anything too challenging to my digestive system. We also hoped (and were right) that Bob Evans wouldn't be crowded the way that fancier places were likely to be. We discovered that Bob Evans doesn't season its fries and such which is a huge bonus for me as I have problems with black pepper.

Cordelia's friend is at home. Her mother says she's resting. Cordelia says she's watching movies. I'm not sure if the movie watching is medically approved or not. I was expected her to have another 'cognitive rest' period with no books, screen time, movies/TV, phone conversations, etc. (I'm not actually sure how that works because I know that, if I were in that situation, I'd be spinning stories to keep myself from being bored, and that's more mental work than, say, listening to an audiobook).

I've started a second chapter to my Not Prime Time story. I'm still not sure what the movement in the story will be-- character development, plot development, something else altogether? I got as far as I could with the first POV character and have now switched to someone else. I don't think I have time for a chapter for each character even if that sounds like it would work.

We went out to Totoro last night to celebrate Cordelia's graduation. The hostess who's been there as long as I've been going there (possibly she's also the owner?) was astonished that Cordelia's finished middle school because she remembers Cordelia at three years old. Scott tried a different dish than his usual because he wants to avoid the grease of the tempura. He had spicy barbecue chicken which he said was quite spicy for his taste. I didn't try it, so I can't measure it against my own (wimpy) scale. Cordelia had a couple of sushi rolls, and I (as usual) had a bento, salmon teriyaki this time. I brought most of the fried food home with me to eat this morning. We split an order of vegetarian gyoza.

We have begged off from going to Scott's sister's Father's Day gathering. Their parents are traveling (in Europe, I think), so we just don't have the usual impetus. Scott liked the idea of a relaxing day at home. Cordelia and I haven't gotten Scott a gift, but he says what he wants is a chance to buy something at one of the local game stores. There's one not far from the library, so he'll wander that way while Cordelia and I get our books.

Next up-- I figure out how to make waffles. Scott says they're easy.
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I'm still dizzy off and on. It's worse when I get overheated, and it's more likely to happen when I'm sitting or lying down than when I'm walking. It doesn't seem to relate to head movement in that it can happen when I'm lying completely still or when my upper body is still and I move one of my legs. I think that a lot of sleep helped some but not entirely. Extra water is not helpful at all. I don't have any other symptoms, so I'm not dreadfully worried, but I called UHS to see if they want me to try to come in to see someone. A nurse is supposed to call me back about that.

Apparently, it's not possible for me to get a different c-PAP face mask any time in the next ninety days because of insurance limitations. I could have gotten one if I'd managed to make it to Medequip on the Monday after my sleep disorders clinic appointment (which was on a Friday) because that was the last day of the thirty day window for making changes. I'm very, very frustrated by this. Medequip insists that it doesn't matter what insurance I have because they're all exactly the same on this. I'm not sure I buy that, but... Time to email the sleep disorders clinic people.

My laptop is crashing on me from time to time. I'm pretty sure it's the battery because the precipitating event each time has been the power supply connection getting abruptly separated. I can unplug, sometimes, without a crash, but it's a crapshoot at this point. I'm making sure to save everything before I move from one room to another. We've ordered a new battery, but we opted not to pay extra to get it tomorrow. It should arrive on Monday.

My parents made it here in time for Cordelia's graduation. As it happened, they needed to pick up a couple of doors from the local lumberyard (They were looking for something very specific, and nobody else had two doors like that).

The graduation was not quite forty minutes long. It was early enough in the day that it wasn't utterly sweltering in the multi-purpose room. I still had problems, but I'm having trouble at home where it's 78F, so... Yeah. I recorded the ceremony for Scott, but I don't think I got a high quality version. We were so far back that mostly I got backs of other parents' heads, and my arms and hands shook a lot while I held the camera. Cordelia sang with three other girls, and she was one of two students to get a Phoenix Award for exemplifying the qualities the STEAM program wants to encourage, including leadership and academic excellence.

There was a short reception on the concrete patio just outside the multi-purpose room after the ceremony. There was bottled water and cookies and fruit (for some reason no one touched the half bananas which were all turning brown on the exposed bits.

My parents and I went to Cardamom, a nearby Indian restaurant, for lunch. My mother was disappointed that her medium spicy dish was too mild. In my experience, the level of spice there varies wildly. I suspect that different cooks set mild and medium at very different degrees of heat. After lunch, they helped me run an errand that required going out to Cordelia's doctor's office to get a form signed and faxed to Skyline before the end of school day tomorrow (which will be only a half day). It was just a form that says that it's okay to give her standard OTC medications if need arises. It had to have a parent signature and a doctor signature. I suppose the latter is just in case I failed to realize that Tums or cough drops might set off Cordelia's non-existent allergies or something. I found the form irritating because I was supposed to list everything that I gave permission for. I just wanted to sign something that says that, during the week she's at camp, the nurse should use their best judgment as to what she needs to take. I'm sure I can't think of all of the possibilities.

Right now, I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm up to going to the class potluck tonight. It will be out of doors (the indoor venues were about six times more expensive), and I'm not sure how well I can handle the heat even if I'm just sitting in the shade.

I have a bit of carryover from yesterday's to do list:

Return the call that came in Tuesday while I was at my appointment
Email my sister to find out if she really can get a free viola for Cordelia
See if I can figure out how to retrieve my iTunes playlists
Find a plot or something for my NPT fic

I also need to:

Shower.

The Skyline nurse is supposed to call me tomorrow morning (I reached her today while she was in the middle of things).
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According to my SIL, our nephew is beyond tired of the whole Eagle Scout thing. He's earned it, but the troop he was with when he fulfilled the requirements folded before he could get the bureaucratic parts dealt with, and he got jerked around a lot as a result. The ceremony will be in August, and he's trying to persuade his parents that that part isn't necessary or that, if it is, it can be five minutes folded into his graduation party in July.

I asked the clinician at radiation oncology about the patient portal's inability to realize that having a diagnostic mammogram scheduled means that one does not need a screening mammogram. She told me that that's the result of a deliberate administrative decision that she doesn't agree with. There is no way to disable that reminder as long as the patient's file says they're female. It has to be gotten rid of by a clinician every single year, and doing that has been made deliberately difficult because people were lying about screenings having happened or having been scheduled just to make the notice go away.

The clinician said that she's been trying to get them to make an exception for women who've had double mastectomies because some of them find that reminder actively traumatic because it reminds them of what they've lost. Many of them feel it's a message that they're no longer really women.

For me, it's just an irritating untidiness, but it's active cruelty for some people.

Today's to do list )
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My last PT appointment went well. Mainly, at this point, it's a question of me keeping up my exercises and being careful. Next week, the only medical appointment currently scheduled is Cordelia's PT, and that's at a time when Scott can take her without me going along. I just have to figure out a decent dinner option for her that she can eat in the car because PT ends at 6:00 and she has something else from 6:00 to 8:00.

Since Cordelia was off at Cedar Point all day, Scott and I went out for dinner at a nearby Chinese restaurant, Evergreen. We had eaten there once, right after we moved here a bit more than twenty years ago, and had not been impressed at all, but we thought it had likely changed. It had. The decor was completely different and so, I think, was the menu. We both liked what we got, but we were pretty conservative in terms of what we ordered-- Scott got chicken with green beans and ginger. I got shrimp with vegetables. I also tried their bubble tea. The tapioca pearls weren't the texture I prefer, but it was otherwise passable, just very, very heavy on the ice which made getting the tapioca pearls kind of challenging.

Cordelia ate the leftovers from both dishes for lunch and liked them. I was surprised by the one with ginger in it because she usually hates ginger. Of course, she's got a really nasty head cold, so maybe she couldn't taste it.

I got everything on yesterday's to do list done except for starting my Not Prime Time assignment. Hopefully, I can make a dent in that today. I also want to change our sheets. I think I can manage that if I wear thumb splints and am cautious.

We'll be getting together with Scott's family for Mother's Day tomorrow. For some weird reason, we're once again going to a particular Italian place where there's very little I can eat (I need to avoid oregano, basil, tomatoes, peppers, and black pepper and to limit oil/fat for reflux reasons) and where Scott's sister has had horrible service (as in forgetting to bring her meal out at all) more than once. The gluten free menu, which Scott's sister and mother both use, is extremely limited.

I don't know if Scott's sister's in-laws will be there or not. They might be, or they might be doing something earlier in the day. But if they are, maybe this is the only place they could find that could seat twelve people at 6:00 on Mother's Day? Without them, there would be nine of us which is still a pretty large group. I don't know.
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I checked the shelves at the library yesterday and didn't find the CD that's been missing for months or the one that just disappeared. My best guess that both of them have fallen somewhere, either here or at the library, where nobody looks. I've searched everywhere I can think of here at home with no luck, and the likely places at the library aren't in areas where I can look. The new missing CD, naturally, continues the streak of me only misplacing CDs that I didn't enjoy listening to. It also can't be renewed, so I guess I'll be paying for it next weekend.

Mom arrived yesterday pretty much on time at 10 a.m. We talked for a little while then got in our car and drove to Bob Evans. When we got home, Scott worked on assembling the new grill he bought (the grates on the old one rusted through, and replacing them proved more expensive than buying a new, less fancy grill) while Mom and I talked, and Cordelia and her friend went to their volunteer orientation at the science center.

Mom mentioned having seen and loved Firefly and Serenity. That felt weird to me because she's usually down on SF stuff because of it reminding her of my father. She also talked about my step-father having a very traumatic encounter with an alligator while he was out kayaking. He went out alone for reasons that my mother wasn't clear on. She thought that part was unwise. Then he went to an area where he hadn't been before, with deeper water, and started seeing very, very large alligators. There was one on the shore that spotted him, rolled into the water, swam over, and then reared up on its tail to look down at him. He was sure he was going to die. Mom says he didn't stop obsessing about it for days.

I asked if it was likely a nesting mother, and Mom said that the time of year is right and that the circumstances rather sound like it.

I told Mom about the Sgt Pepper's/Star Wars (A New Hope only) mashup videos that I ran into earlier this week, and she wants the link. Scott adored the videos even though he only recognized two or three of the songs. The whole thing is here on YouTube. It's the entire album, so it's longish. People who know the album tend to be more impressed, but people who don't can enjoy them, too. They're captioned, too, which is rare for such things.

I made banana bread while we were hanging out. It's been years since I made it routinely, but I still remember the recipe without needing to open Joy of Cooking. The amounts of everything, including the final batter, looked too small until I realized that I used to make two loaves at a time and wasn't this time. The banana bread made a good snack for when the girls got back from orientation.

Cordelia tells me that she and her friend weren't the only middle school kids at the orientation. She'd been worried about that. I think that the fact that the camp accepts thirteen year old volunteers and almost no other volunteer opportunities do probably skews their pool younger. Cordelia's planning out her summer schedule with shifts at the library and at Food Gatherers. I'd probably have scheduled the camp first because that's two chunks of a week each. I wouldn't want to make scheduling those harder by committing to days here and there through the summer. She's already trying to figure out if it's feasible to do camp the week of her dentist appointment. She'd get done at 4:00. The appointment is at 4:15. If her father is home to drive, it's doable. If he's not, it's really, really not.

I wrote almost 600 words yesterday on chapter 7 of Auguries of Innocence. It needs some tweaking because I ignored one of the characters present, but it's progress. That chapter has been sitting for quite a long time. I still want to go back to my Fandom5K, but I'm also still not sure my level of exhaustion is conducive to being sensible about editing that. The currently posted version works reasonably well, I think. It could be better, but if I'm not physically/mentally up to it, the results won't be horrible or embarrassing.

Last night's experience with the c-PAP was better. At least, it didn't hurt. The hose was still a serious PITA, and I think that a four is too high for the humidity setting at this time of year, but I actually slept. I'm just low on sleep because Scott didn't let me go back to sleep after he got up. I may nap after Cordelia leaves for school because only five hours of sleep is just begging for a migraine by bedtime.

None of us have appointments today. Cordelia has PT tomorrow. I have two appointments on Wednesday and one on Friday. I'm hoping that this will be less stressful than the last three weeks were and that we don't add more appointments on for next week. At any rate, I have all day today and a good chunk of tomorrow to myself. Thursday is cleaning lady day, so even though there aren't any appointments, I can't really relax.

My chest pain is getting better. I made it worse yesterday by carrying a basket of laundry from our room to the top of the basement stairs (I made Scott do the up and down the stairs part) and by doing a lot of bending over to get things off the floor that I didn't want to be there when Mom arrived.

My hands have been hurting more. I think part of the problem is that I'm picking up and moving more moderately heavy things (dishes, empty or full, and hardcover books are a problem that way) and trying to hold open paperbacks to read them. The OT people said I should just switch to audiobooks. I pointed out that we own more than 5000 books. I didn't go into the other issues with audiobooks-- price, time investment, inability to 'read' them while other people are watching TV in the same room (or, often, while there are other people in the house at all). The next suggestion was a book stand. I've looked at those online, and they look pretty iffy. I don't think that buying one without a chance to try it out would be a good idea because the ones most likely to work for me are pretty darned expensive. Also, for in bed, I'd want one thing and for in the living room quite another.
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I'm still frustrated with the c-PAP. It didn't burn last night, but it did hurt enough to keep me awake for hours. If I sit upright, the weight of the hose pulls things down enough that there isn't painful pressure on my nose and upper lip, but when I lie down, things get bad in both places. I think I can help the upper lip by wedging something between my lip and the apparatus. I have no idea what to do about the nose. Tugging very lightly on things relieves the painful pressure without breaking the seal, but it's not something I can do while I'm trying to fall asleep, and I'm kind of at a loss as to how to jury rig something that would do the job.

I have turned down the humidity from five to four and may take it down to a three. I feel pretty constantly like my nose is filling up at a five. A four is better but still not where I want to be.

I need to look at the manuals because the c-PAP turned itself off entirely two or three times early in the night. I hadn't touched it, so I really can't think what might have happened. I was both relieved and cranky when I figured out that that was why it very suddenly got really, really hard to breathe through my nose. The machine is so quiet that I can't rely on hearing any sort of change.

My mother will arrive in a little bit. We're planning to go to brunch/lunch. Cordelia needs to be back here by 1:00 because one of her friends will arrive then so that they can go to an orientation session together. That's at 2:00 and only a ten minute walk away from here, but I think they're worried about being late. Mom might stay for dinner after Cordelia comes back from orientation, but it will depend on the weather. She's not comfortable driving after dark or in bad weather. It's sunny now and is supposed to stay that way, but...

Scott and Cordelia both really enjoyed Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Scott said it might be his favorite MCU movie so far which is pretty high praise from him.

I did no writing or editing yesterday. I'm not sure I will today, either, because of my mother visiting and because I'm still exhausted and cranky due to poor sleep.

After I got up to take my thyroid medication this morning, I didn't put the c-PAP rig back on. I was hoping to get some normal-for-me sleep to balance out the terrible sleep I'd gotten earlier in the night. I don't think I managed much, but I did dream vividly about used book sales offering books I desperately want to read but that don't actually exist. This sort of dream is not particularly rare for me and goes back even to elementary school, but I always wake up wishing that I has those books.
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The c-PAP last night was not a success. I put the 'discomfort' levels on par with walking home from the bus stop on a broken foot and sprained ankle. My skin actually felt like it was burning where the nasal pillows touched. I'm going to clean them, assuming I can find anything safely unscented that's also mild enough, and try again tonight. The nasal pillows I used at the sleep clinic didn't burn, so I'm hoping this is something that can be cleaned off. The weight of the hose was also painful if I slept on my side facing the machine, and the headgear is, sadly, designed to put velcro on my cheeks. I think I can deal with that last by wrapping it. I'm not sure with what, but there must be something.

I kept the rig on for about two hours, possibly slightly more. The first hour, I couldn't possibly have slept even if things had been comfortable because Scott was playing videos on his laptop (while next to me in bed) and because lights were on in the living room.

I wanted to stay in bed longer than I ended up doing this morning, but my mother had said she might drive over today, so more sleep wasn't a good option. As it happens, she's not coming until tomorrow (or maybe not at all. The check engine light is on in her car, and she doesn't want to drive two hours each way without being sure that the car will make it).

The A-Ride folks say, in their canned message, that one is supposed to allow an hour and a half to get to one's destination. Half an hour for the pick up window and an hour for travel time. It's a shared ride service, so it's entirely possible to need to go far out of the way to pick up or drop off other passengers. I've done six rides in the last two or three weeks. Two of them ended up shared. Every one of them, the driver arrived either before my pick up time or right on the dot. Yesterday, I was at Medequip eleven minutes after my pick up and forty nine minutes before my appointment.

Fortunately, the guy I was supposed to see was free to see me early. I was done by the time my appointment would have started if they'd stuck to the schedule. They don't have an actually waiting area. They tell people to sit on the various recliners that they offer for sale. I eyed those and realized that only one of them was actually the right size for me to be able to put my feet on the floor while sitting. That's out of probably twenty different chairs. Being 5'2" isn't that weird.

I tried to do some editing yesterday and discovered that I was too cranky to deal with my beta reader's perfectly reasonable comments without shooting back sharp comments. So I sent an apology and closed the documents.

Scott went out and picked up the library holds last night. I had one that was set to expire today, and we weren't sure there'd be time to get down there today if my mother visited. We'll still need to stop by there tomorrow, but even if Mom does visit, Sunday will be less filled with things that Scott has to do. Getting holds yesterday means dealing with two DVDs that can't be renewed. I suggested we try to get through them both today so that we don't have to take them back mid-week.

PT is claiming I was a no show on Thursday even though I called. They aren't open today, so I can't call and complain about that. I did call. I did leave a message. My cell phone shows I was on the phone with their number for a minute and a half at 6:30 a.m. on Thursday. I wouldn't argue if they said I didn't give them twenty four hours notice, but I was not a no show.

The chest pain is less than it was. Breathing is almost never hurting now, and that was the most worrying bit.
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I started falling asleep about 2:45 yesterday afternoon. Cordelia got home about 3:10, so napping wasn't really an option. I stayed home, later, when Scott took Cordelia to PT. They picked up food on the way home because we don't have anything thawed to cook. (We still don't, but today is a better time for Scott to pick something up on his way home.)

I wrote a bit more than 2100 words yesterday. The next writing chore I need to do will involve editing and cutting, so it won't increase my word count.

I got far enough into a library book I've had for a while to know that it irritates me too much for me to finish it. At another point in time, I might finish it in spite of wanting to find the author and shake him until he admits that historical speculation doesn't actually work that way when one's writing non-fiction.

I leave soon for PT. I was going to take the bus, but it's raining, and I'm not enthusiastic about walking in the rain and then waiting at the bus stop. When I get home, I need to call to set up the A-Ride for getting to Medequip. I'll ask them how to handle getting home. I don't want to set a time for pick up given that I have no feel for how long this should take. I know they do same day rides (for more money), and I've seen mention of scheduling in advance for 'call for pick up,' but I don't know what that last means or how the price and waiting time might differ. I think the same day only costs a dollar more but has much longer wait times.

I've finished the next chapter of We Are Where We Began, but I'm not ready to post it yet because I keep looking at it and thinking that it's not quite right. Then again, I'm writing stories in that universe with the knowledge that only about half a dozen people will actually read them. They're mostly for me to have fun writing angsty, overly complicated and nasty character interactions. Worrying about the story isn't actually fun, so... Maybe I shouldn't?

But I'm thinking again about the problems I have with Zelazny's assertion that internal combustion engines don't work in Amber. Mainly, I keep wondering how that generalizes to other hydrocarbons (since I'm more willing to believe that gasoline doesn't combust than I am that the mechanical bits of the engine don't work). Doesn't that have implications for certain fundamental processes that make carbon based life (like the characters in the books and their horses and...) work at all?

Mostly, I just have to handwave that because the entire multiverse in the books breaks down once I start asking questions like that.

I talked to Scott's mother yesterday. We'll probably do the family birthday gathering over Memorial Day weekend. Mother's Day is going to be difficult, too, because Scott's sister and her family won't be available. Scott's mother would love to have us visit anyway, but I think there's something else going on that weekend. I just can't remember what. It might just be me mentally blocking off the weekend for the holiday and only thinking there's something else.

We have a school millage (sinking fund to pay for maintenance on the buildings) to vote on today. There's nothing else on our ballot, but I know that's not true in other parts of the state. I'm going to wait for Scott to get home before trying to get out to vote. It's not like there will be a line longer than about three people, no matter when I go. School millages-- any millages actually-- around here tend to do a lot better when they're not attached to a major election. I think that most of the people who'd vote against aren't strongly enough against to bother going out to vote.
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I managed 18002 words during April. That puts it second in productivity of months so far this year (February was first with over 19000 words). I'm at 64525 words for the year to date. My Camp NaNo goal was 25000, so I didn't manage that, but I think I did pretty well given how April was.

I didn't get dressed yesterday until about 8 p.m. Scott prodded me a bit about it. I don't actually see anything wrong with a single day spent that way. I was still exhausted, and I'd been feeling kind of sick all weekend.

Surprisingly, I'm better so far this morning. I didn't expect that. I had anxiety dreams, so I wouldn't have been surprised to wake with a headache.

We made a trip out to Plum Market to see what they had at their after 8:00 half price baked goods sale. We ended up with a cake, some mini muffins, and some cookies. I think we were all disappointed not to see any bread. My suspicion is that we got there too late. When they first start putting things out, there's usually a crowd, and the bread goes first. I don't think we got there until 8:15.

The last week, Ingress has been running really, really slowly a lot of the time. I can consistently get the basic map, but I can't always get the overlay that shows fields and portals and XM. Hacking a portal often takes several minutes to process, and I can't see my inventory at all. It's always a bit iffy to play when I'm riding in a car or cab that's going fast, but usually, I can see something.

Scott was complaining that I spent too much in March. I need to look at my Discover card bill, because I think he failed to realize that I paid $100 for appointments for Cordelia and bought some clothes for her. I bought some stuff on Amazon, but I'd be surprised if it was the majority of what I spent (in spite of what Scott thinks). My suspicion is that he saw a large number of small purchases and didn't look at the money involved, just assumed. Most of those were things I bought for Cordelia's birthday later this month.

He's not going to like April's bill either because a boxed set of DVDs that I wanted suddenly dropped from $83 to $48 and because I bought him a board game for $40 and a game supplement (not generally available for sale in paper these days. I spotted one for $20 and grabbed it). Our anniversary isn't until June, but those are likely his anniversary presents.

I think he's just looking ahead and realizing that four family birthdays in May, mine, Cordelia's, and both of his parents', makes for an expensive month. Our tradition is to go out for dinner for my birthday and Cordelia's and for Mother's Day. Of course, Mother's Day is likely to be unusually because Scott's parents are back from their trip. Usually, they don't come back until after Mother's Day. (I told my mother that I wouldn't tell Scott's family she's in state so that she doesn't have to figure out a polite way to refuse a Mother's Day invitation. I think her current plan is to invite my brother to join her at the brewpub in Lawton.)

June has Scott's brother's birthday, Father's Day, and our anniversary. Father's Day is generally a big family gathering with all the guys going off to play golf, Scott and his father, our brother-in-law and his father. Sometimes our nephew goes, and sometimes he doesn't. This year, it will probably depend on his work schedule.

I need to try to get to the downtown library some time this week. A hold came in about an hour after Scott picked up the other holds, and that will expire on Saturday. I suppose that, as there aren't other holds on it, I could cancel this one and then put a new hold on the item in a day or three. That just seems unfair to the library staff, you know?

Drat, I just crashed my laptop by, as far as I can tell, putting pressure on the wrong parts while changing position (I'm in the bedroom because Cordelia was watching Arrow in the living room). I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I'm using the laptop in bed, I change position pretty frequently. Basically, I moved, the screen went black, and then about five seconds later, the laptop restarted itself. I lost half a paragraph of this entry because TextEdit hadn't had time to autosave it. I was at 75% power, so it's unlikely to have been that.

Today's appointment is PT for Cordelia and is at 5:00. Scott should be home by then. I don't know if we'll both go or if I'll stay home and let him take her.
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I'm pretty definitely not making my Camp NaNo goal. I'm about ten thousand words short, and I'm not even going to try to write that much today. Three thousand words is generally an extremely good writing day for me. The word count I'm likely to end up with is in keeping with my usual monthly word count so far this year, so I think, if the month hadn't been unusually exhausting, I'd have made my goal.

I signed up for Not Prime Time last night and discovered that requesting 'any' for characters/relationships wasn't allowed. I had two fandoms with specific character requests and four where I wanted any. I had to narrow things down. I suspect I wouldn't have bothered nominating twelve options if I'd known I could only request eight.

The FFnet troll is still at it. I'm deleting the messages unread. I'm not getting other FFnet comments at the moment, so I may just start sending everything straight to trash. That'll save me the two or three seconds that deleting takes.

Scott tried the turkey bratwurst with pork casings last night and is having some minor trouble. He's not entirely convinced that's the cause, but he's also not certain it's not. And this makes two times with trouble after pork out of two tries, so... Yeah. I foresee a lot of chicken in our future. I just hope this doesn't stretch to include problems with dairy. Things starting to get worse after seventeen years is surprising. We don't know why the change, and we don't know that it will stop.

My mother is in Michigan and apparently has been for two weeks without telling us. It's frustrating but very typical of her. I talked to her yesterday. She said she might try to get over this way some time in the next couple of weeks but that it depends on her finding a contractor who will actually show up when promised and do the work she needs done.

I have a bunch of tiny things that I want to get done but that aren't important enough for me to have given them priority any time in the last few months. None of them will take more than fifteen minutes, but they're just that bit too much for me.

Okay. Nap time.
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I’ve posted my Small Fandom Bang fic. It’s part of the House of Sulfur and Mercury arc, a divergence in which Luke comes back for Merlin himself and Merlin does his best to manipulate Luke.

Nothing False and Possible.

I’ve also posted an if-I-get-hit-by-a-bus draft of my Fandom5K story. Well, I suppose it’s more of an if-life-overwhelms-me-this-week draft because that’s actually what I expect to happen. I’m not entirely happy with the ending, and I want to find someone to look over it for SPaG and for consistency in things like capitalization and the names people use for each other, but I don’t think there’s anything truly horrible that way in there (it’s explicit darkfic, so there are plenty of intentionally horrible things in there). I’ve already had to go in and edit three times after I posted because I forgot to write a summary, to delete some notes, and to set the rating.

Maybe I ought not post when I’m low on sleep?

I’m low on sleep because I kept coughing last night. It was that sort of tickling dry cough that doesn’t do anything except make my throat feel less irritated for a second or three. I only slept at all because I discovered that, if I breathed through a bit of the sheet, I didn’t feel the urge to cough. I suspect dryness in the air as the problem because this didn’t feel like illness or allergies. I spent a lot of the night dreaming but still awake enough to be focused on the necessity of holding the sheet in just the right place even when I rolled over. I was convinced, at one point, that the cough was a curse (of the magical type) that had something to do with me not being vegan.

I’ve paid the deposit for choir camp for Cordelia. I still haven’t gotten an answer to my inquiry about accessibility and all of that, but it’s been a week, and I don’t think I’m ever going to get an answer. I really wish they gave a phone number at the school to call with questions like this. I’ve now emailed the camp directly as the pictures on their website are not encouraging and as they make absolutely no mention of accessibility/accommodation except to mention how to get wheelchair seating for the school affiliated concert hall.

I’d think that Interlochen’s camp buildings would be covered by the ADA’s accessibility requirements. The school might get out of it by saying that this is a completely voluntary thing (in spite of saying that all students are expected to attend), but I don’t know that the camp could.

Of course, Scott thinks Cordelia’s going to refuse the surgery this year at all, that she’ll only consider it when she dislocates her knee again. I think she might go for it, especially if her aunt tells her it’s a good idea. She’s said several times that, much as surgery scares her, she really, really doesn’t want to go through a dislocation again.

Scott tried some pork on Saturday. He was okay with the small amount he had for breakfast, no ill effects, but he had a larger serving in the evening and had some intestinal issues the next day. He’s inclined to put that down to the pork, but there’s a chance that he and I both had an intestinal bug of some sort (I put my Saturday issues in that direction down entirely to anxiety, but who knows?). He’s going to be very unhappy when I point out to him that the turkey bratwurst he bought Saturday have pork casings. Of course, I can’t eat them, either, and I don’t think Cordelia is likely to eat more than one or maybe two. Cooking and then freezing seems indicated.

I’m still kind of desperately hoping for good news from the hysterosonogram on Friday so that I can cancel the gynecology appointment on Wednesday morning. Not getting anything before then doesn’t necessarily mean bad news, but going into the appointment with no idea makes it vastly more stressful. I can’t think of anyone who might be available for hand holding purposes on Wednesday, either. Scott and his sister will both be working, and [personal profile] evalerie has a critical all day appointment for her youngest. Scott's parents won't be back in Michigan until next week, and it will be longer than that before my parents get to Michigan.
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I got up long enough this morning to give Cordelia her medicine and then went back to bed. I didn’t manage to sleep until after Cordelia left at 7:50. I need to remember to ask her to keep the volume low on the TV. Closing the bedroom door helps not at all. At any rate, I slept about another two hours, a bit fitfully but still two more hours.

Apart from being low on sleep and kind of stressed over everything that needs doing, I’m feeling a hell of a lot better since I stopped the Tamoxifen. As I said to my SIL yesterday, I’m not suddenly getting spikes of pain in my hands that make me scream any longer. My hands still hurt, but it’s more low level and constant which I can deal with better. The Achille’s tendon hurts a lot more, and I’m not quite sure what to do about that.

Scott was still feeling a bit icky when he got up this morning. I’ve texted him to see how he’s holding up now. I think we’ll stick with fish and poultry for him this week and then maybe try some pork when he’s got a clear weekend.

Our nephew is pretty much confirmed as an Eagle Scout. They’re waiting on the official word from National, but the review board approved him, so National is a rubber stamp. His current plan for fall is to attend the community college near us (we live about half an hour away from their family) and then transfer two Michigan State in the winter. I don’t know that him going to school a short distance away will mean us seeing him more often, but I’ve told his mother that I’d be happy to feed him lunches or whatever. I suppose I should actually talk to him about it directly.

Cordelia tried her aunt’s green bean casserole and tells us that she very much wants to have it again. I thought it was horribly bland and tasteless, but… I can make that if it’s something Cordelia will enjoy and actually eat.

Today’s primary goal is to fill out the forms for high school choir camp. The deadline for getting those forms in is Wednesday. I had thought it would be much, much later and so hadn’t even looked at what needs doing. Scott says that we can— just— afford the camp. It will entirely devour our tax refund, though. I need to call or email the teacher in charge because I have questions I need answered before I commit $470. It would suck majorly to spend the money and then find that Cordelia couldn’t go because of needing accommodations.
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I think that stopping the Tamoxifen is actually changing how I feel, physically. It's only been a few days, though, so I'm not certain that it's that.

I took the bus to PT yesterday and then a cab home. My Achille's tendon was hurting pretty badly by the time I got to the front entrance to the hospital, and I just could face ten minutes of walking from the bus stop to home.

On the way to PT, I got on the wrong bus and ended up having to go to central campus to transfer to the correct bus which added about twenty minutes to my travel time. I'd allowed an hour, so I was still there in time, but it was stressful. On the up side, going the extra long way let me hit a lot more Ingress portals. I'm not even remotely convinced that was a good trade off.

The physical therapist taped my tendon. He said the tape would stay on for days, but one of the pieces was peeling by the time I got home. I had Scott trim the parts that wouldn't stick before I went to bed last night because they were sticking to everything but me. I didn't think that having it stick to the sheets would make for comfortable sleeping. I don't think that particular bit is going to last the day.

Scott got me carryout last night from Qdoba. They'll let you pick a bunch of ingredients to wrap in a tortilla. I should have thought and not put in lettuce because, of all the ingredients, that was the one that gave me problems. I just keep forgetting that it's a risky thing because romaine lettuce seems like a ridiculous thing to cause digestive upset.

I managed to reach my father for his birthday yesterday, but I still haven't talked to my grandmother or sister for theirs. Grandma's birthday was Wednesday, and my sister's was Thursday.

I haven't managed to write anything in the last few days. I must do so today and tomorrow. I need another 2000 words to make my minimum word count for Fandom5K. I'm still trying to find a transition from one section to another, and I can't seem to find a way in. I'm also trying to figure out the next step in We Are Where We Began, but I think that I need to ignore everything but the Fandom5K story just now.

I think that part of my problem is that my brain has been foggy for days now. I can't focus enough to read even the easiest book, and everything I try to watch seems... How to put it? I can't quite understand the stories, partly because I can't focus enough to follow what's going on and partly I can't manage to care.

Scott is out doing the grocery shopping. Cordelia is in the backyard working on a science project with a friend. I might lie down again and see if I can nap now since I didn't sleep as well last night as I'd hoped (mostly due to the lettuce). When Scott gets back, we'll go to the library. I expect he'll keep up his binge watch of the new MST3K. He watched four episodes last night which was at least two more than I wanted. I'd rather watch one of the two Netflix DVDs we've got or one of the two DVDs waiting for us on the hold shelf at the library. Neither of the latter can be renewed, so I can probably insist. Cordelia wants to see both of them, too, but she says she doesn't want to see them with us.
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Getting to the hospital by bus didn't cause me too many problems in terms of pain, but getting home again was much harder. By the time I got home, I was utterly exhausted, and my Achille's tendon hurt even when I wasn't walking or standing. I iced it and did as little as possible all evening. I had intended to wash my hair, but I didn't think I could stand up long enough to manage that.

The physical therapist is male. He used the same office that the woman I saw for lymphedema did. He was perfectly willing to address both back and tendinitis, but that is apparently making bureaucratic problems that have the clerical support staff unhappy with both of us. There was a little weirdness with him telling me that all sorts of long standing diagnoses weren't in my medical record. I have no idea what was going on with that. The fibromyalgia diagnosis, for example, goes back to 1987, and I've been in this medical system since fall of 1985.

I have two calf stretches to do regularly. I tried one last night, but the tendon was hurting so much that I couldn't. The other requires setting up something I can safely stand on that's a couple of inches off the ground and positioned so that I can hold onto something for support. The PT suggested stairs but only stairs with railings on both sides. Our basement stairs don't have that. Also, he seemed to want me to get my heels down to the floor while keeping the balls of my feet on the raised surface. I don't think there're many (any?) human beings capable of doing that on a standard set of household stairs. Scott's suggestion is a stack of hardcover RPG books. They're big enough and won't, we hope, slide.

Things are still hurting. I'm pretty sure that the calf muscle is knotted badly. I'm trying to figure out a good way to massage that. The best I've been able to do is to apply pressure with my other foot. I can manage a fair amount of pressure that way, but it's kind of hard to target. Experience says that tennis balls don't work worth a damn because I can't get into a position where I can put enough pressure on one to have it be useful. I strongly suspect that getting to and from the hospital by bus will make the ultrasound treatments the PT wants to give me pointless.

I tried to call my grandmother last night to wish her a happy birthday, but the phone rang and rang and rang. She lives with my aunt and uncle and their seventeen year old granddaughter, so I'm not worried in that respect, but it seems very odd because I know they have an answering machine. I'm planning to try again in about three hours. If I still can't get an answer, I'll email my cousin who lives in the same town so that he can find out if they're having phone problems (or tell me if the number has changed).

I've promised Scott that I'll watch Agents of SHIELD with him when I'm less stressed. He really likes the series but isn't willing to watch it alone. I'm not sure why he feels that way about it given that he watches other things alone. Possibly he's just feeling off balance because I've been leaving the living room most evenings for the last few months. That's because I'm too tired to cope. I'm not sure what to do to change that.

Today's main goal is to finish that letter I started. The secondary goal is to figure out how I'm getting to and from PT tomorrow. I also need to wash my hair and to do an assortment of things to prepare for the cleaning lady's arrival. I usually do most of that last during the hour before she arrives, but I'll be at OT during that time.

I'm kind of tempted to nap instead.
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I’m now over 3000 words on my Fandom5K story. I think I’ve finished the backstory/set up. I just have to find the right transition to move forward.

The folks at oncology have told me to go ahead and stop the tamoxifen for a few weeks to see if that changes things. If it doesn’t change my pain levels, I can start it up again without hurting the course of treatment. If it does help, well, I almost certainly won’t start it up again.

We’ve firmed up plans for Easter dinner. We’re bringing a green salad and a serving of some sort of meat that I can eat. We might or might not bring something else. We’re to be there 2:00 or a little later. The hosts will get home around 12:30 and thought 2:00 was reasonable in terms of them having some time.

The library will be closed on Sunday, so we don’t have to work around that. We’ll likely go in on Saturday because there’s a hold Scott wants that expires then.

I’ve got ten minutes before I need to leave for PT. My plan is to try the bus, just to see how walking to the stop affects my tendinitis. I’m hoping it will be a minor thing because the bus is free and doesn’t require someone else carving out time to transport me. [personal profile] evalerie has expressed willingness to help as she can, but this is every day with two appointments some days.

I have off loaded some of the phone calls that relate to Cordelia onto Scott. None of them should take very long. The only complication will be if we need Cordelia to sign a release in order for the surgeon's office to tell us the procedure codes for the possible surgeries, and we want to get her to sign a release anyway so that I can call and do things like ask what time her appointments are.

I'm going to hold off on scheduling anything with orthopedics until I find out how stopping the tamoxifen affects my hands. I'd really hate to jump into unnecessary surgery. The tamoxifen didn't cause the underlying osteoarthritis, but it may be making the pain levels worse. I'm not holding my breath that it will be a magical solution, but I might get lucky.
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I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now. I’ve made the OT appointments, and they’re one a week for the next three weeks (including this one). They are, sadly, at Domino Farms, so I have limited options for getting there. I’m going to try to get my act together to see if the A-Ride does go there. My neighbor says that her mother has used it to get there, but that doesn’t mean that I can. I’m not supposed to be able to use it for anything on the Plymouth Road bus route, and someone being nasty might take the fact that the nearest stop is more than a mile away as insufficient to count the place as not being on that route. Domino Farms is right off of Plymouth Road. It’s just that the bus doesn’t go out that far.

The PT appointments are at the main hospital, and I definitely can’t use the A-Ride for getting there because the Plymouth Road bus stops right outside the main entrance. Scott will be able to get me home from two of the appointments at the hospital because they’re late enough in the day that I’ll be done around when he’d get back to town anyway.

I wrote about 1000 words last night. 940 of them were on the Fandom5K story, so I’m nearly halfway to minimum word count. My current goal is to get a bus draft as quickly as I can and then polish it as much as I have time for after I post it. Bad news about the various uterine tests would likely leave me with major problems making the deadline, depending on what treatment was recommended and how soon.

My mother emailed me this morning to let me know that her cell phone has been stolen. She mainly lost phone numbers because she’d been clinging to an ancient phone that could make calls and send texts and not do anything else at all. She’s hoping she can still avoid the smartphone trap.

Scott’s sister just called, and she can’t come to the hysterosonogram appointment with me. She can, however, take me to lunch in the 3.5 hour gap between PT and that appointment. I was mostly worried about being alone at the hospital for that time. After how I melted down before last year’s mammogram, I’m trying to make sure I have someone around in the time leading up to similar tests. (Which is why I’m so hugely grateful that [personal profile] evalerie was able to be there with me yesterday.)

My gynecologist sent me a message to say that my hormone blood tests show me as perimenopausal but not yet fully menopausal.

I really, really want a nap right now, but I think it will be Saturday before I can fit one in. Instead, I’m going to cat wax a bit by looking online for plastic storage bins that might fit under my bedside table. Amazon mostly seems to sell those in batches of six, and I only want/can use one, but having some specific names might help when going to Target or Meijer or wherever nearby.

I’m kind of hoping the Med-equip is its usual efficient self and doesn’t get back to me until some time in May. I really, really don’t have time or resources to try get out there for a c-PAP fitting and all that.
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I got most of the urgent things from my to do list done yesterday. Sadly, the remaining two are the hardest to manage. I’m just so stressed out that I can’t deal.

After our trip to the library, Scott and I went out to Kroger to replace the sausages (which did turn out to still be in the trunk of the car) and pick up almond milk and a replacement hairbrush for me. The hairbrush required an additional stop, at the Rite Aid across the street, and I’m not happy with what we ended up with. The only thing we could find with bristles stiff enough and close enough together to be useful was $10 (wooden handle, extra stiff fake boar bristles) and hurts a bit when the bristles get to my skin.

Maybe my missing hairbrush will turn up now that we’ve bought a replacement. I hope so, anyway.

We went to Barnes & Noble last night. Cordelia got a book by Marie Lu. I got three books that I’ve read before but think I’m likely to reread. Scott was surprised that I bought anything because I usually don’t, but I’m hugely stressed out and have been for days. I needed something nice.

I wrote about 230 words on the Fandom5K story last night and had Scott take a look at what I’ve written. This bit is suffering from me trying to cover a lot of time very rapidly, and I think the bridging sections are weak/dull. I have, however, figured out what I need to write next. Well, I have two options for it. One makes more logistical sense for the characters, but the other would be a stronger emotional punch for readers. Maybe both? There’s no reason it couldn’t be both except that it will take time/space. I’m a long way from being able to put in the stuff that my recipient really wants. I need to build an AU in order to make it all make sense. The 5000 word length is actually part of the problem. With a lower word count, I’d just throw readers in and expect them to figure out what was going on. With 5000 words as the minimum, putting in the backstory makes sense. I just… kind of want to write a novel, and I don’t have time.

I slept badly last night because I was stressed out (I took an Ativan before bed because I expected anxiety to keep me awake) and because of temperature issues. We had the ceiling fan going. I was too warm with the sheet over me and too chilly without it. Ah, well. It did give me time to think about my story.

Today, I’ll finally be seeing my gynecologist about the occasional bleeding I’ve had since the beginning of the year. I’m pretty anxious about it because she wanted to get me in in less than a week after I told her what was going on but the scheduled didn’t work, so it’s been a month. It’s likely that I’ve got either fibroids or polyps. Even if I don’t, they’ll have to take a look at the interior of my uterus anyway which will not be fun at all. My guess is that that will require a referral and an additional appointment or three. I just hope that it can be done quickly so that I can stop stressing out over it.

I need to figure out what we can take to the family Easter gathering. As usual, Scott’s sister’s in-laws will host. Scott’s parents are in Florida. Scott, Cordelia, and I are kind of tacked onto the gathering for Scott’s sister’s in-laws. They’re very nice to us and accommodating of our dietary restrictions. I just never quite feel comfortable.

Bread is possible and a vegetable or a green salad, but someone else usually does that. Scott’s sister is making GF green bean casserole and some sort of dessert fruit salad. Her MIL will make ham and a bit of chicken (I can’t eat ham, generally). Her SIL will bring something, too, but hasn’t said what. There will probably be other relatives there who will also contribute food.

I have a library book due next weekend that can’t be renewed. I’ve been putting off picking it up because it’s heavy enough that I can’t possibly hold it at the right distance to read it. I’ll figure something out, though. I’ve also got two books due this weekend that can be renewed but that I’ve already renewed several times. I’m likely to have a lot of waiting room time this week, so maybe I could work on those during those times. One of the books is a paperback, so I probably can hold it to read. The other is a hardcover but not terribly thick. I’m still less sure I can hold it for more than a few minutes at a time.
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I think maybe my back is starting to get better. I really hope that that’s the case because this pain thing sucks.

My right hand, however, is getting worse. I had to ask Scott to help me brush my hair this morning, and there have been days when I couldn’t floss. The giant braces might help the hair brushing problem, but they also might not because they make gripping and turning things the way I need to too difficult. I mentioned maybe chopping my hair, and Scott thought it might help, but I’m not sure it would because most of the knots I wake up with are high up on my head. I think I’d have to get my head shaved to avoid them.

I also don’t want to do something as radical as chopping off my hair until I know whether or not the problem is as simple to solve as stopping the Tamoxifen. I need to talk to my doctors about that. I’m not sure if it’s something I can stop for a while to see if the pain problems get better and go back to if the pain doesn’t improve. At this point, I’m pretty certain that the Tamoxifen is not worthwhile if it’s giving me this much pain— Five years of taking it will decrease my risk of recurrence by 4%, and the oncologist said that even a year would decrease the risk a bit. I’ve been taking the stuff since December of 2015.

4% is not worth five years of pain. (The baseline risk for me is 10%.)

I need to get Scott to empty the clean dishes out of the bottom rack of the dishwasher (I did most of the top) and to put away the things that require bending. I need him to bring the clean laundry and the clean sheets upstairs. I also asked him two days ago to look for something in the basement (I have a reacher/grabber thing that will let me pick up some things without bending. I’m 90% sure it fell down the basement stairs a few months back, so it’s down there somewhere).

Today is one of the days of the year when going to downtown or campus is decidedly unwise. It’s the Hash Bash, and there will be thousands of people wandering around (and taking up the parking spaces).

Scott’s very conservative aunt just friended me on Facebook. Ah, well, if she hadn’t realized that I’m a flaming liberal, she wasn’t paying attention. And it’s not like I post much. One surprise is that one of my aunts has turned out to be a lot more liberal than I thought she was— She’s reblogging Bernie Sanders stuff. I mean 80% of what she posts is cute dog pictures and pleas for people to adopt/sponsor dogs, but there is some political stuff, all things I can get on board with.

Today’s goal is to finish and return a graphic novel that’s due today and can’t be renewed. Then I work on the Korean DVD that’s due tomorrow and can’t be renewed. Then I write. I would like to watch some things with Scott in the living room, but I still can’t sit there for more than about fifteen minutes at a time without my back feeling worse so not today.

I talked to Scott’s mother yesterday and to my step-father. My mother was in Florida through some time yesterday in order to sell her father’s house, so I didn’t actually talk to her. My step-father says she’ll only be in Michigan for a week in April. I’d been under the impression that it would be much longer than that. I guess I can’t count on seeing her. Pity she’s not up here this week. Both of them will come north some time in May, after my step-father’s semester ends.

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