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Cordelia spent last night with her best friend, a sleepover. They went to a movie at Top of the Park (outdoor showing), so they were out quite late. I think they saw Hidden Figures. The girls are eager to go to more of these movies. The main difficulty is getting them home afterward. I don't think the buses run that late, and Scott can't stay up for that. I doubt the other girl's parents can either.

My psychiatrist says I should use Ativan every night for a while in the hope that that will get me used to the c-PAP. We discussed Lunesta as an option as well, but I wasn't keen on it because new medications that sedate me can send my anxiety through the roof. Lunesta might not since it's supposed to make a person fall asleep really, really fast, but... I thought trying Ativan first was wiser.

She also wants me to practice taking the gear off and putting it back on in as close to night time darkness as I can manage in the hope that that will help the anxiety caused by feeling less able to respond to an emergency. (What sort of emergency, I can't imagine. The anxiety portions of my brain are simply adamant that I must be prepared for emergencies at all times. All possible emergencies rather than anything specific.) There's a reason that, when I startle awake, including with an alarm, I wake pretty completely and can function immediately, no matter how tired I am. That ability to function fades as the day goes on.

I took an Ativan last night and used the c-PAP until Scott's alarm at 5 a.m. I slept without it after that until about 8:30 when Cordelia texted me with a question. That's two hours longer than I'd have slept on a school night. I'm still tired, but I'm able to function. Maybe this will work.

I'm starting to get a headache now, so I'm going to lie down for a while.
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I have my music files back. It took a lot of time to get them to my laptop and still longer to figure out how to get iTunes to see them. I still don't have my playlists, and I'm kind of exhausted at the prospect of trying to rebuild them.

I've written about 900 words in the last twenty four hours. I started writing about 10:30 last night (when I needed to be in bed at 11:00). I'm not sure why the words tend to start flowing then. I've written more this morning, but I kind of desperately need more sleep, so I don't know how much more I'll write before I do that. All of the words are on the Not Prime Time story, so that's now over the minimum word count.

I had a headache all night, not bad enough to get up and do something about it but bad enough to be aware of it when I moved. My morning tea and breakfast seem to have either killed it or pushed it below the threshold of awareness.

Scott has purchased some motion sensitive night lights. He put one up just outside our bedroom because he's worried that we'll get hurt when we get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I hate the damned thing already. He's got it right at my eye level which would also be Cordelia's eye level. That means that, when it comes on, it's a bright flash right in my eyes. I'm sure that problem never occurred to Scott because he's a foot taller than we are. The time I'm in the bathroom is just long enough for it to turn itself off, so it's another startling, painful flash of brightness when I head back to the bedroom.

We've lived here for more than twenty years, and I've never had problems going from bed to the bathroom in the dark, so I feel like Scott's bought a technological solution to a non-existent problem.

Scott and Cordelia both liked Wonder Woman, generally speaking. They didn't have any specifics that they didn't like, but they also didn't have specifics that they out and out loved.

This week is going to be sporadically busy. Tomorrow afternoon, I have a mammogram and an appointment with radiation oncology. My SIL is coming with me. Last year was so horribly stressful that I thought I'd better have company. I don't expect any problems, but... Wednesday evening is our biweekly game night. Thursday, Cordelia's eighth grade graduation is in the morning. My parents are coming for that. In the evening, there's a picnic for all of the eighth grade families. I think there's enough space in there for me not to end up brain fried. I hope so anyway.
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Our nephew has graduated. There were more than four hundred kids in his class, so it took a long time for them all to cross the stage. As we were driving away after, I asked if anyone had seen a single student who wasn't white. Cordelia said she saw one and that she was glad she wasn't the only one who noticed.

The EMU Convocation Center was not a pleasant place. The seats were painfully small, and so were the rows. I could barely stand by the end. The pain levels were high. Also, everything was so very steep that I was surprised that nobody died. The backs of the seats for each row were about even with the floor of the row behind. I'm not normally afraid of heights, but I was scared to death that I would fall because I was not feeling particularly steady to begin with. Scott's parents had saved us seats in the middle of the row, so we had to squeeze past people to get there. The stairs (I have no idea if there was any seating accessible without stairs) had railings in some spots but also had gaps in the railing of two to three feet at a time which combined very badly with the steepness on the way down after the ceremony.

I was so exhausted that I almost didn't make it to our car. There wasn't any option for me to sit somewhere and wait for Scott to bring the car by, though. I ended up leaning pretty heavily on Scott, and he kept trying to find somewhere for me to wait. There just wasn't anywhere.

I took Ativan a couple of hours before the ceremony. I shudder to think how I'd have felt without it. I fiddled with my cell phone and leaned on Scott and Cordelia in turn in order to deal with the anxiety. I did a bit of holding onto Scott as tightly as I could, too.

My gastroenterology appointment was relatively quick, once the doctor was free to see me. She was a little more than half an hour behind, but all we needed to do was to check in that nothing major had changed and that the medications were still working. Then I made an appointment for June of 2018, and that was that. Scott was able to pick me up which was a relief. I wasn't entirely sure I'd make it up the hill if I took the bus home.

I spent a large chunk of today in bed. I had a migraine that took forever to go away, even with medication, and I've been sneezing a lot with both a runny nose and sinus pressure. I'm not having dinner tonight because we have nothing in the house that won't make me sick (well, nothing that could be prepared in the time we had), one way or the other. I'm not pleased about this. It's now past when I can safely eat anything beyond air popped popcorn (which we don't have) or vanilla ice cream (which I can't have when my allergies are this active).
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I woke with a headache this morning. It actually started before Scott's alarm. Food and caffeine helped a little. The next step is medication and, if I can manage it, a nap.

Scott worked late last night. He said that money will cover the new power supply for my laptop. Cordelia had her last training for volunteering at the science center camps. Apparently the adults doing the training pretended to be campers so that the trainees could practice. Cordelia said, "I guess they couldn't afford real children."

Mostly, I spent a lot of time yesterday watching Murder She Wrote episodes so that I could return that DVD set to the library. I also cat waxed more than a little. I intended to try to nap, but every time I felt like maybe I could, I looked at the clock and realized that I actually couldn't. Hopefully, today, I'll manage to lie down by 9:00 or 9:30.

I have a load of laundry in the dryer right now, and it's trash day. Apart from that, I don't have anything that absolutely has to be dealt with. Maybe I'll empty the wastebaskets before I nap. That will only take about five minutes as there are four wastebaskets, none of them heavy or hard to get to.

With a little luck, I'll manage to write later today. I'm still searching for a first sentence for my NPT story. Maybe I should pick a POV character first?
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I’m feeling really really terrible right now. I don’t know if it’s some sort of post-stress thing or if the fact that I won’t have results from yesterday’s test until Monday at the earliest is smacking me hard. I woke with a headache that started heading very definitely migraine-ward with nausea and a desire for complete silence.

I took a cab to PT, and that meant that I really didn’t have much pain until I was walking back out of the hospital. I guess that from the entrance of the hospital back to the PT office is the distance I can walk without setting things off. The therapist taped things again, but that only held until evening before friction between my leg and the couch rolled the tape beyond remedy.

Scott’s sister picked me up about twenty minutes after my appointment, and we went to the Syrian place for lunch. They didn’t have the cauliflower salad that I love. The woman behind the counter said that it’s because cauliflower is too expensive just now, about $5 a head. She said she tries to buy local, from the Farmer’s Market. She said that a head of cauliflower makes about 1/2 pound of salad, so that she’d have to charge about $20 a pound.

I drank forty ounces of water between when Scott’s sister dropped me back at the hospital and when they called me back for my scan. I met [personal profile] evalerie upstairs about twenty minutes before the appointment, and we headed downstairs into the maze of corridors. The signage was adequate, so we didn't quite get lost, but my heel was hurting a lot by the time we made it to the right clinic.

I didn't feel like my bladder was full when they called me back, but apparently it was full enough because the technician said everything was good. The entire procedure took an hour because there were three different scans. The second and third would only work if my bladder was empty which, well, forty ounces of water. The third bit was a two person job with a physician doing part of it. That was painful, not beyond bearing but unpleasant.

They didn't tell me anything about what the scans showed, just said they'd send the results to my doctor and that they should be there by my appointment on Wednesday. I'm not happy about this because the doctor saw the scans. Technicians aren't allowed to say anything at all about what they see even if they know what they're seeing, but doctors are. I really don't want to wait until Wednesday.

In the evening, I got a message from the patient portal that test results were in. I was pretty cranky when I discovered that it was the completely unsurprising negative result on the mandatory pregnancy test they had me pee in a cup for before the third scan.

The appointment running so long meant that [personal profile] evalerie would be cutting things uncomfortably close if she tried to take me home before going to pick up her youngest. I ended up waiting about half an hour for Scott instead. That wasn't a big deal except that my phone was nearly out of charge. I was really angry when I realized that the dratted thing was downloading app updates when it had a 20% charge. It wouldn't let me stop the updates, either. By the time Scott arrived, I was at 10% and the phone was complaining about everything I did with it (just texts to Scott to tell him where I was, texts from Scott to let me know when he'd arrive, and an occasional check of the time). I had turned off the wifi connection to prevent it from starting any other downloads or from using charge maintaining the connection.

Scott wanted to go to the local March for Science, but what with things that have to be done and me feeling really, really terrible, there was no way to make it work. The Ann Arbor march started almost an hour ago. There's a march in Ypsilanti at 3:00, but I kind of suspect he won't make it to that, either.
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Scott picked up sushi from Totoro for me and Cordelia last night. Apparently, they have three or four types of California rolls. The regular and the spicy both have cucumber which makes me sick. I need the 'special California roll' which is just avocado and crab salad. I had one of those and a vegetable roll containing cooked zucchini, asparagus, and sweet potato. I think there was tempura on the zucchini.

My back is definitely still messed up, but I can sit on the couch for a while now, and getting up and sitting down is no longer horrifically painful. It was at the point before, where my body would just stop and refuse to go further.

I didn’t finish either the graphic novel due yesterday (I’m going to pay the fine. It seemed silly to ask Scott to make a trip out just to avoid a twenty five cent fine) or the DVD due today. For the graphic novel, it’s a combination of not being able to comfortably read it without my reading glasses on and it being a superhero comic. I bounce off almost all superhero comics. I think what I really want is for someone else to read this one and give me a detailed synopsis.

I wrote 2200 words yesterday. It was all on chapter nine of We Are Where We Began, so I’m a little annoyed with myself about that because I really, really need to work on my Fandom5K story. That has a due date, and I’m past the no penalty default date. I’ve got a blobby shape of a story in my head and really need to write to find the actual shape of the thing.

I spent most of yesterday in bed even though I wasn’t hurting as badly as I had been. I discovered that lying on my right side makes my back worse but that lying on my left side is relatively neutral in that regard. Sadly, lying on my left side hurts my neck more, but a low grade headache is better than the back pain.

Today, we’ve got errands to run. I need to be along for one of them, the one that will take the most time, so I think I’m stuck with all of them. Cordelia and her friends want a copy of From Up on Poppy Hill for Friday, but all of the library’s copies are checked out. One is due tomorrow, so it might come back in time. I wonder if I can persuade Cordelia to take the bus downtown to pick it up on her own? It’s spring break, so she has plenty of time.
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I started packing for my sleep clinic overnight tonight. Then the clinic called to ask if I could reschedule to Monday night and to a different location. I could, but it was sheer chance that it was possible. That is, if Scott weren’t on vacation all next week, it wouldn’t work at all. I’m hoping that the delay will give my back time to recover.

Expo was kind of tiring. I expected that, but I’d hoped there’d be ways of making it less so. Getting up and down the stairs was the hardest part. I wasn’t actually able to hear what Cordelia and the other two kids in her group were saying because there was a large table in the way of me getting closer and people in all the gaps where I might have gone around it.

The group had the battery they’d designed right next to their display about the Japanese internment during WWII. The bits of the presentation I heard didn’t go into the kind of depth that I’d expected. (I think my expectations were skewed by my having done a huge research paper on the topic during high school.) The kids didn’t address the fact that some of the internees weren’t US citizens and that that was because they weren’t allowed to naturalize. They didn’t talk about the internees losing all of their property or about several other things. I’m not sure if that’s because they had limited time or because they didn’t find that information.

On May 10th, the eighth graders will be visiting the high schools they expect to attend for about three hours of tours and what to expect talks. I can tell that I’m still cranky. I was irritated by the fact that the message about specifically mentions buses provided for the return trip but doesn’t say how the kids will get to the high schools. I’m also not happy that the plan is to have the kids eat lunch before they leave the school at 10:50 when their normal lunch period starts at 12:25. Cordelia’s usually very hungry by the time she gets home at 3:15, so I don’t much like adding an hour and a half to the time between opportunities to eat.

Scott had his annual check up today. He also has osteoarthritis in his hand. Right now, it’s only giving him trouble when he bumps it, but we’re not counting on that lasting.

I’m having persistent headache problems from spending so much time in bed. I thinks it’s part anxiety and part positional. It gets better when I sit or stand, but that makes my back worse.

iCal is still giving me problems. It crashes when I edit events. It eats events. Right now, it’s refusing to display any events at all and won’t let me click on anything or otherwise add events. I’ve quit and restarted the program twice. Restarting my entire laptop is the next option. Beyond that, I’ve lost a ton of information, some of it hard to replace.

ETA: Restarting worked. I'm just frustrated to have to do it so often.
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I have been exhausted and headachy all day. I lay down from about 9:30 until about 11:30, but I didn’t manage to sleep. Right now, I’m drinking a cherry coke and sitting in bed with the lights very dim and a shoulder throw electric blanket (borrowed from Cordelia) on the back of my neck and across my shoulders. The prolonged, very focused heat is helping a lot. I think that I might actually be able to sleep now, but I would like to manage to stay awake and get things done.

Scott is currently out, taking Cordelia and her best friend off for their weekly gathering of friends. The movie of the week is Ponyo.

I think Scott’s disappointed that I wasn’t awake and doing things with him all day while Cordelia was at school and probably won’t be this evening while she’s out. We almost never get time alone in the house. Of course, from my point of view, Friday is the absolute worst day for anything requiring being able to think or being able to deal with noise or bright lights or… yeah.

I’m kind of terrified that this may be a long term thing and get worse next year due to Cordelia needing to get up before Scott leaves for work. Getting up with Cordelia wouldn’t be such a big deal if it was even occasionally feasible to nap later in the day or to go to bed at 8:00 or 9:00.
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Tuesday evening, I added about 600 words to my Small Fandom Big Bang story while editing. I may end up adding more because there’s at least one bit left that I need to expand.

I had reflux issues last night when I went to bed. I’m pretty sure that they were largely anxiety related. Sadly, I didn’t twig to that until after I had taken antacids, so I had to wait to take an Ativan. Once I did, I was able to sleep, but I lost two or three hours, so I’m pretty wiped out. It also means I woke with a headache that took hours to get rid of. That took both Amerge and metapropronol (sp?).

At this point, I’m on the verge of falling asleep, and I’m not sure I can stay up long enough to get dinner. It’s only 5:30.
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I slept soundly from a little after 11:00 last night until about 4:30 this morning. I didn’t sleep at all after that. I don’t currently have a headache. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the dratted thing stays gone.

Cordelia is doing okay at school in terms of getting around with her crutches. I think there’s less stuff that she goes downstairs for this year than there was last year, and they’re not doing any classes in the basement any more. Tomorrow is a half day, so I’m going to have to remember to set my alarm to tell me to go pick her up very early. Thursday, I have an oncology appointment at 1:00.

Before Cordelia’s injury, I wasn’t worried about getting back before school ended because our cleaning lady will be here then. Now, though… If I see the nurse on time, I should easily be home in time, but if they’re running very late, it gets tight. Normally, Cordelia stays at school until about 3:45 on Thursdays for the GSA meeting, but that meeting gets canceled sometimes with no warning, so I want to be home by the time school ends at 3:03. If I’m done at oncology by 2:30, I can probably make it. If I’d known last Thursday that Cordelia would need help getting home, I’d have talked to our cleaning lady and asked if she was willing to do it if I wasn’t home in time. At this point, I could call her and try to explain over the phone, but English isn’t her first language, so that’s challenging for something complicated. I could leave her a note, but leaving a note wouldn’t give her a chance to say no.

Scott has come down with the cold Cordelia and I had (and still kind of have).

I poked at the Zenni Optical website last night. I measured the frames of my current glasses according to the instructions and discovered that I’m either doing it wrong or have a really weird head. The frame width on my old pair is 125 mm (I measured four times and had Scott check that I wasn’t miscounting). The website considers that to be a child’s size. I can’t find anything at all that matches the measurements I got from my old pair, not even approximately. If one dimension matches, others don’t. There aren’t any instructions I can find for measuring one’s head to figure out sizing. I’ve never had problems finding frames that fit when shopping in person.

Yesterday, I did three loads of laundry, baked a cake for Scott, did the dishes, took out some of the trash, and cleaned out my two dresser drawers and the floor of my closet.

I have one overstuffed trash bag of things that I think are still wearable and therefore worth donating. I have one trash bag about 1/4 full of things that aren’t worth donating for resale. I know that most of the places around here sell such stuff by the ton to companies that do… something with it.

I haven’t done much weeding of what’s hanging in my closet yet. I might get to that today, and I might not. The closet is packed, and it’s going to be challenging. I have a lot of dresses that are cotton knit and that are too worn at the seams for me to wear them in public without feeling self-conscious (most of the wear, I doubt anyone but me would notice). The dresses are 1X petites, long sleeved mock-turtlenecks, with elastic waists and A-line skirts that go down to mid-calf on me (I’m 5’2"). There’s a lot of fabric in each that’s still in excellent condition, some of it in big pieces, but it’s only going to be useful to someone who sews and who can make something else out of it or take it in to be worn by someone smaller than I am. I’m wondering if I should try the local freecycle list or something similar.

I haven’t really worn dresses since the cancer diagnosis in 2015. I couldn’t wear them immediately post lumpectomy and didn’t want to deal with them during radiation. Once I started the Tamoxifen, I couldn’t deal with clothing that heavy/warm. I haven’t worn anything long sleeved since December 2015. No, I take that back. There was one afternoon I felt chilly and wore a cardigan. (After Cordelia’s concert, Scott’s mother kept trying to get me to zip up my coat before we went outside. She didn’t say it directly but kept talking about how very cold it was out there. If I’d zipped up my coat, I’d have melted by the time we got to their car. I finally realized that I needed to explain that.)

I’m trying to decide how much to keep and how much to get rid of in terms of the things I’m not going to wear while taking Tamoxifen but will wear again after. I’ve got almost four years of Tamoxifen left, and that’s a long time to keep things, but, you know, cotton turtlenecks aren’t going to spoil or anything if I store them for a while. Buying replacements would be expensive.

At any rate, my first priority today is changing the sheets (that became urgent this morning). The second is the rest of the trash. Then I must make about three phone calls (well, ideally, I’ll intersperse the calls with other things). After that, I’ll consider my closet.
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I got Cordelia to school. Her best friend who’ll be helping her get around arrived just as we did, so I was able to leave promptly.

My left Achille’s tendon is not happy about the walking, but it’s not as bad as I feared it would be. I suppose I’ll see how things are after I bring her home. I walked the long way home (three blocks as opposed to a block and a half) and probably shouldn’t have, but it felt good to be outside in the cool air. I’m pretty overheated at the moment and have the ceiling fan going in the living room. It’s about 45F outside, but I couldn’t handle wearing my jacket on the trip home. My arms got a bit cold, but my torso was way, way overheated.

I had a headache all day yesterday and woke up with it still there. It’s retreated a bit right now. I’m not sure what to do about it. More sleep would probably help, but experience says that, if I lie down, I won’t end up sleeping because I’m too stressed out. Maybe Ativan and then trying to nap? My psychiatrist has told me that, once in a while, I can use Ativan to help me sleep, and I haven’t taken any in about a week.

Let’s see— I need to do laundry today, two loads of our stuff and a load of Cordelia’s. I would like to change our sheets, but I may not get to that until Wednesday (Tuesday is trash day). Showering would also be nice but probably will have to wait until Cordelia’s home.

I’m doing better on my daily word count than I thought I was, about 580 words per day. I’d like to do better, but I have to keep reminding myself that this is way more than I normally have done. I haven’t started writing that pinch hit yet because I need some headache free time to figure out which prompt I’m going with. There are three that I’m seriously considering and four or five more that I actually could do with a little more work. I need to decide, but I don’t actually want to decide.
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Cordelia slept in her own bed last night. She’s not up yet, though, so I’m a little worried that she’ll have trouble getting out of bed even though she practiced a couple of times yesterday. She did get to do a little bit with the laser tag party. They apparently set her up as a sniper. Cordelia was able to sit in the front seat of the car which is a big deal, too.

I didn’t have a headache yesterday but do today. I think this is a separate thing from the headache Thursday and Friday because my period seems to be starting up. (Only time will tell if this is real or another occasion where it will go for an hour or two and stop.)

Scott went to a couple of places while Cordelia was at the party to see if he could find a bedside table for me and/or a chair for Cordelia to use at her desk. The current chair is quite large for the space, and Scott is hoping that a chair with a smaller footprint would make banging her knee again less likely. Sadly, he didn’t find anything he thought would work.

Scott’s currently cooking turkey bacon. We’re buying that rather than regular bacon because Cordelia likes chewy bacon rather than crisp. Turkey bacon is pretty much always chewy. It doesn’t taste at all the same, but it’s pretty good as its own thing. Turkey bacon does not work well for making bacon wrapped dates because those need more fat. I had some luck with adding butter when I experimented with using turkey bacon last Christmas, but I think it needed rather more butter than I put in.

Scott has made a Kung Fu Panda vid. I will link to it when he posts it. It’s his first vid ever, and he had a lot of fun making it. He’s been wanting to vid for many years but never got to the point of trying it before. I suspect he’ll end up making more.

Where are the best places to post vids?
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Well, yesterday was eaten by headache (which I still have). By the time Scott got home, I was hiding in the bedroom with all the lights off. I could still use my laptop which is kind of weird. I tried Amerge, Tylenol, Mucinex (in case it was just sinus pressure), and finally naproxen. The only one that helped at all was the naproxen, and that didn’t quite kill the headache.

I also tried caffeine a couple of times, and Scott picked me up a hamburger on his way home in case that might do something. There hasn’t been any nausea, so I don’t think it’s a migraine. Cold packs and heat both help some but only while I’ve got them in place.

I tried to nap, but my head hurt too much, and I was too wound up to sleep. I also really couldn’t make the effort after 1:00 because of the cleaning lady coming.

I really don’t want to lose today to this damned headache, too, but I’m not sure there’s anything I can actually do to get rid of it. I’m thinking that, after Cordelia leaves for school, I might try a very hot bath and see if that does anything.
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I picked up another pinch hit. I haven’t found a starting point for the story yet because I’m still at the point of looking at the prompts and going, "Ooh! I could do that one! Or that one! Or—!"

I wrote about 1200 words yesterday. It was terribly self-indulgent— probably drawerfic. I might mine some of the plot ideas/set up for other things, though.

My voice is starting to come back which is a relief. It’s kind of erratic at the moment, so I’m trying not to strain it with long conversations.

I woke today with a headache (which I had had when I went to bed). I hoped that caffeine would help but no joy on that front. I tried Tylenol yesterday. Maybe more sleep would help, but it’s Thursday which means I’ve got a lot I need to get done in the next few hours. At the very least, I need to feed myself and deal with the dishes. I think there’re too many dishes to fit in the dishwasher all at once, so I need to load the thing, run it, empty it, and load it again.

In terms of library things that can’t be renewed, I have one DVD and two books. If I didn’t have the headache, I’d say that those wouldn’t be a problem, but… Well, headache.
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I’ve been sick and exhausted, complete with headaches, all week which has not helped me do the things that really, really need doing but that aren’t survival things. I need to make an appointment with my primary care doctor. I need to write a letter to the school and to call them and complain loudly to the school counselor about broken promises.

I’ve been putting 90% of my energy into laundry. We’ve got a minor parasite infestation that required medication followed by washing all bedding every single day through tomorrow. That has meant a minimum of three loads most days and generally five or six loads most days. Plus, I’ve had to strip and remake the beds each day.

That would be hard enough if I were getting enough sleep, but I haven’t been. I got more sleep last night, about seven hours, but I really need a night when I can get ten to twelve hours or, at the very least, manage to nap for several hours. Monday, I couldn’t nap because Cordelia was home. Yesterday and today, I was too wound up about the time required for the chores that need doing to be able to sleep at all. I skipped my usual black tea when I got up with Cordelia in the hope that that would help, and it didn’t at all.

I think Scott doesn’t realize that I can’t go to sleep early because he will rouse me to full alertness half a dozen times as he gets ready for bed over the course of an hour to an hour and a half. Maybe I should try Ativan to see if that lets me stop being quite so hypervigilant? Some part of my brain insists that, if there are other people in the house, I need to be aware of what they’re doing in case something goes wrong. If Scott drops something or anything happens to prompt him to make an exasperated noise, I’m fully awake because it might be something I need to help with. And if Cordelia drops her water bottle or gets up to use the bathroom… Yeah.

I have the edges of a cold. I’m not sure if it’s going to completely grab hold or if I can still evade it. My suspicion is that the amount of sleep I get will be a big factor there, and we’re having friends over this evening. I really, really want to see someone who isn’t family, but I also kind of want to crash early.

But crashing early won’t work unless I can get Scott and Cordelia to do it, too, so, really, I might as well spend the time with friends.

We got sushi from Totoro for dinner last night. I ended up having unexpected issues with it. They haven’t previously put cucumber in their California rolls, but they did this time. (I know that most places use cucumber in California rolls; it’s just that Totoro hasn’t previously.) I was stupid and ate some anyway, and I really, really shouldn’t have. Cucumber doesn’t seem like it ought to be something that would give me reflux issues, but it does, and I always forget that it does because I avoid it due to not liking how it tastes.

Under certain circumstances, I can get reflux from lettuce (all types). That seems to be mitigated by eating more of other things than I do lettuce but is more likely to happen if I don’t use dressing than if I do, so it’s not an issue with fat in the dressing.

Hm. It’s 1:15. I need to put the fitted sheet on our bed. I need to get myself lunch. I will need to change over the laundry in about ten minutes. I can only manage one of the three at a time and will need twenty to thirty minutes to rest between. I want the bed made as soon as possible (partly so that I have the option of lying down and partly so that I have an empty laundry basket that I can use for Cordelia’s bedding). I need the laundry to be entirely finished by 6:00 so that there’s time to make Cordelia’s bed before company arrives. But it’s been six hours since I last ate, so that’s high priority, too, especially since there are meds I take with lunch.
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I should have taken Ativan at bedtime last night. I new this morning was going to be stressful, so I should have done that. I woke with a headache that has gotten steadily worse over the course of the last two hours. I think the next step is to take an Amerge and lie down with either a hot pack or a cold pack. Maybe I can listen to an audiobook or something.

There are a few things I absolutely need to get done in the next five hours. I’m dithering about whether to try to do them now or to lie down and just set an alarm for enough before 2:00 that I’ll have time for it all. Maybe I should do the two things that take less than a minute each and then decide about the other things. I’d like my phone to charge before I lie down, and it’s only at 50% right now.

I wrote about 1100 words yesterday. I think it might be a very, very short but complete chapter of We Are Where We Began, but I’m not 100% sure yet. I need my brain to work again first.

There was something else I was going to write about, but I can’t for the life of me remember. Maybe it’ll come to me later today.
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I woke this morning with a headache. I think it’s gone now, after a meal and some tea, but it wasn’t fun. I’ve been sneezing off and on all morning, and it’s now more on than off. I wish I could figure out what was going on with that. It does mean that I’m not even going to attempt to nap this morning.

Scott will be working Saturday, not Sunday. I’m not sure why I read his text as saying 'Sunday' because it quite clearly says ’Saturday.' Right now, it’s scheduled as a 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. day, and we’re hopeful that it will stay that way. Cordelia is having friends over this evening, and it would be beyond inconvenient if Scott needed to go to bed at 8:00 given that they like to stay past 10:00.

We all survived the concert. Scott’s parents and I left after Cordelia’s school performed, so we were only there about half an hour after the music began. Students weren’t supposed to leave until after the entire thing was over, so Scott stayed.

The main floor of the auditorium was reserved for the students and teachers. There are two upper levels, the mezzanine and the balcony. I went to the balcony, the third floor, to find four seats together for us while Scott was looking for parking. I suspected that the mezzanine, being lower down, would fill faster, and when I got to the third floor, there were only a scattering of people. The balcony filled to about 3/4 full by the time the event started, so I think getting there early was a good idea.

The balcony is extremely steep and decidedly not a good place for someone with vertigo. I don’t have that, and I still felt a bit like it would be extraordinarily easy to fall (in spite of sitting halfway up). The seats are high backs, higher than the top of my head (I’m 5’2"). There wasn’t a lot of leg room at all.

I spent a lot of time looking at the ceiling in an effort to pretend that I wasn’t surrounded by people. This kind of underlines for me why I don’t tend to go to plays or concerts even though Ann Arbor has many opportunities for each. I had taken an Ativan, but I still felt trapped and tense and not at all happy to be there. Leaving was an immense relief.

They brought the house lights up in between each performance so that the kids could safely get off and on the stage. The two intermissions we saw were about five minutes long, quite enough time for leaving or for finding a seat.

Cordelia’s school went second. The school that went first was the one she would have attended if we hadn’t kept her at her current school. The Clague orchestra quite filled the stage and sounded pretty good (I’m sure that, if I knew anything about this sort of music, I’d find nits to pick, but I don’t, so I didn’t).

Cordelia’s school was second and performed with the orchestra from the other small middle school in the district, and together, they had between half as many and two thirds as many kids as Clague had. They played two pieces. I think the first one was a poor choice because it sounded… weak? Maybe that’s the right word. The sound wasn’t enough to fill the performance space or to make us feel drawn into a smaller space. I felt that the second piece worked better for the space.

Both schools had guests from their school bands, a handful of brasses and woodwinds and a drummer or two. Oddly, one of the pieces that Clague played was on the program later by one of the high schools. I couldn’t help wondering who thought that was a good idea. There were five schools in between, but it’s still comparing a middle school orchestra to a high school orchestra.

My goals for today are a bit of cooking, some laundry, and answering or deleting a lot of email. There’s a library book I would really like to finish (and I think I can) and some library DVDs I’d like to get through (unlikely). I think, though, I might start with a shower and see if that helps the sneezing any. Sometimes, it does.
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I ended up not making it to the Skyline open house/presentation last night. Scott and Cordelia went, but by the time we got through the appointment beforehand, my migraine was back and fairly nasty. I had nausea and photosensitivity more than pain. I didn’t want to take an Amerge because I only have one left and am likely to need it desperately tomorrow.

I thought I had a refill left on the Amerge, but Kroger says I don’t. I’ve sent a message to my doctor asking for a renewal, but I haven’t heard back yet. It could be days.

We got dinner at Plum Market’s buffet, and while I was trying to eat, I realized that I was too done in to be able to manage the open house. Scott tells me that it’s just as well— There are a lot of stairs in the building, and I’d have had a very hard time with them.

The nutritionist didn’t actually try to give me any nutritional advice. She recognized that I’m just barely keeping my head above water to be able to function at all. She made some other suggestions that I’m going to explore, but all of them require various doctors to help me out. Seeing an occupational therapist about my hands might or might not help, but I need something. She had the same sort of tendinitis that I do for a while and was majorly helped by a removable fiberglass walking cast. I’m not sure that that could hurt, and it might let me walk for exercise again. Medical marijuana might well help me, but I’m not sure that I fit into one of the legally approved categories under state law, and, unless my psychiatrist is willing to consider it, I don’t think any of my current doctors will prescribe that. I’m decidedly not up to looking for someone new who will talk to me about it and how it might interact with my current meds.

I wrote 1600 words yesterday in spite of feeling rotten. My laptop didn’t make the migraine worse, but I kept the light off in the living room all day. Sitting there with the light off, I thought the migraine had gone, but it was definitely there when I went out to the nutritionist appointment.
the_rck: (Default)
I woke this morning with a migraine. I’ve been up for an hour and a half and have taken Amerge and had tea and eaten. The pain is receding, but now I’m getting a wallop of nausea. Fun. I took Ativan last night because I hoped it would head off the anxiety migraine. I don’t know if I’m just so hugely stressed out that it didn’t help or if this is some other sort of migraine, probably either menstrual or due to lack of sleep.

I didn’t manage either napping or getting to bed early yesterday, and I’m more than a little cranky with myself over it. I did, however, get bread made, the trash out (Scott took out the recycling), the dishwasher filled and run, and Cordelia’s laundry washed. Scott cut the bread, but I made the sandwiches.

I also wrote 3700 words. That’s a rather large amount for me. Naturally, it’s all on something that I have no idea what to do with because it’s fanfic that’s going sufficiently AU that I feel like it’s no longer properly connected while still being too grounded in the setting/character backstory to make sense with the serial numbers filed off. It’s also going to have a majorish OC (female) because I can’t come up with anyone from canon who would fit the space in the story without breaking it.

Scott is talking about trying to find a different way to shelve my books and such in the bedroom in order to make a wider nightstand feasible. He mentioned the possibility of building shelves to replace the bookcases I’m currently using. I’m not convinced. I have books double stacked and piled up in ways that are probably heavier than shelves built into the wall could handle. I’d need about half again as many shelves in order not to be putting stacks everywhere that I can squeeze them in. The current shelves are deep enough for a row of mass market paperbacks and stacks of standard sized hardcovers in front of those. These are all library books or books I own but haven’t yet read, so I don’t want to move them all to the basement.

He wants to move my current nightstand and lamp into the living room once we have replacements. My mother made the lamp out of a largish jug she found at a yard sale many, many years ago (I’m pretty sure it predates Cordelia). A new lamp might well have a smaller footprint on my nightstand; there’s no way we’d find something bigger.

Today is kind of packed. I have a nutritionist appointment at 11:00 that I really would rather not go to because she’s completely convinced that I’m seeing her for weight loss even though I keep telling her that no I really am not. Given that I seem to have gained about ten pounds since I last saw her… Yeah.

Cordelia has an appointment at 4:15. The current plan is for Scott to make sure he gets out of work right at 3:00 so that he can drive us into town. Then he’ll turn around and come back home to shower. He’ll pick up fast food of some sort and then get us so we can all drive to Skyline (the high school Cordelia will probably attend). We’ll be there until at least 7:30 and possibly as late as 8:30. Cordelia’s a little panicked about her homework because there’s just no time in there for her to do it, not with lights out at 10:00 and her needing a shower. Given the concert tomorrow night, she really has to shower tonight.
the_rck: (Default)
Today’s main to do is dealing with getting the trash and recycling out. I still haven’t changed the sheets and would like to. I’d also like to do more writing and to answer a lot of emails.

If I can get myself together, I want to spend a little time in the basement. I found another large box of cassette tapes, and there are twenty to thirty of them that are completely unlabeled. They may be blank, or they may be first generation filksing tapes. I think I have a working tape player in the basement.

First, though, I think I’m going to lie down for a while. I’m getting a headache (I’m not sure if it’s menstrual or due to fatigue), and a bit of sleep might help. Or, at least, not hurt.

June 2017

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