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Cordelia spent last night with her best friend, a sleepover. They went to a movie at Top of the Park (outdoor showing), so they were out quite late. I think they saw Hidden Figures. The girls are eager to go to more of these movies. The main difficulty is getting them home afterward. I don't think the buses run that late, and Scott can't stay up for that. I doubt the other girl's parents can either.

My psychiatrist says I should use Ativan every night for a while in the hope that that will get me used to the c-PAP. We discussed Lunesta as an option as well, but I wasn't keen on it because new medications that sedate me can send my anxiety through the roof. Lunesta might not since it's supposed to make a person fall asleep really, really fast, but... I thought trying Ativan first was wiser.

She also wants me to practice taking the gear off and putting it back on in as close to night time darkness as I can manage in the hope that that will help the anxiety caused by feeling less able to respond to an emergency. (What sort of emergency, I can't imagine. The anxiety portions of my brain are simply adamant that I must be prepared for emergencies at all times. All possible emergencies rather than anything specific.) There's a reason that, when I startle awake, including with an alarm, I wake pretty completely and can function immediately, no matter how tired I am. That ability to function fades as the day goes on.

I took an Ativan last night and used the c-PAP until Scott's alarm at 5 a.m. I slept without it after that until about 8:30 when Cordelia texted me with a question. That's two hours longer than I'd have slept on a school night. I'm still tired, but I'm able to function. Maybe this will work.

I'm starting to get a headache now, so I'm going to lie down for a while.
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I keep forgetting to mention this-- A week or two ago, I got an anonymous gift from Amazon. It's a portable charger thingy for my cell phone. Scott says he didn't send it, so I'm assuming someone here did. Thank you, whoever you are. It's a huge help.

Looking at the records on the c-PAP, I have a lot of not breathing episodes when I'm lying in bed but not yet asleep and not many at all when I'm actually asleep. That is, I put the rig on and lay down about 10:15 last night. When Scott came to bed an hour later, I hadn't slept yet, and I got up to use the bathroom. The c-PAP said I'd stopped breathing for at least ten seconds thirteen times during that hour. When Scott's alarm went off around 5:00, the c-PAP said that, including that first hour, I'd averaged 2.5 occasions of stopping breathing. When I got up at 6:30, after not really getting back to sleep, the average had gone up to 4.5 which implies a heck of a lot of incidents during that hour and fifteen minutes.

Sometimes the nasal pillows hurt last night, and sometimes they didn't. I took an Ativan Sunday before bed and didn't take one last night. I'm not sure if that made a difference. I'm not noticing a change in my quality of sleep so far. That might be due to not being used to the differences in how I need to lie with the rig on, and that might be due to not having timing work out for me to be in bed as long as I normally would be.

I did some minor chores yesterday (sorting and putting away a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, preparing food for myself), and that was enough to make my chest hurt. Bending over is a problem as are reaching and lifting. Extending my right arm to pick up a half empty box of tea bags is enough to hurt a good bit. Tylenol still helps, but I think I'm going to have to try to get in to see my primary care doctor.

I wrote about 1600 words yesterday. It was on a sequel to the story I wrote for Yuletide 2016. I'm a little annoyed with myself for starting something else, especially when I have no idea at all how to get to the bit that I actually want to write. This also doesn't connect to the other chapters that I wrote in November but didn't end up posting because there was incomplete story arc in them. I still don't quite know how to wrap up that arc. It needs at least one more chapter. I guess that, if I do finish both stories, I'll end up making them a three story arc with The Wisdom That You Brought.
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I ended up writing 2600 words of my Fandom5K story yesterday. I’m well beyond the minimum word count and am trying to decide how to end things. While I’m making up my mind about that, I’m editing what I wrote yesterday.

I don’t think I’m going to meet my Camp NaNo goal for this month. I’m at 11824 words out of my hoped for 25000. If I did nothing but write all week, I could probably do it, but I’ve got constant appointments all week with Tuesday the only day I’m likely to do much writing (that appointment is for Cordelia and not until 5:30).

I’m pretty sure that taking Ativan yesterday was pretty key in being able to write. It took that and Amerge together to kill the migraine, and I felt much, much better through the rest of the day. I’ve gotten more of the blood test results, but I’m still waiting about the hysterosonogram results.

I’ve decided to wait to sign up for Not Prime Time until I know what’s going on with the hysterosonogram results. If it’s clean, I can sign up if I want to. If it’s not, signing up will depend on what the next steps are and how long I’d have to wait and how long it would take me to recover after.

I need to spend some time talking to Scott today about things he thinks I might need advice about adaptive technology and strategies for. We went through a lot of my previous list at the last session, and I go back tomorrow. I’ve already set up the A-Ride both ways for it.

Scott spent some time poking at my laptop last night. He suspects that it’s simply that my hard drive is old and very, very slow. He thinks it’s a bad sign that I never hear it doing anything. He insisted on running Disk Aid again (I did it three days ago) and was more than a little frustrated that the results came up the same as they did when I ran it: nothing wrong.
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I got up long enough this morning to give Cordelia her medicine and then went back to bed. I didn’t manage to sleep until after Cordelia left at 7:50. I need to remember to ask her to keep the volume low on the TV. Closing the bedroom door helps not at all. At any rate, I slept about another two hours, a bit fitfully but still two more hours.

Apart from being low on sleep and kind of stressed over everything that needs doing, I’m feeling a hell of a lot better since I stopped the Tamoxifen. As I said to my SIL yesterday, I’m not suddenly getting spikes of pain in my hands that make me scream any longer. My hands still hurt, but it’s more low level and constant which I can deal with better. The Achille’s tendon hurts a lot more, and I’m not quite sure what to do about that.

Scott was still feeling a bit icky when he got up this morning. I’ve texted him to see how he’s holding up now. I think we’ll stick with fish and poultry for him this week and then maybe try some pork when he’s got a clear weekend.

Our nephew is pretty much confirmed as an Eagle Scout. They’re waiting on the official word from National, but the review board approved him, so National is a rubber stamp. His current plan for fall is to attend the community college near us (we live about half an hour away from their family) and then transfer two Michigan State in the winter. I don’t know that him going to school a short distance away will mean us seeing him more often, but I’ve told his mother that I’d be happy to feed him lunches or whatever. I suppose I should actually talk to him about it directly.

Cordelia tried her aunt’s green bean casserole and tells us that she very much wants to have it again. I thought it was horribly bland and tasteless, but… I can make that if it’s something Cordelia will enjoy and actually eat.

Today’s primary goal is to fill out the forms for high school choir camp. The deadline for getting those forms in is Wednesday. I had thought it would be much, much later and so hadn’t even looked at what needs doing. Scott says that we can— just— afford the camp. It will entirely devour our tax refund, though. I need to call or email the teacher in charge because I have questions I need answered before I commit $470. It would suck majorly to spend the money and then find that Cordelia couldn’t go because of needing accommodations.
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I think that stopping the Tamoxifen is actually changing how I feel, physically. It's only been a few days, though, so I'm not certain that it's that.

I took the bus to PT yesterday and then a cab home. My Achille's tendon was hurting pretty badly by the time I got to the front entrance to the hospital, and I just could face ten minutes of walking from the bus stop to home.

On the way to PT, I got on the wrong bus and ended up having to go to central campus to transfer to the correct bus which added about twenty minutes to my travel time. I'd allowed an hour, so I was still there in time, but it was stressful. On the up side, going the extra long way let me hit a lot more Ingress portals. I'm not even remotely convinced that was a good trade off.

The physical therapist taped my tendon. He said the tape would stay on for days, but one of the pieces was peeling by the time I got home. I had Scott trim the parts that wouldn't stick before I went to bed last night because they were sticking to everything but me. I didn't think that having it stick to the sheets would make for comfortable sleeping. I don't think that particular bit is going to last the day.

Scott got me carryout last night from Qdoba. They'll let you pick a bunch of ingredients to wrap in a tortilla. I should have thought and not put in lettuce because, of all the ingredients, that was the one that gave me problems. I just keep forgetting that it's a risky thing because romaine lettuce seems like a ridiculous thing to cause digestive upset.

I managed to reach my father for his birthday yesterday, but I still haven't talked to my grandmother or sister for theirs. Grandma's birthday was Wednesday, and my sister's was Thursday.

I haven't managed to write anything in the last few days. I must do so today and tomorrow. I need another 2000 words to make my minimum word count for Fandom5K. I'm still trying to find a transition from one section to another, and I can't seem to find a way in. I'm also trying to figure out the next step in We Are Where We Began, but I think that I need to ignore everything but the Fandom5K story just now.

I think that part of my problem is that my brain has been foggy for days now. I can't focus enough to read even the easiest book, and everything I try to watch seems... How to put it? I can't quite understand the stories, partly because I can't focus enough to follow what's going on and partly I can't manage to care.

Scott is out doing the grocery shopping. Cordelia is in the backyard working on a science project with a friend. I might lie down again and see if I can nap now since I didn't sleep as well last night as I'd hoped (mostly due to the lettuce). When Scott gets back, we'll go to the library. I expect he'll keep up his binge watch of the new MST3K. He watched four episodes last night which was at least two more than I wanted. I'd rather watch one of the two Netflix DVDs we've got or one of the two DVDs waiting for us on the hold shelf at the library. Neither of the latter can be renewed, so I can probably insist. Cordelia wants to see both of them, too, but she says she doesn't want to see them with us.
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I’m now over 3000 words on my Fandom5K story. I think I’ve finished the backstory/set up. I just have to find the right transition to move forward.

The folks at oncology have told me to go ahead and stop the tamoxifen for a few weeks to see if that changes things. If it doesn’t change my pain levels, I can start it up again without hurting the course of treatment. If it does help, well, I almost certainly won’t start it up again.

We’ve firmed up plans for Easter dinner. We’re bringing a green salad and a serving of some sort of meat that I can eat. We might or might not bring something else. We’re to be there 2:00 or a little later. The hosts will get home around 12:30 and thought 2:00 was reasonable in terms of them having some time.

The library will be closed on Sunday, so we don’t have to work around that. We’ll likely go in on Saturday because there’s a hold Scott wants that expires then.

I’ve got ten minutes before I need to leave for PT. My plan is to try the bus, just to see how walking to the stop affects my tendinitis. I’m hoping it will be a minor thing because the bus is free and doesn’t require someone else carving out time to transport me. [personal profile] evalerie has expressed willingness to help as she can, but this is every day with two appointments some days.

I have off loaded some of the phone calls that relate to Cordelia onto Scott. None of them should take very long. The only complication will be if we need Cordelia to sign a release in order for the surgeon's office to tell us the procedure codes for the possible surgeries, and we want to get her to sign a release anyway so that I can call and do things like ask what time her appointments are.

I'm going to hold off on scheduling anything with orthopedics until I find out how stopping the tamoxifen affects my hands. I'd really hate to jump into unnecessary surgery. The tamoxifen didn't cause the underlying osteoarthritis, but it may be making the pain levels worse. I'm not holding my breath that it will be a magical solution, but I might get lucky.
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The sleep disorders clinic overnight went okay. I had trouble finding a position to lie in that didn’t make my back hurt enough to keep me awake. The mattress was harder than I’m comfortable with, so it left my body in a much different configuration than I’m used to. I ended up starting on my right side (which is generally my third choice position after back and left side) then switching to on my back midway through the night when I woke.

I had reflux issues through the evening but was okay when I lay down. I took Tums around 7:30 and an Ativan about 8:40. The Ativan helped more.

The technician forgot to let me get up to take my thyroid medication. I didn’t demand it because I had no way to know what time it was. The forgetting was understandable. The other patient she was monitoring ended up needing an ambulance at about the time I should have taken my medication. I took it immediately on getting up, and the timing ended up working out for that because Scott and Cordelia didn’t arrive until an hour later.

Scott and Cordelia picked me up, and we went to breakfast at the Northside Grill which is a diner about a mile from home. Scott and Cordelia had omelets, and I had potato pancakes. Cordelia was very grumpy at having been dragged out of bed so early.

I suspect that my biggest problems with the c-PAP will be odor and temperature. That is, when I breathe warm air, I parse it as stale. I can’t pull covers over my head to sleep unless I make sure I have an opening where I can get cooler air. The c-PAP air was warmer than the surrounding air by enough that part of me kept thinking I wasn’t getting breathable air.

We still don’t have a bedside table for me to put a c-PAP. That’s really urgent now. I don’t have a c-PAP yet, but I’m likely to fairly soon (depending on how many delays MedEquip throws in. Their reputation is terrible in that direction).

I’m really exhausted, so I’m probably going to post this, set an alarm (we have to be somewhere at 2:30), and see if I can sleep.
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I think maybe my back is starting to get better. I really hope that that’s the case because this pain thing sucks.

My right hand, however, is getting worse. I had to ask Scott to help me brush my hair this morning, and there have been days when I couldn’t floss. The giant braces might help the hair brushing problem, but they also might not because they make gripping and turning things the way I need to too difficult. I mentioned maybe chopping my hair, and Scott thought it might help, but I’m not sure it would because most of the knots I wake up with are high up on my head. I think I’d have to get my head shaved to avoid them.

I also don’t want to do something as radical as chopping off my hair until I know whether or not the problem is as simple to solve as stopping the Tamoxifen. I need to talk to my doctors about that. I’m not sure if it’s something I can stop for a while to see if the pain problems get better and go back to if the pain doesn’t improve. At this point, I’m pretty certain that the Tamoxifen is not worthwhile if it’s giving me this much pain— Five years of taking it will decrease my risk of recurrence by 4%, and the oncologist said that even a year would decrease the risk a bit. I’ve been taking the stuff since December of 2015.

4% is not worth five years of pain. (The baseline risk for me is 10%.)

I need to get Scott to empty the clean dishes out of the bottom rack of the dishwasher (I did most of the top) and to put away the things that require bending. I need him to bring the clean laundry and the clean sheets upstairs. I also asked him two days ago to look for something in the basement (I have a reacher/grabber thing that will let me pick up some things without bending. I’m 90% sure it fell down the basement stairs a few months back, so it’s down there somewhere).

Today is one of the days of the year when going to downtown or campus is decidedly unwise. It’s the Hash Bash, and there will be thousands of people wandering around (and taking up the parking spaces).

Scott’s very conservative aunt just friended me on Facebook. Ah, well, if she hadn’t realized that I’m a flaming liberal, she wasn’t paying attention. And it’s not like I post much. One surprise is that one of my aunts has turned out to be a lot more liberal than I thought she was— She’s reblogging Bernie Sanders stuff. I mean 80% of what she posts is cute dog pictures and pleas for people to adopt/sponsor dogs, but there is some political stuff, all things I can get on board with.

Today’s goal is to finish and return a graphic novel that’s due today and can’t be renewed. Then I work on the Korean DVD that’s due tomorrow and can’t be renewed. Then I write. I would like to watch some things with Scott in the living room, but I still can’t sit there for more than about fifteen minutes at a time without my back feeling worse so not today.

I talked to Scott’s mother yesterday and to my step-father. My mother was in Florida through some time yesterday in order to sell her father’s house, so I didn’t actually talk to her. My step-father says she’ll only be in Michigan for a week in April. I’d been under the impression that it would be much longer than that. I guess I can’t count on seeing her. Pity she’s not up here this week. Both of them will come north some time in May, after my step-father’s semester ends.
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Cordelia stopped using crutches entirely over the weekend. Today, she’s trying school in a light knee brace. She carried all of her things to school and didn’t want me along.

That last was just as well because my back spasmed last night and is still giving me huge problems when I move. I can sit as long as I sit still. I can lie down as long as I don’t change position much. It’s going to make the various household chores I want to get done today problematic. Right now, I’m applying heat to see if that will loosen things enough for me to do anything. It’s the muscles in my lower back, the ones just at and above my pelvis. When I stand up from sitting or lying down, when I sit down, when I turn over in bed, when I bend at all, that area hurts at about a 7 on the pain scale.

Last night, while I was showering, my right hand got so painful that I couldn’t move it at all. I’d call it an 8 or a 9 on the pain scale. It was better if I didn’t so much as wiggle my fingers. That made the process of drying off… interesting. I thought I was going to have to yell for Scott to come help me. My left hand hurt more than usual then, too. I couldn’t even put lotion on my leg without agony. I thought I should be able to because I could just use my fingers and not my thumb and because I had my heavy braces on.

The combination of the hands and the back has me wondering if I did something full body stupid. I can’t think what apart from, you know, taking Tamoxifen.

Feedly, one of the apps I use most on my phone, updated last night and now no longer works at all. Well, I can see that there are articles waiting for me to read them and what the titles and sites involved are. I just can’t open them at all no matter what avenues I try, including forcing the app to quit and restarting it.

We got bubble tea yesterday after our library trip. That was a nice treat. I miss having it weekly, but it is expensive. I’m pretty sure the price has gone up since we were last in there.

I wrote almost 1300 words last night. Sadly, none of them were for the thing with a deadline (though I just now added a sentence to that). I’m having trouble finding the character voice for that because I’m trying to write a character I don’t sympathize with at all. There’s just not much beyond cardboard cutout for the character in canon. I suppose that adding depth to the character that isn’t in canon isn’t a terrible thing. I just worry that it may not be what my recipient wants.
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Tuesday evening, I added about 600 words to my Small Fandom Big Bang story while editing. I may end up adding more because there’s at least one bit left that I need to expand.

I had reflux issues last night when I went to bed. I’m pretty sure that they were largely anxiety related. Sadly, I didn’t twig to that until after I had taken antacids, so I had to wait to take an Ativan. Once I did, I was able to sleep, but I lost two or three hours, so I’m pretty wiped out. It also means I woke with a headache that took hours to get rid of. That took both Amerge and metapropronol (sp?).

At this point, I’m on the verge of falling asleep, and I’m not sure I can stay up long enough to get dinner. It’s only 5:30.
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::sighs:: It finally occurred to me that, if I’m anxious enough that I can’t look at my email, I probably need an Ativan. I’m pretty sure that this is anxiety about Cordelia’s appointment, both how it will go and whether or not Scott will get off work in time.

I’ve got the towels upstairs and folded. I’ve run the dishwasher but still need to empty it. The recycling is at the curb, but I still need to take the trash out. I have beta comments on my Small Fandom Big Bang story and need to start addressing them.

I pulled another small box full of books to get rid of. I’m dithering about some sets of mysteries that I haven’t felt any impulse to reread in more than fifteen years but that I used to reread. They’re mostly quite old and not things I could get from the library without resorting to interlibrary loan which… Well, none of them are worth that effort. I have space to keep them, and it’s not like we have any expectation of moving any time in the next decade, but is there any reason to keep them? I can’t imagine that Cordelia’s going to have any interest, and I’m not interested in keeping such things around on the off chance that someday she has a child who might be interested.

I have a lot of mysteries by Dell Shannon/Elizabeth Linington/Leslie Egan, for example, and haven’t opened one in years and years. I have a lot of Marian Babson mysteries, but those vary wildly in terms of the likelihood that I’ll ever touch them again. There’s a reasonable chance that I’ll reread the funny ones, but the grim ones… not nearly so likely. And none of these are things where just looking at the book on the shelf brings back memories. I think that’s worth keeping books for, as long as I have the space.

And what about series that I started reading years ago and bought two or three volumes past what I actually read and probably won’t ever read them? I can think of three of those off the top of my head. I don’t own complete sets of any of them.
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There was more ice on the way to school today, but it was a little bit patchy and so not quite as dangerous. It was at least very clearly visible. It was less cold today than yesterday but still colder than I like. The difference in temperature meant that my hands didn’t get cold (though my face still got cold enough to hurt) even without gloves. The thing about not needing gloves is really, really weird, and I’m pretty sure it’s entirely due to the Tamoxifen.

Tonight, the drama club is performing their play. Cordelia plans to go because some of her friends are in the drama club. Her best friend is coming over after school, and they will walk over there together. Cordelia vetoed the idea of me going with her. I’m still going to have to go to the school to get Cordelia because she can’t really deal with her backpack with her winter coat. It slips every ten steps or so, and she has to stop to pull it back up.

I’ll have to figure out what to feed the girls. I’m not sure when they need to leave, and that will definitely be a factor.

I don’t know yet if I’ll manage to stay awake this morning. I’m not sure if I should even try. I need to do some tidying before the cleaning lady comes, and it’s easier for me to do that in small bits. I also want to clean out the fridge and take out the resulting trash. The drawback of that is that I can’t put a new bag in place without hurting myself.

I don’t have any books due this weekend that I can’t renew, but I do have several that I’ve renewed more than once. I’m going to work on those if I can find the brain power for it. I’ve got the book I’ve renewed three times sitting beside me and looking at me reproachfully. I’ve got two books that I’ve renewed twice, one that I’ve renewed once, and a short graphic novel that I haven’t yet renewed at all. Part of me thinks I should just knock out the graphic novel since it will take the least time.
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My legs hurt a lot today, but the only thing I absolutely have to do today is going to pick Cordelia up from school.

The oncology appointment yesterday was pretty quick. The nurse practitioner I see is a little odd in that she wants to hug me hello and goodbye. It doesn’t bother me particularly; it just strikes me as a little weird because I’ve never had a medical professional who did that before.

Apparently Tamoxifen frequently causes muscle cramps that can result in tendinitis and also makes arthritis pain worse. The nurse practitioner said I need to stretch and massage my legs several times a day. She also said that the odd bleeding I’ve had is something that I ought to see my gynecologist about because it might be a symptom of a uterine polyp or of fibroids that will need to be dealt with. She thought that waiting until my scheduled appointment in late April might be okay, but that I should call the office and ask if they want me in sooner.

Cordelia has an appointment with the sports medicine people on Monday afternoon. Either Scott’s sister or her husband will come down to give us a ride. ([livejournal.com profile] evalerie, the appointment is too late in the day for me to ask you.) I don’t want to do a cab because it would mean Cordelia having to put her bad leg in my lap which she says is very uncomfortable.

I’m still trying to pick a prompt to work with for that pinch hit. I’ve narrowed it down to three options, two prompts in one particular fandom and one original story prompt. Weirdly, I think the fanfic prompts will take more set up/world building than the original prompt would. I’m avoiding saying which exchange I’m writing for because anyone who knows me and looks at the pinch hits list will have a pretty good idea which one I grabbed. I’m almost completely certain that my recipient doesn’t read my journal or know me from Adam, but…
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Scott and I went out to the bank around 11:00 yesterday morning to transfer some money from Cordelia’s account to ours. After that, we picked up food at Plum Market, pizza for him and a spinach pie for me. The weather was really nice, so we stopped by the science and nature center to recapture all of the portals there.

The walking wasn’t particularly good for my Achille’s tendon, but it was so very nice to be out in warm weather. I can tell that I’ve lost a lot of ground in terms of my ability to walk.

During the afternoon, we watched Arrival which I’d gotten from the library and finished a Netflix DVD that had been sitting with about fifteen minutes left on it for a week. Cordelia was annoyed that we watched Arrival without her. It hadn’t occurred to me that she might want to see it.

Cordelia went out to spend time with her friends in the evening, so Scott and I got carry out dinner from Palm Palace which is a place she doesn’t enjoy. I got lentil soup and the lamb saute which turned out not to be the dish I thought it was. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t what I had wanted. Scott got a chicken schwarma plate and hummus.

We listened to an audiobook until Cordelia was ready to come home.

My cold is much worse than it was. I’m not at all happy about that. I can still sleep lying down (as long as I take Sudafed), but even when I’m upright things feel not right in my throat and chest.
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I ended up not making it to the Skyline open house/presentation last night. Scott and Cordelia went, but by the time we got through the appointment beforehand, my migraine was back and fairly nasty. I had nausea and photosensitivity more than pain. I didn’t want to take an Amerge because I only have one left and am likely to need it desperately tomorrow.

I thought I had a refill left on the Amerge, but Kroger says I don’t. I’ve sent a message to my doctor asking for a renewal, but I haven’t heard back yet. It could be days.

We got dinner at Plum Market’s buffet, and while I was trying to eat, I realized that I was too done in to be able to manage the open house. Scott tells me that it’s just as well— There are a lot of stairs in the building, and I’d have had a very hard time with them.

The nutritionist didn’t actually try to give me any nutritional advice. She recognized that I’m just barely keeping my head above water to be able to function at all. She made some other suggestions that I’m going to explore, but all of them require various doctors to help me out. Seeing an occupational therapist about my hands might or might not help, but I need something. She had the same sort of tendinitis that I do for a while and was majorly helped by a removable fiberglass walking cast. I’m not sure that that could hurt, and it might let me walk for exercise again. Medical marijuana might well help me, but I’m not sure that I fit into one of the legally approved categories under state law, and, unless my psychiatrist is willing to consider it, I don’t think any of my current doctors will prescribe that. I’m decidedly not up to looking for someone new who will talk to me about it and how it might interact with my current meds.

I wrote 1600 words yesterday in spite of feeling rotten. My laptop didn’t make the migraine worse, but I kept the light off in the living room all day. Sitting there with the light off, I thought the migraine had gone, but it was definitely there when I went out to the nutritionist appointment.
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Cordelia bought three or four things at the Kiwanis sale yesterday, all articles of clothing. She texted me to ask what size she wears, and I texted back to tell her. There was apparently a changing room at the sale because she said, when she got home, that she had tried on the dress she got before buying it.

We all had lunch together downtown. I was not thrilled with the choice of restaurant because it’s one of those places where you fill a bowl with stuff and then someone cooks it while you stand there waiting. My tendinitis was seriously unhappy about that. They had a few menu items that you could order without all the walking, but not one of them was something I could eat without major alterations.

I tried to nap for about three hours yesterday. I’m pretty sure I slept some because I remember (vaguely) dreaming, but Cordelia came in four times to hug me which kind of made it impossible to really sleep.

Scott’s mother brought me a little bottle of some sort of horse liniment. She thinks the stuff is wonderful, but looking at the ingredients, it’s basically menthol with some other 'inactive' things. It doesn’t contain DMSO, at least, which is the big thing to look out for when considering applying horse liniment to human skin. I can’t say that I think the stuff actually does anything useful. It’s very watery, so I have to kind of splash it on. I think I’d be better off with tiger balm or something similar.

Scott had a fall at work on Friday. He’s pretty bruised up from it because he fell backward into a machine (that wasn’t running, thank goodness, because he’d been working on repairing it) after climbing off of it and stepping in some oil on the floor. He tried to convince me that this was a near miss instead of a real fall, but about a third of his back is scraped up. I suppose that for him 'real fall' equals hitting the floor and/or banging his head.
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The Community High School meeting was terribly crowded. They were trying desperately to figure out where people could sit/stand and still be able to see. The meeting was in an auditorium, but it was about half the size of the multi-purpose room at Cordelia’s current school. There was an opportunity to talk to teachers and current students after the main meeting, but Cordelia wanted to go home, so we didn’t.

I got the application filled out and sent in within about twenty minutes of us getting home. It was a very short form, mainly contact information and me having to say that yes, we really, really do live in the district. The only thing that took thought was getting Cordelia’s student number because I don’t have it memorized. Fortunately, she does.

My appointment with my psychiatrist went well. We talked about strategies for using the Ativan, and she suggested that I use it 'aggressively' for a couple of weeks and see how that goes. She told me that she thinks I’m a very, very poor candidate for hypnotherapy (something certain people have been trying to push on me). We are going to talk about talk therapy options in a few months, probably once Cordelia’s settled at whichever high school she ends up going to.

I started sneezing around the time Cordelia left yesterday, big sneezes. I routinely take an antihistamine, so all I could try was Sudafed. That helped, but the sneezing came back at bedtime. Sudafed helped again, so I was able to sleep eventually, but I’m not happy about this. It feels like an allergic reaction, but I can’t imagine what I’d be reacting to. No new toiletries or cleaning products. Cordelia wasn’t wearing her sandalwood scented new cardigan. It’s January in Michigan so pollen is pretty unlikely. I did some digging around that raised dust, but I did that after I had taken the Sudafed which would make the timing beyond odd.

I guess I’ll see what happens when this dose of Sudafed wears off in a couple of hours.

When I was a teenager, I used to occasionally get bouts of sneezing and runny nose that weren’t colds and had no explanation I could figure out. They’d last 24-48 hours and then vanish abruptly, and I wouldn’t have any other symptoms. They could happen at any time of the year, too, and started up once every month or three. I don’t think I had them once I started college, though.

I’m in the process of switching bras again. I keep hoping I can stop wearing them, but the lymphedema gets worse when I don’t. It’s also worse if I wear the Fruit of the Loom bras, just not as bad as with nothing. I have two Just My Size bras that I bought via Amazon. I thought I could try one because they’re about ten dollars plus two dollars shipping. It turns out that they’re more or less what I was actually looking for right after I had the lumpectomy. They’re just not tagged with any of the keywords I was using to search.
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I’m finding my anxiety really frustrating right now because the point at which I realize I need an Ativan is generally several hours after when I needed to take it in order to get any benefit from it. When I wake with a migraine or get up after almost no sleep (and all of it anxiety dreams) or when I have massive anxiety related reflux, it’s too damned late for the Ativan to make me feel better.

The Ativan won’t help at all when I’m groping my way through my day due to having not slept worth anything. The Ativan also won’t help much when my body is responding to stress that is already past. That’s a common thing for me and often more disabling than the impact of the anxiety on my ability to do what has to be done because the physical impact accumulates, building up pain and brain fog and… It all makes doing the next thing that much harder and that much more likely to have worse effects on my body.

I’m about 85% sure that the reflux trouble I had Monday night/Tuesday morning was my body’s reaction to dealing with two appointments and all of the time outside the house between them during the preceding day. I’m currently debating taking an Ativan before bed. I don’t want to, but I have an appointment tomorrow. It’s not an appointment that would usually be all that hard, but it’s a week when I’m already thoroughly stressed out, and we have a meeting to go to tomorrow evening.

But I might actually need an Ativan more for the meeting (required informational thing for Community, one of the schools Cordelia is considering. There are later sessions, but putting it off will ratchet up my anxiety. Also, the others don’t fit our schedule nearly so well) in the evening. There are going to be a lot of people, and I’d be surprised if the space is particularly large. I don’t deal well with that at all. I’m not supposed to take more than one in twenty four hours. I don’t know— Maybe one now and then one tomorrow at bedtime to deal with some of the after effects of the appointment and the meeting?

I might actually be fine if I wait. I just also might not. I feel okay right now, but I might not realize there’s a problem until 2-4 hours after I go to bed. I’m terrible at acknowledging that I need help sleeping. And waking with a migraine isn’t something I’d know about until Scott’s alarm goes off.
the_rck: (Default)
I had a dental appointment yesterday at 11:00. My bite splint is definitely not long for this world, so I have an appointment soon to get an impression made from which to make a new one. The first one lasted about twenty five years, so I probably won’t need a third. We’ve cleared it with my dental insurance that they’ll cover it, so that’s not a concern.

Scott bought one of those OTC one-size-fits-all bite splints this weekend. I’ve been eying it dubiously because my mouth/jaw is noticeably small compared to most people’s. There aren’t any instructions on the package for what to do if the thing doesn’t fit. Scott says he’ll use it if I don’t, and I expect that he’ll end up with it.

I also discovered that my U of M insurance has been paying for all my dental stuff. That’s not how it’s supposed to work by the terms of my long term disability, but the dentist’s staff is afraid to upset things by trying to shift to the insurance through Scott’s employer which ought to be paying first, and I’m looking at the bureaucratic hoops involved and cringing. This is not a hill I’m willing to die on.

Cordelia (no school due to MLK Day) and I had lunch at The Brown Jug and then found seats at a Starbucks just down the block to wait for it to be time to go to her dermatology appointment. I think we were there for an hour and a half. It was very crowded, and we had to share a table with two university students who seemed to be studying for a chemistry class. At least, they were talking molecular structure, so I assume chemistry.

Cordelia tried a new to her thing from the Starbucks menu and discovered that some things there aren’t to her taste without adding sugar (it was some form of latte, so I didn’t suggest adding milk).

It cost us $25 to get the cab to the dermatologist. If we’d gone home, it would have been between $11 and $15 for that trip and then another $17 for a second cab to the dermatologist’s office. I spent more than that on lunch and the coffee at Starbucks, but… Cordelia really enjoyed being out.

The dermatology appointment was at 3:45 and was basically just for prescription renewals. Scott arrived at the office just as we were heading back and chose to wait in the waiting room. We stopped at Plum Market on the way home to get more liquid stevia for my morning tea.

There is no school today due to ice on the roads. For some reason, we never have delayed start times. Either school starts on time, or it doesn’t start at all. I was very grateful for the reprieve because I was up until about 1:00 with inexplicable reflux and then up at 4:00 with a recurrence of the problem. I couldn’t think of anything except stress that could be causing the problem, so I took an Ativan at about 12:30, and that settled things long enough for me to get about three hours of sleep. At 4:00, I took my thyroid medication and then realized that I couldn’t deal with the reflux problems, so I ate some vanilla ice cream which helped vastly and let me fall back asleep after Scott got up. I can’t use liquid antacids because they make me gag (and shouldn’t be taken in proximity to the thyroid medication anyway. I think the recommended gap is four hours in either direction. Other meds are either one hour before or at least two hours after), and I really needed something that would coat my throat and deal with the acid stuck there. Ice cream wasn’t ideal, but I couldn’t think of anything else with even a chance of working. Water tends to make things worse.

Our upstairs toilet has started running and running after it’s been flushed. Jiggling the handle seems to settle it, but that needs to be done a few minutes after flushing, not right at the time. It’s also not something that we’ve trained ourselves to yet.
the_rck: (Default)
I wrote one more ficlet for [community profile] fandom_stocking. I have tabs open for three more stockings, but I’m pretty sure I won’t manage to write anything for them because my mind is completely blank. Given a prompt, I might manage something, but just fandom and characters and likes and dislikes aren’t getting me anywhere. I think I have finished a draft of chapter 3 of We Are Where We Began. That’s not the end of the story, not yet. I think there will need to be another chapter. Hopefully not more than that.

Scott’s parents stopped by in mid-afternoon in order to bring us a single bottle of the brand of B vitamins they favor. They told us that this brand 'doesn’t contain chemicals.' Scott and I were on the phone with them when they said that, and we made faces and waved our hands at each other because, while we know what they meant, we heard what they actually said. At any rate, Scott’s parents are certain that B supplements will solve all of Cordelia’s current problems. I don’t see harm in Cordelia taking supplements, but they’re going to be a PITA because we will have to crush each dose and mix it with something else.

We went out yesterday evening because Cordelia really, really wanted to go somewhere she’d never been before. Scott suggested a clothing store downtown that he had noticed as looking interesting. (I’m a little surprised that he did because it’s not the sort of thing he would normally notice.) It’s a place called Orchid Lane that sells a lot of brightly colored women’s clothing, all imports and (I think) all fair trade. Cordelia ended up with a very pretty dress and a black cardigan-ish thing to wear over it. She chose them to go together rather than the store suggesting it.

I had trouble with the trip because the entire store reeks of sandalwood. I’m not quite allergic to it, but my sinuses and lungs tend to do a big WTF? when I breathe air that’s heavy in that sort of scent. I don’t sneeze or wheeze or anything. I just don’t feel quite right. The tendinitis in my left heel also gave me trouble after I’d been up and about for five minutes. There wasn’t anywhere that I could sit down, and Cordelia wanted me to look at everything she was considering, so she wanted me following her.

We watched the first half of Big Hero 6 last night. It was, of course, a rewatch, but it’s kind of rare to find something that Cordelia’s willing to watch with us.

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