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I'm up early after not nearly enough sleep because I got smacked with a migraine overnight. Amerge and caffeine seem to be beating it back, but going back to bed won't work for a while yet. I haven't slept since about half an hour before Scott's alarm went off.

I didn't take Ativan last night. I don't know if using the c-PAP without it contributed to the migraine or not.

I did a little writing last night, but I feel like I'm groping in fog to find the characters. I'm firmly in one POV, and that character can only guess at who the other character is which isn't helpful because it means I haven't defined him clearly in my own head. I'm also flip-flopping on what the POV character is willing to do to achieve her goals, and I feel like the story is already too long.

I don't think I'm going to finish the treat I started for Captive Audience by the exchange deadline. I expect the recipient would still want it if I finish it later on. It's a tiny fandom, so not many people were likely to read it anyway.

I'm looking at my holds list at the library and trying to figure out how I ended up with four movies and a season of anime all to pick up on Sunday. There's a waitlist on the anime series and on one of the movies, so I guess I give those top priority. At least the anime is only twelve episodes.
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Scott and I set out about 9:30, and we got home with Cordelia a bit after 8:00. It was a really long drive. Scott and I listened to podcasts and an audiobook on the way up. The Hamilton soundtrack played the entire way back because Cordelia finds it soothing and because Scott and Cordelia both sing along with the whole thing.

We got to the area near Interlochen about an hour before we were to pick Cordelia up, so we got lunch at the only restaurant we could find. It wasn't terrible. It also wasn't great. I finished my meal still feeling hungry and without any options for more food.

The Interlochen campus is really nice. I'd have liked to look around more (and the unclaimed Ingress portals only had a little bit to do with it), but Cordelia was really eager to get out of there.

Scott's parents invited us to stop by on our way home, and we did. The timing worked out that we arrived a little after 6:00, so they fed us dinner-- chicken, asparagus, mashed potatoes, and salad.

I dropped my Ativan tablet last night and couldn't find it (those things are tiny!), so I slept without it. I was exhausted enough that I slept soundly until Scott's alarm. After he got up, I didn't get back to sleep until he left. That wasn't because of him. It was me feeling too warm then too cold then having my neck hurt then... Well, on and on.

My allergy trouble hasn't come back. I'm hoping it won't, but the cleaning lady coming today may set me off again because the various cleaning products cause me problems breathing (one of the big reasons we have her come in).
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I spent most of yesterday writing up a document for out of town Ingress people who are coming to the anomaly in Ann Arbor at the end of the month. The hotels for our side are in a part of town that I know well, so I started off talking about the bus options from there to downtown and/or central campus and then got into parking and how the parts of the University of Michigan fit into the town and the food options out by the hotels and as one heads into town. I also mentioned publicly accessible bathrooms (the coffee shops are the best options but wheelchair/scooter access may vary).

I ended up with thirteen pages of babbling. Someone else caught an error that I've now corrected-- I used 'Westland' (the town where Scott works) instead of 'Westgate' (the shopping mall out Jackson Road near 94).

Somehow, that ate all of the time I'd meant to use for other things.

Around 8 p.m., Scott and I went out to a place we hadn't been before for some Ingress. I'd spotted a cluster of about a dozen portals in a cemetery when we drove by a few months back, but somehow, we never got around to going out there before now. It was about a ten minute drive. We didn't end up keeping the portals long, but they were new for both of us. I let Scott capture most of them because he's close to leveling up, needing about 250K points while I need 1.5 million points.

There are more portals further out that road, but I'm not sure there's another cluster that large.

He and I both need a lot of specific bits of equipment for the anomaly. I have no idea how we're going to be able to get it all given the lack of available time. Well, I theoretically have time. I just don't have the stamina or the access to visit a lot of portals. I'm also going to have to ditch all my keys. I don't want to, but I don't see us paying for any equipment like key lockers. I suppose I should look and see how much they cost, but I really don't think it's a justifiable expense.

I'm worried about the anomaly because of my mobility and stamina issues. I've explained them to the organizers, but I'm not sure they actually understood. When I say that an hour to an hour and a half of walking very slowly is a hard limit, I really do mean it. If I do that much, I'm not going to be doing anything else that day. They put me (and Scott so we can be together) on a 'slow moving team,' but the anomaly will last about four hours. I really, really can't manage that.

And that's without the possibility that Scott might not make it until two hours into the dratted thing due to having to work. We won't know about work until the day before, so it's not something we can plan for.

They also want us to install several communications apps on our phones, and I'm dubious about it. I really don't want anything that will eat up my battery that way, and I try not to install apps unless I'm certain I'm going to use them a lot. Ingress, Feedly, Life360, Wunderlist, and Habitica are the extra apps that I actually use a lot. I have one game besides Ingress, and that's FluidMonkey which is good for when my brain has dribbled out my ears. I don't use it often.

The list is zello, ingress intel, maps, slack, and glympse. I have no idea what zello and glympse are. Ingress intel makes sense, but I had the impression from something Scott said a while back that it wasn't available to me. Guess I'll check. I've looking into the Slack app, and everything I read about it makes it sound like something I don't want within six miles of any device of mine.

I suppose I can install apps the day before and delete them immediately after. There are apps on my phone that I really, really don't want but can't delete because they're bundled into the OS.

We watched a movie after we got back and somehow lost track of time so that we didn't turn off the light until midnight. I once again couldn't sleep because I was too warm. That led to spiraling anxiety about all the things I need to get done and how I won't be able to on so very little sleep. I ended up with about four hours of fitful sleep, all without the c-PAP. (I took it off before I fell asleep, about an hour and a half after I put it on. At that point, it claimed that I was averaging seven prolonged stoppages of breathing per hour. This seems to be a trend. That is, if I'm awake with the stupid thing running, it registers lots of problems, but if I fall asleep quickly, it registers almost none.

I think the Ativan is working less well in terms of helping me relax to sleep. I'm not sure how much of that is the way that Scott being on nights for two weeks and then on vacation this week has thrown off my routines and how much is anxiety about getting Cordelia ready for camp next week and high school starting after Labor Day. Right now, our plan for getting Cordelia to Skyline for camp departure is for Scott to drop her off before he heads to work. She says she doesn't want/need me there, but I'm not sure whether or not she'll stick to that.

Cordelia's supposed to by there at 7 a.m. for an 8 a.m. bus departure. If we deal with a cab, we would need to call at 6 a.m. in order to be sure of getting there by 7. That would likely mean us getting to the school by 6:30. At that point, it kind of makes sense for Scott to drop us (or just Cordelia) off before heading to work. It would mean getting there at 6:15 unless he gets permission from work to be a little late (which he says he's going to request). If he's able to be there until Cordelia can get into the building, I'd be willing to stay home. I just don't want her sitting, alone, outside the school for forty five minutes.

Cordelia's never been away for anything like this long. The closest was four or five days with Scott's sister when she was seven and I had my gallbladder removed. I think that it will be a good experience for her, but there's going to be anxiety for all three of us until we settle into it.
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Yesterday continued as one of the worst headache days in recent memory. The sinus part more or less went away (but my sinuses itched), but anxiety/stress made my shoulders, neck, and the back of my head hurt terribly, and the main headache moved above my eyes to become a classic (for me) migraine. I was even light sensitive.

I took Amerge. I tried to nap. I tried stretches and relaxation. I tried writing a to do list for the rest of the month and giving it to Scott to see if he could help me make it smaller. He dealt with talking to the sports medicine surgeon and with the groceries (except that he forgot something that I really will need for tomorrow). It turns out that he has access to email Cordelia's patient portal (I don't ) and could just send a message through that instead of calling.

I slept badly last night and ended up getting up at about 7 a.m. (after going to bed at about 2 a.m.) because I had horrible reflux of the sort I only get when I'm really, really falling apart due to anxiety. Omeprozale and oatmeal did enough to let me lie down again, and I dreamed a bit, so I must have slept at least a little.

I'm not sure anything much is going to help until I'm through today and tomorrow. I need to do all of that stuff without Ativan because my prescription says one a day and I'm using that one to let me sleep with the c-PAP on. My doctor says taking more than one a day is fine, but I can't refill the damned thing before thirty days have passed, so doubling up means skipping some other day.

Scott has decreed that I'm not going to the Eagle Scout ceremony for our nephew. It's better for me that way, but I feel guilty because I missed his graduation party, too.

Hm. For tomorrow, they want the fasting blood draw to be in the window between 10 and 12 hours of fasting. They open at 8:00 a.m., and I can't eat after 8:00 p.m. if I want to be able to sleep before 3:00 a.m. I have no idea how to manage this. Given when Cordelia leaves and the buses in general, I can't get there before 9:00. If Scott's able to stay up long enough to get me to UHS, it will still likely be 8:15 or 8:30 when we arrive because of traffic. The window used to be between 12 and 16 hours fasting.

I might be able to get the blood draw done somewhere else. Most of the clinics affiliated with the university open at 7:00 a.m., but I'd have to get there without Scott's help because of Cordelia needing one of us at home up until 7:50. I'm not willing to take the bus at that time of day because that bus is a major, major commuter shuttle between the park and ride lots and the hospital and central campus.
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I slept eight hours last night, all of it with the c-PAP, but it was very light and not very restful sleep because I still feel like I've been flattened and desperately want to go back to bed. My elbows hurt when I lie on my back for too long (I'm pretty sure that the joints are hyperextending) because there isn't a way I can keep my arms bent without making other things hurt even more.

My parents arrived here about 11:30, and we ended up going to the same Chinese place we went to the last time they came. I had really wanted to go to Totoro which is downtown, but losing that half an hour made it just not really feasible.

My mother texted me around 5:00 to say that the procedure went well and that they were already back in Lawton (two hours away).

Around 3:20, Cordelia, who was at the downtown library, called me to tell me that her best friend had hit her head while volunteering at the same camp where Cordelia did last week. This is the girl who had the bad concussion at the end of May and then needed another ER trip for a relapse two weeks later. I woke Scott and he drove over to get her because we didn't want her to have to wait there or to have to walk up that steep hill in the heat. Cordelia got home about thirty seconds after Scott got her friend here, and the two of them went into Cordelia's room and seemed to be happy. (We'd been kind of worried because the other girl looked kind of out of it and wouldn't talk to either of us.)

I had tried calling the other girl's mother and texting her mother while Scott was getting her but failed to reach her. She called us on the landline about fifteen minutes after her daughter got here. It took her another half an hour to get here because she had to take the bus. The girl said she'd called Cordelia because she didn't have any other numbers for our family, and her mother said she'd correct that oversight as she (the mother) has my cell, Scott's cell, and our landline numbers.

The last I heard, the other girl was doing okay, but that was last night. I kind of suspect that she's not at camp today, but I don't know.

Monday is going to suck hugely. I need to be up for Cordelia at 6:30 and do a fasting blood draw sometime after 8:30 or 9:00 (need to check when UHS opens) which probably means getting down there by bus. At 1:00 I have a uterine ultrasound, also at UHS. In the evening, we need to take Cordelia out to East Ann Arbor for a blood draw.

I wanted to do Cordelia's last night since the place was open until 7:30 (only until 5:30 today and so utterly impossible unless Scott was willing to do it before going to bed which he wasn't). Scott thought that we ought to give Cordelia at least a day's notice. I disagreed strongly, but he went ahead and told her right before he left for work last night. She spent the next hour having something approaching a panic attack and blaming me for it. I am decidedly unhappy with Scott about this.

Also, doing it last night would have made it more likely that, if she needs vitamin supplements or thyroid medication we could still manage to get the camp permission slips for those signed and turned in before departure. Cordelia's pediatrician requires a two day turnaround for those things, so Thursday is the absolute latest we can turn them in and still have them for the orientation meeting the following Monday evening (departure is at 8 a.m. on Tuesday with Cordelia needing to be there at 7 a.m. which is going to be vastly fun given that going by cab means a choice between risking being late and being almost certain to have a half an hour to sit outside the building before they let us in).

I talked to one of the camp organizers Wednesday afternoon about medications and such. She clarified that, although all the forms say that prescriptions need to be held and dispensed by either the nurse or the cabin counselor, prescription topical acne medications are not included under that. I'd have thought, given the age group, that those medications would be common enough to merit some sort of mention of them being an exception.

One of Cordelia's prescriptions has changed dosage, and the bottle is too full for us to be able to get a new one with the new dosing information. The camp is completely inflexible on that. They will administer medications exactly according to label no matter what other documentation you have.
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I had hoped to go to bed early last night because I thought it might help me actually recover from the headache and because I was draggingly exhausted and nodding off. Sadly for me, Cordelia ended up having friends over. We'd said yes to that about a week ago, and then none of her friends responded to say whether or not they were coming. Then, last night, one girl showed up, and she and Cordelia talked a third girl into coming over. The guests didn't leave until 10:30 when I told Scott that he had to tell them it was time (I was having trouble staying upright at that point).

I still had the headache when Scott's alarm went off. I ended up getting up and taking an Amerge and some naproxen. Those and a couple of cold packs let me sleep another three hours. I woke with the headache gone.

I finished the Labyrinth story for [community profile] pod_together by about 7:00 last night. I'm reasonably pleased with it. I haven't started the other story yet, but I think I know where to start. I'm still tempted by the options I've decided not to go with. I asked for a week's extension on the second story but still want to get it done as soon as I can.

[personal profile] captiveaudience has a dozen people signed up, and nobody new has signed up since the 9th. I'm a little sad about that because this is a practically bulletproof story type for me, and I'd like to see more people writing it. I know it's a niche thing, though. I can write for about half of the other people signed up, so I'm matchable as a writer. I have no idea if I'm matchable as a recipient.

I nominated for Darkest Night but am still not sure if I'll sign up or just write treats (or pinch hits). I will probably wait to see if there are requests that I'd be very interested in writing before I decide. Two of my freeform tags haven't been approved yet even though it's been several days, so possibly the moderators have questions about them.

I have posted several WIP to AO3, things that I may never finish (and that I clearly indicated that fact about). Tagging them was hard because they're complicated AUs. I'm still not sure I used the right tags.

Our nephew's graduation party is tomorrow. Does anybody know-- Are casual clothes okay for a high school graduation party? I'm kind of assuming they are, but I'd hate to find out differently on arriving. The party's at his family's house and will, I think, be at least partly out of doors. Scott has done nothing whatsoever about a gift. I prodded him about a couple of times because I thought it might make sense to go in on something like a mini fridge or microwave with his brother.

We also have to figure out a birthday present for Scott's sister's husband as his birthday is in about two weeks.

Cordelia has set a goal to visit all the branches of the library. I'm pretty sure that it's partly because of her wanting the summer game codes from those branches and partly to get out of the house with an actual defined goal/destination. I think she's got two branches left now, and she just left for one of them. She'll hang out there for a while if it's comfortable and maybe buy herself some vending machine coffee or something.

I'm tempted to lie down again for a nap. There's no strong reason why I shouldn't, but part of me feels like I shouldn't. I think I'm too tired to write or to read, so why on earth should I stay awake?
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This headache won't quit. At this point, the sinus component is gone, and I'm about 80% sure that everything remaining is related to upcoming deadlines for which I don't have my projects completed. I've been working on one of those all morning and might have an end in sight. Maybe.

The other, I haven't started, but I can ask for an extension of a week, so it's quite possible to get it done. I'm mainly delaying asking in case, for some horrible reason, I need an extension on the first project, too.

I've taken Tylenol, Mucinex, Amerge, and Ativan toward killing the headache. I've also had enough water to make my back teeth float and some caffeine and some fat and protein. A cold pack helped a lot, but the meds, apart from the Ativan, didn't help much. I really think that what I need is to finish the first [community profile] pod_together story.
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Cordelia is now saying that she doesn't want to go to camp in August because she doesn't think she can handle a week without me. She also says that she's sure all of the other kids will be awful people and that there will be so many people present that there's no hope of her managing to spend any time with the people she actually knows.

She's been wanting lots of hugs and cuddling and reassurance that I'll always be there for her. She's also afraid any time she lets herself stop and think (mostly in the evenings). Her days have been pretty full, but she comes home and tells me that, even though she had fun, she missed me horribly. I think she's got some sort of worry that, if she's not checking up on me regularly, I'll just vanish.

I finally listened to the voicemail Cordelia's psychiatrist left. She says that the Celexa ought to stay at a steady level for twenty four hours on a single dose and that this may mean the dose is too low. Cordelia is afraid of upping the dose because she's connected her tiredness to the medication. I need to call the doctor back on Monday to discuss it.

Cordelia has more or less mastered swallowing small pills. Last night, she asked what I take for cramps, and I gave her a naproxen. It took her two swallows to get it down, but she did, and she was astonished to discover that it did help.

Her report card came today. It's all A's with an A+ in gym and an A- in algebra. Cordelia's of the opinion that they can't have counted the algebra final in that grade because she thinks that would have taken her down to B+ or even B range. I can't tell from PowerSchool whether or not she's right. It doesn't actually matter. B grades are good, too, and that particular class has been nasty for all the students due to the teacher not being very good.
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Cordelia spent last night with her best friend, a sleepover. They went to a movie at Top of the Park (outdoor showing), so they were out quite late. I think they saw Hidden Figures. The girls are eager to go to more of these movies. The main difficulty is getting them home afterward. I don't think the buses run that late, and Scott can't stay up for that. I doubt the other girl's parents can either.

My psychiatrist says I should use Ativan every night for a while in the hope that that will get me used to the c-PAP. We discussed Lunesta as an option as well, but I wasn't keen on it because new medications that sedate me can send my anxiety through the roof. Lunesta might not since it's supposed to make a person fall asleep really, really fast, but... I thought trying Ativan first was wiser.

She also wants me to practice taking the gear off and putting it back on in as close to night time darkness as I can manage in the hope that that will help the anxiety caused by feeling less able to respond to an emergency. (What sort of emergency, I can't imagine. The anxiety portions of my brain are simply adamant that I must be prepared for emergencies at all times. All possible emergencies rather than anything specific.) There's a reason that, when I startle awake, including with an alarm, I wake pretty completely and can function immediately, no matter how tired I am. That ability to function fades as the day goes on.

I took an Ativan last night and used the c-PAP until Scott's alarm at 5 a.m. I slept without it after that until about 8:30 when Cordelia texted me with a question. That's two hours longer than I'd have slept on a school night. I'm still tired, but I'm able to function. Maybe this will work.

I'm starting to get a headache now, so I'm going to lie down for a while.
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I keep forgetting to mention this-- A week or two ago, I got an anonymous gift from Amazon. It's a portable charger thingy for my cell phone. Scott says he didn't send it, so I'm assuming someone here did. Thank you, whoever you are. It's a huge help.

Looking at the records on the c-PAP, I have a lot of not breathing episodes when I'm lying in bed but not yet asleep and not many at all when I'm actually asleep. That is, I put the rig on and lay down about 10:15 last night. When Scott came to bed an hour later, I hadn't slept yet, and I got up to use the bathroom. The c-PAP said I'd stopped breathing for at least ten seconds thirteen times during that hour. When Scott's alarm went off around 5:00, the c-PAP said that, including that first hour, I'd averaged 2.5 occasions of stopping breathing. When I got up at 6:30, after not really getting back to sleep, the average had gone up to 4.5 which implies a heck of a lot of incidents during that hour and fifteen minutes.

Sometimes the nasal pillows hurt last night, and sometimes they didn't. I took an Ativan Sunday before bed and didn't take one last night. I'm not sure if that made a difference. I'm not noticing a change in my quality of sleep so far. That might be due to not being used to the differences in how I need to lie with the rig on, and that might be due to not having timing work out for me to be in bed as long as I normally would be.

I did some minor chores yesterday (sorting and putting away a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, preparing food for myself), and that was enough to make my chest hurt. Bending over is a problem as are reaching and lifting. Extending my right arm to pick up a half empty box of tea bags is enough to hurt a good bit. Tylenol still helps, but I think I'm going to have to try to get in to see my primary care doctor.

I wrote about 1600 words yesterday. It was on a sequel to the story I wrote for Yuletide 2016. I'm a little annoyed with myself for starting something else, especially when I have no idea at all how to get to the bit that I actually want to write. This also doesn't connect to the other chapters that I wrote in November but didn't end up posting because there was incomplete story arc in them. I still don't quite know how to wrap up that arc. It needs at least one more chapter. I guess that, if I do finish both stories, I'll end up making them a three story arc with The Wisdom That You Brought.
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I ended up writing 2600 words of my Fandom5K story yesterday. I’m well beyond the minimum word count and am trying to decide how to end things. While I’m making up my mind about that, I’m editing what I wrote yesterday.

I don’t think I’m going to meet my Camp NaNo goal for this month. I’m at 11824 words out of my hoped for 25000. If I did nothing but write all week, I could probably do it, but I’ve got constant appointments all week with Tuesday the only day I’m likely to do much writing (that appointment is for Cordelia and not until 5:30).

I’m pretty sure that taking Ativan yesterday was pretty key in being able to write. It took that and Amerge together to kill the migraine, and I felt much, much better through the rest of the day. I’ve gotten more of the blood test results, but I’m still waiting about the hysterosonogram results.

I’ve decided to wait to sign up for Not Prime Time until I know what’s going on with the hysterosonogram results. If it’s clean, I can sign up if I want to. If it’s not, signing up will depend on what the next steps are and how long I’d have to wait and how long it would take me to recover after.

I need to spend some time talking to Scott today about things he thinks I might need advice about adaptive technology and strategies for. We went through a lot of my previous list at the last session, and I go back tomorrow. I’ve already set up the A-Ride both ways for it.

Scott spent some time poking at my laptop last night. He suspects that it’s simply that my hard drive is old and very, very slow. He thinks it’s a bad sign that I never hear it doing anything. He insisted on running Disk Aid again (I did it three days ago) and was more than a little frustrated that the results came up the same as they did when I ran it: nothing wrong.
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I got up long enough this morning to give Cordelia her medicine and then went back to bed. I didn’t manage to sleep until after Cordelia left at 7:50. I need to remember to ask her to keep the volume low on the TV. Closing the bedroom door helps not at all. At any rate, I slept about another two hours, a bit fitfully but still two more hours.

Apart from being low on sleep and kind of stressed over everything that needs doing, I’m feeling a hell of a lot better since I stopped the Tamoxifen. As I said to my SIL yesterday, I’m not suddenly getting spikes of pain in my hands that make me scream any longer. My hands still hurt, but it’s more low level and constant which I can deal with better. The Achille’s tendon hurts a lot more, and I’m not quite sure what to do about that.

Scott was still feeling a bit icky when he got up this morning. I’ve texted him to see how he’s holding up now. I think we’ll stick with fish and poultry for him this week and then maybe try some pork when he’s got a clear weekend.

Our nephew is pretty much confirmed as an Eagle Scout. They’re waiting on the official word from National, but the review board approved him, so National is a rubber stamp. His current plan for fall is to attend the community college near us (we live about half an hour away from their family) and then transfer two Michigan State in the winter. I don’t know that him going to school a short distance away will mean us seeing him more often, but I’ve told his mother that I’d be happy to feed him lunches or whatever. I suppose I should actually talk to him about it directly.

Cordelia tried her aunt’s green bean casserole and tells us that she very much wants to have it again. I thought it was horribly bland and tasteless, but… I can make that if it’s something Cordelia will enjoy and actually eat.

Today’s primary goal is to fill out the forms for high school choir camp. The deadline for getting those forms in is Wednesday. I had thought it would be much, much later and so hadn’t even looked at what needs doing. Scott says that we can— just— afford the camp. It will entirely devour our tax refund, though. I need to call or email the teacher in charge because I have questions I need answered before I commit $470. It would suck majorly to spend the money and then find that Cordelia couldn’t go because of needing accommodations.
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I think that stopping the Tamoxifen is actually changing how I feel, physically. It's only been a few days, though, so I'm not certain that it's that.

I took the bus to PT yesterday and then a cab home. My Achille's tendon was hurting pretty badly by the time I got to the front entrance to the hospital, and I just could face ten minutes of walking from the bus stop to home.

On the way to PT, I got on the wrong bus and ended up having to go to central campus to transfer to the correct bus which added about twenty minutes to my travel time. I'd allowed an hour, so I was still there in time, but it was stressful. On the up side, going the extra long way let me hit a lot more Ingress portals. I'm not even remotely convinced that was a good trade off.

The physical therapist taped my tendon. He said the tape would stay on for days, but one of the pieces was peeling by the time I got home. I had Scott trim the parts that wouldn't stick before I went to bed last night because they were sticking to everything but me. I didn't think that having it stick to the sheets would make for comfortable sleeping. I don't think that particular bit is going to last the day.

Scott got me carryout last night from Qdoba. They'll let you pick a bunch of ingredients to wrap in a tortilla. I should have thought and not put in lettuce because, of all the ingredients, that was the one that gave me problems. I just keep forgetting that it's a risky thing because romaine lettuce seems like a ridiculous thing to cause digestive upset.

I managed to reach my father for his birthday yesterday, but I still haven't talked to my grandmother or sister for theirs. Grandma's birthday was Wednesday, and my sister's was Thursday.

I haven't managed to write anything in the last few days. I must do so today and tomorrow. I need another 2000 words to make my minimum word count for Fandom5K. I'm still trying to find a transition from one section to another, and I can't seem to find a way in. I'm also trying to figure out the next step in We Are Where We Began, but I think that I need to ignore everything but the Fandom5K story just now.

I think that part of my problem is that my brain has been foggy for days now. I can't focus enough to read even the easiest book, and everything I try to watch seems... How to put it? I can't quite understand the stories, partly because I can't focus enough to follow what's going on and partly I can't manage to care.

Scott is out doing the grocery shopping. Cordelia is in the backyard working on a science project with a friend. I might lie down again and see if I can nap now since I didn't sleep as well last night as I'd hoped (mostly due to the lettuce). When Scott gets back, we'll go to the library. I expect he'll keep up his binge watch of the new MST3K. He watched four episodes last night which was at least two more than I wanted. I'd rather watch one of the two Netflix DVDs we've got or one of the two DVDs waiting for us on the hold shelf at the library. Neither of the latter can be renewed, so I can probably insist. Cordelia wants to see both of them, too, but she says she doesn't want to see them with us.
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I’m now over 3000 words on my Fandom5K story. I think I’ve finished the backstory/set up. I just have to find the right transition to move forward.

The folks at oncology have told me to go ahead and stop the tamoxifen for a few weeks to see if that changes things. If it doesn’t change my pain levels, I can start it up again without hurting the course of treatment. If it does help, well, I almost certainly won’t start it up again.

We’ve firmed up plans for Easter dinner. We’re bringing a green salad and a serving of some sort of meat that I can eat. We might or might not bring something else. We’re to be there 2:00 or a little later. The hosts will get home around 12:30 and thought 2:00 was reasonable in terms of them having some time.

The library will be closed on Sunday, so we don’t have to work around that. We’ll likely go in on Saturday because there’s a hold Scott wants that expires then.

I’ve got ten minutes before I need to leave for PT. My plan is to try the bus, just to see how walking to the stop affects my tendinitis. I’m hoping it will be a minor thing because the bus is free and doesn’t require someone else carving out time to transport me. [personal profile] evalerie has expressed willingness to help as she can, but this is every day with two appointments some days.

I have off loaded some of the phone calls that relate to Cordelia onto Scott. None of them should take very long. The only complication will be if we need Cordelia to sign a release in order for the surgeon's office to tell us the procedure codes for the possible surgeries, and we want to get her to sign a release anyway so that I can call and do things like ask what time her appointments are.

I'm going to hold off on scheduling anything with orthopedics until I find out how stopping the tamoxifen affects my hands. I'd really hate to jump into unnecessary surgery. The tamoxifen didn't cause the underlying osteoarthritis, but it may be making the pain levels worse. I'm not holding my breath that it will be a magical solution, but I might get lucky.
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The sleep disorders clinic overnight went okay. I had trouble finding a position to lie in that didn’t make my back hurt enough to keep me awake. The mattress was harder than I’m comfortable with, so it left my body in a much different configuration than I’m used to. I ended up starting on my right side (which is generally my third choice position after back and left side) then switching to on my back midway through the night when I woke.

I had reflux issues through the evening but was okay when I lay down. I took Tums around 7:30 and an Ativan about 8:40. The Ativan helped more.

The technician forgot to let me get up to take my thyroid medication. I didn’t demand it because I had no way to know what time it was. The forgetting was understandable. The other patient she was monitoring ended up needing an ambulance at about the time I should have taken my medication. I took it immediately on getting up, and the timing ended up working out for that because Scott and Cordelia didn’t arrive until an hour later.

Scott and Cordelia picked me up, and we went to breakfast at the Northside Grill which is a diner about a mile from home. Scott and Cordelia had omelets, and I had potato pancakes. Cordelia was very grumpy at having been dragged out of bed so early.

I suspect that my biggest problems with the c-PAP will be odor and temperature. That is, when I breathe warm air, I parse it as stale. I can’t pull covers over my head to sleep unless I make sure I have an opening where I can get cooler air. The c-PAP air was warmer than the surrounding air by enough that part of me kept thinking I wasn’t getting breathable air.

We still don’t have a bedside table for me to put a c-PAP. That’s really urgent now. I don’t have a c-PAP yet, but I’m likely to fairly soon (depending on how many delays MedEquip throws in. Their reputation is terrible in that direction).

I’m really exhausted, so I’m probably going to post this, set an alarm (we have to be somewhere at 2:30), and see if I can sleep.
the_rck: (Default)
I think maybe my back is starting to get better. I really hope that that’s the case because this pain thing sucks.

My right hand, however, is getting worse. I had to ask Scott to help me brush my hair this morning, and there have been days when I couldn’t floss. The giant braces might help the hair brushing problem, but they also might not because they make gripping and turning things the way I need to too difficult. I mentioned maybe chopping my hair, and Scott thought it might help, but I’m not sure it would because most of the knots I wake up with are high up on my head. I think I’d have to get my head shaved to avoid them.

I also don’t want to do something as radical as chopping off my hair until I know whether or not the problem is as simple to solve as stopping the Tamoxifen. I need to talk to my doctors about that. I’m not sure if it’s something I can stop for a while to see if the pain problems get better and go back to if the pain doesn’t improve. At this point, I’m pretty certain that the Tamoxifen is not worthwhile if it’s giving me this much pain— Five years of taking it will decrease my risk of recurrence by 4%, and the oncologist said that even a year would decrease the risk a bit. I’ve been taking the stuff since December of 2015.

4% is not worth five years of pain. (The baseline risk for me is 10%.)

I need to get Scott to empty the clean dishes out of the bottom rack of the dishwasher (I did most of the top) and to put away the things that require bending. I need him to bring the clean laundry and the clean sheets upstairs. I also asked him two days ago to look for something in the basement (I have a reacher/grabber thing that will let me pick up some things without bending. I’m 90% sure it fell down the basement stairs a few months back, so it’s down there somewhere).

Today is one of the days of the year when going to downtown or campus is decidedly unwise. It’s the Hash Bash, and there will be thousands of people wandering around (and taking up the parking spaces).

Scott’s very conservative aunt just friended me on Facebook. Ah, well, if she hadn’t realized that I’m a flaming liberal, she wasn’t paying attention. And it’s not like I post much. One surprise is that one of my aunts has turned out to be a lot more liberal than I thought she was— She’s reblogging Bernie Sanders stuff. I mean 80% of what she posts is cute dog pictures and pleas for people to adopt/sponsor dogs, but there is some political stuff, all things I can get on board with.

Today’s goal is to finish and return a graphic novel that’s due today and can’t be renewed. Then I work on the Korean DVD that’s due tomorrow and can’t be renewed. Then I write. I would like to watch some things with Scott in the living room, but I still can’t sit there for more than about fifteen minutes at a time without my back feeling worse so not today.

I talked to Scott’s mother yesterday and to my step-father. My mother was in Florida through some time yesterday in order to sell her father’s house, so I didn’t actually talk to her. My step-father says she’ll only be in Michigan for a week in April. I’d been under the impression that it would be much longer than that. I guess I can’t count on seeing her. Pity she’s not up here this week. Both of them will come north some time in May, after my step-father’s semester ends.
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Cordelia stopped using crutches entirely over the weekend. Today, she’s trying school in a light knee brace. She carried all of her things to school and didn’t want me along.

That last was just as well because my back spasmed last night and is still giving me huge problems when I move. I can sit as long as I sit still. I can lie down as long as I don’t change position much. It’s going to make the various household chores I want to get done today problematic. Right now, I’m applying heat to see if that will loosen things enough for me to do anything. It’s the muscles in my lower back, the ones just at and above my pelvis. When I stand up from sitting or lying down, when I sit down, when I turn over in bed, when I bend at all, that area hurts at about a 7 on the pain scale.

Last night, while I was showering, my right hand got so painful that I couldn’t move it at all. I’d call it an 8 or a 9 on the pain scale. It was better if I didn’t so much as wiggle my fingers. That made the process of drying off… interesting. I thought I was going to have to yell for Scott to come help me. My left hand hurt more than usual then, too. I couldn’t even put lotion on my leg without agony. I thought I should be able to because I could just use my fingers and not my thumb and because I had my heavy braces on.

The combination of the hands and the back has me wondering if I did something full body stupid. I can’t think what apart from, you know, taking Tamoxifen.

Feedly, one of the apps I use most on my phone, updated last night and now no longer works at all. Well, I can see that there are articles waiting for me to read them and what the titles and sites involved are. I just can’t open them at all no matter what avenues I try, including forcing the app to quit and restarting it.

We got bubble tea yesterday after our library trip. That was a nice treat. I miss having it weekly, but it is expensive. I’m pretty sure the price has gone up since we were last in there.

I wrote almost 1300 words last night. Sadly, none of them were for the thing with a deadline (though I just now added a sentence to that). I’m having trouble finding the character voice for that because I’m trying to write a character I don’t sympathize with at all. There’s just not much beyond cardboard cutout for the character in canon. I suppose that adding depth to the character that isn’t in canon isn’t a terrible thing. I just worry that it may not be what my recipient wants.
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Tuesday evening, I added about 600 words to my Small Fandom Big Bang story while editing. I may end up adding more because there’s at least one bit left that I need to expand.

I had reflux issues last night when I went to bed. I’m pretty sure that they were largely anxiety related. Sadly, I didn’t twig to that until after I had taken antacids, so I had to wait to take an Ativan. Once I did, I was able to sleep, but I lost two or three hours, so I’m pretty wiped out. It also means I woke with a headache that took hours to get rid of. That took both Amerge and metapropronol (sp?).

At this point, I’m on the verge of falling asleep, and I’m not sure I can stay up long enough to get dinner. It’s only 5:30.
the_rck: (Default)
::sighs:: It finally occurred to me that, if I’m anxious enough that I can’t look at my email, I probably need an Ativan. I’m pretty sure that this is anxiety about Cordelia’s appointment, both how it will go and whether or not Scott will get off work in time.

I’ve got the towels upstairs and folded. I’ve run the dishwasher but still need to empty it. The recycling is at the curb, but I still need to take the trash out. I have beta comments on my Small Fandom Big Bang story and need to start addressing them.

I pulled another small box full of books to get rid of. I’m dithering about some sets of mysteries that I haven’t felt any impulse to reread in more than fifteen years but that I used to reread. They’re mostly quite old and not things I could get from the library without resorting to interlibrary loan which… Well, none of them are worth that effort. I have space to keep them, and it’s not like we have any expectation of moving any time in the next decade, but is there any reason to keep them? I can’t imagine that Cordelia’s going to have any interest, and I’m not interested in keeping such things around on the off chance that someday she has a child who might be interested.

I have a lot of mysteries by Dell Shannon/Elizabeth Linington/Leslie Egan, for example, and haven’t opened one in years and years. I have a lot of Marian Babson mysteries, but those vary wildly in terms of the likelihood that I’ll ever touch them again. There’s a reasonable chance that I’ll reread the funny ones, but the grim ones… not nearly so likely. And none of these are things where just looking at the book on the shelf brings back memories. I think that’s worth keeping books for, as long as I have the space.

And what about series that I started reading years ago and bought two or three volumes past what I actually read and probably won’t ever read them? I can think of three of those off the top of my head. I don’t own complete sets of any of them.
the_rck: (Default)
There was more ice on the way to school today, but it was a little bit patchy and so not quite as dangerous. It was at least very clearly visible. It was less cold today than yesterday but still colder than I like. The difference in temperature meant that my hands didn’t get cold (though my face still got cold enough to hurt) even without gloves. The thing about not needing gloves is really, really weird, and I’m pretty sure it’s entirely due to the Tamoxifen.

Tonight, the drama club is performing their play. Cordelia plans to go because some of her friends are in the drama club. Her best friend is coming over after school, and they will walk over there together. Cordelia vetoed the idea of me going with her. I’m still going to have to go to the school to get Cordelia because she can’t really deal with her backpack with her winter coat. It slips every ten steps or so, and she has to stop to pull it back up.

I’ll have to figure out what to feed the girls. I’m not sure when they need to leave, and that will definitely be a factor.

I don’t know yet if I’ll manage to stay awake this morning. I’m not sure if I should even try. I need to do some tidying before the cleaning lady comes, and it’s easier for me to do that in small bits. I also want to clean out the fridge and take out the resulting trash. The drawback of that is that I can’t put a new bag in place without hurting myself.

I don’t have any books due this weekend that I can’t renew, but I do have several that I’ve renewed more than once. I’m going to work on those if I can find the brain power for it. I’ve got the book I’ve renewed three times sitting beside me and looking at me reproachfully. I’ve got two books that I’ve renewed twice, one that I’ve renewed once, and a short graphic novel that I haven’t yet renewed at all. Part of me thinks I should just knock out the graphic novel since it will take the least time.

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