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My left elbow is hurting a lot. It's been giving me trouble for a couple of months, but it's now hard to sleep because of it, and bending it and straightening it both hurt like hell. Clenching my fist hurts the elbow, too, as does lifting anything heavier than my cell phone. I'm seeing my doctor next week, so I'm going to talk to her about it then. The pain at night thing is the biggest problem. I can get by without using it to lift/carry most of the time, and I'm managing not to move it much even without wearing a sling.

Neither heat nor ice help, but Tylenol does help a bit. I suspect that being low on sleep isn't helping at all as I tend to hurt more when I'm tired.

This is pinpoint pain, so I'm assuming tendinitis.
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Scott has gone off to teach our niece and a couple of her friends how to play D&D. I'm chipping away at certain bits of household chores that have needed doing for quite a while as well as working on more urgent things. I was considering taking a bit of a walk, but it's too hot out there for me. Maybe this evening.

Before he left, Scott brought up one of the boxes of junk from the basement. I've almost finished sorting that. Most of it is trash, but I've got a grocery bag of stuff to donate and a grocery bag of Cordelia's old report cards and certificates and school work. Scott wants to keep all of those papers, but we don't have a defined place for them. I want something other than a paper bag for storage.

There are a lot of index cards in the bottom of the bag. I'm not quite sure what to do with them. We might still use them, but they're loose and kind of grimy. I'm pretty sure Scott would want me to keep them, but... I think that the bottom of the box has mouse droppings all over, so I'm inclined to pitch them and the box.

I also found Cordelia's 3DS which she had apparently never realized was missing. I didn't find the stylus, but I suppose that's easy enough to replace if she gives it away or donates it.

I have no clue at all why there's a rock the size of my fist at the bottom of the box. It's gray, dirty, and ugly, and I don't recall anything that would have given us something of the sort as a souvenir. I feel ridiculous putting it in the trash, but putting it in the yard will just mean the lawnmower hits it the next time Scott mows. I can't see myself walking to the science and nature center or to the railroad tracks in order to put it down.

I kind of want to write, but I'm not sure I have sufficient brain for it just now. Last night was not great for sleep, and I had to be up with Cordelia this morning.

I have managed to find my cloth sling and am wearing it so that I don't keep using my left arm. I'm hoping that the elbow will start to recover if I can just keep it still.

The results of my blood draw on Monday are mixed. My blood sugar is stable, but for the first time ever, I have high(ish) cholesterol and triglycerides. I was expecting my A1c to have gone up because my diet, with regard to sugar, has been terrible during the last few months as I've struggled to keep myself functioning. My blood pressure at my appointment today was 98/63, so that's still fine. It bounces around a bit, but it's never once gone higher than 110/80 which I've been assured is still solidly in the middle of the normal range.
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Okay, I have to make it clear to Scott that, no matter how cool it is outside, we are not opening the windows again until all of the ragweed is dead. He opened them around 6 last night and left them open when he went to work. I didn't try to close them because I have a very difficult time getting the windows to move. I'm now sneezing like crazy and have the worst sinus headache I've had in years. I've shut the windows as well as I can (Scott's asleep), and I think I'm going to have to force the AC to run in order to try to clear the air in here. I've taken all of the allergy medication that I can. The next step is a sinus wash. I just hate doing that.

I suppose I should consider it a win that it now takes several hours for ragweed to knock me on my ass? When I was a kid, I was miserable for months each year because of it. Seven years of allergy shots did something.

I wrote 1300 words last night. Sadly, none of it was for my Captive Audience story. I also worked a bit on my Darkest Night sign up. I think there are enough requests that I'd enjoy doing now to make signing up feasible. I will likely wait until the last minute to make sure that I'm not offering something that might match on something I can't or don't want to write. There are some things requested that I've looked at and realized that, while I could write for those requests, I wouldn't enjoy it. I think that part of my problem is that I don't much want to write anything sexually dark for this. I've written a lot of that this summer and would like to write something dark in a completely different way.

I'm trying to get myself to the point of being able to respond politely to a couple of comments on Auguries of Innocence (my Harry Potter darkfic AU). The comments are from someone who wants me to do terrible things to Harry and Hermione for having become ruthless people who sometimes do terrible things but to redeem Ron (who has done and continues to do equally horrible things) so that I can have an endgame with the commenter's OTP-- Ron/Draco-- living happily ever after.

I am hoping to take the story in a 'things get better' direction, but I really think that, in that story, Draco's idea of happily ever after won't involve being paired with anyone at all. I also think it likely that the current Harry/Ron/Hermione relationship isn't going to end during the course of the story because it's actually pretty stable, given the givens.

I ended up lying down for a while yesterday because I was so tired I could barely stay upright, but I didn't sleep because every position I tried lying in hurt. I ended up having Scott get me a Wendy's double with cheese (and the staff there screwed up the order and gave me one with everything instead of just cheese and meat and bun, so I had to throw out the top bun. At least the lettuce kept the ketchup, mayo, and mustard from getting on the burger itself). That got me through about four hours, up until Scott left for work. I was even able to do the dishes and run some laundry.

At that point, though, I was in that weird zone where I was nodding off but my body was too tense for me to feel like sleep was even remotely possible. I think I got about six hours of sleep before Scott came to bed. After that, I got another three, but it was all of the sort where my brain kept clawing for consciousness over my body's objections. I think that a big part of that was the sinus headache which felt, the whole time, like I needed to remove the front of my head from the eyeballs down.

I just feel like, every time I ought to be able to get a refreshing night of sleep, something else smacks me and makes it not happen.

I ended up ordering a bunch of not very expensive items ($3-$7) from my Amazon wishlist and from Cordelia's. I got nine items for about $50. I'm hoping to use the stuff for Cordelia as a well done gift after we actually do the blood draw on Monday.
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I got about seven hours of sleep last night, all with the c-PAP. I'm noticing that I sleep more lightly during the second half of the night when I use the c-PAP all night. My guess is that the Ativan is wearing off and that I'm still not quite beyond the anxiety freak out stage of wearing the gear. I'm very, very tired today. I feel like I shouldn't be because I did sleep, but I really am.

Cordelia had an appointment at 9:45 this morning. I tried to get it earlier so that Scott would be home and in bed earlier, but the doctor simply wasn't available. Still, that's early enough that a lot of parking structures downtown (where the appointment was) limit parking severely to discourage commuters.

I've got one call I must make today and a second that I really should make today. I don't want to deal with either, and being tired makes it all that much harder. As a way of indicating how much I don't want to make the calls, I've been filling out forms in preference.

Cordelia needs to be in bed earlyish tonight because she has a volunteer shift at the downtown library at 9 a.m. Scott will likely be able to drive her in before he goes to bed, but I'd like her to take the bus if she can so that he doesn't have to stay up an extra hour.

My step-father is scheduled for his eye procedure at 1:30 tomorrow afternoon. Mom suggested we all (except Scott) get lunch beforehand. Since Cordelia's volunteer shift will end at 11:00, I suspect that we'll end up meeting her downtown right about then. I need to come up with a list of options because just wandering around to find something that looks good would use up our time rapidly. There are so very many restaurants in that general area, three or four a block.

My hands and my left elbow are still giving me a lot of trouble. I'm not sure what to do about it. I need to use them, but anything heavier than my cell phone is bad for my hands, and moving the elbow hurts even when my hand is empty, enough so that I'm thinking of digging out a sling to see if that helps.
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I didn't write anything yesterday, just let ideas roll around in the back of my mind. Instead, I inventoried our canned goods cupboard and had Scott help me inventory the upstairs freezer. He had been trying to tell me that we had no frozen green beans upstairs, but we came up with four bags (and there are two in the basement freezer). I think the hard part will be getting Cordelia to update the inventory lists when she takes things out.

I threw out a number of things from the cupboard where we keep the cans. The cookie mix we bought back when Cordelia was two might conceivably still have been edible, but I rather suspect that the ingredients had gone off. It didn't seem worth holding onto it given that I've looked at it regularly over the years and constantly decided that I wasn't up to making cookies. I can't physically handle more than a single cookie sheet going in and out once.

I haven't decided whether to try to keep track of the contents of the fridge or of any of the other cupboards, but I might weed our herbs and spices. We have some still unopened bottles of various things from the spice rack a friend gave us as a wedding present twenty four years ago. If we haven't opened them in that time, we're not going to, and most likely they're not very flavorful any more.

I slept kind of poorly last night. I was in bed about seven and a half hours, but I'm not sure how much I slept. I'm feeling really kind of groggy now in spite of food and caffeine, but the headache I woke with has mostly receded. I got up this morning when Scott went to bed because that pretty thoroughly woke me.

Our friend, [livejournal.com profile] cherydactyl, came over for a few hours yesterday. We played and won a game of Forbidden Desert. Neither she nor I had played before. Scott had played once and so knew a couple of pitfalls that we needed to avoid to survive. After that, we hung out and talked for a while.

Both hands and my left elbow were hurting a lot most of yesterday. I think that the hands started up because I read a couple of volumes of manga. Those aren't heavy, but apparently my hands don't like even something that light. All of the reading stands I've seen online are either flimsy or horribly expensive. Because I do most of my reading in the living room, I either need a floor stand or have to keep moving my laptop (not sure to where) in order to put the stand on my table. Laying the book on the couch next to me and looking down at it to read tends to hurt my back and neck, so I'd rather not do that or a pillow on my lap.

My elbow may have also reacted to the reading, but I suspect that moving all of the cans out of the cupboard and then back in had an impact. I also vacuumed and washed the shelves. Those are down on the floor, so at least I wasn't reaching up.

I'm looking at signing up for [community profile] darkestnightex this year. I didn't last year but did a pinch hit for it. I'm mainly hesitating right now because I can only see one request, so far, that I'd be happy to write. Everything else, even in fandoms I'd normally consider, is stuff I'd go out of my way to avoid matching on. It's mostly a case of not being able to wrap my head comfortably around the requested freeforms in combination with the requested characters/pairings. Even if I could write all of the requests for fandoms I'm comfortable with, I think there'd only be half a dozen possible matches. Of course, sign ups haven't been open for quite two days yet and run through the 11th. Other options may turn up, so I'm putting some time into coming up with my requests. The freeforms are particularly challenging for me.
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I slept last night, but it wasn't great. A big part of that was cramps. Scott's still in bed. I don't know if I woke him when my alarm went off. I got it off in about two seconds, but who knows? That would wake me, but he often doesn't wake for my weekend medication alarms which have a similar duration. Scott came to bed about 4:30. I woke up about then because I really needed the bathroom and was just getting up when he went in there. Which, well, isn't that how it always works?

I managed to use the c-pap all night, though.

I'm a little cranky that, although he stayed up past when it was done drying, he didn't bring up the laundry. I really don't want to face the stairs right now, but that is my only source of clean clothing unless I'm willing to wake Scott.

My month to date word count is 21752. That's the highest for any month so far this year, even if I write nothing else whatsoever. Yesterday, I added about 1300 words to my Captive Audience fic and then realized I may need to make a major alteration in the setting. I'm hoping not, though. Today's writing will mostly be tweaks to the second of my Pod Together stories to try to make the rhythm of certain passages work better for the person doing the podfic.

We were surprised when we went downtown to the library yesterday afternoon-- Apparently Art Fair now includes Sunday. For as long as I can remember, Sunday was tear down and clean up, but one of the employees at the library told me that Sunday's been part of actual Art Fair for a couple of years now.

We stopped by the science and nature center to do some Ingress, and we took back the portals that someone from the other side had captured. We had planned to go into the woods to reinforce the two portals there, but we decided against it because of the risk of ticks. The other portals are all accessible from places that should be much lower risk for ticks (close cropped grass or asphalt). We'll hope no one knocks out those two portals for a while. It can be done from the street because high level bursters have a pretty extensive reach. The portals just can't be captured from there because one has to be much closer in order to place resonators and mods.

I told Scott that we should hope for the other side coming by frequently. He's close to leveling up, and recapturing a portal is worth a fair number of points.
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I wasn't able to use the c-PAP at all last night because every time I put it on, I'd start sneezing in under a minute. The air blowing through made a particular bit of my sinuses itch like crazy. After I post this, I'm going to wash all of the gear and let it air dry. (I've got ten minutes left on the CD I'm listening to, and with Cordelia still in bed, I don't want to turn up the volume enough to be able to hear it in the kitchen).

I've been sneezing a bit, off and on, since I got up this morning. It hasn't been enough to make me worry, but it also hasn't quite gone away. I'm also now feeling sore from the walking I did on Monday. Walking is difficult because my calf muscles are trying to refuse to stretch at all.

I wrote 87 words last night. I'm hoping that this is the breakthrough I need in order to be able to get moving with the story as it's due Saturday. I also spent about ten minutes finding names for the OCs I know I'm going to need for my Captive Audience assignment.

I'd like to go out and do some Ingress this morning because some players from the other side came through and knocked over almost all of the portals in the neighborhood. I managed to reinforce three that are difficult to attack without tramping over uneven ground (these folks were out well after dark and tend not to want to get out of their car(s) at the nature center), but there's one unclaimed portal now that is easy to knock down from the parking lot but can't be captured from there. One only has to venture about two yards onto the grass to reach it, but... Most people don't bother.

I probably won't end up going because I've only got an hour before a friend comes over and because I need to do several household chores first. If Cordelia wakes in time, I want to see if she has dishes lurking in her room. I'm hoping to run the dishwasher soon. There's not a lot of space left. I could fill it with a couple of mugs. I'd just like to give priority to bowls and/or plates if she's got them.

I need to put in a support request at AO3 because there's a comment on one of my fics that never got emailed to me. I've gotten emails for more than a dozen comments left after it was and for one left seven hours before on the same fic. It's been three days, so I don't think it's just delayed. It's not in my junk mail, and I checked Gmail just in case it was getting hung up there (occasionally, that account just won't download for a few hours at a time), but it's definitely not there. It's not utterly lost because it's in my AO3 inbox and on the fic, but... I like to archive comments locally.
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I used the c-PAP for a bit more than four hours last night. When I took it off, I had issues with my sinuses freaking out. They itched, and my nose ran a bit. I eventually managed to get back to sleep, and I've been okay during the hour and a half since I got up for the day. I was pretty worried that I was going to end up with another couple of days of sneezing, runny nose, etc. I keep turning down the humidity setting in hopes that that will help given that the higher settings make me feel like I desperately need to blow my nose.

The story I was working on went off in a direction that didn't work, so I'm having to go back and figure out the right point to snip things and start over. There are a few specific sentences after that that I really like, but... They're almost certainly going. I've also introduced a huge plot question that I really have to address in order for the story to end. I think that will require a second chapter. I also have to make some decisions about the answer and have no idea what should happen. I'm stalling on that by trying to select a title for the story.

I retrieved the two books that I need to review from the basement, but I haven't actually opened either yet. I'm thinking I might work on them on Tuesday because we're going to spend a good bit of time in the car and with Scott's family. I don't think they'll mind if I sit and read. Cordelia saw the books and tried to talk me into loaning one of them to her best friend. I don't inherently object as long as it can wait until after I'm done writing this story.

I realized that I had the deadline wrong for those treats I was writing, so I have a few more days than I expected. Now I'm trying to find a beta reader for one of the stories. There are a few people who offered beta reading for the exchange; it's just that this weekend is a terrible time to try to reach anyone in the US (and I can't tell which of them are in the US).

The buses are letting people ride for free on Saturdays this summer if they show a district library card. Cordelia was very pleased about that when she decided to go downtown to the library yesterday. She remarked on the fact that she's going to the library a lot so far this summer. I told her that she doesn't have to if she's willing to wait for her holds until the family trip on Sundays.

Scott and I are both disappointed that the fireworks where his parents live are on Tuesday. That means that Scott will get less sleep than usual before going to work Wednesday. We were kind of hoping the fireworks would be today or Monday instead. They're always on the 4th there, though, so I'm not sure why we hoped. I'm also wondering what we'll all end up eating now that the traditional stuff is toxic for Scott.

Scott's parents have been back from Europe for about three days. We haven't heard from them about plans for the 4th. That has brought out the fact that both Cordelia and I would rather stay home. Neither of us are fireworks fans. The only bit that we like is that we usually watch from a Target parking lot and go inside to buy snacks (mostly candy) before the fireworks start. Scott actually enjoys fireworks, so he wants that bit. He just hates the lost sleep.

We currently have no plans for tomorrow. I'm sure we'll figure out something to do with the time. Maybe some Ingress? I don't know. Possibly just Scott playing games online with his brother in Seattle.

I'm having issues with my left foot/ankle, not the tendinitis but something else. About a third of the time, as I put weight on the foot to walk, I get a sharp pain in the front of the joint that feels like something's being pinched/compressed. I'm unlikely to try to see my doctor about it because it's the sort of thing that will absolutely be blamed on my weight. Also, I'm not sure I have any PT sessions left this year under our insurance.
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Cordelia's officially done with physical therapy for now. She admitted to us yesterday that she hasn't been doing her exercises because she's been utterly exhausted, so I'm a bit worried about things going forward.

She made it to the GSA bowling party only about forty five minutes after it started. She said it was a lot of fun but that only four out of the six members of her school's group made it. It was a multi-school event, so there were still a lot of people there.

The eighth graders are at Greenfield Village today. That's an outdoor historical recreation(ish) space an hour or so away from here. There's a large museum there, too, but people tend to go to one or the other. My sixth grade class, back in the late 1970s, spent a day at Greenfield Village. We were all supposed to dress up in nineteenth century clothing (or as close as we could get) for a short stint in a one room schoolhouse. I had a granny dress, so I was set. Mrs Pattinson, who was a very tall, thin woman in her fifties (or possibly sixties), looked very impressive as I recall. I have no recollection of what anyone else wore. I'm pretty sure that we used slates and facsimile primers.

I have no idea what activities Cordelia and her classmates will be undertaking. I look forward to her telling me about it.

I'm going to be spending a lot of time on laundry for the next few days. I'm not at all enthusiastic about it, especially when it comes to tomorrow, but I haven't got a choice. Cordelia can help on Saturday and Sunday. Scott's ability to help depends on whether or not he has to work the weekend. It'll be five loads today (one done, one in the dryer, one in the wash, two waiting). I'm hoping that subsequent days will only require three loads as that's a lot less exhausting.

My hands are hurting a lot, so I'm wearing my heaviest splints. Those will make putting the fitted sheet on the bed a challenge, but I don't think I can do it at all without some sort of splint. Things haven't been this bad since I stopped the Tamoxifen at the beginning of April.

I'm trying to figure out which of my library books I can finish quickly. I'm done with the one book due this week that can't be renewed, and there aren't any due next week that can't be renewed. I would like to get through some of these books or, at least, to read enough of some of them to know I don't want to go further.

I have three phone calls I should make today. Sadly, the easy one is also the least urgent.
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We went to Blue Nile for dinner on Saturday. As usual, we got the vegetarian meal for three. When we get the version with meat, we don't eat enough of it to justify the added cost. The vegetarian version is tasty, filling, and what we really want when we go there. There was live music which isn't really our thing but wasn't terrible. Service wasn't great. We ended up waiting for five to ten minutes at a time on three different occasions. There seemed to be plenty of waitstaff, and they were by no means full, so I really don't know what was going on.

I sent patient portal messages on Saturday to the oncology nurse I see to discuss my decision to stay off of Tamoxifen and to the sleep disorders clinic to ask what I should do about the c-PAP. I am almost entirely sure that the problem is not the headgear. I have issues with being worried that I'll break the hose, disconnect the hose, bend it so that air can't get through, etc. I also have issues with feeling like I'm trapped by the machine itself. Taking off and putting on the headgear feels as insurmountable as sitting in the middle of a row in a crowded theater and desperately wanting to escape. (I felt this yesterday while sitting at my SIL's house because I was stuck in a corner and couldn't get out without getting several people to move. It's very stressful even when there's no reason for me to need to get up at all.)

Feminine TMI )

We spent about five hours at Scott's sister's house yesterday. We left much later than planned because everything we tried to do kind of blew up in our faces. Cordelia's back went out rather abruptly Saturday evening, and she was still hurting a bit by Sunday morning. She doesn't seem to have done anything at all to cause it, either.
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It's very frustrating that Scott set aside a day for me because of my birthday and all I can do is lie down with a hot water bottle pressed to my belly. And that's after taking naproxen to deal with the cramps. I know my body needs this, but my last period was in October. Couldn't this have happened last week? Or next week?

I finally stopped sneezing and such around 11 this morning. The key when this happens is for me to dehydrate myself which kind of freaks out people who are trying to take care of me. Most of the time, drinking more water is good when I'm sick, but this particular thing won't stop until I dry out enough.

I slept badly last night. Part of that was the runny nose (I didn't even try to use the c-PAP), part of that was the cramps, and part of it was different parts of my body wanting different temperatures. My upper body was cold, but I had to keep moving my feet out from under the blankets and shifting around to find cool spots on the bed for them. Sadly, no cool spot ever last more than about four seconds.

I took a cab to my appointment yesterday and then took the bus home afterward. I probably should have either taken a cab home or waited for Scott to pick me up. I almost missed my stop due to just completely spacing out with exhaustion. I did a little bit of walking around and playing Ingress after my appointment. I'd probably have done a little more, but Cordelia's after school meeting got canceled, and she was worried about where I was.
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I keep forgetting to mention this-- A week or two ago, I got an anonymous gift from Amazon. It's a portable charger thingy for my cell phone. Scott says he didn't send it, so I'm assuming someone here did. Thank you, whoever you are. It's a huge help.

Looking at the records on the c-PAP, I have a lot of not breathing episodes when I'm lying in bed but not yet asleep and not many at all when I'm actually asleep. That is, I put the rig on and lay down about 10:15 last night. When Scott came to bed an hour later, I hadn't slept yet, and I got up to use the bathroom. The c-PAP said I'd stopped breathing for at least ten seconds thirteen times during that hour. When Scott's alarm went off around 5:00, the c-PAP said that, including that first hour, I'd averaged 2.5 occasions of stopping breathing. When I got up at 6:30, after not really getting back to sleep, the average had gone up to 4.5 which implies a heck of a lot of incidents during that hour and fifteen minutes.

Sometimes the nasal pillows hurt last night, and sometimes they didn't. I took an Ativan Sunday before bed and didn't take one last night. I'm not sure if that made a difference. I'm not noticing a change in my quality of sleep so far. That might be due to not being used to the differences in how I need to lie with the rig on, and that might be due to not having timing work out for me to be in bed as long as I normally would be.

I did some minor chores yesterday (sorting and putting away a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, preparing food for myself), and that was enough to make my chest hurt. Bending over is a problem as are reaching and lifting. Extending my right arm to pick up a half empty box of tea bags is enough to hurt a good bit. Tylenol still helps, but I think I'm going to have to try to get in to see my primary care doctor.

I wrote about 1600 words yesterday. It was on a sequel to the story I wrote for Yuletide 2016. I'm a little annoyed with myself for starting something else, especially when I have no idea at all how to get to the bit that I actually want to write. This also doesn't connect to the other chapters that I wrote in November but didn't end up posting because there was incomplete story arc in them. I still don't quite know how to wrap up that arc. It needs at least one more chapter. I guess that, if I do finish both stories, I'll end up making them a three story arc with The Wisdom That You Brought.
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I checked the shelves at the library yesterday and didn't find the CD that's been missing for months or the one that just disappeared. My best guess that both of them have fallen somewhere, either here or at the library, where nobody looks. I've searched everywhere I can think of here at home with no luck, and the likely places at the library aren't in areas where I can look. The new missing CD, naturally, continues the streak of me only misplacing CDs that I didn't enjoy listening to. It also can't be renewed, so I guess I'll be paying for it next weekend.

Mom arrived yesterday pretty much on time at 10 a.m. We talked for a little while then got in our car and drove to Bob Evans. When we got home, Scott worked on assembling the new grill he bought (the grates on the old one rusted through, and replacing them proved more expensive than buying a new, less fancy grill) while Mom and I talked, and Cordelia and her friend went to their volunteer orientation at the science center.

Mom mentioned having seen and loved Firefly and Serenity. That felt weird to me because she's usually down on SF stuff because of it reminding her of my father. She also talked about my step-father having a very traumatic encounter with an alligator while he was out kayaking. He went out alone for reasons that my mother wasn't clear on. She thought that part was unwise. Then he went to an area where he hadn't been before, with deeper water, and started seeing very, very large alligators. There was one on the shore that spotted him, rolled into the water, swam over, and then reared up on its tail to look down at him. He was sure he was going to die. Mom says he didn't stop obsessing about it for days.

I asked if it was likely a nesting mother, and Mom said that the time of year is right and that the circumstances rather sound like it.

I told Mom about the Sgt Pepper's/Star Wars (A New Hope only) mashup videos that I ran into earlier this week, and she wants the link. Scott adored the videos even though he only recognized two or three of the songs. The whole thing is here on YouTube. It's the entire album, so it's longish. People who know the album tend to be more impressed, but people who don't can enjoy them, too. They're captioned, too, which is rare for such things.

I made banana bread while we were hanging out. It's been years since I made it routinely, but I still remember the recipe without needing to open Joy of Cooking. The amounts of everything, including the final batter, looked too small until I realized that I used to make two loaves at a time and wasn't this time. The banana bread made a good snack for when the girls got back from orientation.

Cordelia tells me that she and her friend weren't the only middle school kids at the orientation. She'd been worried about that. I think that the fact that the camp accepts thirteen year old volunteers and almost no other volunteer opportunities do probably skews their pool younger. Cordelia's planning out her summer schedule with shifts at the library and at Food Gatherers. I'd probably have scheduled the camp first because that's two chunks of a week each. I wouldn't want to make scheduling those harder by committing to days here and there through the summer. She's already trying to figure out if it's feasible to do camp the week of her dentist appointment. She'd get done at 4:00. The appointment is at 4:15. If her father is home to drive, it's doable. If he's not, it's really, really not.

I wrote almost 600 words yesterday on chapter 7 of Auguries of Innocence. It needs some tweaking because I ignored one of the characters present, but it's progress. That chapter has been sitting for quite a long time. I still want to go back to my Fandom5K, but I'm also still not sure my level of exhaustion is conducive to being sensible about editing that. The currently posted version works reasonably well, I think. It could be better, but if I'm not physically/mentally up to it, the results won't be horrible or embarrassing.

Last night's experience with the c-PAP was better. At least, it didn't hurt. The hose was still a serious PITA, and I think that a four is too high for the humidity setting at this time of year, but I actually slept. I'm just low on sleep because Scott didn't let me go back to sleep after he got up. I may nap after Cordelia leaves for school because only five hours of sleep is just begging for a migraine by bedtime.

None of us have appointments today. Cordelia has PT tomorrow. I have two appointments on Wednesday and one on Friday. I'm hoping that this will be less stressful than the last three weeks were and that we don't add more appointments on for next week. At any rate, I have all day today and a good chunk of tomorrow to myself. Thursday is cleaning lady day, so even though there aren't any appointments, I can't really relax.

My chest pain is getting better. I made it worse yesterday by carrying a basket of laundry from our room to the top of the basement stairs (I made Scott do the up and down the stairs part) and by doing a lot of bending over to get things off the floor that I didn't want to be there when Mom arrived.

My hands have been hurting more. I think part of the problem is that I'm picking up and moving more moderately heavy things (dishes, empty or full, and hardcover books are a problem that way) and trying to hold open paperbacks to read them. The OT people said I should just switch to audiobooks. I pointed out that we own more than 5000 books. I didn't go into the other issues with audiobooks-- price, time investment, inability to 'read' them while other people are watching TV in the same room (or, often, while there are other people in the house at all). The next suggestion was a book stand. I've looked at those online, and they look pretty iffy. I don't think that buying one without a chance to try it out would be a good idea because the ones most likely to work for me are pretty darned expensive. Also, for in bed, I'd want one thing and for in the living room quite another.
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The c-PAP last night was not a success. I put the 'discomfort' levels on par with walking home from the bus stop on a broken foot and sprained ankle. My skin actually felt like it was burning where the nasal pillows touched. I'm going to clean them, assuming I can find anything safely unscented that's also mild enough, and try again tonight. The nasal pillows I used at the sleep clinic didn't burn, so I'm hoping this is something that can be cleaned off. The weight of the hose was also painful if I slept on my side facing the machine, and the headgear is, sadly, designed to put velcro on my cheeks. I think I can deal with that last by wrapping it. I'm not sure with what, but there must be something.

I kept the rig on for about two hours, possibly slightly more. The first hour, I couldn't possibly have slept even if things had been comfortable because Scott was playing videos on his laptop (while next to me in bed) and because lights were on in the living room.

I wanted to stay in bed longer than I ended up doing this morning, but my mother had said she might drive over today, so more sleep wasn't a good option. As it happens, she's not coming until tomorrow (or maybe not at all. The check engine light is on in her car, and she doesn't want to drive two hours each way without being sure that the car will make it).

The A-Ride folks say, in their canned message, that one is supposed to allow an hour and a half to get to one's destination. Half an hour for the pick up window and an hour for travel time. It's a shared ride service, so it's entirely possible to need to go far out of the way to pick up or drop off other passengers. I've done six rides in the last two or three weeks. Two of them ended up shared. Every one of them, the driver arrived either before my pick up time or right on the dot. Yesterday, I was at Medequip eleven minutes after my pick up and forty nine minutes before my appointment.

Fortunately, the guy I was supposed to see was free to see me early. I was done by the time my appointment would have started if they'd stuck to the schedule. They don't have an actually waiting area. They tell people to sit on the various recliners that they offer for sale. I eyed those and realized that only one of them was actually the right size for me to be able to put my feet on the floor while sitting. That's out of probably twenty different chairs. Being 5'2" isn't that weird.

I tried to do some editing yesterday and discovered that I was too cranky to deal with my beta reader's perfectly reasonable comments without shooting back sharp comments. So I sent an apology and closed the documents.

Scott went out and picked up the library holds last night. I had one that was set to expire today, and we weren't sure there'd be time to get down there today if my mother visited. We'll still need to stop by there tomorrow, but even if Mom does visit, Sunday will be less filled with things that Scott has to do. Getting holds yesterday means dealing with two DVDs that can't be renewed. I suggested we try to get through them both today so that we don't have to take them back mid-week.

PT is claiming I was a no show on Thursday even though I called. They aren't open today, so I can't call and complain about that. I did call. I did leave a message. My cell phone shows I was on the phone with their number for a minute and a half at 6:30 a.m. on Thursday. I wouldn't argue if they said I didn't give them twenty four hours notice, but I was not a no show.

The chest pain is less than it was. Breathing is almost never hurting now, and that was the most worrying bit.
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Damn. I'm going to have to call UHS tomorrow and hope they can fit me in around my other appointments this week. The right side of my chest is hurting and has been getting worse for the last four days. Up until today, I was assuming it was a pulled muscle since it mostly hurt when I reached for things or picked up something hardcover book or full kettle heavy, but it's been hurting to breathe off and on today, and the part of my chest between the collarbone and the actual breast on the right side is tender to touch. The other areas that hurt when I move/breathe are not tender to the touch, but they very definitely go around the side and up into the armpit.

It might just be fibromyalgia fuckery, but it also might be an infection of some sort. I don't have a fever, at least, but I'm concerned about the feeling of pulled muscles in my chest when I breathe. The list of potential causes of right side chest pain that I found is almost all things that seem pretty unlikely because of the location.

An appointment tomorrow might work since my potential conflict is anything after 3 p.m. If they can get me in earlier, it might work. Or maybe Thursday afternoon. PT will end about 11:30 Thursday.
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Pretty much all venting )

The chores I did yesterday were enough to make the tendinitis act up again, so I'm not looking forward to the walking I'll have to do today. Right now, my plan is to take a cab to UHS, get lunch somewhere nearby after the appointment, hang out somewhere (Espresso Royale, probably) until about 2:00 and then get the bus to the hospital. PT is 2:45 to 3:45, so I'll just wait for Scott to be able to pick me up after work. I really ought to make a lunch and take it with me, but I don't want to deal with that.

I've tried ice on the tendon. That hurts all the way up my leg. Right now, I'm applying heat. That's making my calf muscle ache, too, but I'm hoping it will loosen the dratted thing up enough that I can stretch it properly.

My left elbow has started giving me trouble. The pain is at the back of the joint and fairly pinpoint. It is, sadly, probably more tendinitis. I think it's stress from trying to compensate for not using my hands in the ways I normally would.

I didn't go with Scott and Cordelia to Cordelia's PT appointment yesterday. I was so very, very tired that I thought that staying home was a good idea. I haven't generally had the option, so that was nice.

Scott's avoiding pork products now. I'm not sure if he's going to try one more time to make sure that he didn't just have a bug last weekend or if he's just cutting all of that permanently. I think that, if it is an allergy, one more exposure won't make it suddenly as bad as the beef allergy, but I know that such things get worse with more exposure, so this isn't going to be something he can indulge in occasionally.

I'm working on clearing out all of the frozen stuff we've got that contains pork. Scott buys potstickers and spring rolls frequently, and he never looks to see what's in them as long as they don't say 'beef' on the front. It's resulted a few times in me not having easy options for feeding Cordelia's Muslim friends, so I've learned to check the freezer ahead of when I expect to have them over to see if I need to make Scott go out and buy something that will be okay.
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Good news on the hysterosonogram-- No fibroids, no polyps. Things aren't quite right in ways that the doctors put down to the Tamoxifen, so they want me to have another scan (not clear if another hysterosonogram is needed or if a uterine ultrasound would be enough) in three or four months. I've got moderate sized (about 2 cm) simple ovarian cysts on both sides. If I understand correctly, because of my age and the size of the cysts, those will have to be rechecked every year unless they go away.

There's some confusion about the appointment I have scheduled for Wednesday morning. UHS's system doesn't show any such appointment ever existing, but the patient portal still shows me that I've got an appointment there at 10:50 Wednesday morning. It popped up with instructions for the appointment last night, and I still have the upcoming appointment reminder I got a few days back and the appointment scheduled message. I would rather not need to go to UHS Wednesday morning, but I also don't want to deal with a missed appointment fee or not go if the doctor has something to say.

I crashed hard yesterday at about 4:30. I don't think I slept, but I also wasn't awake. I lay in bed and didn't move much at all for about three hours until it was absolutely necessary for me to eat something and take my dinner time medications. After that, I ended up staying up until my normal bedtime.

I got a response from my email to Interlochen. They do have accessible cabins, and they supply golf carts for campers who can't manage all of the necessary walking (there's a lot of walking. Certainly more than Cordelia could manage day after day on crutches). My impression from what the contact person said is that they put in temporary ramps for whichever cabins need them, but I could be completely wrong.

Scott and I finished filling out most of the forms last night. There's one more that we need to get Cordelia's doctor to sign before we turn it in, but that one doesn't need to go in until June. I had been under the impression that it wasn't mandatory, but apparently it is. It's a permission slip for giving Cordelia specific OTC medications as needed. The form says they'll only do it twice a month without specific other forms from the doctor filled out for each occasion which seems kind of silly for something like, say, ibuprofen for menstrual cramps.

I need to do some laundry today, and the trash needs to go out. I've already done several minor chores, so I'm resting a bit. I kind of want a nap, but I think I need water more than I need sleep because I had very little water yesterday.

I have some ideas for things I can add onto my Fandom5K to make it work better. My first reader pointed out that there's a good bit of time between the deadline Saturday and the reveal, so I can edit if I come up with more text or change things or whatever. I'm very used to thinking of posting deadlines as the end. One of the changes I should make will be painful because it will involve changing POV for some events and losing a few lines that I love. I don't usually have to do the killing my darlings thing, but this time, I need to.

The OT yesterday showed me some hand flexibility exercises. She also showed me some massage techniques for my hand and then told me that I can't do them because the pressure required would be bad for the thumb on the hand doing the massage. Given that, I'm not quite sure what the point of showing me was. I've got a short list of (hopefully) not too expensive things that might help with the exercises or with tasks that I need to do.

She had a pen that she thought might be easier for me to use. Sadly, I couldn't even get it all the way to the paper. It was too long for me to hold it the way I was supposed to, and the way I need to rest my hand to deal with the tremor was an issue, too. Basically, the things I do to work around the tremor actively conflict with the things I should do for the osteoarthritis. Since I can't write at all without dealing with the tremor and can cope with the osteoarthritis long enough to, say, address an envelope, the tremor coping techniques win.

She also showed me their pain scale which doesn't even remotely match mine. For me, pain bad enough to provoke swearing is a six or a seven. Pain bad enough to want to take medication and/or to be constantly aware of it is a three. For them, swearing is a nine, and medication/awareness is a five to a six. I kind of looked at the chart and thought that it was really for people who don't normally experience pain. It basically stretches out the lower end and has no room at the top for severe pain. I've always assumed that anything that hurt enough to rate a ten would kill me because my body couldn't handle it and that a nine meant pain so bad I passed out or mentally checked out in some other way.

ETA: And the nurse from the gynecology clinic just called to say that, oh, she was wrong and I do have an appointment tomorrow. She thinks I should keep it, and I think her reasoning is sound. If nothing else, I can get clarification about what additional scans I need when and see about scheduling anything that needs doing soon. I think that I would also like the gynecologist to talk to the oncology folks. The pain issues had inclined me heavily toward not going back to the Tamoxifen, and I think this is more on that side of the scale. I'm also kind of curious as to why the radiology report said I was post-menopausal when everyone else keeps saying that I'm not there yet (all of them use 'perimenopausal' except my primary care doctor who hates the term while still acknowledging it as a stage of life. I think she considers it too medically imprecise to be useful).
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I’ve got half an hour until the point when the A-Ride cab might arrive. I think I’ve gotten the absolutely essential pre-cleaning lady chores done. I hope so because I’m probably not going to have time between when I get home and when she arrives.

After PT yesterday, [personal profile] evalerie and I had lunch at Juicy Kitchen which is a hole in the wall vegetarian place out on Maple Road. The menu is small and leans heavily on eggs, so there were a lot things I just couldn’t eat. I had a dish with mushrooms, sweet potatoes, kale, and quinoa in some sort of vinegar that I quite enjoyed.

I did six loads of laundry yesterday. Today, I think I’ll get away with three, and one’s drying while a second is washing.

We only had one person over last night. Two of the other people were sick, and the third had something going on for the older of his two kids and Science Olympiad. I tried to go to bed at 9:00, but Cordelia kept checking on me until she went to bed at 10:00. I didn’t actually sleep until after Scott came to bed and (finally!) shut down his laptop.

I slept pretty soundly. When Scott’s alarm went off, my lower back was hurting, and I’m not sure why. It has to have been the position I slept in or the level of inflation of my side of the bed.

I have two appointments today— OT at a new location with, I hope, someone who actually does what I need. Then, I need to get to central campus to see my primary care doctor. I’m kind of spacing out on what I should talk to my PCP about. When I made the appointment in February, I was wanting PT for my Achille’s tendon and OT for my hands.

Medequip called yesterday, but I was on my way to PT, so I couldn’t even think about scheduling. They’re not willing to see me at any point when Scott would be available. I will have to dig up a phone number for them and try to call them later. (They called me from a generic number that all parts of the UMHS use to mask their real phone number. One can’t actually get anywhere by calling it back.)
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I got up long enough this morning to give Cordelia her medicine and then went back to bed. I didn’t manage to sleep until after Cordelia left at 7:50. I need to remember to ask her to keep the volume low on the TV. Closing the bedroom door helps not at all. At any rate, I slept about another two hours, a bit fitfully but still two more hours.

Apart from being low on sleep and kind of stressed over everything that needs doing, I’m feeling a hell of a lot better since I stopped the Tamoxifen. As I said to my SIL yesterday, I’m not suddenly getting spikes of pain in my hands that make me scream any longer. My hands still hurt, but it’s more low level and constant which I can deal with better. The Achille’s tendon hurts a lot more, and I’m not quite sure what to do about that.

Scott was still feeling a bit icky when he got up this morning. I’ve texted him to see how he’s holding up now. I think we’ll stick with fish and poultry for him this week and then maybe try some pork when he’s got a clear weekend.

Our nephew is pretty much confirmed as an Eagle Scout. They’re waiting on the official word from National, but the review board approved him, so National is a rubber stamp. His current plan for fall is to attend the community college near us (we live about half an hour away from their family) and then transfer two Michigan State in the winter. I don’t know that him going to school a short distance away will mean us seeing him more often, but I’ve told his mother that I’d be happy to feed him lunches or whatever. I suppose I should actually talk to him about it directly.

Cordelia tried her aunt’s green bean casserole and tells us that she very much wants to have it again. I thought it was horribly bland and tasteless, but… I can make that if it’s something Cordelia will enjoy and actually eat.

Today’s primary goal is to fill out the forms for high school choir camp. The deadline for getting those forms in is Wednesday. I had thought it would be much, much later and so hadn’t even looked at what needs doing. Scott says that we can— just— afford the camp. It will entirely devour our tax refund, though. I need to call or email the teacher in charge because I have questions I need answered before I commit $470. It would suck majorly to spend the money and then find that Cordelia couldn’t go because of needing accommodations.
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Yesterday was a good news/bad news deal.

The very good news is that the uterine biopsy results came back early and are clean. This means going ahead with the HSG which sounds moderately unpleasant, but I prefer that (and the chance that that might be clean, too) to the alternative.

Venting about OT )

I've got PT at 10 this morning. I'm taking the bus to get there, but I might take a cab back. I would like to be able to do something after the appointment beyond collapsing and staring at the walls. Especially since there's still a chance that Cordelia's friends might come over for movie watching tonight.

I'm putting another thing on my to do list-- I need to write down the things I have trouble with, due to hand pain, so that I know exactly what things I want to address. The two catalogs I have only contain two useful looking adaptive devices, and we already own both. (Seriously, handle weighted silverware would be a terrible idea. I already have trouble with what we have weight-wise because chunky handles were in the year we got married. We got the lightest handles available, but they're heavy and unpleasantly thick. Oh, and apparently there's something terribly wrong with me that I find big things harder to grasp than thin things.) Most of the ones that might apply to my situation are aimed at food preparation and eating and look like they would make both infinitely harder than the pain does.

Yesterday also contained some school related WTF? in terms of PTO emails. At 8:00 a.m., they sent out a message announcing that they want to do a middle school fun night next week on Friday and need volunteers. At 2:30 that afternoon, they sent out a second message saying that they would have to cancel the fun night if they didn't get more volunteers immediately. School runs from 8:00 until 3:00. No parent would have had the opportunity to ask their child or children if they wanted to go. Almost all parents would have been at work during that window, too, and might not have access to personal email or personal calendars or time to consult with partners about plans or to set up babysitting for younger kids or... Well, it's seriously WTF? They couldn't wait twenty four hours for the second email? Or send out the initial announcement with more than 6.5 hours before their panic point?

Cordelia doesn't want to go. I rather expected that. I probably wouldn't have volunteered anyway because there's a chance I'm going to be wrecked by the time we get to evening that day. Also, I can't stand for long, can't do much with my hands, and generally can't do things right now. The jobs they were talking about needing to fill pretty much all involved two or three hours of standing.

Scott considered signing up because they want someone to run boardgames, but with Cordelia not going and with us not knowing what sort of state I'll be in, he decided it wasn't a good idea.

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