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We ended up eating out last night. I'm not convinced it was a great idea, but we realized relatively late in the day that we had nothing thawed. There's a whole chicken in the freezer in the basement, but thawing that is going to take a few days. We went to Evergreen again because Scott really wanted to (Cordelia and I have both eaten there twice in the last four weeks) and because we happened to be out that way to visit a bakery that Cordelia was interested in. We all ended up with enough leftovers for a second meal, so there's that.

I used the c-PAP for three and a half hours last night. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't put it back on after I got up to visit the bathroom, but I didn't. My dreams were semi-anxiety dreams with lots of circling back to redo things.

I woke with a headache this morning. Caffeine and food seems to have killed it (it wasn't quite bad enough for me to take an Amerge. I only have two left. I might be able to get more during the next week, but I might have to wait until I see my doctor on the 28th).

I think I'm going to be spending a lot of time in the bedroom this weekend. Scott's watching The Defenders, and I don't want to listen to it because that's not much better than having to watch all the violence.

Our cleaning lady moved around all of the stuff I'd put aside to get rid of. I'm sure she thought that putting all of the clothing together made sense, but some of that stuff is wearable, and some isn't. The stuff that isn't has to go to a completely different place. The stuff that is wearable can go to the same place as the non-clothing stuff, and that's how I had it all sorted.

Today's goal is to finish filling out the various forms that we need to take to high school registration on Monday. A number of them are things that I need to consult with Scott and Cordelia about because they involve spending money on things that Cordelia may or may not actually have any interest in or on things that I know we want (like the yearbook and school pictures) but that we need to decide which version to get.
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I'm up early after not nearly enough sleep because I got smacked with a migraine overnight. Amerge and caffeine seem to be beating it back, but going back to bed won't work for a while yet. I haven't slept since about half an hour before Scott's alarm went off.

I didn't take Ativan last night. I don't know if using the c-PAP without it contributed to the migraine or not.

I did a little writing last night, but I feel like I'm groping in fog to find the characters. I'm firmly in one POV, and that character can only guess at who the other character is which isn't helpful because it means I haven't defined him clearly in my own head. I'm also flip-flopping on what the POV character is willing to do to achieve her goals, and I feel like the story is already too long.

I don't think I'm going to finish the treat I started for Captive Audience by the exchange deadline. I expect the recipient would still want it if I finish it later on. It's a tiny fandom, so not many people were likely to read it anyway.

I'm looking at my holds list at the library and trying to figure out how I ended up with four movies and a season of anime all to pick up on Sunday. There's a waitlist on the anime series and on one of the movies, so I guess I give those top priority. At least the anime is only twelve episodes.
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Scott and I set out about 9:30, and we got home with Cordelia a bit after 8:00. It was a really long drive. Scott and I listened to podcasts and an audiobook on the way up. The Hamilton soundtrack played the entire way back because Cordelia finds it soothing and because Scott and Cordelia both sing along with the whole thing.

We got to the area near Interlochen about an hour before we were to pick Cordelia up, so we got lunch at the only restaurant we could find. It wasn't terrible. It also wasn't great. I finished my meal still feeling hungry and without any options for more food.

The Interlochen campus is really nice. I'd have liked to look around more (and the unclaimed Ingress portals only had a little bit to do with it), but Cordelia was really eager to get out of there.

Scott's parents invited us to stop by on our way home, and we did. The timing worked out that we arrived a little after 6:00, so they fed us dinner-- chicken, asparagus, mashed potatoes, and salad.

I dropped my Ativan tablet last night and couldn't find it (those things are tiny!), so I slept without it. I was exhausted enough that I slept soundly until Scott's alarm. After he got up, I didn't get back to sleep until he left. That wasn't because of him. It was me feeling too warm then too cold then having my neck hurt then... Well, on and on.

My allergy trouble hasn't come back. I'm hoping it won't, but the cleaning lady coming today may set me off again because the various cleaning products cause me problems breathing (one of the big reasons we have her come in).
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I slept pretty badly last night. I was still sneezing and all that, so I couldn't use the c-PAP. I seem to be doing better in that regard this morning, but I woke when the Benadryl wore off in the middle of the night.

Our current best guess as to the problem is a combination of dust, ragweed, and the c-PAP. The dust and ragweed wouldn't normally give me this much trouble, not at the levels they've been at. I think that my sinuses have been irritated by the c-PAP and so are more reactive to other things. I haven't had a summer this bad for allergies since I was in high school.

All of my plans for the week, such as they were, have been shot to hell. They mainly consisted of writing and watching DVDs that can't be renewed (I have about fifty hours of lectures on DVD that can't be renewed) and more writing.

We have a very long day ahead of us as we'll be heading up to Interlochen to bring Cordelia home. (There are reasons for this that I'm not willing to go into in a public post.) It's been a hard decision, and I still need to make some phone calls about it. Part of me wants to go back to bed and to send Scott on his own, but that would be unfair to him. He could do it. He would, too, if it was necessary, but I can go.

We plan to get on the road as soon as we're both dressed and both have had breakfast.
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I saw the nutritionist yesterday. She suggested that it might be helpful for me to see a nutritionist attached to one of the specialty clinics. She specifically mentioned two, but gastroenterology is the only one I remember. The other one made sense, too, but I can't for the life of me remember. The primary thing I need help with is dealing with fatigue and inability to sleep properly due to family realities. I spend a lot of time eating to stay awake or to stay able to think even when staying awake isn't a problem.

A lot of the advice for how I should eat also runs aground on anxiety related problems in terms of how my body responds to food. Both the reflux and the IBS are vastly dependent on my anxiety levels, not immediately but over days, weeks, and months. One bad day is trivial. One good day is also trivial. When I'm having a lot of anxiety, I don't dare eat much in the way of fruits or vegetables because they all spike the IBS. The things that are safe are things like plain potatoes, white rice, some types of bread, oatmeal, and plain pasta.

People keep saying, "Why don't you just sleep in a different room?" and then I laugh. The only available 'other room' is the partially finished basement which has no emergency egress and is therefore illegal for that purpose. Also, when you're down there, you can still hear everything happening upstairs. Someone just walking around is enough to keep sounder sleepers than I am awake (friends and relatives have complained about it).

Earplugs don't help, nor do masks over my eyes to keep out the light. The real problem is-- How to put it? Activation might be the best word, I think. I need to know that Scott and Cordelia are okay and in bed before my brain will let me settle. The only way to get around that is a lot of practice, possibly months before it takes, or medication.

I exchanged emails with the sleep disorders clinician I've been seeing. She says that she's got an idea for a different mask that might decrease my problems with coughing/sneezing from using the c-PAP. She doesn't think the one she originally prescribed to replace the nasal pillows is the right choice. I do think I might do better with a mask than with the nasal pillows because those keep moving out of place. I woke about three times in the early morning today because the weight of the hose had pulled the pillows sideways (I was on my back) enough that one was no longer anywhere near the right place. The machine still thought I had a good seal, so I have no idea how it measures that.
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I spent most of yesterday writing up a document for out of town Ingress people who are coming to the anomaly in Ann Arbor at the end of the month. The hotels for our side are in a part of town that I know well, so I started off talking about the bus options from there to downtown and/or central campus and then got into parking and how the parts of the University of Michigan fit into the town and the food options out by the hotels and as one heads into town. I also mentioned publicly accessible bathrooms (the coffee shops are the best options but wheelchair/scooter access may vary).

I ended up with thirteen pages of babbling. Someone else caught an error that I've now corrected-- I used 'Westland' (the town where Scott works) instead of 'Westgate' (the shopping mall out Jackson Road near 94).

Somehow, that ate all of the time I'd meant to use for other things.

Around 8 p.m., Scott and I went out to a place we hadn't been before for some Ingress. I'd spotted a cluster of about a dozen portals in a cemetery when we drove by a few months back, but somehow, we never got around to going out there before now. It was about a ten minute drive. We didn't end up keeping the portals long, but they were new for both of us. I let Scott capture most of them because he's close to leveling up, needing about 250K points while I need 1.5 million points.

There are more portals further out that road, but I'm not sure there's another cluster that large.

He and I both need a lot of specific bits of equipment for the anomaly. I have no idea how we're going to be able to get it all given the lack of available time. Well, I theoretically have time. I just don't have the stamina or the access to visit a lot of portals. I'm also going to have to ditch all my keys. I don't want to, but I don't see us paying for any equipment like key lockers. I suppose I should look and see how much they cost, but I really don't think it's a justifiable expense.

I'm worried about the anomaly because of my mobility and stamina issues. I've explained them to the organizers, but I'm not sure they actually understood. When I say that an hour to an hour and a half of walking very slowly is a hard limit, I really do mean it. If I do that much, I'm not going to be doing anything else that day. They put me (and Scott so we can be together) on a 'slow moving team,' but the anomaly will last about four hours. I really, really can't manage that.

And that's without the possibility that Scott might not make it until two hours into the dratted thing due to having to work. We won't know about work until the day before, so it's not something we can plan for.

They also want us to install several communications apps on our phones, and I'm dubious about it. I really don't want anything that will eat up my battery that way, and I try not to install apps unless I'm certain I'm going to use them a lot. Ingress, Feedly, Life360, Wunderlist, and Habitica are the extra apps that I actually use a lot. I have one game besides Ingress, and that's FluidMonkey which is good for when my brain has dribbled out my ears. I don't use it often.

The list is zello, ingress intel, maps, slack, and glympse. I have no idea what zello and glympse are. Ingress intel makes sense, but I had the impression from something Scott said a while back that it wasn't available to me. Guess I'll check. I've looking into the Slack app, and everything I read about it makes it sound like something I don't want within six miles of any device of mine.

I suppose I can install apps the day before and delete them immediately after. There are apps on my phone that I really, really don't want but can't delete because they're bundled into the OS.

We watched a movie after we got back and somehow lost track of time so that we didn't turn off the light until midnight. I once again couldn't sleep because I was too warm. That led to spiraling anxiety about all the things I need to get done and how I won't be able to on so very little sleep. I ended up with about four hours of fitful sleep, all without the c-PAP. (I took it off before I fell asleep, about an hour and a half after I put it on. At that point, it claimed that I was averaging seven prolonged stoppages of breathing per hour. This seems to be a trend. That is, if I'm awake with the stupid thing running, it registers lots of problems, but if I fall asleep quickly, it registers almost none.

I think the Ativan is working less well in terms of helping me relax to sleep. I'm not sure how much of that is the way that Scott being on nights for two weeks and then on vacation this week has thrown off my routines and how much is anxiety about getting Cordelia ready for camp next week and high school starting after Labor Day. Right now, our plan for getting Cordelia to Skyline for camp departure is for Scott to drop her off before he heads to work. She says she doesn't want/need me there, but I'm not sure whether or not she'll stick to that.

Cordelia's supposed to by there at 7 a.m. for an 8 a.m. bus departure. If we deal with a cab, we would need to call at 6 a.m. in order to be sure of getting there by 7. That would likely mean us getting to the school by 6:30. At that point, it kind of makes sense for Scott to drop us (or just Cordelia) off before heading to work. It would mean getting there at 6:15 unless he gets permission from work to be a little late (which he says he's going to request). If he's able to be there until Cordelia can get into the building, I'd be willing to stay home. I just don't want her sitting, alone, outside the school for forty five minutes.

Cordelia's never been away for anything like this long. The closest was four or five days with Scott's sister when she was seven and I had my gallbladder removed. I think that it will be a good experience for her, but there's going to be anxiety for all three of us until we settle into it.
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I've gotten the results on the uterine ultrasound, and, hm, well most everything looks fine. It's just that the report twice mentions something that they couldn't quite get a good look at that may or may not have really been there and that they're ruling 'clinically insignificant' without explaining why. I will be seeing the gynecologist tomorrow and asking exactly what that means. If nothing else, my breast cancer experience shows that, just because something can't be seen clearly. doesn't mean it's not there or not important.

Scott and I voted this afternoon. There was no wait at all. I wish more people would turn out for these primaries because they determine the city council. The winner of the Democratic primary almost always runs unopposed or opposed only by an independent candidate. Only about 10% of eligible voters (if that many) turn out for off year primaries.

Scott and Cordelia are out shopping for some things Cordelia needs for camp next week. Scott is convinced that everything she needs can be wedged into one of our small suitcases (we don't have any medium sized suitcases), but I'm not certain that Cordelia will be able to do it unaided. Since they will have daily cabin inspections with the expectation that everything not currently on the child be in the suitcase... Um.

I thought about going with them, but I'm very tired, and Scott doesn't get all that much time with just him and Cordelia.

I didn't get up until about 9:30 this morning. When I got up, I felt like I might actually be starting to get to a better place in terms of resolving my sleep deficit, but I don't know. I lost my oomph mid-afternoon after I got Cordelia's clothes washed and the trash and recycling out and a couple of other every day chores out of the way. I completely lacked the wherewithal to feed myself lunch.
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The worst bit of this week is over now. I've done my fasting blood draw and uterine ultrasound. We got Cordelia through her blood draw. That last was pretty rough on all three of us.

I felt much better yesterday afternoon after Scott and Cordelia went off to the Eagle Scout ceremony without me. I started getting tense again when they got home, but I think that was more because I was suddenly looking at all the stuff that still needed doing rather than because they were back.

I haven't done any writing in the last couple of days. I'm not sure if any writing will happen this week at all given everything that needs doing while Scott's off work, but it's hard to say.

Scott and I both slept kind of badly last night. I managed the c-PAP all night, but I never really managed deep sleep. He, of course, was dealing with his body's sense of when to sleep being off. He got up with Cordelia this morning. I pretended to sleep a bit longer (getting out of bed with the need to continue fasting would have been hard).
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Yesterday continued as one of the worst headache days in recent memory. The sinus part more or less went away (but my sinuses itched), but anxiety/stress made my shoulders, neck, and the back of my head hurt terribly, and the main headache moved above my eyes to become a classic (for me) migraine. I was even light sensitive.

I took Amerge. I tried to nap. I tried stretches and relaxation. I tried writing a to do list for the rest of the month and giving it to Scott to see if he could help me make it smaller. He dealt with talking to the sports medicine surgeon and with the groceries (except that he forgot something that I really will need for tomorrow). It turns out that he has access to email Cordelia's patient portal (I don't ) and could just send a message through that instead of calling.

I slept badly last night and ended up getting up at about 7 a.m. (after going to bed at about 2 a.m.) because I had horrible reflux of the sort I only get when I'm really, really falling apart due to anxiety. Omeprozale and oatmeal did enough to let me lie down again, and I dreamed a bit, so I must have slept at least a little.

I'm not sure anything much is going to help until I'm through today and tomorrow. I need to do all of that stuff without Ativan because my prescription says one a day and I'm using that one to let me sleep with the c-PAP on. My doctor says taking more than one a day is fine, but I can't refill the damned thing before thirty days have passed, so doubling up means skipping some other day.

Scott has decreed that I'm not going to the Eagle Scout ceremony for our nephew. It's better for me that way, but I feel guilty because I missed his graduation party, too.

Hm. For tomorrow, they want the fasting blood draw to be in the window between 10 and 12 hours of fasting. They open at 8:00 a.m., and I can't eat after 8:00 p.m. if I want to be able to sleep before 3:00 a.m. I have no idea how to manage this. Given when Cordelia leaves and the buses in general, I can't get there before 9:00. If Scott's able to stay up long enough to get me to UHS, it will still likely be 8:15 or 8:30 when we arrive because of traffic. The window used to be between 12 and 16 hours fasting.

I might be able to get the blood draw done somewhere else. Most of the clinics affiliated with the university open at 7:00 a.m., but I'd have to get there without Scott's help because of Cordelia needing one of us at home up until 7:50. I'm not willing to take the bus at that time of day because that bus is a major, major commuter shuttle between the park and ride lots and the hospital and central campus.
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Okay, I have to make it clear to Scott that, no matter how cool it is outside, we are not opening the windows again until all of the ragweed is dead. He opened them around 6 last night and left them open when he went to work. I didn't try to close them because I have a very difficult time getting the windows to move. I'm now sneezing like crazy and have the worst sinus headache I've had in years. I've shut the windows as well as I can (Scott's asleep), and I think I'm going to have to force the AC to run in order to try to clear the air in here. I've taken all of the allergy medication that I can. The next step is a sinus wash. I just hate doing that.

I suppose I should consider it a win that it now takes several hours for ragweed to knock me on my ass? When I was a kid, I was miserable for months each year because of it. Seven years of allergy shots did something.

I wrote 1300 words last night. Sadly, none of it was for my Captive Audience story. I also worked a bit on my Darkest Night sign up. I think there are enough requests that I'd enjoy doing now to make signing up feasible. I will likely wait until the last minute to make sure that I'm not offering something that might match on something I can't or don't want to write. There are some things requested that I've looked at and realized that, while I could write for those requests, I wouldn't enjoy it. I think that part of my problem is that I don't much want to write anything sexually dark for this. I've written a lot of that this summer and would like to write something dark in a completely different way.

I'm trying to get myself to the point of being able to respond politely to a couple of comments on Auguries of Innocence (my Harry Potter darkfic AU). The comments are from someone who wants me to do terrible things to Harry and Hermione for having become ruthless people who sometimes do terrible things but to redeem Ron (who has done and continues to do equally horrible things) so that I can have an endgame with the commenter's OTP-- Ron/Draco-- living happily ever after.

I am hoping to take the story in a 'things get better' direction, but I really think that, in that story, Draco's idea of happily ever after won't involve being paired with anyone at all. I also think it likely that the current Harry/Ron/Hermione relationship isn't going to end during the course of the story because it's actually pretty stable, given the givens.

I ended up lying down for a while yesterday because I was so tired I could barely stay upright, but I didn't sleep because every position I tried lying in hurt. I ended up having Scott get me a Wendy's double with cheese (and the staff there screwed up the order and gave me one with everything instead of just cheese and meat and bun, so I had to throw out the top bun. At least the lettuce kept the ketchup, mayo, and mustard from getting on the burger itself). That got me through about four hours, up until Scott left for work. I was even able to do the dishes and run some laundry.

At that point, though, I was in that weird zone where I was nodding off but my body was too tense for me to feel like sleep was even remotely possible. I think I got about six hours of sleep before Scott came to bed. After that, I got another three, but it was all of the sort where my brain kept clawing for consciousness over my body's objections. I think that a big part of that was the sinus headache which felt, the whole time, like I needed to remove the front of my head from the eyeballs down.

I just feel like, every time I ought to be able to get a refreshing night of sleep, something else smacks me and makes it not happen.

I ended up ordering a bunch of not very expensive items ($3-$7) from my Amazon wishlist and from Cordelia's. I got nine items for about $50. I'm hoping to use the stuff for Cordelia as a well done gift after we actually do the blood draw on Monday.
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I slept eight hours last night, all of it with the c-PAP, but it was very light and not very restful sleep because I still feel like I've been flattened and desperately want to go back to bed. My elbows hurt when I lie on my back for too long (I'm pretty sure that the joints are hyperextending) because there isn't a way I can keep my arms bent without making other things hurt even more.

My parents arrived here about 11:30, and we ended up going to the same Chinese place we went to the last time they came. I had really wanted to go to Totoro which is downtown, but losing that half an hour made it just not really feasible.

My mother texted me around 5:00 to say that the procedure went well and that they were already back in Lawton (two hours away).

Around 3:20, Cordelia, who was at the downtown library, called me to tell me that her best friend had hit her head while volunteering at the same camp where Cordelia did last week. This is the girl who had the bad concussion at the end of May and then needed another ER trip for a relapse two weeks later. I woke Scott and he drove over to get her because we didn't want her to have to wait there or to have to walk up that steep hill in the heat. Cordelia got home about thirty seconds after Scott got her friend here, and the two of them went into Cordelia's room and seemed to be happy. (We'd been kind of worried because the other girl looked kind of out of it and wouldn't talk to either of us.)

I had tried calling the other girl's mother and texting her mother while Scott was getting her but failed to reach her. She called us on the landline about fifteen minutes after her daughter got here. It took her another half an hour to get here because she had to take the bus. The girl said she'd called Cordelia because she didn't have any other numbers for our family, and her mother said she'd correct that oversight as she (the mother) has my cell, Scott's cell, and our landline numbers.

The last I heard, the other girl was doing okay, but that was last night. I kind of suspect that she's not at camp today, but I don't know.

Monday is going to suck hugely. I need to be up for Cordelia at 6:30 and do a fasting blood draw sometime after 8:30 or 9:00 (need to check when UHS opens) which probably means getting down there by bus. At 1:00 I have a uterine ultrasound, also at UHS. In the evening, we need to take Cordelia out to East Ann Arbor for a blood draw.

I wanted to do Cordelia's last night since the place was open until 7:30 (only until 5:30 today and so utterly impossible unless Scott was willing to do it before going to bed which he wasn't). Scott thought that we ought to give Cordelia at least a day's notice. I disagreed strongly, but he went ahead and told her right before he left for work last night. She spent the next hour having something approaching a panic attack and blaming me for it. I am decidedly unhappy with Scott about this.

Also, doing it last night would have made it more likely that, if she needs vitamin supplements or thyroid medication we could still manage to get the camp permission slips for those signed and turned in before departure. Cordelia's pediatrician requires a two day turnaround for those things, so Thursday is the absolute latest we can turn them in and still have them for the orientation meeting the following Monday evening (departure is at 8 a.m. on Tuesday with Cordelia needing to be there at 7 a.m. which is going to be vastly fun given that going by cab means a choice between risking being late and being almost certain to have a half an hour to sit outside the building before they let us in).

I talked to one of the camp organizers Wednesday afternoon about medications and such. She clarified that, although all the forms say that prescriptions need to be held and dispensed by either the nurse or the cabin counselor, prescription topical acne medications are not included under that. I'd have thought, given the age group, that those medications would be common enough to merit some sort of mention of them being an exception.

One of Cordelia's prescriptions has changed dosage, and the bottle is too full for us to be able to get a new one with the new dosing information. The camp is completely inflexible on that. They will administer medications exactly according to label no matter what other documentation you have.
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I got about seven hours of sleep last night, all with the c-PAP. I'm noticing that I sleep more lightly during the second half of the night when I use the c-PAP all night. My guess is that the Ativan is wearing off and that I'm still not quite beyond the anxiety freak out stage of wearing the gear. I'm very, very tired today. I feel like I shouldn't be because I did sleep, but I really am.

Cordelia had an appointment at 9:45 this morning. I tried to get it earlier so that Scott would be home and in bed earlier, but the doctor simply wasn't available. Still, that's early enough that a lot of parking structures downtown (where the appointment was) limit parking severely to discourage commuters.

I've got one call I must make today and a second that I really should make today. I don't want to deal with either, and being tired makes it all that much harder. As a way of indicating how much I don't want to make the calls, I've been filling out forms in preference.

Cordelia needs to be in bed earlyish tonight because she has a volunteer shift at the downtown library at 9 a.m. Scott will likely be able to drive her in before he goes to bed, but I'd like her to take the bus if she can so that he doesn't have to stay up an extra hour.

My step-father is scheduled for his eye procedure at 1:30 tomorrow afternoon. Mom suggested we all (except Scott) get lunch beforehand. Since Cordelia's volunteer shift will end at 11:00, I suspect that we'll end up meeting her downtown right about then. I need to come up with a list of options because just wandering around to find something that looks good would use up our time rapidly. There are so very many restaurants in that general area, three or four a block.

My hands and my left elbow are still giving me a lot of trouble. I'm not sure what to do about it. I need to use them, but anything heavier than my cell phone is bad for my hands, and moving the elbow hurts even when my hand is empty, enough so that I'm thinking of digging out a sling to see if that helps.
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I didn't write anything yesterday, just let ideas roll around in the back of my mind. Instead, I inventoried our canned goods cupboard and had Scott help me inventory the upstairs freezer. He had been trying to tell me that we had no frozen green beans upstairs, but we came up with four bags (and there are two in the basement freezer). I think the hard part will be getting Cordelia to update the inventory lists when she takes things out.

I threw out a number of things from the cupboard where we keep the cans. The cookie mix we bought back when Cordelia was two might conceivably still have been edible, but I rather suspect that the ingredients had gone off. It didn't seem worth holding onto it given that I've looked at it regularly over the years and constantly decided that I wasn't up to making cookies. I can't physically handle more than a single cookie sheet going in and out once.

I haven't decided whether to try to keep track of the contents of the fridge or of any of the other cupboards, but I might weed our herbs and spices. We have some still unopened bottles of various things from the spice rack a friend gave us as a wedding present twenty four years ago. If we haven't opened them in that time, we're not going to, and most likely they're not very flavorful any more.

I slept kind of poorly last night. I was in bed about seven and a half hours, but I'm not sure how much I slept. I'm feeling really kind of groggy now in spite of food and caffeine, but the headache I woke with has mostly receded. I got up this morning when Scott went to bed because that pretty thoroughly woke me.

Our friend, [livejournal.com profile] cherydactyl, came over for a few hours yesterday. We played and won a game of Forbidden Desert. Neither she nor I had played before. Scott had played once and so knew a couple of pitfalls that we needed to avoid to survive. After that, we hung out and talked for a while.

Both hands and my left elbow were hurting a lot most of yesterday. I think that the hands started up because I read a couple of volumes of manga. Those aren't heavy, but apparently my hands don't like even something that light. All of the reading stands I've seen online are either flimsy or horribly expensive. Because I do most of my reading in the living room, I either need a floor stand or have to keep moving my laptop (not sure to where) in order to put the stand on my table. Laying the book on the couch next to me and looking down at it to read tends to hurt my back and neck, so I'd rather not do that or a pillow on my lap.

My elbow may have also reacted to the reading, but I suspect that moving all of the cans out of the cupboard and then back in had an impact. I also vacuumed and washed the shelves. Those are down on the floor, so at least I wasn't reaching up.

I'm looking at signing up for [community profile] darkestnightex this year. I didn't last year but did a pinch hit for it. I'm mainly hesitating right now because I can only see one request, so far, that I'd be happy to write. Everything else, even in fandoms I'd normally consider, is stuff I'd go out of my way to avoid matching on. It's mostly a case of not being able to wrap my head comfortably around the requested freeforms in combination with the requested characters/pairings. Even if I could write all of the requests for fandoms I'm comfortable with, I think there'd only be half a dozen possible matches. Of course, sign ups haven't been open for quite two days yet and run through the 11th. Other options may turn up, so I'm putting some time into coming up with my requests. The freeforms are particularly challenging for me.
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I didn't get around to napping yesterday. I followed a link to an interesting sounding story that turned out to be 78K words and thought I'd just read a little to see if it was worth keeping the tab open. Then I kept reading. Just one more chapter!

And then Scott got up.

I tried to nap after Cordelia got home, but Scott somehow missed that I was trying to sleep and blasted Full Frontal monologues. He just wasn't paying attention. He apologized once I gave up and returned to the living room and asked him if he had done it deliberately.

Scott cooked the turkey breast while I tried to nap. That was a matter of checking if it had thawed, unwrapping it, and putting it in the instant pot.

I slept about ten hours last night, all with the c-PAP, and that helped a lot. Well, the sleep did. I still can't tell if the c-PAP is doing anything but annoying me.

I'm not sure what's going to happen today. Normally, Scott would go for groceries, but by the time he wakes, it may be too late. Saturdays, Kroger gets more and more crowded as it gets later in the day, and they run out of some things. Also, there are a couple of things that we want to do in the afternoon-- A friend offered to come over to play some board games, and Scott would really, really like that (I would really, really like a chance to see someone who isn't Scott or Cordelia). Cordelia wants to go downtown, to the Cupcake Factory. She's been talking about that off and on since Tuesday. I think that could reasonably wait until tomorrow when we go to the library.

I think I know how to start working around the plot hole in my Captive Audience story. Possibly. Actually being awake today is likely to help a lot, too.
the_rck: (Default)
I tried increasing the humidity on my c-PAP last night, and it turned out to be a mistake. I slept about two hours then got up to use the bathroom. At that point, I started sneezing uncontrollably, and my nose started running. I wasn't able to put the c-PAP back on and didn't sleep much the rest of the night because of the problems breathing (which are pretty much the same problems I had when I took the humidity down to 3). I guess 4 is where I need to be. It's not ideal, and still gives me some problems, but...

I'm probably going to lie down after I post this. I'm debating whether to try sleeping on the couch or to go in and join Scott in the bedroom. I've got about three hours before Cordelia gets home. If I sleep that long and am on the couch, I'll be where she can find me. If I'm in the bedroom, not so much.

Cordelia has stated that this working all day thing is hard but that she likes working with the little kids (five and six year olds). They all apparently think she's quite old, that fourteen isn't possible because it's too close to their ages.

I still haven't heard if my stepfather will be able to get treatment for his eye next week. I'm not sure that my mother will even think to tell me, so I should call this weekend and ask. I also want to find out if she'd like me to sit with her during the procedure (I might even be able to drag Cordelia along).

I'm hoping to cook a turkey breast in the instant pot tonight. I kind of suspect that it's not thawed all the way through yet, however, so it may have to wait another day or two. I have no idea what Scott will eat in that case. All we've got, leftover-wise, is the lentil soup that probably made Scott sick (He had hives, so there was some sort of allergen in there).

I'm making progress on my Captive Audience story, but I have a central motivation plot hole that I have to fill in somehow. There aren't any comments at all on the beta post for the exchange, so I can't go that route.
the_rck: (Default)
Something Scott ate yesterday has given him an allergic reaction. He and I had lentil soup for dinner last night. I used chicken broth, water, and lemon juice which should all have been fine, so I suspect that the culprit is the sauce packet I added-- That looked safe when I read the ingredients, but either 'flavoring' or 'spice' must include something that's a problem as all of the known ingredients were things Scott eats normally. The thing was explicitly to go with chicken and mostly contained chicken derived stuff.

Maybe he ate something while he was out at his doctor appointments yesterday? We only talked for about two minutes this morning between me and Cordelia getting up and him going to bed. He said he didn't know what was causing the problem, and I didn't want to keep him just to ask more questions.

Cordelia decided to stay home today in order to see her grandparents and uncle who will be arriving around 11:30 to take us to lunch. The main complication of this is that I now don't have anywhere to put the junk that I need to move out of the living room so that people can sit down. Scott's asleep in our room, and Cordelia's asleep in her room. That pretty much leaves the basement.

Scott won't join us for lunch. We decided that it made more sense for him to keep sleeping. We have our biweekly game session tonight, and he's supposed to GM. I kind of think it might be better for us to play board games, but I guess it will depend on he's doing at 7 tonight. We'll also need to stop a bit early because he needs to leave shortly after 10 in order to get to work by 10:45.

I got a lot of chores done yesterday-- Five loads of laundry; filling, running, and emptying the dishwasher; making dinner; cooking two packages of breakfast sausages; breaking down some boxes for recycling; getting the recycling and trash to the curb for pick up; changing the sheets on our bed; rearranging and dusting my bedroom bookshelves; and moving two shopping bags of books from our bedroom down to the basement plus shelving about a third of them.

Oh, and I sprayed a set of clothing for Cordelia to wear at camp. We bought some prometherin (sp?) which is a spray on tick repellent that's specifically for clothing. She's only wearing a t-shirt and long shorts plus underwear and footie socks, so it only helps a very little bit, but a little bit is better than nothing. We're not spraying her underwear or socks (footie socks don't come up past the top of the shoe). The spray bottle doesn't work very well. The only way to get anything out is to hold it sideways, and the stuff is very bad to breathe, so the spraying has to be done outside and then the clothes left hanging outside to dry for a few hours (how long depends on the humidity).

Needless to say, I was ready to sleep pretty early. I didn't end up doing so, but I should have, could have. Part of not going to bed early was that I had trouble making myself stand up to deal with getting ready to sleep.

Scott sleeping during the day really disrupts my routine because I can't really listen to music or watch anything due to noise. I dug up some earbuds, but they turned out not to work well because one gave no sound at all. We'd had them for years without ever opening the package, so either they were defective when we bought them or they deteriorated in storage. I can watch things with the sound off if there's captioning, but I like to be able to hear the dialogue, too.

I also have to be sure that I have all of the things I need out of the bedroom before Scott goes to bed. If I go in there for something, it will wake him. Tomorrow, when the cleaning lady comes, will be interesting.

I'm thinking that I might move the bags of stuff we want to get rid of to the garage. If that stuff gets stolen, well, at that point, we wouldn't have to haul it anywhere to donate it. But I kind of think that someone looking for quick cash isn't going to dig through garbage bags full of old clothing, not when there are things like the snowblower and Cordelia's bike. I'll shut the door, but Scott tends to forget, and he's the one who mostly opens the door (lawn mowing, grilling, etc.).
the_rck: (Default)
My sleep was only middling last night. I was stressed out at bedtime and didn't end up turning out the light until much later than usual because I wanted to unwind a bit. I used the c-PAP for part of the night. It had been my intention to use it all night, but I took it off in the middle of the night. I don't know why. I remember doing it and that it seemed important to do so, but I can't remember why.

I decided to make use of being up early to do a chore that I've been putting off for months. I pulled all of the books I've already read off the shelves in bedroom (two shopping bags filled to the top) and consolidated the other books as much as I could. I've dusted some of the shelves. I don't know that the dust quite made it to the dust bunny stage, but I at least had dust mice.

I want to clear enough space that I can have one shelf for library books. Having them in six different places isn't conducive to remembering to read them. I also want space for my thumb splints and some place level to land my laptop over night when I've been using it in there before bed.

I need to figure out what to do with the jigsaw puzzles. I like puzzles, but we don't really have a place for me to do them. Setting up a card table isn't really feasible for space reasons, not unless I'm going to finish the puzzle in a single afternoon while I'm home alone.

Scott scheduled today as a vacation day so that he could deal with two medical appointments. The way work schedules things, that means he has tonight off. Their book keeping considers third shift to be on the day that it starts rather than on the day it ends. This is partly so they can say that third shift works M-F instead of Tu-Sa. At any rate, his first appointment is at 11 and the second at either 2 or 3. Right now, the plan is for him to shower and then try to nap for an hour before the first appointment.

We need to wash Scott's work clothes today, and I'd like to change the sheets and run a load of laundry for us and maybe for Cordelia. I need to shower, too, and I'd like to nap if I can. Oh, and it's trash day. Great fun.

Tomorrow, my parents will be in town briefly because my step-father has an appointment about that growth in his eye. They suggested that we go to lunch. I'm pretty sure that they were hoping to see Cordelia, but they never did much to build a relationship with her, so she's got zero interest. She'd go along if she had nothing else going on, but she's not going to skip part of her volunteering in order to see them.

Scott gave me a ride to and from my appointment yesterday. I wouldn't have asked, but I was feeling really miserable due to cramping. He took the opportunity to pick up an interlibrary loan book that had come in for Cordelia.

My psychiatrist suggested that I try to find some sort of online, at home work to earn money to help while we're financially strapped. I'm looking at that as a huge can of worms. There's not a lot I'm able to do because of not being able to commit to regular hours or even to a set number in a week. Also, most of the online work options aren't things I'd be good at or aren't things that my anxiety would permit.

I'm also concerned about the possibility that earning money, even sporadically, might affect my disability status with either Social Security or my long term disability insurance through my former employer. The LTD insurer is always looking for any hint that I might not be disabled. I might be able to work for a while before I wrecked myself, and that might well be long enough to lose the LTD insurance payments and the medical insurance that goes along with the money.

My writing might be marketable, but I think that would wreck me, too, because there'd need to be a lot of it, and I'd need to figure out how to sell it and work at making sure that people saw it and... I'd stay awake all night worrying that I had or hadn't done something that would just wreck everything. Also, the sort of writing that might bring in money within any sort of helpful time frame would likely be some sort of ebook porn short stories. I can write porn. Sometimes. I can even write it quickly. Sometimes. I just... I write dark and complicated, and sometimes, I can't write at all for days or even weeks.

My psychiatrist also said that, if I'm still exhausted the next time I see her, we can talk about stimulants because insurers will cover them for people with sleep apnea who have been using a c-PAP for at least two months. I'm not entirely optimistic. Provigil (modafinil) didn't help me at all, and I suspect that caffeine has more of a psychological effect for me than a physiological one. Well, if I've recently had caffeine, sleeping is harder because I have to get up to pee every twenty minutes, but I'm not sure that counts.

It's frustrating that she's the only medical professional I'm dealing with who understands that the things that the other doctors are worried about all derive at least in part from fatigue/exhaustion and from anxiety and pain making sleep difficult. And each of those things makes all of the others worse.

I did some edits on my second Pod Together fic yesterday, all things that my partner requested. I'm hoping that the changed text will be easier to read. I still need to do one check on the pronunciation of the name of a minor character. I think I remember how it was pronounced, but I don't want to rely on that.

I also wrote about four hundred words on chapter 7 of Auguries of Innocence. I need to go back to the early part of the chapter to lay some groundwork for the things that just occurred to me as necessary. It's all about a character who hasn't been in any of the previous chapters, so I don't need to tweak anything earlier in the story. (This is an advantage of using point of view characters who don't think the way that most people do, Draco because he's unmoored in time, and Luna because she never did.)
the_rck: (Default)
I slept last night, but it wasn't great. A big part of that was cramps. Scott's still in bed. I don't know if I woke him when my alarm went off. I got it off in about two seconds, but who knows? That would wake me, but he often doesn't wake for my weekend medication alarms which have a similar duration. Scott came to bed about 4:30. I woke up about then because I really needed the bathroom and was just getting up when he went in there. Which, well, isn't that how it always works?

I managed to use the c-pap all night, though.

I'm a little cranky that, although he stayed up past when it was done drying, he didn't bring up the laundry. I really don't want to face the stairs right now, but that is my only source of clean clothing unless I'm willing to wake Scott.

My month to date word count is 21752. That's the highest for any month so far this year, even if I write nothing else whatsoever. Yesterday, I added about 1300 words to my Captive Audience fic and then realized I may need to make a major alteration in the setting. I'm hoping not, though. Today's writing will mostly be tweaks to the second of my Pod Together stories to try to make the rhythm of certain passages work better for the person doing the podfic.

We were surprised when we went downtown to the library yesterday afternoon-- Apparently Art Fair now includes Sunday. For as long as I can remember, Sunday was tear down and clean up, but one of the employees at the library told me that Sunday's been part of actual Art Fair for a couple of years now.

We stopped by the science and nature center to do some Ingress, and we took back the portals that someone from the other side had captured. We had planned to go into the woods to reinforce the two portals there, but we decided against it because of the risk of ticks. The other portals are all accessible from places that should be much lower risk for ticks (close cropped grass or asphalt). We'll hope no one knocks out those two portals for a while. It can be done from the street because high level bursters have a pretty extensive reach. The portals just can't be captured from there because one has to be much closer in order to place resonators and mods.

I told Scott that we should hope for the other side coming by frequently. He's close to leveling up, and recapturing a portal is worth a fair number of points.
the_rck: (Default)
Counting as yet unrevealed fics, I now have a bit more than 660k words of fic on AO3. I boggle at the number. How on Earth is that possible?

I haven't heard from either of the people I'm working with for Pod Together. I'd mainly like to know if what I wrote works for them and if there are things I could do to make it work better.

I really ought to be asleep, but I can't seem to relax. The fact that Scott has to stay up to try to shift his sleep schedule isn't helping.
the_rck: (Default)
I managed to finish the [community profile] pod_together fic last night about 11:00. I haven't posted it yet because it lacks a title. I'm also still hoping to hear back from my partner in the undertaking, but we're not in compatible time zones, so it's difficult.

I also need a tag that I can use for when a character talks to an externalized manifestation of their own psyche in order to hash out a problem. There must be one, right? Any suggestions?

I woke with a migraine this morning. I think it's a multi-factor thing. I slept less last night than I wanted to because Scott took forever (two hours!) getting ready for bed after I was ready to sleep. Then, when he came to bed, he kept doing stuff with his laptop until I asked him why he was still up and still keeping me up. I had some coughing, so I didn't dare use the c-PAP. I was stressed about the story and about the family gathering this afternoon (BIL's birthday), and a number of other things. There's also some indication that my body may be preparing for a period (though I'm skeptical because been spotting off and on since late June. If I didn't already have a gynecology appointment on the 9th, I'd probably have called already to see about setting one up).

The lack of sleep and stress are making me ache. I'm wearing thumb splints today because I can't do what I need to otherwise. I have to wrap the present for our BIL some time in the next half hour (Scott's trying to repair the dryer). We only have Christmas wrapping paper.

What I really want to do is to lie down and nap. There just isn't time.

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