the_rck: (Default)
2014-11-19 10:09 am
Entry tags:

[sticky entry] Sticky: (no subject)

Since I signed up for the most recent multi-fandom friending meme, I thought I should write a little introduction to myself, just in case anyone pops over here from there.

Note 25 Sept 2015: I'm dealing with breast cancer right now, and I talk about it uncut. I'm doing well and not in any danger, but I know that many people would rather not read about it. I should be past everything but the tamoxifen by the end of this year.

Bits and pieces about me. Possibly more than you ever wanted to know. )
the_rck: (Default)
2037-06-19 04:56 pm
Entry tags:

[sticky entry] Sticky: Sticky Post

I mirror at least 95% of my content on LJ and DW. Read where you're most comfortable.

My friending policy is pretty open. If you want to read my journal, go ahead. I won't mind. I don't automatically read in return. I used to, but my time's a little more limited now than it was then. If you feel like dropping me a comment to let me know why you friended me, I'd appreciate it. Sometimes I have no idea at all and wonder.

If I'm reading you, I'm interested in something that's in your journal. I don't expect to be read in return but certainly won't mind if I am. I know that I have more time for reading online than most people do, and I know that my entries about my every day life, parenting, chores, etc. aren't of much interest to most people. That's all fine.

I don't lock very much. Right now, it's just an occasional post about my adolescent daughter. She's embarrassed by me talking about her online, so this is a compromise. My book logging, DVD logging and fic announcements will always be unlocked.

Also, if you stop reading my journal, feel free to take me off your list. I won't be upset. (Though if I think we know each other well or if we're acquainted offline, I may inquire as to why.) I may or may not stop reading you in response. It will depend on what sort of content you post and whether or not you lock most of of it.

I don't post fics on LJ or DW. I don't post fic fragments on LJ or DW. My fic can be found at my website or at AO3 ([archiveofourown.org profile] the_rck) or, for those things not explicit, at fanfiction.net as therck. I mostly write for Weiss Kreuz and The Chronicles of Narnia, but I've written a fic or two in a wide variety of fandoms for various exchanges.

I don't often use cut tags. Mostly, I use them for lists where I think people will only be interested in some items and for discussions of writing that go more than a paragraph or two or that have details that I think might bother some readers.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-16 08:34 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I did eventually get to sleep last night. I ended up taking a second Halcion. I probably got about four hours of sleep. I'm going to have to find a way to nap today, or I'll end up too tired to manage anything myself by the time I need to eat dinner.

I'm not sure why my body wasn't willing to sleep. Scott and I took a moderately long walk, a bit more than an hour, around north campus yesterday. It would have been longer, but it started to pour, and we had to run for the car. I need to hack ten more new to me Ingress portals in order to get the silver badge for that. I'm entirely sure that I can find those on north campus. I just need to drag myself out there for it.

Maybe later today if I manage a nap.

Scott and Cordelia are both having trouble getting their phones to charge. Scott has to wiggle the connection until the charging starts and then not jostle it at all or it will stop. Cordelia's just having problems with the cord in the living room. Scott really needs to replace his phone, but we can't afford it.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-15 11:32 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

In spite of taking Halcion fully two hours ago, I haven't gotten anywhere near sleep so far tonight. I feel physically wide awake, so for once it's not my brain running in circles to keep me awake. I have no idea what to do. If it wasn't almost midnight and rainy, I'd go for a walk or something. There isn't really anything I can do with physical energy while everyone else sleeps.

I think I do have to get out of bed. It's a terrible idea, but it's better than lying here, looking at the ceiling.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-15 01:45 pm

(no subject)

I ended up going with Scott to take Cordelia and her friend to the restaurant. The plan was that I'd wait wherever he and I ended up for dinner until after he took the 3-4 kids to the dance. We had trouble finding a restaurant and ended up at Seva, a vegetarian place. We tend not to go there because my food options are severely limited by needing to avoid tomatoes and peppers and walnuts and peanuts and eggs.

I ended up ordering a cup of soup and two sides, asparagus and sweet potato fries. The soup wasn't edible by me, and Scott didn't care for it either. The menu said 'butternut-apple bisque,' and I couldn't taste either apples or butternut squash. It went more toward the savory end of flavor, and I couldn't place the herbs, so I didn't force myself to eat more than a couple of spoonfuls. I was concerned that the soup contained something that would make me sick. The restaurant ended up removing the soup from our bill. We hadn't asked them to. I'd have been cranky about spending $4 on a cup of inedible soup, but I did order it, so...

I also got dessert, banana cheesecake. It was recognizably cheesecake, but even though I could see banana chunks, I couldn't taste the banana at all. Scott tried it and also couldn't taste the banana, so I'm again puzzled. I think that, when something with a particular flavor is in the name, it's weird not to be able to taste even a trace of that in the food.

Cordelia's only comment about the dance was that it was loud and that the music was terrible. I'm not sure if the latter refers to sound quality or to song choice.

Scott's parents have reserved a house for a family vacation next summer. They didn't consult with us about potential conflicts first but did consult Scott's brother and sister, so we're a bit puzzled. We won't know for at least another month whether or not Scott can get that time off, and I'm pretty sure that the timing will mean that Cordelia couldn't do choir camp even if she wanted to. (Though Scott thinks the location of the house is actually kind of near Interlochen.) Scott's parents have promised to 'help' us with the costs but want us to tell them how much we can afford to pay. Which is both reasonable and burdensome because Scott finds it shaming.

To be honest, I'm not sure we can afford anything but gas money and our share of the groceries. I'm not convinced that Scott will be able to tell his parents that. He was able to say, months ago, that we couldn't go because we couldn't afford it. Now, we can't just not do it. We have to figure out what we can scrape together and ask for the rest. I understand why Scott's parents want everyone there. They're both 75 (and will be 76 next summer), and their oldest grandchild is 18 and in college. The odds of getting him to come to future family vacations aren't really all that great. The odds of Scott's parents being up to such a vacation in three years, five years, ten years... Yeah.

Is it weird that I feel that 'tell us what you can afford, and we'll cover the rest' is more embarrassing than 'because you can't afford it, we'll cover the expenses'?
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-14 05:22 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I tried taking two Halcion tablets last night (adding up to 0.5 mg) and slept well. Barring a couple of trips to the bathroom, I didn't get up until around 10:00. I even slept through Scott getting out of bed. I'm not sure how much of that was complete exhaustion and how much was the medication.

Scott has managed to repair the bathroom sink. It wasn't exactly broken, but the stopper had broken, so we had a gaping hole down the drain. Now, we have a strainer in place. There's no longer a way to seal the basin, but that's not generally something we've wanted, so I don't think it will matter.

Skyline's homecoming dance is tonight. Cordelia's going with a group of friends. They're planning to get dinner first at some place that we've not previously heard of. Scott's driving them to the restaurant and from there to the high school. He's not supposed to have dinner in the same place as they do, but he needs to stay nearby in order to retrieve them when they're done. I can't go along because there will be four kids to wedge into the car somehow. Scott plus three is comfortable. Scott plus four is... feasible. Scott plus five is impossible.

It's a pity because it would be really nice for me and Scott to be able to get dinner out together tonight. The dance starts too late for that to be feasible after it begins. Him coming home to get me or to bring carryout is theoretically possible, timing wise, but we have no idea how long the kids will take, and I think it would be good if Scott were nearby in case one of the kids doesn't have enough cash (they're 13/14 years old).

The dance is 'semi-formal,' and tickets are $28 each (not per pair but each). I have no idea what that money is paying for. Gold plated paper plates? Silk ribbons instead of paper? It's not like they're paying a band.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-13 01:50 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I slept really, really terribly last night. Every time I started to fall asleep, I had reflux issues. I had had some vanilla ice cream, and that made the reflux not be of the burning kind. I just kept coughing and jerking upright. Sleeping on an incline doesn't help. Not even sleeping upright helps. The trigger seems to be me starting to fall asleep. That somehow makes something in my body relax enough that the reflux starts.

I know perfectly well that the thing I need to do when that starts is to go and sit upright for 30 to 60 minutes before I try to lie down again. It's just very hard to get myself to do that when I'm utterly exhausted and desperate for sleep. I think I finally managed to sleep about 3 a.m., and I really couldn't get myself out of bed when it was time to get up to help Cordelia get ready for school. I have no idea what would have happened if Scott hadn't been able to step in at that point. I'd probably have managed somehow. I just have no idea how.

Scott came back to bed after walking Cordelia to the bus stop. We both slept another four hours. I'd have liked to sleep longer, but I had a horrible headache and knew that I needed to get up to take my medications. I still have the headache, and I can't tell if it's due to lack of sleep, due to menstrual stuff, due to stress, or due to something else I haven't thought of. I've taken naproxen and have had caffeine. I've also eaten. Cordelia has an appointment in two hours, so I don't think that a nap is going to be possible.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-13 12:39 pm
Entry tags:

Looking for brainstorming help

I'm looking for brainstorming and revision help with some Weiss Kreuz fics for [community profile] weissvsaiyuki. I'm not sure how much canon knowledge is necessary for any of these. They're all Schwarz-centric, so there's less canon to work with (I don't even try to be consistent with the drama CDs and manga, just the anime).

One is either T or M rated and complete, but I think the ending is weak and possibly too rapid. I'd like a second opinion on it. The story is dark. I'm trying to end with a glimmer of hope, but that's one of the things I'm not sure even vaguely works.

The second is somewhere between one third and three quarters done. I'm at a point where I have to make a story decision and can't get myself to because none of the options quite work for me. I'm pretty sure I'm missing something. I'm not sure where to put the rating on this one-- Probably T for now with the possibility of it going upward depending on where it goes from here. Right now, it's gen (but could be read as Crawford and Schuldig being involved off screen. Or not), and I'm not planning to change that, but...

The third is E rated and potentially squicky due to noncon. I think it's half done. At about 2000 words in (out of about 3400 currently), it took a sudden left turn from PWP into character development that I think is not consistent with the first part of the story. I'm just too close to the story to be able to tell for sure, and I want a second opinion on that and on whether I should axe the character development to go back to the PWP or rewrite the first part to support the character development.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-12 09:13 pm

(no subject)

I tried to nap this morning, but by the time I finally relaxed enough to maybe be ready to fall asleep, it was twenty minutes before I had to be up to go to an oncology appointment. I'd had 2.5 hours when I lay down. The appointment was fine but took much longer than I expected because I had to wait twenty minutes to check out afterward. I'll be going back in four months because the nurse practitioner I see picked up on me being nervous about waiting until June to check in. I'm not sure if she quite understands that I don't trust mammograms right now because the mammogram didn't see the lump until six months after I first found it.

I got a flu shot while iI was at the appointment, and it's really hurting this year. Moving the arm at all is unpleasant. The nurse who did the shot put it very high up on the arm. I actually thought she was going to put it into the joint itself.

I'm really glad that Scott didn't work today because parent teacher conferences were grueling. Cordelia's geometry teacher and social studies teacher both had really, really long lines. It took an hour to get through the line to see the geometry teacher and almost as long to see the social studies teacher. Scott saw the business fundamentals teacher without me, while I waited in line for the social studies teacher.

All the teachers seemed pleased with Cordelia. We found out that a couple of the teachers had mailing lists that we weren't on due to Cordelia having been at Community for those three days. The geometry teacher told us that we weren't the first to express unhappiness with 8th grade math at Cordelia's old school. I got the impression that the other parent(s) were also concerned about their kid(s) not having the necessary fundamentals.

The business teacher seems to have talked Scott's ear off. Scott was gone for quite a while for that. Scott says that the teacher is frustrated by the kids who don't understand the difference between writing a ten page research paper and preparing a presentation.

I think my body is starting up another period. The last one started on the 27th, so this is much sooner than is normal for me.

I suspect I'm not going to sleep much tonight because we bought food at Wendy's before the conference. I basically fell over in exhaustion a bit before the cleaning lady left, and we had to get something that wouldn't take long and that might give me enough oomph to get through three hours of conferences. The burger did that much, at least. I was still pretty dead on my feet until about an hour after I ate, but now, almost four hours later, I'm still pretty awake. Unfortunately, my digestive system isn't happy. The timing is bad for any of the things that might help relative to my medications. If I take everything now, I can have vanilla ice cream in an hour which might help (about a 75% chance).

Just have to make myself stand up again...
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-11 08:48 pm

(no subject)

This afternoon, I did some minor beta reading on a paper that Cordelia's best friend was writing. It was mostly punctuation and verb tenses. The real challenge was explaining why. Cordelia thinks the idea of consulting a style guide is ridiculous (also the idea of asking a teacher which style guide they want used). Is that just a college thing? It just seemed to me that it would be helpful to know which set of rules the teacher is expecting.

I ended up taking a very long walk today, more than two hours, in spite of the fact that it was raining. I think that, as far as the rain goes, I'd have turned back sooner if it had started raining hard sooner. As it happens, I got to the end of the route I had decided on, and then it started pouring. I was pretty thoroughly soaked by the time I got home. I had to change my clothes entirely. I hacked six new-to-me Ingress portals and made several tiny fields while i was out.

I'm not commenting much right now because I'm doing a lot of my DW reading on my cell phone. I can type on that, but I always end up thinking that I'll remember to come back to the post when I'm on my laptop and then... Well, I don't. I am reading pretty reliably.

It's probably also likely that being low on sleep contributes to me not commenting. I felt so much better today after ten hours of sleep that I almost couldn't believe the difference. I wish it wasn't something that requires a huge family production about making happen.

Scott's brother and his family are thinking to come to Michigan for Christmas. We haven't seen them in a couple of years, so it would be really nice if they did come. Scott even managed to get some vacation time in between Christmas and New Year. I'm not sure about whether or not them staying a night or two with us will work now that their youngest is six. I think she was three the last time they stayed here, and at that point, she just slept in a port-a-crib in the basement with her parents while her older sister shared Cordelia's room. Now? I really don't know. I'm not sure that both girls can fit in Cordelia's room, and I'm quite sure that a port-a-crib won't be an option. Scott's sister and Scott's parents both have more flexibility that way, but it would be sad not to have them spend at least one night here. Scott and his brother don't get much time together.

My parents haven't told us that they'll be coming to Michigan in December. They did last year, but I don't know if that means doing it this year as well. At this point, I'm figuring that Scott's chance to see his brother outweighs time with them. I love them, but I'm pretty much never happier after I've seen them. I'm sometimes no less happy than I was but not always.

I had lunch with [personal profile] evalerie yesterday. We went to Juicy Kitchen which is out near Cordelia's school. We got there just before the lunch rush started. The place is tiny. I'm not sure that, even including the outdoor seating, it can accommodate more than twenty people.

I got myself to bed by about 8 p.m. last night. I hadn't really fallen asleep by the time I got a phone call at 9:30 (another mother calling about a school thing that actually did need to be dealt with last night). At that point, I took a second Halcion and then slept pretty soundly. I was able to sleep in a bit because the school had a late start. The 11th graders were taking the PSAT, and other grades didn't have class until 11:15. The district only ran the school buses for the 7:30 start time, so anybody who didn't go in then needed other transportation (that's what the other mother was calling about).

It's almost 9 p.m. now, and I really would like to sleep soon. I'm just not sure that I can get away with it without serious drama.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-10 04:42 pm

(no subject)

Three interlibrary loan books done. Three to go. Two of those can't be renewed, but the third is a volume of manga and so will likely end up being read first.

I came up with a title for one of my WIP yesterday, changed the sheets, and ran two loads of laundry.

We watched Supergirl last night. I hope I get more into this season than last season because I'm not going to be allowed to drift away to do something else when it comes on. I think that part of my problem last season was simply not comprehending the attraction of Mon-El.

Oh-- Now I know why I got cranky when I watched last season-- The point of his arc was him becoming a responsible person, but the timing and the writing made it him becoming a responsible person not through choice or circumstances but rather because Kara loved him, and I loathe that trope.

I'm tired enough that I'm missing things like tracking who I'm chatting with online or remembering that I refilled that one prescription Friday and didn't need to ask my doctor for a renewal (which I totally did before I realized). I'm also losing track of what things on my to do list I've dealt with and which I haven't. Those are a little easier because I can, say, look at the sink and see the presence or absence of dirty dishes.

My Gdoc of potential titles (mostly song or poetry fragments) is getting too long to work with. The response time is sluggish, and I know that separating it into pieces would help, but that will be ever so much less convenient. 36 pages is just too long, but this isn't something with obvious break points or useful ways of sorting things. Dividing by author would cut the length but make browsing a PITA. Dividing by theme-- Well, I can't actually tell what sort of theme a particular snippet is likely to fit. Maybe use of certain substantive nouns like 'time' or 'wind' or 'mirror'? Except that I'm sure there are a lot of snippets that wouldn't sort that way.

Anybody in need of a few dozen titles? Free to good home.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-09 09:48 am

(no subject)

I walked for a little more than an hour this morning after walking Cordelia to the bus stop (a careful twenty feet behind her). I went to the science and nature center and got bitten by more mosquitoes than I expected to see this time of year. I then walked a bit further up the road to the two portals near the golf course. (There's one actually on the course, about 80 meters from the road, but I think no one ever goes after it. I think I've only seen it captured once in the two years I've been playing. There isn't a fence or no trespassing signs, but there are people actually playing golf, even at 7:30 in the morning.)

I've been lying flat on my back at least twice a day for a while. The hard floor hurts, but it's the one thing I can do that makes my shoulders and neck release some tension. Lying on a more yielding surface doesn't do it. I can only tolerate a few minutes of lying on the floor at a time. I've been tempted to try a little alcohol to see if that will help those muscles relax, but I'm taking Tylenol at least once a day for the elbow pain (can't sleep at all without it). I'm not willing to trade shoulder/neck tension, even at these levels, for liver damage.

I did no writing this weekend. I was kind of frustrated about it, but I can't write anything at all when Cordelia's reading over my shoulder, and I don't seem to be able to wedge things into the times when she's not sitting next to me.

I have six interlibrary loan books that I want to finish and return. I've also got a couple of books that can't be renewed. I'm trying to work on some of the audiobooks I've got on my laptop, too. It's just that those take so very, very long to get through.

I think I didn't quite get the cold Scott had. He's still coughing a lot, but I'm better already. Cordelia was feeling a bit off over the weekend, too, but she didn't mention it this morning.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-07 10:59 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

Somehow, today got away from me. Well, I know how, mostly. I slept really badly last night due to various physical aches and then kept thinking I should lie down and nap and kept having other things distract me. Then I started rereading a long fic and kept thinking that I'd read a little more. At this point, I've got the edges of a headache that tells me that I've been awake too long for the amount of sleep I got last night.

Scott will be working tomorrow, so we're all heading for bed now. Really, he should have gone to bed sooner, but... He never does, not when it's just him needing to.

Cordelia's current plan for tomorrow is to go dress shopping with a friend. I'm hoping that comes together properly because it would be nice for her to have something to do. I will have to decide whether or not to head to the library by bus. If Scott gets off work on time, he can drive me down there, but he may not and won't know until late enough that, while I could get there, getting home again would be challenging.

Yesterday morning, [personal profile] evalerie drove me to Kroger to pick up my prescriptions. I'm grateful for that because it was pouring rain and really not weather for standing at a bus stop.

I was certain yesterday that I was getting Scott's cold. I still don't feel 100%, but the humidity from the c-PAP actually helped my throat a lot. At this point, it's just a bit of not-quite-right in my throat that doesn't hurt or make me cough or anything. We'll see what tomorrow brings. If I do get the dratted thing, I'm hoping for it to hit hard tomorrow and then be gone. I suppose colds progress in accordance with Murphy's Law, too.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-06 08:28 am

(no subject)

I ended up not going to Kroger yesterday. I just couldn't spend that long out of the house when Scott was still too sick to be able to refill his water bottle without wiping himself out. (Cordelia wasn't home until almost 5:00). I thought I'd go this morning, right after walking Cordelia to the cross walk (if you can call it that when she generally walks about twenty feet ahead of me and doesn't acknowledge I'm there. It's just that she finds the idea of me not doing it completely unacceptable), but it's pouring rain.

I'm hoping that the rain will let up a little later on. I absolutely have to get the prescription today because I've taken the last tablet and need another some time between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. I just don't want to deal with wet feet from standing in the rain. In a little bit, I'll dig up some dry socks and see if one of my other pairs of shoes is closer to waterproof. My boots are, but I'd feel silly wearing those with shorts.

I'm also trying to figure out what to get in addition to my prescriptions. The things we actually need are mostly kind of heavy-- honey, chicken noodle soup, lemon juice-- which makes things more challenging. Maybe my backpack? But I also need to get bread, and I don't want that to get smashed.

Maybe cleaning the bread machine and setting something up there is a better option? I'm not sure if our bread flour is still good, though; I'll see how it smells.

My back was so tense and painful last night that I did end up lying on the floor. It helped those muscle spasms a lot but hurt in other ways because the floor is hard. I just think I'm going to have to do that a time or three every day. Usually, I'd try having a little alcohol (like a wine cooler amount) for this, but I'm taking Tylenol for the elbow pain, so alcohol is absolutely out.

I've promised Cordelia that I will finish my current Netflix DVD today so that I can send hers back in the same envelope. She's been waiting a couple of weeks for me to finish, so I really, really have to do it.

Because I really needed another WIP, I started a new story yesterday. I wrote about a thousand words, and I'm hoping to keep it under three thousand. It's another Weiss Kreuz story, so if I finish it in time, I can use it for [community profile] weissvsaiyuki. I started from one of the posted prompts, but I don't know that the story actually fits it now. I just have to figure out what the story's actually about.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-05 08:08 am

(no subject)

I had no luck at all with napping yesterday. I think I'm just too stressed out to manage it. I tried for long enough that I ended up feeling fairly dehydrated. We were all in bed by 9:30 last night, and I feel a lot better this morning than I did yesterday, so I really think that getting to bed earlier is key.

Scott's cold is bad enough that he called in sick even though he'll get into trouble for it. He was having trouble doing anything at all last night and went straight back to bed after making the phone call. He's got a nasty cough. So far as I can tell, he doesn't have a fever, but he thought he might because of how he felt.

I'm going to have to haul myself outside later on today to go and pick up a prescription that's waiting. I have enough of the medication to last me through breakfast tomorrow, but I'll need the new bottle by noon. Wellbutrin is not something I'm enthusiastic about missing doses of. I don't think it's doing anything useful for me (apart from serving to demonstrate that Look! I am trying to do something about my anxiety! Honest!), but it's a bad thing to stop cold turkey.

I suppose I could get the dratted thing tomorrow morning instead, but this way, I can pick up some bread so that I can make Scott a sandwich for work tomorrow (all the bread was moldy yesterday, but he felt too terrible to pick up more). I can also see what cold medicines we have and what we need. I think we're out of most of the things Scott would normally take.

Maybe I can motivate myself to go with a promise of lunch out and/or a stop at that park halfway there that has Ingress portals I've never hacked. It would have been pretty easy to go straight from dropping Cordelia at the crosswalk, but it's hours yet before the pharmacy opens. I'm not sure much out that way is open yet, either. Possibly the two coffee places? There's a bakery, too, but it doesn't have anywhere for people to sit down and eat what they've bought.

I think I've finished one of my Weiss Kreuz stories for [community profile] weissvsaiyuki. It still needs tweaking in the details, and I think the ending's not paced properly, but it has an ending now. The one that's the next most likely to be possible to finish is sitting at a story pivot point. I don't quite like any of the paths I could take it down. Well, rather, I don't think any of them is more right or more appealing or easier or... anything that would make the decision more than a roll of a die. It's also kind of close in the through line (so far) to another story I wrote recently. The other two WIP that might work for the challenge are complicated and likely to be very, very long. One is at 6K words and probably needs 12K to 15K to find an ending (though I've been wrong before. In both directions). The other is at 4.5K and probably needs to be at least 30K.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-04 09:27 am

(no subject)

I successfully performed a summon-repairman ritual this morning. The window for him to come started an hour ago. I lay down with the idea of napping because I was nodding off. Less than five minutes in, I got the call from his company saying that he'd be here in about twenty minutes. I had to wait half an hour after that for the guy to arrive, but the actual repair took under ten minutes, even with the paperwork.

I tried napping yesterday afternoon. I was just so utterly exhausted that I desperately needed it. Sadly, I didn't fall asleep until I only had about half an hour left before I had to be up. I had hoped for more given that I had almost three hours and took a Halcion. I got up to use the bathroom once, but, other than that, I was undisturbed.

I haven't had a walk yet today. One of Cordelia's more distant friends from her old school was with us for the last twenty minutes before time to go, and I didn't want to accompany the girls because I thought it might embarrass Cordelia even if I was just going in the same general direction rather than officially walking with them. This was the first time taking the bus to school for this particular girl. She takes it home every day, but her mother usually drives her to school.

Scott has a nasty cold with sinus congestion and a sore throat. I'm hoping that I won't catch it, but I don't know that I've got much chance of avoiding it. He couldn't use his bi-PAP last night and so snored terribly and woke still feeling exhausted.

I made some reasonable progress on finishing one of my stories for [community profile] weissvsaiyuki last night. It's very near to the ending unless I decide that it needs an explicit sex scene. I was going to have one, but then I realized that all of the plot pertinent stuff happening right then had zero to do with the sex and flowed much better if I didn't try to put those details in.

Okay. Time to lie down again and see if I can sleep at all.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-03 11:34 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I took a little bit of a walk after leaving Cordelia at the crosswalk. I took about half an hour. It's in the mid-40s out there, so it was pleasant with a light jacket.

We've figured out that Scott and Cordelia can't keep doing the things they're doing with their phones/data unless we're willing to pay more. For Scott, it's constant Facebook on his breaks and lunch. For Cordelia, it's Snapchat because she has one friend who sends something like 40 photos on an average day. Cordelia didn't realize that receiving each of those used data. She really doesn't like the idea of cutting off Snapchat, even for a few hours, because it's too much like cutting off the friends who are at other schools. Skyline has wifi, but it's terrible quality, according to Cordelia.

I'm trying to weed out messages from my inbox. There are some things, mostly DW comments, that I meant to answer, but they're now six weeks old, and I no longer remember the full context. The answers were either more for politeness than ongoing discussion or things that were too difficult to address at the time.

I gave up on a set of Great Courses lectures about writing fiction because, once I saw the first few lectures and looked at the titles of the rest, I realized that it didn't address the any of the things I need to work on in my own writing. Most of it was characterization/character development, dialogue, and plot construction. I'm pretty comfortable with all of that. I need techniques for integrating visual description into my narrative flow (I write two people, in a void, talking to each other, far too often) and how to structure action scenes, particularly scenes with more than two characters present.

Of course, I was also put off by the lecturer starting out by talking about the importance of outlining for plot. He later admitted, as if it was something potentially shameful, that he finds out who his characters are by writing them and seeing what they do. So I'm side-eying all of that. I suppose that outlining works for enough people that it's a basic thing to teach. I'd just like acknowledgement that that's not the natural flow for some (many!) people so that people who're just starting out don't think they can't write just because they can't outline.

I did a little bit of writing last night and discovered that I'd completed the emotional arc of the story. There's still tens of thousands of words worth of the plot I thought I was writing, but the emotional arc is done. Given that this is part of House of Sulfur and Mercury, I'm just going to end there and start a sequel to deal with the plot. This last chapter isn't quite 900 words, so it feels horribly short, but it's done.

The next things I need to work on are stories for [community profile] weissvsaiyuki and characters for UCon. The latter have two aspects to chip away at-- the numbers and rule related things and then the actual character histories, goals, etc. I want to have seven characters that people could play, but I need to plan so that I could run with just two of them, any two of them, and I capped attendance at five players, so they won't all seven get played. I can't imagine the game filling, all the players showing up, and then having extra players wanting in. It's scheduled for 9 a.m. on Saturday, after all.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-02 08:30 am

(no subject)

Stuff about Scott and possible depression )

The furnace repair we had scheduled for today has been put off due to the technician being out sick. I'm trying to decide what to do with my morning now. I've made one phone call and am waiting for it to be returned. I need to make one more phone call and have two others that I should make but that aren't nearly as urgent.

I'm also really, really tired, and I want to take a walk, and I want to write.

I think I need to make that other call and then lie down.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-10-01 07:48 pm

(no subject)

Cordelia went out for a few hours this afternoon with her middle school friends. They've decided to alternate weeks with movie night on Friday one week and a Sunday afternoon gabfest the next. I think that one of the girls can't do things on Fridays, but I'm not sure.

Scott's asleep. At this point, I don't see a point in waking him at all until morning. He napped a little while Cordelia was out (he provided transportation both ways), but apart from that hour to hour and a half, he had been up for roughly twenty three hours when he lay down to sleep. I'll have to wake him for a little when I go to bed because I have to be able to see which medication bottles are which.

We went to Bob Evans for breakfast this morning after Scott got home and showered. After we got home from that, Scott did the grocery shopping while I started in on laundry. He did the library run after dropping Cordelia off at her friend's house.

Scott having had to work last night means that I still haven't tried taking two of the Halcion tablets to see how that affects my sleep. I'm not willing to do it unless he'll be there during the night and in the morning.

I wrote about 500 words last night. Sadly, I wrote it at the point when I should have been in bed and asleep, so I've been dragging all day. I keep looking at the floor and thinking about lying down there in spite of knowing how much doing that would hurt. I have no idea why my brain thinks the floor is more attractive than the couch. Maybe because I've tried the couch several times in the last two weeks?

We're going to try to figure out how to upgrade Cordelia's laptop. There are things she wants to do now that the machine is too old in terms of hardware to support, and we expect that high school will bring things she actually needs to do that need better hardware. If nothing else, she's taking digital photography later this year. I'm pretty sure we will have a hard time finding software for that that will work on a Macbook made in 2008.

Upgrading my laptop is going to have to wait. We still haven't paid off my current laptop or Cordelia's. We got them refurbished, so we didn't pay full price, but I'm not sure Scott's decision in that regard was necessarily wise because what he ended up getting was only a very little bit newer than what we used to have and stopped being able to advance in terms of OS within the first six months we had them. For me, it's less important because I mostly chat, do email, write, and browse the web. I don't stream much or play games. I don't need the latest bells and whistles in my word processor, not as long as other people can still open and read my documents if I share them.

Scott's thrilled at the idea of me not doing Yuletide. He says that all I talk about during the writing period is my story and that that makes him feel like I'm not actually present. I pointed out that I'm always thinking of stories and that I'm happier when I'm writing. I should have added that I just talk to him about the Yuletide stories because he often knows the fandoms and because they're almost never smut. I do 90% of my writing for any exchange/challenge at points when I'm alone, but my brain never stops churning with story ideas.

I need to try to find a chance to talk to him about this when Cordelia's not around. I feel like I don't have all that much that's mine and like he's saying I shouldn't have anything if it attracts attention. I'm pretty sure that's not what he means, but it's still hurtful and pisses me off.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-09-30 11:17 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

My hands have been hurting more the last few days than they have at any point since I stopped taking Tamoxifen. I think that lack of sleep makes that worse. I had to wear splints on both hands yesterday due to the pain. I hope I don't need that today because the only splints that aren't in the bedroom (where Scott is sleeping) are the massive ones. They work, but they make my shoulders hurt from the weight, and I suspect that wearing on my left hand would do nasty things to my bad elbow.

I'm trying to make a reasonable grocery list. I don't know when Scott will do the shopping. Saturday evenings are terrible for that because things we want are often simply not there. Sunday morning would be better in that regard, but that would mean shopping on his way home from work, and that means going somewhere other than the store we usually go to. That only matters for the breakfast sausages where we've found only one kind (the Kroger store brand brown sugar flavor) that I can handle. If he can find Jennie-o (sp?) sausages somewhere, some of their turkey sausages used to be okay, but Kroger hasn't had those in a very long time. The problem is that all brands simply list 'spices' in the ingredients rather than saying what those spices are. Some things, like black pepper, edge into the making me sick territory. I can handle a very small amount but not nearly as much as is in most sausages.

One of Scott's parents has had to have minor foot surgery. The emails come from a joint address, are written in the first person singular, and are signed with both of their names, so we're not actually sure, and neither Scott nor I feel quite right asking.
the_rck: (Default)
2017-09-29 11:04 am

(no subject)

Scott will have less than twenty four hours off to change his schedule so that he can go from working third shift to working first shift. They told him that the only other option was to give him zero time between shifts (third shift starts at 11 p.m. and is, for bookkeeping purposes, considered entirely part of the day that it started, so it wouldn't technically be a mandatory double shift). All employees are working either Saturday or Sunday this weekend.

I was going to try to go to north campus this morning, but it's raining. I really don't feel like walking around in the rain today. I do need to go downtown to buy bus tokens for Cordelia. There's no rush on it because she has a pass right now that's good for another couple of weeks. We bought it when we thought she'd be at Community and would be using it at least ten times a week. Now... three or four times a week. Tokens are cheaper at that level of usage because they don't expire.

It used to be that you had to go to the main business office for the bus company in order to get the half price tokens, but according to the company website, the half price tokens are available at Blake now. At least, the listing for Blake says 'Tokens' while other places say 'Full fare tokens'. I'm assuming that that means Blake has all types of tokens now. It never made much sense to me to have the half price tokens only at the headquarters. They're good for people who're K-12 or receiving Medicare/Medicaid or in their mid-60s.

If I go down there later today, I can pick up my interlibrary loan copy of Prince of Tennis 30, read it immediately, send it back, and request v.31. We lose MelCat requesting access on Monday the 2nd. The library's holdings for PoT pick up again with v.34. Part of me wants to request All The Things via ILL right now because I won't be able to get anything for months, but I also don't think that's a great idea. I should get the books at points when I'm sure I'll have time to read them. If I could get multiple volumes of a given manga series at once I would (the system chokes on such requests and insists that they're duplicates of requests I currently have in process).

I'm leaning strongly toward not signing up for Yuletide. I very much want to, but I don't think I have better than a 50% chance of being able to write a complete story (and the actual chance is probably lower). I'll just save off some possibilities for treats and write those if I end up having time and inspiration. If all goes well with Cordelia's recovery, next year will be better for this sort of thing.

Or I could work on one of the many, many prompts I've got squirreled away in various places... I think I need to weed those down to prompts that are very specifically things I want to write or that are from people I know. That is, if I look at the request and think, "Writing that fandom would be fun, but I don't have any ideas based on this," I shouldn't keep the prompt. If I've got fewer than 300 prompts saved right now, I'll be astonished, and that's with weeding.

I've been applying heat to my elbow. It helps more than the cold packs do, and it only takes 50 seconds in the microwave to refresh the rice pack as opposed to 4-6 hours in the freezer for the gel packs.

I'm trying to come up with ideas for things I could do to reward myself for achieving goals. I just... I'm drawing a complete blank. I don't want to buy books, music, etc. I'm trying to limit sweets. I don't collect anything and don't want to start. There isn't anything that I really want to do. I enjoy an occasional lunch out, but... I really can't use that because going out for lunch is really, really, really difficult unless I'm already out of the house for something necessary and quite near somewhere to get food or have some other adult with me. Lunch out once a week is also more money than I want to put into this (I'd like to stay under $5 a week).

In days gone by, CDs or books (saved for gradually) or a treat like baklava or a candy bar would have been easy go-tos, but they just aren't now. And the agoraphobia and physical limitations eliminate a lot of other things. There aren't any shows streaming that would make reasonable rewards, either. First, I'm pretty picky, and second, I completely forget to follow even things that I enjoy. Even without considering the agoraphobia, I can't handle movies in the theater. Plays and concerts hit the agoraphobia big time. Even with Ativan, I end up spending my time focused on escape plans.

I don't think Scott and Cordelia actually understand how much me being on my phone, playing Ingress, is a shield against panic when we're out of the house. It gives me something completely mindless to do.