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I walked for a little more than an hour this morning after walking Cordelia to the bus stop (a careful twenty feet behind her). I went to the science and nature center and got bitten by more mosquitoes than I expected to see this time of year. I then walked a bit further up the road to the two portals near the golf course. (There's one actually on the course, about 80 meters from the road, but I think no one ever goes after it. I think I've only seen it captured once in the two years I've been playing. There isn't a fence or no trespassing signs, but there are people actually playing golf, even at 7:30 in the morning.)

I've been lying flat on my back at least twice a day for a while. The hard floor hurts, but it's the one thing I can do that makes my shoulders and neck release some tension. Lying on a more yielding surface doesn't do it. I can only tolerate a few minutes of lying on the floor at a time. I've been tempted to try a little alcohol to see if that will help those muscles relax, but I'm taking Tylenol at least once a day for the elbow pain (can't sleep at all without it). I'm not willing to trade shoulder/neck tension, even at these levels, for liver damage.

I did no writing this weekend. I was kind of frustrated about it, but I can't write anything at all when Cordelia's reading over my shoulder, and I don't seem to be able to wedge things into the times when she's not sitting next to me.

I have six interlibrary loan books that I want to finish and return. I've also got a couple of books that can't be renewed. I'm trying to work on some of the audiobooks I've got on my laptop, too. It's just that those take so very, very long to get through.

I think I didn't quite get the cold Scott had. He's still coughing a lot, but I'm better already. Cordelia was feeling a bit off over the weekend, too, but she didn't mention it this morning.
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Getting to Skyline yesterday was stressful, and getting home was worse. The bus company website doesn't actually provide accurate information about the bus line that runs out there-- The schedule I could access on my phone claimed two buses around when school starts and three around when it ends with nothing in between. I knew it was a lie, but I couldn't get the site to cough up anything else. The first bus to come by as I waited was going to go out of service at the next stop, so I had to wait another half an hour for a bus to come.

What I really wanted to do was to find somewhere to get coffee and food and to sit for a while before I dealt with the bus, but there is absolutely nothing out by Skyline. Zilch. To walk anywhere useful, I'd have to cross three traffic circles, two of them connected to highway entrances/exits, and none of them having any design considerations for possible pedestrians. By the time I was actually on the bus, the idea of getting off again was horrific. I didn't do it until I had to transfer downtown.

It wasn't quite 10:30 when I got downtown, and I didn't feel like I could walk to try to find somewhere to sit and try to calm myself, so I just walked down the block to where the bus I needed would come.

I left both my water bottle and Cordelia's somewhere along the way. I only realized that I didn't have them when I was gathering my things to get off the bus at the stop by our house. They might be at the Skyline bus stop. They might be on the bus I took into town. They might be at the transit center. I couldn't deal with calling to try to find them, so they're gone. Scott bought me a replacement that I need to wash before I start using.

I can't tell how much of how bad going back and forth to Skyline was yesterday was due to it coming at the end of a horrible, horrible week and how much was the trip being intrinsically difficult for me. It's probably a bit of both.

I got pretty angry at Scott yesterday (and a few times earlier in the week) because he wasn't bothering to give me any encouraging words or anything. He gave Cordelia a lot, and he was having an awful week, too, but it would have been nice to get a comment indicating that he had my back on anything at all. I don't think he realizes how much he left me flapping in the wind all week. If I asked for something very specific, he'd do it, but there wasn't anything at all that I didn't ask for. Not even a "I know this is hard for you, but you can do it."

I think Scott also doesn't realize that Cordelia going to Community gave me a brief feeling of intense relief that I wouldn't have to deal with a huge, huge problem that I've seen coming for literally years-- The problem of me getting her from school for appointments and then back to school after. Nothing about the trips I've made to Skyline has made the problem seem less severe or more easily addressed. I really am thinking that Scott going to third shift may be the only sustainable solution, but if he does that, him ever getting back to first shift is unlikely.

I suppose the first thing I have to do is to find out whether or not I can get Skyline to let Cordelia sign herself out for documented appointments and then back in again after. That would make things actually manageable and could be argued as an accommodation for my disability every bit as much as letting me use the elevator when I visit the building.

I'm really, really hoping that next week I can start doing something other than putting out immediate fires. I don't think writing is going to happen while Cordelia's home because she tends to turn up and sit next to me for twenty to thirty minutes at a time and express disapproval over me using my laptop at all. She also reads what's on my screen.

Today's main goal is to read some library books so I can return them tomorrow. I've got more than I like just sitting on my shelf unopened. Also, the interlibrary loan stuff needs getting through quickly. The system won't let me request multiple volumes of the same manga title at once because it considers them all the same book in spite of the numbering difference. This means that from October 1st until maybe April next year, I won't be able to move forward on Natsume's Book of Friends, Case Closed (Detective Conan), or Prince of Tennis. That last is particularly frustrating because the library is missing 29-32 and 36. It has 33-35 and 37-40 (are there volumes out beyond 40? I don't know. I haven't looked yet). I have v.29 waiting for me to pick it up. If I read it fast and return it immediately, I might be able to get v.30 by the end of the month. I just don't see managing four volumes in that time because of the time it takes to get ILL books.

I also have a movie that's due tomorrow and can't be renewed. I can probably either finish it today or reach a point in it where I'm sure I don't care about finishing.

Cordelia has a birthday party to go to later this afternoon. They're going to a Tigers game as part of it. They did the same last year for this girl's birthday. My guess is that they'll have fun again and that it will be rather more about being there as a group of friends than about the game.
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I walked in a different direction after parting from Cordelia at the crosswalk today. There are only half as many portals along the route I took, but I can do all of them from the sidewalk rather than tramping through dew soaked grass. Also, I wanted to place some resonators and, if I could, some mods. Only one of the portals had mod spots open, so I didn't get much out of it in that direction. I need to place 38 more mods to get my silver badge.

We had people over for Scott's Firefly RPG last night. I wasn't able to play for various reasons.

Cordelia and I almost got through the fourth Buffy episode today. We watched all of the third and then had to leave before the final fight in the fourth.

I have two things I really want to do today that I think shouldn't take long. Except that I'm still dithering about what scenario to do for UCon. Part of me still thinks that I can just show up, hand out characters, and make stuff up as I go. That's not how one shot games work. I need to have a general shape in mind for the story, with ideas for different paths to an ending. The players are pretty certain not to take any of the paths I expect, but having those in mind means having some things already in motion that I can toss at the player characters.

Scott ordered some books that he wanted sent to our six year old niece in Seattle. They ended up here, and sending them back to Amazon for reshipping costs more than half the value of the books (they're paperback early reader chapter books-- Magic Kitten series). This means a trip to the post office some time soon. I have some other things I'd like to mail at the same time, so that will work well.

I think it's actually sort of a pity that this book doesn't contain instructions for how to make the items it contains pictures of. It's a book of wearable fiber crafts photos. I'm not convinced I'd want to wear any of the things in the blog post talking about the book, but they're kind of fascinating to look at. The book's from 1976, but the blog post is current (the blog focuses on looking at old library books that don't belong in the collections where they were found).
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I'm at 11000 words for the month so far. I'm not quite sure how that happened given that I haven't been working on the things I really ought to finish because of being too stressed about the laptop issues. Apparently, I've been writing plenty on other things.

Scott had to work 3 a.m. to 7 a.m. this morning. I was a little worried when I woke up at 8:30 to discover that he wasn't home yet. I figured he'd probably gone out for breakfast, and that did in fact turn out to be the case. He's been giving one of his coworkers rides home, and they were both working overtime this morning, so the other guy bought him breakfast. Scott really didn't have a good way to let me know without waking me up, and I'm pretty sure he expected that I'd sleep longer. He was only five minutes from home when I got up.

I'm kind of tempted, right now, to lie down again. I'm surprised because, counting hours, I should be fine.

Scott and Cordelia are planning to go see the Spiderman movie this afternoon.

I have one library book due tomorrow that I know I can finish in time to return it then. I can renew it, but it's a manga volume. I'll feel silly renewing that. Also, if I finish it, I'll be able to return everything that's due tomorrow. That never happens, so it will feel like an accomplishment. I've got two other slim graphic novels, both aimed at about ages 8-10, that I should also try to finish. I keep looking at them and thinking that I could finish both of them in about twenty minutes. I just have to sit down and actually do it.

I have two other library items that can't be renewed, but both are due later. One of them, I may not read at all because, although I'm intrigued by the world, the content I expect in this volume has several things that are generally DNWs for me. Then again, it's a novella. It shouldn't take long to read if I can just start. (I'm sensing a pattern here...)

I'm looking at August and feeling very frustrated. There's one day when Cordelia has three places she's supposed to be simultaneously. She's volunteering that day, has a doctor's appointment, and has mandatory orientation for high school. The other option for orientation is the day that they'll be coming back from choir camp, so there's no chance at all of her being able to attend that day. It's four hours back from Interlochen, and orientation for 9th graders starts at noon that day. I can't imagine that they'll get them back anywhere near that early.

I've already complained to the school about the problem of scheduling 9th and 10th grade orientation for a day when all choir, orchestra, and band students can't possibly attend. It's not that they didn't know about the conflict. It's that they don't care.
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My word count for June was 16546. My year to date word count is 96565. I'm beyond boggled. I really expected to lose momentum by now. I think I'm nearly done with one of my [community profile] pod_together stories. I just need to find the actual ending.

At some point today, I need to retrieve two books from the basement so that I can reread them and decide which of them I want to go with for the second [community profile] pod_together story. I've got solid prompts for each and will likely go with the first one to suggest an actual starting scene or sentence.

I slept about nine hours last night, five of them with the c-PAP. I almost forgot to take the Ativan, and then I couldn't find the bottle of pills because it had rolled under the bed. Fortunately, I did locate it. I'm pretty sure that the Ativan makes the difference between sleeping and not.

Scott is at work today. Right now, we're expecting him to have the next three days off. His parents are back from Europe, so I'm sure we'll spend either Monday or Tuesday with them and with Scott's sister and her family.

We have two weeks until our nephew's graduation party, and I haven't managed to make Scott think about gifts. I'm not willing to deal with it without his input (and would prefer him to make the decisions). I'd like to go in on something with Scott's brother's family, but that really does require Scott's participation and fairly immediate action because, if we're buying a microwave or a mini fridge, it will take time to select something, what with research and all, and then to actually get it.

My youngest cousin also just graduated high school. I've not given graduation gifts to any of my other cousins, but I know this girl better than the others. Also, with the others, nobody ever bothered to tell me they were graduating. Well, the oldest four were close enough to my age that I wasn't in any position to give a gift, but I'm twenty years older than the oldest member of the next cluster of cousins, so at least in theory, I might have been in a position to give something. Those cousins are all on my mother's side, so it's probably just the really crappy communication. I think that my uncles and their wives tell my mother things and assume she'll tell me and my sister and brother. Since she considers that sort of family obligation a vast imposition, she doesn't tell us. She'll deal with weddings and funerals but nothing beyond that.

At any rate, this is my very youngest cousin. She's on my father's side of the family and explaining how we're related can get complicated. My aunt and uncle adopted her, so she's their daughter, but she's also their older son's daughter (he was still in high school when she was born) and calls them Grandma and Grandpa. I just feel like acknowledging both my aunt and uncle as her adoptive parents and my cousin as her father is important if I'm talking in detail about her for some reason. (If I'm not, she's my cousin, and the rest is trivia.)

I have two library books due tomorrow that can't be renewed. I'm pretty sure I can finish one of them. The other, I've barely started and am not altogether enthusiastic about. I'd like to read enough of it to make a decision one way or the other so that I know whether or not I want to try to get it out again. Beyond those, I've got four books due later on that can't be renewed. Two are novellas, and a third is a manga volume. The last is a children's book, and I've got three weeks left on that.

The DVD lecture series I've currently got out is going slowly because it's about art. That means lots of things I need to look at and try to understand. I'm not sure it's basic enough for me, though. It's focused on artists of the Italian Renaissance. I would like to understand artistic composition and styles at a level beyond I-know-what-I-like. I might never manage it, but why not try? I've got the time.
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I'm feeling a good bit better today. I'm still sneezing off and on, but the headache is gone, and I'm less tired than I was.

Scott, Cordelia, and one of Cordelia's friends have gone off to see Wonder Woman. The showing was due to start about five minutes ago.

We're attempting to retrieve my music files right now. A huge file has been downloading to my computer for about the last sixteen hours. It's maybe two thirds of the way done, so I expect it will be going for a considerable while yet. I probably won't know until tomorrow morning whether or not I really have the files. Scott thinks he might be able to retrieve the applications that I lost, too, but those are much lower priority.

My main goal for this afternoon is to work on my NPT story. I've found my pretext for bringing the characters into proximity, so I think I can move forward more quickly now.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to fight my way through a graphic novel I've got from the library. Most of the text is white on black which is very, very difficult for me to read. It tends to wobble on me, especially if the font is at all irregular. I've renewed the dratted thing three times and only opened it yesterday. It's not due until next week and can still be renewed, but... I only want to renew it if I'm sure I'll actually read it.
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I have spent most of the last two days deleting duplicate messages from the massive file that Scott retrieved from the Time Capsule. Years and years of deleted messages (they're even in files that say either 'deleted' or 'trash') add up. There are also a lot of things that I kept that I no longer need or want. Software links from 2004 are oh so very useful in 2017, after all, and I'm sure that those fic website links from 2005 still go somewhere. Uh huh. Not likely. And, if I haven't used them in the last twelve or so years, I don't think I'm going to.

Cordelia's mad at us because her school has something fun scheduled tomorrow evening that conflicts with her physical therapy appointment. Most of her friends will be there, and she's spent the last several days trying to talk us into canceling her PT. I'm not willing to because we've canceled the last two weeks (once was because Scott had to work late, and one was because the therapist was out sick).

I need to corner Scott and get him to let me bounce story ideas off of him. I know the characters and basic starting situation for my NPT story, but I need a plot reason for the starting situation to make sense. I don't plan to follow through and have the characters deal with that, not necessarily (depends on time and how long it looks like it might get), so it only really matters that it's something that makes sense as being important for people with very different priorities to be drawn in by it. The character interactions are the point of the story.

I suppose there's always an apocalypse, but that feels kind of cliched.

I've gotten the trash out and the laundry folded and upstairs. Putting things away will take about five minutes, but I'm kind of tired, so I'll probably put it off for a while.

I wrote about 750 words yesterday during breaks in deleting email. It was not, sadly, progress on my NPT story. I'm trying to decide if I want to do any other exchanges this summer. I signed up for [community profile] pod_together, and my partner and I haven't yet settled on what we want to do. Neither of us has had the time necessary to focus on that, and I really don't want to make any unilateral decisions. There are a lot of different fandoms and styles that I can write. We need to find an intersection between what I can write well and what they can read comfortably. We have enough fandoms in common that it's actually kind of difficult to narrow things down.

I'm trying to get through the latest Amanda Quick book and am finding it surprisingly difficult. I think that part of the problem is that the setting for it is in a kind of uncanny valley. It's supposed to be the 1930s US, but apart from mentions of movie stars, I'm not finding the details to anchor me there. It could pretty easily be any time between the 1920s and the 1980s. One of the looming threats is studio fixers dealing with any threat to the studio's investment in their stars, but I'm two thirds of the way into the book and don't believe in the studios as actually existing in the world of the book. It's all a Potemkin village.

I don't dislike the characters, at least. I don't buy them, but I don't dislike them. The hero doesn't come across as having a real stake in much of anything. The heroine is more than a little inconsistent. They're not unpleasant to each other or to the people around them, though.

I'm sure I will finish the book. It's just that I usually finish those within a week. This one's due next Sunday, so I've had it three weeks already.
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Scott meant to wrap Cordelia's birthday presents last night while she was at an orientation meeting for one of her summer volunteer things, but it completely slipped both of our minds. I guess she'll have to deal with gift bags, because I really don't want to deal with how my hands will feel if I try to do the wrapping. Last night was the last chance for Scott to do anything before her birthday while she wasn't home.

She's asked to celebrate her birthday on Saturday instead of tomorrow because of a big school project that's due Friday. She's been asking me repeatedly what part of speech certain things are, and I answer and then second guess and triple guess. Is 'most' in 'most are red' a noun or a pronoun? If it was 'most apples are red,' it would be an adjective. Is it still one when the noun is implied? Is 'that' in 'this is the thing that we decided' a conjunction or a pronoun or something else entirely?

My Fandom5K recipient hasn't given me any sort of feedback on my fic. Those went public at midnight, Eastern, Saturday/Sunday, and my recipient didn't put a comment on the AFK post in the community, so I don't know what's up there.

I finished one library book yesterday, an actual novel aimed at adults, and got about a third of the way into a second one (which can't be renewed and is due Sunday). I stopped because I hit a point where I'm pretty sure something I don't want to watch is about to happen.

I've had three zits in the last two days, so I'm wondering if my body's gearing up for a period. I don't want one and haven't had one since early October. If I get one, it resets the clock on menopause and, of course, will just generally be a PITA. I turn 50 on the 26th, so it's sort of early for full on menopause (plus my hormone levels don't support me being there quite yet), but... It would be so nice not to have to deal with that again.

My to do list for today is to shower and to get the trash and recycling out. After that, I have things to read, watch, and write. I'd kind of like to nap, too. I had an awful time getting to sleep last night because I was kind of keyed up.
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I started falling asleep about 2:45 yesterday afternoon. Cordelia got home about 3:10, so napping wasn't really an option. I stayed home, later, when Scott took Cordelia to PT. They picked up food on the way home because we don't have anything thawed to cook. (We still don't, but today is a better time for Scott to pick something up on his way home.)

I wrote a bit more than 2100 words yesterday. The next writing chore I need to do will involve editing and cutting, so it won't increase my word count.

I got far enough into a library book I've had for a while to know that it irritates me too much for me to finish it. At another point in time, I might finish it in spite of wanting to find the author and shake him until he admits that historical speculation doesn't actually work that way when one's writing non-fiction.

I leave soon for PT. I was going to take the bus, but it's raining, and I'm not enthusiastic about walking in the rain and then waiting at the bus stop. When I get home, I need to call to set up the A-Ride for getting to Medequip. I'll ask them how to handle getting home. I don't want to set a time for pick up given that I have no feel for how long this should take. I know they do same day rides (for more money), and I've seen mention of scheduling in advance for 'call for pick up,' but I don't know what that last means or how the price and waiting time might differ. I think the same day only costs a dollar more but has much longer wait times.

I've finished the next chapter of We Are Where We Began, but I'm not ready to post it yet because I keep looking at it and thinking that it's not quite right. Then again, I'm writing stories in that universe with the knowledge that only about half a dozen people will actually read them. They're mostly for me to have fun writing angsty, overly complicated and nasty character interactions. Worrying about the story isn't actually fun, so... Maybe I shouldn't?

But I'm thinking again about the problems I have with Zelazny's assertion that internal combustion engines don't work in Amber. Mainly, I keep wondering how that generalizes to other hydrocarbons (since I'm more willing to believe that gasoline doesn't combust than I am that the mechanical bits of the engine don't work). Doesn't that have implications for certain fundamental processes that make carbon based life (like the characters in the books and their horses and...) work at all?

Mostly, I just have to handwave that because the entire multiverse in the books breaks down once I start asking questions like that.

I talked to Scott's mother yesterday. We'll probably do the family birthday gathering over Memorial Day weekend. Mother's Day is going to be difficult, too, because Scott's sister and her family won't be available. Scott's mother would love to have us visit anyway, but I think there's something else going on that weekend. I just can't remember what. It might just be me mentally blocking off the weekend for the holiday and only thinking there's something else.

We have a school millage (sinking fund to pay for maintenance on the buildings) to vote on today. There's nothing else on our ballot, but I know that's not true in other parts of the state. I'm going to wait for Scott to get home before trying to get out to vote. It's not like there will be a line longer than about three people, no matter when I go. School millages-- any millages actually-- around here tend to do a lot better when they're not attached to a major election. I think that most of the people who'd vote against aren't strongly enough against to bother going out to vote.
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I got most of the urgent things from my to do list done yesterday. Sadly, the remaining two are the hardest to manage. I’m just so stressed out that I can’t deal.

After our trip to the library, Scott and I went out to Kroger to replace the sausages (which did turn out to still be in the trunk of the car) and pick up almond milk and a replacement hairbrush for me. The hairbrush required an additional stop, at the Rite Aid across the street, and I’m not happy with what we ended up with. The only thing we could find with bristles stiff enough and close enough together to be useful was $10 (wooden handle, extra stiff fake boar bristles) and hurts a bit when the bristles get to my skin.

Maybe my missing hairbrush will turn up now that we’ve bought a replacement. I hope so, anyway.

We went to Barnes & Noble last night. Cordelia got a book by Marie Lu. I got three books that I’ve read before but think I’m likely to reread. Scott was surprised that I bought anything because I usually don’t, but I’m hugely stressed out and have been for days. I needed something nice.

I wrote about 230 words on the Fandom5K story last night and had Scott take a look at what I’ve written. This bit is suffering from me trying to cover a lot of time very rapidly, and I think the bridging sections are weak/dull. I have, however, figured out what I need to write next. Well, I have two options for it. One makes more logistical sense for the characters, but the other would be a stronger emotional punch for readers. Maybe both? There’s no reason it couldn’t be both except that it will take time/space. I’m a long way from being able to put in the stuff that my recipient really wants. I need to build an AU in order to make it all make sense. The 5000 word length is actually part of the problem. With a lower word count, I’d just throw readers in and expect them to figure out what was going on. With 5000 words as the minimum, putting in the backstory makes sense. I just… kind of want to write a novel, and I don’t have time.

I slept badly last night because I was stressed out (I took an Ativan before bed because I expected anxiety to keep me awake) and because of temperature issues. We had the ceiling fan going. I was too warm with the sheet over me and too chilly without it. Ah, well. It did give me time to think about my story.

Today, I’ll finally be seeing my gynecologist about the occasional bleeding I’ve had since the beginning of the year. I’m pretty anxious about it because she wanted to get me in in less than a week after I told her what was going on but the scheduled didn’t work, so it’s been a month. It’s likely that I’ve got either fibroids or polyps. Even if I don’t, they’ll have to take a look at the interior of my uterus anyway which will not be fun at all. My guess is that that will require a referral and an additional appointment or three. I just hope that it can be done quickly so that I can stop stressing out over it.

I need to figure out what we can take to the family Easter gathering. As usual, Scott’s sister’s in-laws will host. Scott’s parents are in Florida. Scott, Cordelia, and I are kind of tacked onto the gathering for Scott’s sister’s in-laws. They’re very nice to us and accommodating of our dietary restrictions. I just never quite feel comfortable.

Bread is possible and a vegetable or a green salad, but someone else usually does that. Scott’s sister is making GF green bean casserole and some sort of dessert fruit salad. Her MIL will make ham and a bit of chicken (I can’t eat ham, generally). Her SIL will bring something, too, but hasn’t said what. There will probably be other relatives there who will also contribute food.

I have a library book due next weekend that can’t be renewed. I’ve been putting off picking it up because it’s heavy enough that I can’t possibly hold it at the right distance to read it. I’ll figure something out, though. I’ve also got two books due this weekend that can be renewed but that I’ve already renewed several times. I’m likely to have a lot of waiting room time this week, so maybe I could work on those during those times. One of the books is a paperback, so I probably can hold it to read. The other is a hardcover but not terribly thick. I’m still less sure I can hold it for more than a few minutes at a time.
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I can’t seem to get myself to focus. Spring break combined with the Monday night sleep disorders clinic thing has just smacked me. I’ve been doing a lot of utterly trivial cat waxing and can’t seem to stop. This is the sort of thing where I browse our local library’s online catalog and look at, say, every single graphic novel in the collection, all 9800 of them in screens of twenty at a time. I used to play solitaire on my laptop to fill that sort of space, but my hands can’t do it now.

I can’t focus to read or to watch anything, either. I mean, I watched Rogue One with Scott yesterday afternoon, but… I didn’t really watch it. It was overall more violent than I’m comfortable with, so had I been on my own, I’d probably have stopped early on. I’m feeling the same way about Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them which I’ve got from the library and have been watching with Scott and Cordelia.

This is a problem I’m having a lot lately. I just don’t care about most of what I start, be it a TV show or a movie or a book. The best I get is tepid. This is not so great when I’ve got about twenty library books checked out and a heck of a lot of books I own and haven’t yet read. I’ve only seen the first three or four episodes of the most recent season of The Librarians. I’ve seen scattered episodes of the various shows Scott and Cordelia are enthusiastic about, but I’d mostly rather lie in bed and write than try to deal with the stress of watching.

And watching and reading actually are stressful. Watching moreso than reading because, when I read, I can at least open the book to different places if I feel trapped. This is why I haven’t been reading much fic, either. Skipping around in that is hard and kind of counterproductive. I’ve never been great at reading short stories. Those actually take a harder push for me than something over 10000 words. I have no idea why that is.

The more stressed I am, the harder it is to read or to watch anything.

I have managed, though, to fill out and mail the Aetna reimbursement claim forms. Hopefully, we’ll get something back there. A substantial something would be really nice. Scott’s been working on the taxes. We ran into some hitches with getting all the documentation we needed for medical expenses and with access to the tax preparation software Scott uses (he forgot to change his email address with them before we ditched Earthlink) that required him sending them a scan of his driver’s license.

Cordelia is spending the night with a friend tonight, but they’ll be over here bright and early and expecting Scott to take them shopping. I can probably stay in bed because I can’t drive the car and because they only need one adult with credit cards/cash. I think they want to go to thrift stores, but I’m not certain.

We had friends over to play games last night. We played and lost a six player game of Flashpoint. Then Scott and some of the others tried a Kickstarter game based on The Dresden Files (while I went and lay down in an effort to stop my back hurting). Scott was unimpressed by the game. It’s very pretty, but play isn’t flexible or balanced. If anyone’s interested, I can ask him to expand on that, but I don’t remember most of what he told me last night.

I have twenty three days to write, edit, and post my Fandom5K story.
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Scott picked up sushi from Totoro for me and Cordelia last night. Apparently, they have three or four types of California rolls. The regular and the spicy both have cucumber which makes me sick. I need the 'special California roll' which is just avocado and crab salad. I had one of those and a vegetable roll containing cooked zucchini, asparagus, and sweet potato. I think there was tempura on the zucchini.

My back is definitely still messed up, but I can sit on the couch for a while now, and getting up and sitting down is no longer horrifically painful. It was at the point before, where my body would just stop and refuse to go further.

I didn’t finish either the graphic novel due yesterday (I’m going to pay the fine. It seemed silly to ask Scott to make a trip out just to avoid a twenty five cent fine) or the DVD due today. For the graphic novel, it’s a combination of not being able to comfortably read it without my reading glasses on and it being a superhero comic. I bounce off almost all superhero comics. I think what I really want is for someone else to read this one and give me a detailed synopsis.

I wrote 2200 words yesterday. It was all on chapter nine of We Are Where We Began, so I’m a little annoyed with myself about that because I really, really need to work on my Fandom5K story. That has a due date, and I’m past the no penalty default date. I’ve got a blobby shape of a story in my head and really need to write to find the actual shape of the thing.

I spent most of yesterday in bed even though I wasn’t hurting as badly as I had been. I discovered that lying on my right side makes my back worse but that lying on my left side is relatively neutral in that regard. Sadly, lying on my left side hurts my neck more, but a low grade headache is better than the back pain.

Today, we’ve got errands to run. I need to be along for one of them, the one that will take the most time, so I think I’m stuck with all of them. Cordelia and her friends want a copy of From Up on Poppy Hill for Friday, but all of the library’s copies are checked out. One is due tomorrow, so it might come back in time. I wonder if I can persuade Cordelia to take the bus downtown to pick it up on her own? It’s spring break, so she has plenty of time.
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We didn’t end up going to the mall yesterday. Instead, we went to Barnes & Noble. Cordelia used Scott’s phone (I think she forgot hers) to take pictures of Funko Pop figures she wanted to add to her wishlist, and we bought her a Firestorm figure.

We stopped at Plum Market on the way home because Cordelia was thirsty. Scott had been wanting to go to Orange Leaf for frozen yogurt, but Cordelia said she didn’t want that, just something to drink. I was hoping we could find something lemonade-ish, but we didn’t find anything of the sort being sold in an individual serving size.

I’ve written less than half as many words in March as I did in either February or January. I’m a bit disappointed about that, but I’m not going to wreck myself trying to crank out thousands more words. I wrote a bit over 1000 words yesterday, so it’s still possible that I’ll manage a good bit more by the end of the week, but who knows? There were a lot of days this month when I wrote nothing at all.

I’ve put my Small Fandom Bang fic in a saved draft on AO3. That means I’ll be able to post it very rapidly when it’s time. April doesn’t look like it will have a lot of things happening that would make posting difficult for me, but I had time yesterday to work on it, so I thought getting it done then was wise. Life happens. I don’t know what posting dates I’ll ask for. I’m waiting to hear from my artist because, at the artist check in, they were just starting on the art for the story. I figure that the posting date should be up to them.

I have several open tabs of things I want to read or watch. I just keep feeling that I don’t have the mental wherewithal to deal with those things. I also want to donate to the local food bank while they have a matching donor. That only runs through the end of the month, so I really need to get moving.

I have one graphic novel that I want to either finish or to read enough of to know I don’t want to finish it. That’s due back at the library today, so I’m going to work on that after I post this. It’s a 3-in-1 manga volume, so it will take me more time than I’m used to allocating for such things. I would like to read and return more books than just that, but I’m not sure I’ll have time. I’ve got two relatively short graphic novels due next Saturday that can’t be renewed, so I suppose they’re next in line.
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::sighs:: It finally occurred to me that, if I’m anxious enough that I can’t look at my email, I probably need an Ativan. I’m pretty sure that this is anxiety about Cordelia’s appointment, both how it will go and whether or not Scott will get off work in time.

I’ve got the towels upstairs and folded. I’ve run the dishwasher but still need to empty it. The recycling is at the curb, but I still need to take the trash out. I have beta comments on my Small Fandom Big Bang story and need to start addressing them.

I pulled another small box full of books to get rid of. I’m dithering about some sets of mysteries that I haven’t felt any impulse to reread in more than fifteen years but that I used to reread. They’re mostly quite old and not things I could get from the library without resorting to interlibrary loan which… Well, none of them are worth that effort. I have space to keep them, and it’s not like we have any expectation of moving any time in the next decade, but is there any reason to keep them? I can’t imagine that Cordelia’s going to have any interest, and I’m not interested in keeping such things around on the off chance that someday she has a child who might be interested.

I have a lot of mysteries by Dell Shannon/Elizabeth Linington/Leslie Egan, for example, and haven’t opened one in years and years. I have a lot of Marian Babson mysteries, but those vary wildly in terms of the likelihood that I’ll ever touch them again. There’s a reasonable chance that I’ll reread the funny ones, but the grim ones… not nearly so likely. And none of these are things where just looking at the book on the shelf brings back memories. I think that’s worth keeping books for, as long as I have the space.

And what about series that I started reading years ago and bought two or three volumes past what I actually read and probably won’t ever read them? I can think of three of those off the top of my head. I don’t own complete sets of any of them.
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Yesterday and this morning, I added a round the block loop to my walk home after dropping Cordelia off at school. I’m not sure it’s wise because it makes my heel hurt ever so much more, but it feels so good to be moving around. Also, right now, the temperatures are at a point where I can walk outside without overheating horribly. It’s still strange to want to walk outside in short sleeves with no coat when it’s cold enough that I can see my breath, but apparently, that’s my life now.

I put my jacket on for about the last ten minutes of my walk and had worn it for the five minutes Cordelia and I took to get to the school, but I didn’t wear it in between. My arms got a little chilly, but, bar my face and ears, the rest of me was too warm. Well, my lungs also complained a bit. It wasn’t quite cold enough to set off my asthma, but it was cold enough for my lungs to hint that they’d be much happier if I was breathing warmer air.

Now, I’m picturing myself wearing a t-shirt and carrying my jacket while walking along with a big scarf wrapped around my face. I’d look beyond ridiculous. Especially since my scarf is longer than I am tall, twice as wide as it needs to be, and in a rainbow of pastel colors (I knit it myself about twenty years ago and kept going until I ran out of yarn).

My hands have been giving me a lot of trouble the past few days. By the time Scott got home yesterday, I needed to break out the big braces, the ones that I really can’t move much at all in. Those make my shoulders hurt because almost anything I do with my hands with them on has to come from the shoulders.

I washed two loads of laundry yesterday, dried three, and put away one. The towels are still in the dryer, and I’m not willing to try to figure out where Cordelia wants her clothes.

I baked a cake from mix. I didn’t frost it because Cordelia and I both prefer that and because Scott bought the mix but not frosting. I had told Scott to buy something in that direction if there was anything on sale, and he came home with a key lime cake mix. It’s a pale green that kind looks wrong. Cordelia has declared it disgusting but still ate all of the piece she took.

I weeded a small box worth of books from the shelves downstairs (paperbacks, St-Z). They’re all things I know I’m never going to read again, and a few of them are things I would be afraid to read again because I suspect the Suck Fairy and her kin have been to visit since the mid-1980s. I’m also pulling anything that I look at and can’t remember the plot. I must have liked those to have kept them, but I’ve got about a thousand books on my list of things I want to get from the library. I’m not going to reread those. I will likely weed more today.

Cordelia’s first PT appointment is at 4:30 today. I’m hoping that the therapist can help her be less worried about things like her knee going out if she’s not wearing a brace and rolls over in bed.

Before Cordelia gets out of school, I want to get the trash out. I’m going to wear the heavy duty braces for that and for retrieving the towels in the hope that I won’t need them in the evening.
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I’m currently trying to decide whether or not I need to arrange to have one of Cordelia’s friends come home with her after school on Thursday. I have an appointment downtown at 2:00. Cordelia gets out of school at 3:03. The appointment is scheduled to end at 2:30 but only if it starts on time. It’s unlikely to start more than fifteen minutes late, and I have a ride home, but… Getting out of there at 2:45 cuts it tighter than I like. If I’m not there and I haven’t arranged for someone else to be, Cordelia won’t be able to get her things home.

My chores for today are baking bread (bread machine) and dealing with some laundry. The ingredients are in the machine for the bread. The book of recipes had a marker at the Boston brown bread recipe, and we had the ingredients, so that’s what I made. There’s a load of laundry waiting to go downstairs and a load in the washer and one in the dryer.

I also need to deal with paying some bills and submitting claims for reimbursement to our insurance. That’s going to require a bit of searching for paperwork because I’ve been bad about keeping it all in one place. I think I need to ask Scott to buy me one of the fancy plastic folder/envelope thingies he uses for our financial records.

I’d like to spend some time looking at my books downstairs to see if any of them can go to the school’s upcoming book sale. I’m sure some can. There are a lot of things down there that I’m absolutely never going to reread. Some of those, I want to keep anyway because of the memories when I look at them or because they’re classics that I feel like I should own or non-fiction that I might want for reference at some point.

I’ve actually finished all of the CDs I got from the library yesterday. Usually, it takes me longer, but there were several I didn’t enjoy enough to listen to the whole thing. If I’m willing to leave the CD playing while I go to change over laundry or whatever, it’s a strong sign that I’m not actually enjoying what I’m listening to. It’s a balance because I’m trying a lot of different things in the hope of learning to appreciate a broader range of music. That requires persisting even with things that are not quite my thing. It’s kind of hard to tell the difference between something that I don’t like yet but might and something that I’m never, ever going to enjoy.

Ah, well. I’ve got a lot of DVDs— another lecture course, season three of Murder She Wrote, and some old movie that sounded interesting. The lecture course will run twelve hours. Murder She Wrote will likely run twice that (I’m not sure how many episodes there are, but previous seasons have had four per DVD, and there are six DVDs).
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We dropped Cordelia off at her friend’s house at about 4:00. Then we picked up soup at Zoup and dropped off our library returns. We also did a small amount of Ingress.

Later in the evening, some folks from the other side in Ingress came through the neighborhood and knocked over most of the portals. I mourn the level 8 portal that was at the church down the street. We don’t get nearby level 8 portals very often.

Scott and I have spent most of our time listening the audiobook of The Daily Show book. It’s kind of fun and kind of sad to be reminded of all of this stuff. The book ends with the Zadroga bill business after Jon Stewart left the show. It’s almost all longish quotes from people who were involved in the Daily Show.

I’m not going to finish the DVD lecture series that I was hoping to return today. It’s not due yet, so that’s not terrible, but I’m only an hour and a half from finishing it and would like to be able to take it back. I have almost enough time. I think I’m going to be, at most, fifteen minutes from the end when we have to leave to pick up Cordelia and deal with errands and the library. If this were a book, I could finish it in the car, but DVDs are harder that way.

I wrote about fifty words last night on my pinch hit. I’m hoping to write more today, but who knows?

I’m a little annoyed with myself. I forgot to check off two things on my Habitica dailies, so my entire group took some damage. I just lost track of time and only remembered at about twenty minutes after midnight, too late.
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The local school district issues one large book that lists the classes at all the high schools rather than separate books for each school. My guess is that this is because students can take classes at other schools if they can figure out how to get there and back in the time they have. The instructions as to what is necessary to graduate aren’t nearly as clear as I’d like and don’t deal with the fact that the school Cordelia will likely attend, Skyline, does trimesters while all of the other schools do semesters. That’s got to change credit requirements for graduation and make taking classes at other schools really challenging.

We ended up leaving for the used book store about 3:00 and getting there about 3:40. We stayed about an hour which wasn’t nearly long enough for me to get through all of the sections I wanted to look at even though there really wasn’t all that much in any of those sections. I looked at children’s books, paperback mysteries, and general fiction paperbacks. Before I got through that last section, Cordelia was urging me to hurry up so that we could go home.

I had a ten page list of authors and titles I wanted to look for. I found four books from it. I wasn’t helped by the fact that I was mostly looking for fiction and the store skews very, very heavily to non-fiction. One of the other two stores specializes in paperback fiction, but it’s in the process of closing down, doing a clearance sale, so Scott thought going there might not be worthwhile. I think Cordelia might find that more interesting since it might actually have more than fifty books aimed at teens.

I poked around on BookMooch a bit last night. I haven’t sent anything out there in about eight years, but I had about ninety points left. Books from folks in the US cost one point. I went through my ten page list and found about fifteen things. I’m trying to decide whether or not I want to offer some of the books I want to get rid of that aren’t worth selling there. Mailing things is a serious PITA, though, and things I really want don’t tend to come up. But it would mean that, if the books went out, they’d go to someone who actually wanted them.

I couldn’t get Ingress to open at all during the time we were out of the house. Scott got in, but I never managed to. I could still get at everything else associated with that Gmail address, so I’m pretty sure it was an Ingress problem. The app kept telling me that that address couldn’t be used and that I should use a different address, but it would then kick me out without giving me the option to do anything at all.

Naturally, as soon as we got home, it opened just fine.
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I slept badly last night. Well, not exactly. I just wasn’t able to lie down and sleep until about 3 a.m. I slept soundly after that. The problem is that Scott and I got carry out from Zoup, loaded baked potato soup. That had enough fat and such in it (which I really should have anticipated) that I had issues hours later (up to nine hours later). I got about seven hours of sleep. I’d have really liked more, but that wasn’t to be.

I want to spend about half an hour in the basement, figuring out which books I own by certain authors. That list is relatively short, fortunately, so it shouldn’t take very long.

The used book store we’re planning to visit has three locations, and none of us know enough about the different locations to guess which would interest us most (the store website isn’t helpful at all in that regard). Scott hasn’t looked at the locations to figure out how long/difficult the drive would be to each, and I think that may end up being the deciding factor. He says it doesn’t actually matter, but I think it might.

I’m thinking about signing up for another fic exchange. I’m not sure, though, because I’m actually making progress on other projects and don’t feel hugely enthusiastic about any of the fandoms I might write for any of these exchanges. Then again, exchanges always lead me to write things I wouldn’t have otherwise, and I’m pretty much never sorry to have done so.

I wrote 400 words last night while I was sitting up and waiting for the reflux to calm.

I finished three library books yesterday, all of them due tomorrow. I’m hoping that I can finish one or two more before the library trip, but I’m not sure there will be time. We’re going to need to go to the library quite early because we’re supposed to go up to Scott’s sister’s place as soon as our appointment is done. I have six books due tomorrow that I haven’t even started. They can all be renewed, but one I’ve renewed three times already, two I’ve renewed twice, and two I’ve renewed once.
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I keep thinking today is Thursday. I think it’s my brain’s way of denying that yesterday happened at all.

I’m feeling better, physically, today, but I’m worried about Cordelia. I guess we’ll see how the day goes for her.

I wrote maybe thirty words yesterday (I haven’t counted yet) across two different projects. It was mostly the headache that did me in on that front. At this point, I have nine WIP that I think I could make good progress (and another half dozen that I’d like to go back to but don’t actually know what to do with). I also have nine plotbunnies and/or sequels that I haven’t started and really want to.

Scott has suggested that, if he’s not working tomorrow, we try a trip to the big used book store in Detroit. Cordelia’s enthusiastic, and I’ve wanted to go for years. My main hesitation is that it’s going to hurt like hell to do the necessary walking. I’m working on a list of things I specifically want to look for. Not knowing how the place is organized (the website doesn’t give any indication, just says that they give out maps), I’m not sure how to divide up the list.

And working on the list has brought it to my attention that I have somehow deleted the document where I was tracking manga series I was reading from the library so that I knew what volumes I’d read already. That document also had a long list of books that I wanted to read but that the library didn’t own. I’m cranky about that because reconstructing it really isn’t possible. I can probably manage the manga part, but the other part… not so much.

I need to buy a new water bottle. Scott’s sister gave me one in the fall of 2015, and it’s been slowly failing for months in terms of leaking. I can’t figure out how it can be half full and upright and still wick water up to cover the top of the bottle with a layer of water. I muddled along by putting it in a large ziploc when I needed to carry it with me in a backpack or totebag. Then, last week, I dropped the water bottle. I’d done that before, but this time, the outer case came off entirely. I couldn’t figure out a reasonable way to put things back together. The lid still attaches to the inner cylinder, so I can still use it, but it’s no longer attractive or insulated.

I want to shower today and to take out the recycling. I need to make a grocery list. If I can change our sheets, that would be very, very nice. I feel like there are more things that ought to be on my chore list, but I can’t think of them right now.

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