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I tried to nap this morning, but by the time I finally relaxed enough to maybe be ready to fall asleep, it was twenty minutes before I had to be up to go to an oncology appointment. I'd had 2.5 hours when I lay down. The appointment was fine but took much longer than I expected because I had to wait twenty minutes to check out afterward. I'll be going back in four months because the nurse practitioner I see picked up on me being nervous about waiting until June to check in. I'm not sure if she quite understands that I don't trust mammograms right now because the mammogram didn't see the lump until six months after I first found it.

I got a flu shot while iI was at the appointment, and it's really hurting this year. Moving the arm at all is unpleasant. The nurse who did the shot put it very high up on the arm. I actually thought she was going to put it into the joint itself.

I'm really glad that Scott didn't work today because parent teacher conferences were grueling. Cordelia's geometry teacher and social studies teacher both had really, really long lines. It took an hour to get through the line to see the geometry teacher and almost as long to see the social studies teacher. Scott saw the business fundamentals teacher without me, while I waited in line for the social studies teacher.

All the teachers seemed pleased with Cordelia. We found out that a couple of the teachers had mailing lists that we weren't on due to Cordelia having been at Community for those three days. The geometry teacher told us that we weren't the first to express unhappiness with 8th grade math at Cordelia's old school. I got the impression that the other parent(s) were also concerned about their kid(s) not having the necessary fundamentals.

The business teacher seems to have talked Scott's ear off. Scott was gone for quite a while for that. Scott says that the teacher is frustrated by the kids who don't understand the difference between writing a ten page research paper and preparing a presentation.

I think my body is starting up another period. The last one started on the 27th, so this is much sooner than is normal for me.

I suspect I'm not going to sleep much tonight because we bought food at Wendy's before the conference. I basically fell over in exhaustion a bit before the cleaning lady left, and we had to get something that wouldn't take long and that might give me enough oomph to get through three hours of conferences. The burger did that much, at least. I was still pretty dead on my feet until about an hour after I ate, but now, almost four hours later, I'm still pretty awake. Unfortunately, my digestive system isn't happy. The timing is bad for any of the things that might help relative to my medications. If I take everything now, I can have vanilla ice cream in an hour which might help (about a 75% chance).

Just have to make myself stand up again...
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Somehow, today got away from me. Well, I know how, mostly. I slept really badly last night due to various physical aches and then kept thinking I should lie down and nap and kept having other things distract me. Then I started rereading a long fic and kept thinking that I'd read a little more. At this point, I've got the edges of a headache that tells me that I've been awake too long for the amount of sleep I got last night.

Scott will be working tomorrow, so we're all heading for bed now. Really, he should have gone to bed sooner, but... He never does, not when it's just him needing to.

Cordelia's current plan for tomorrow is to go dress shopping with a friend. I'm hoping that comes together properly because it would be nice for her to have something to do. I will have to decide whether or not to head to the library by bus. If Scott gets off work on time, he can drive me down there, but he may not and won't know until late enough that, while I could get there, getting home again would be challenging.

Yesterday morning, [personal profile] evalerie drove me to Kroger to pick up my prescriptions. I'm grateful for that because it was pouring rain and really not weather for standing at a bus stop.

I was certain yesterday that I was getting Scott's cold. I still don't feel 100%, but the humidity from the c-PAP actually helped my throat a lot. At this point, it's just a bit of not-quite-right in my throat that doesn't hurt or make me cough or anything. We'll see what tomorrow brings. If I do get the dratted thing, I'm hoping for it to hit hard tomorrow and then be gone. I suppose colds progress in accordance with Murphy's Law, too.
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I had no luck at all with napping yesterday. I think I'm just too stressed out to manage it. I tried for long enough that I ended up feeling fairly dehydrated. We were all in bed by 9:30 last night, and I feel a lot better this morning than I did yesterday, so I really think that getting to bed earlier is key.

Scott's cold is bad enough that he called in sick even though he'll get into trouble for it. He was having trouble doing anything at all last night and went straight back to bed after making the phone call. He's got a nasty cough. So far as I can tell, he doesn't have a fever, but he thought he might because of how he felt.

I'm going to have to haul myself outside later on today to go and pick up a prescription that's waiting. I have enough of the medication to last me through breakfast tomorrow, but I'll need the new bottle by noon. Wellbutrin is not something I'm enthusiastic about missing doses of. I don't think it's doing anything useful for me (apart from serving to demonstrate that Look! I am trying to do something about my anxiety! Honest!), but it's a bad thing to stop cold turkey.

I suppose I could get the dratted thing tomorrow morning instead, but this way, I can pick up some bread so that I can make Scott a sandwich for work tomorrow (all the bread was moldy yesterday, but he felt too terrible to pick up more). I can also see what cold medicines we have and what we need. I think we're out of most of the things Scott would normally take.

Maybe I can motivate myself to go with a promise of lunch out and/or a stop at that park halfway there that has Ingress portals I've never hacked. It would have been pretty easy to go straight from dropping Cordelia at the crosswalk, but it's hours yet before the pharmacy opens. I'm not sure much out that way is open yet, either. Possibly the two coffee places? There's a bakery, too, but it doesn't have anywhere for people to sit down and eat what they've bought.

I think I've finished one of my Weiss Kreuz stories for [community profile] weissvsaiyuki. It still needs tweaking in the details, and I think the ending's not paced properly, but it has an ending now. The one that's the next most likely to be possible to finish is sitting at a story pivot point. I don't quite like any of the paths I could take it down. Well, rather, I don't think any of them is more right or more appealing or easier or... anything that would make the decision more than a roll of a die. It's also kind of close in the through line (so far) to another story I wrote recently. The other two WIP that might work for the challenge are complicated and likely to be very, very long. One is at 6K words and probably needs 12K to 15K to find an ending (though I've been wrong before. In both directions). The other is at 4.5K and probably needs to be at least 30K.
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Cordelia's caught up in all of her classes except social studies. That's proving difficult because the teacher didn't give her the handouts that everyone else got, just the accompanying worksheets. The questions are on the handouts rather than on the worksheets; the latter just have spaces for answering the questions.

She texted the one person she knows in the class to ask her to send a copy, but that other student hasn't responded.

The topic is Judaism, specifically (I think) things found in a typical synagogue. I know that some of you could and would help her with it, but she's not willing to ask for help from anyone but me and Scott (who is currently sleeping in order to be able to work 3rd shift starting tomorrow night). Apparently the prospect is too overwhelming.

Google will help for things like what a shofar is, but it's not going to be much help in figuring out what the teacher wants with regard to the intersection of 'windows' with a synagogue. It also won't help with the drawing she's supposed to make of the interior of a synagogue (starting with a dozen or so lines printed on the sheet to show where to begin).

I have an email address for the teacher, but it's a crap shoot whether or not he'd even reply. I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't reply any time today. She needs to turn in the worksheets tomorrow.

I ended up in bed most of yesterday with IBS related pain. It was very frustrating but at least was during a day when I didn't have to get anything done. I mostly worked on reading library books, specifically the dozen graphic novels I had stacked up. That leaves eleven novels that I haven't opened, two books of poetry, and a book of non-fiction. I've got two graphic novels left to finish. After that, I have a book of poetry and three novels with me in the living room. The others are in the bedroom and inaccessible until Scott gets up.

The downtown library is closed until some time tomorrow due to a sewage back up. I'm not entirely sure it will open then because they've been promising just one more day since this started. At any rate, it means we need to go to a different branch to return our books and such and will have to go downtown mid-week to get our holds.
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The appointment with my psychiatrist went well. She's more on my side with regard to the supposed magic of medication to fix me than my primary care doctor is. I think it's that my pcp isn't used to dealing with people who've tried lots of psychoactives with no benefit and really thinks that throwing the right new medication at me will magically solve every single problem that interacts with my anxiety. So no on the tricyclics and SNRIs.

I've taken two tricyclics in the past. I'd forgotten about the second because I was using it off label for bladder problems. That was Tofranil which didn't change my anxiety and kept me from sleeping if I took it at night. Elavil lowered my blood pressure enough that I felt wobbly walking around the house and also didn't change my anxiety.

So we're going to try Lunesta and see if I can tolerate it and if it will let me sleep while Scott and Cordelia are still up. I'll be eating dinner at 5:00 and going to bed at 9:00. This, naturally, will make all the dietary adjustments much less likely to happen because I'm going to be preparing all of my own food with all of the restrictions that my lack of physical resources imposes.

I gave my psychiatrist an ordered list of my health priorities. I need to email it to my primary care doctor, too. It's as follows:

Being able to think.
Cordelia's needs (Yes, this isn't my health, but... It only comes in behind being able to think because I need that to be able to help her).
Headaches (which make it hard to think).
c-PAP/improved sleep.
Fatigue/energy levels (this and the sleep may relate/interact, but I suspect that they're separate enough to merit listing separately).
Exercise.
Anxiety (this and exercise are pretty much even).
Pain in general.
Reflux.
Blood sugar control.
IBS.

If my oncologist tells me to do something different or if I find another lump, all of this goes out the window, of course, but this is the order of importance because I can't do things farther down the list unless I handle the things higher up first. As my psychiatrist said, the things higher up are the fires that will burn down my house the fastest. The blood sugar could still potentially turn into a fire, but getting my sleep and exercise in order is almost certainly going to help that.

The IBS is inconvenient, yes, and sometimes means taking a cab to places instead of the bus, but, honestly, the things it's stopped me doing have generally been things that I didn't particularly want to do because I had something less officially urgent but more personally urgent that I needed to get done. If it gets worse, I'll reconsider the priority I'm willing to give it.
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I ended up taking a cab down to check in for the Anomaly because I missed the bus I meant to take and then wasn't likely to make the next bus. I asked in the Slack channel if anyone could give me a ride, but no one answered before the cab came.

I can't actually say that I enjoyed the Anomaly. It wasn't horrible or anything. It just wasn't fun. I think that it would have been if I'd been with people I knew. As it was, I ended up listening to a lot of conversations that I couldn't contribute to because I vehemently disagreed with the positions everyone else agreed on (parenting issues, mostly). Our team captain did a good job, but the ops folks didn't hold to what they'd promised us-- Our group was supposed to stay within a two block area, but they marched us all over.

Scott and Cordelia picked me up about an hour and a half before the thing ended. I was ready to drop. I left a lot of my gear with the group, so I now really, really need to get out and hack portals in order to replenish things. I don't know that that's going to happen unless I nag Scott over it. Maybe if I go with him for grocery shopping, he'll be willing to trade a bit of driving around so I can hack things. Of course, the place I'd like to go is a bit of a drive and requires a lot of getting out of the car and walking.

Scott and Cordelia went out for ice cream after dinner, but I was too tired to manage it. I ended up sleeping very badly last night. I had stress related reflux which calmed after I took an Ativan but still cost me an hour of sleep. I only managed the c-PAP for a couple of hours before I started feeling like the air flow was choking me. I was up and down a lot. I really, really want a nap now. I just don't know that I have either the time or the ability to relax enough to sleep.

I had a headache when I got up this morning, so I experimented-- I had one hard candy to see if sugar would help. That hard candy almost entirely killed the headache, so I'm now almost entirely sure that what helps my morning headaches is the sugar content of my morning tea/coffee rather than the caffeine content. That's actually bad news because I'm supposed to be trying to cut the sugar.

I'll be seeing my primary care doctor tomorrow, so I need to go back through the last few months of this journal to see the patterns that I want to discuss with her. I'll see my psychiatrist on Tuesday.

Incomplete list of things to discuss with my doctor )
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I've got about fifteen minutes left to gather everything I need for the day, and I'm getting increasingly cranky. Scott ate most of what he bought for taking to the Anomaly. I have a bag of turkey jerky and about sixty almonds. That's it. I'm going to be out for about ten hours. If I'd realized everything else was gone, I'd have had him buy more yesterday, but I didn't. I spent most of yesterday desperately wanting to sleep and completely unable to relax enough to do it, so my brain wasn't exactly working well.

My IBS is also still acting up, and I'm sneezing like crazy. Either Scott put the Sudafed he bought away somewhere unusual, or our cleaning lady moved it. I can't find it at all, not in any of the places we keep medication. I'll take Benadryl if I have to, but it doesn't do much. I'd also rather not take it with Ativan, and I'm going to need Ativan.

I'm trying to figure out if I can keep my left arm in a sling and manage to carry everything. The elbow is hurting a lot (and was also a factor in me not getting enough sleep) I'm taking Cordelia's old backpack, and I'm debating moving stuff from my purse into that so that I don't need to manage both, but getting stuff out of a backpack is a PITA. Cordelia's backpack doesn't have the same number of separate pockets as mine does, either, so I really don't know.

I've got my phone charging while I deal with everything else, and I've got three rechargers to take with me. I still need to put on sunscreen

The temptation to simply chicken out is really high.

And Facebook will let me read but not comment or post or anything else.
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Wednesday evening, most people from our normal game group couldn't attend, so we ended up with one friend and his two kids. We got pizza. The local Cottage Inn wasn't doing online ordering, and we needed both delivery and the option to pay by credit card, so we went with Marco's instead. I was not pleased with their online order system. It worked well enough that we got pizza (what we ordered even), but there wasn't an option for tipping online, and it never sent me an order confirmation email in spite of me going through the email address confirmation process twice. They also don't offer the things we usually would order, no spinach, no broccoli (nothing green except various types of peppers), no sauce variants beyond tomato and 'white' (with no definition of what they meant by white sauce).

I didn't participate in the game playing so that they'd have more options (I can only manage fully cooperative games). They played Flashpoint (which I could have played, but I was dealing with ordering the pizza) and Robo Rally. Scott offered to loan them his copy of Robo Rally because he doesn't get many opportunities to play.

Scott's sister and her daughter got here a little before noon yesterday. Cordelia's volunteer shift ended early, so she was done before they arrived and had to wait for us to get downtown. Our niece had expressed interest in Korean barbecue, and I found a place about three blocks from the library. We didn't end up eating there, though. Instead, we went to the place next door that offered a variety of noodle dishes for considerably less money and a much shorter wait (both places had the same name, just with different subtitles, so I assume they're owned by the same people).

The food was okay, but I found the table and seating uncomfortable. We were on backless stools that were tall enough that I had to work at getting seated (I'm 5'2"). Service was prompt though.

After the meal, we went across the street to Dawn Treader, a used book store. This was a revelation for Cordelia because, although she's been in used book stores before, she never quite connected them as a thing to find locally or as a place that might have books of interest to her. We got her three books she wanted very much for less than half what they'd have cost new. I picked up a paperback that I intend to send to a friend who might enjoy it.

We took a little detour on the way back to the car to walk along the street where our nephew will be staying for part of the fall semester. His mother didn't know which specific house it would be, but we were able to narrow it down to a single block, so she took pictures of the houses so that she can ask him. He'll be staying with friends for two or three nights a week, rent free (which surprises me) and taking classes at Washtenaw Community College. In January, he'll start at Michigan State University.

I strongly recommended that he make use of the city bus system. Parking near where he'll be staying is extremely difficult and expensive. If he parks near us, he can get a bus to where he'll be staying in under fifteen minutes, and there are regular buses out to WCC (which also service a hospital out there and so are likely to keep running on the weekend as well. I just haven't checked yet). It's also possible he might be able to park at WCC and then use the bus. I'm not sure of WCC parking regulations/limitations, but they're not located near much of anything else, so I suspect they're likely to be considerable less stringent than those in downtown Ann Arbor.

We considered going to Skyline to walk Cordelia's classes, but the building was closed so that they could wax the floors. I don't know if they're open today for that to be an option. I should probably look into it. Next week, Cordelia will be volunteering at the science center camp Monday through Thursday, and I think there's something else going on that Friday.

I also ought to try to get out to do some Ingress in the hope of getting gear I need for tomorrow, but I'm still very tired. I woke much earlier than I wanted to because my left elbow, the one with the tendinitis, was hurting a lot. It had been fine when I went to bed, so I have no idea what happened. I keep telling myself that I'll go back to bed soon, but it's 11:00, and I haven't (largely because of IBS issues). Cordelia's up now, so it will be harder.

There are pre-Anomaly Ingress gatherings in town today. I'd like to go, but I simply can't face it right now. I need sleep more, and I need my digestive system to calm down. I guess it's crackers, plain potatoes, white rice, etc. for the rest of the day. These are terrible for my blood sugar but reliably make my digestive system calm down. I can't tell if today's problem is purely (or even mostly) stress or if it's something from lunch yesterday or due to the handful of sugar snap peas I had last night.

I'm also having agoraphobia issues around the Anomaly now that Scott can't be there. I'm determined to go, but it's going to be really, really hard. All the people I know who are going will be on different teams than I am (and there are reasons I can't join them-- my stamina/mobility issues primarily but also some interpersonal conflicts and not wanting to abandon my current team which only has six people, some of whom may not actually show up).

I'm still occasionally not getting AO3 comments emailed to me. So far, it's only two comments out of dozens, but... I've checked every folder for that Gmail address (and every folder for my email on my laptop) with no joy. This includes the spam folder. I asked AO3 about it and pretty much got a 'not our problem' response. If it's not that messages are going to the spam folder, they've got no fix for it. So my recourse is to check my AO3 inbox regularly to try to catch things that don't get mailed to me. This doesn't help if I'm missing subscription notices, but at least I won't be unintentionally ignoring comment on my fics (there are a few I'm ignoring deliberately for one reason or another).
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Sunday evening, Scott and I had dinner at Saica with the guy who'll be the captain of our team for the Ingress anomaly. Our team is made up of people who either have issues with moving far/fast or with keeping going for the entire four hour event. Cordelia could have come with us, but she said it would be boring and that we should bring her some sushi. Which we did.

Yesterday, Cordelia and I went downtown around noon and bought sandwiches. We took our time because we didn't need to be at the high school until 2:15. I didn't expect that part to take more than half an hour (and it didn't). I spent some time using up some of my Ingress inventory in hopes of clearing space for the things I'm supposed to have for the anomaly. I'm still short on a number of things, and Scott's behind me in that respect.

For about three hours yesterday, Ingress was giving 2.4 times the normal level of points for everything. After that until almost 4:30 this afternoon, they gave 1.7 times the points. Given that yesterday was the one day I was sure I'd be out of the house for a while and able to do Ingress, I was pleased.

We got to the high school about half an hour early, but they sent us on through. It wasn't actually crowded, and we managed everything pretty quickly. Cordelia now has a student ID and three very, very heavy textbooks (which they did not warn us we would need to take home with us). We got home a bit after 3:00, and I more or less fell over.

This morning, Cordelia and I went out for her annual doctor's appointment. That went well enough, but we found out that the dermatologist Cordelia's been seeing has left the practice, so we'll have to deal with someone else when we need to renew those prescriptions. They've still got two female doctors (and two male), so it won't be hard to get Cordelia in to see a woman as she prefers.
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Scott has gone off to teach our niece and a couple of her friends how to play D&D. I'm chipping away at certain bits of household chores that have needed doing for quite a while as well as working on more urgent things. I was considering taking a bit of a walk, but it's too hot out there for me. Maybe this evening.

Before he left, Scott brought up one of the boxes of junk from the basement. I've almost finished sorting that. Most of it is trash, but I've got a grocery bag of stuff to donate and a grocery bag of Cordelia's old report cards and certificates and school work. Scott wants to keep all of those papers, but we don't have a defined place for them. I want something other than a paper bag for storage.

There are a lot of index cards in the bottom of the bag. I'm not quite sure what to do with them. We might still use them, but they're loose and kind of grimy. I'm pretty sure Scott would want me to keep them, but... I think that the bottom of the box has mouse droppings all over, so I'm inclined to pitch them and the box.

I also found Cordelia's 3DS which she had apparently never realized was missing. I didn't find the stylus, but I suppose that's easy enough to replace if she gives it away or donates it.

I have no clue at all why there's a rock the size of my fist at the bottom of the box. It's gray, dirty, and ugly, and I don't recall anything that would have given us something of the sort as a souvenir. I feel ridiculous putting it in the trash, but putting it in the yard will just mean the lawnmower hits it the next time Scott mows. I can't see myself walking to the science and nature center or to the railroad tracks in order to put it down.

I kind of want to write, but I'm not sure I have sufficient brain for it just now. Last night was not great for sleep, and I had to be up with Cordelia this morning.

I have managed to find my cloth sling and am wearing it so that I don't keep using my left arm. I'm hoping that the elbow will start to recover if I can just keep it still.

The results of my blood draw on Monday are mixed. My blood sugar is stable, but for the first time ever, I have high(ish) cholesterol and triglycerides. I was expecting my A1c to have gone up because my diet, with regard to sugar, has been terrible during the last few months as I've struggled to keep myself functioning. My blood pressure at my appointment today was 98/63, so that's still fine. It bounces around a bit, but it's never once gone higher than 110/80 which I've been assured is still solidly in the middle of the normal range.
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I've gotten the results on the uterine ultrasound, and, hm, well most everything looks fine. It's just that the report twice mentions something that they couldn't quite get a good look at that may or may not have really been there and that they're ruling 'clinically insignificant' without explaining why. I will be seeing the gynecologist tomorrow and asking exactly what that means. If nothing else, my breast cancer experience shows that, just because something can't be seen clearly. doesn't mean it's not there or not important.

Scott and I voted this afternoon. There was no wait at all. I wish more people would turn out for these primaries because they determine the city council. The winner of the Democratic primary almost always runs unopposed or opposed only by an independent candidate. Only about 10% of eligible voters (if that many) turn out for off year primaries.

Scott and Cordelia are out shopping for some things Cordelia needs for camp next week. Scott is convinced that everything she needs can be wedged into one of our small suitcases (we don't have any medium sized suitcases), but I'm not certain that Cordelia will be able to do it unaided. Since they will have daily cabin inspections with the expectation that everything not currently on the child be in the suitcase... Um.

I thought about going with them, but I'm very tired, and Scott doesn't get all that much time with just him and Cordelia.

I didn't get up until about 9:30 this morning. When I got up, I felt like I might actually be starting to get to a better place in terms of resolving my sleep deficit, but I don't know. I lost my oomph mid-afternoon after I got Cordelia's clothes washed and the trash and recycling out and a couple of other every day chores out of the way. I completely lacked the wherewithal to feed myself lunch.
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Yesterday continued as one of the worst headache days in recent memory. The sinus part more or less went away (but my sinuses itched), but anxiety/stress made my shoulders, neck, and the back of my head hurt terribly, and the main headache moved above my eyes to become a classic (for me) migraine. I was even light sensitive.

I took Amerge. I tried to nap. I tried stretches and relaxation. I tried writing a to do list for the rest of the month and giving it to Scott to see if he could help me make it smaller. He dealt with talking to the sports medicine surgeon and with the groceries (except that he forgot something that I really will need for tomorrow). It turns out that he has access to email Cordelia's patient portal (I don't ) and could just send a message through that instead of calling.

I slept badly last night and ended up getting up at about 7 a.m. (after going to bed at about 2 a.m.) because I had horrible reflux of the sort I only get when I'm really, really falling apart due to anxiety. Omeprozale and oatmeal did enough to let me lie down again, and I dreamed a bit, so I must have slept at least a little.

I'm not sure anything much is going to help until I'm through today and tomorrow. I need to do all of that stuff without Ativan because my prescription says one a day and I'm using that one to let me sleep with the c-PAP on. My doctor says taking more than one a day is fine, but I can't refill the damned thing before thirty days have passed, so doubling up means skipping some other day.

Scott has decreed that I'm not going to the Eagle Scout ceremony for our nephew. It's better for me that way, but I feel guilty because I missed his graduation party, too.

Hm. For tomorrow, they want the fasting blood draw to be in the window between 10 and 12 hours of fasting. They open at 8:00 a.m., and I can't eat after 8:00 p.m. if I want to be able to sleep before 3:00 a.m. I have no idea how to manage this. Given when Cordelia leaves and the buses in general, I can't get there before 9:00. If Scott's able to stay up long enough to get me to UHS, it will still likely be 8:15 or 8:30 when we arrive because of traffic. The window used to be between 12 and 16 hours fasting.

I might be able to get the blood draw done somewhere else. Most of the clinics affiliated with the university open at 7:00 a.m., but I'd have to get there without Scott's help because of Cordelia needing one of us at home up until 7:50. I'm not willing to take the bus at that time of day because that bus is a major, major commuter shuttle between the park and ride lots and the hospital and central campus.
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I slept eight hours last night, all of it with the c-PAP, but it was very light and not very restful sleep because I still feel like I've been flattened and desperately want to go back to bed. My elbows hurt when I lie on my back for too long (I'm pretty sure that the joints are hyperextending) because there isn't a way I can keep my arms bent without making other things hurt even more.

My parents arrived here about 11:30, and we ended up going to the same Chinese place we went to the last time they came. I had really wanted to go to Totoro which is downtown, but losing that half an hour made it just not really feasible.

My mother texted me around 5:00 to say that the procedure went well and that they were already back in Lawton (two hours away).

Around 3:20, Cordelia, who was at the downtown library, called me to tell me that her best friend had hit her head while volunteering at the same camp where Cordelia did last week. This is the girl who had the bad concussion at the end of May and then needed another ER trip for a relapse two weeks later. I woke Scott and he drove over to get her because we didn't want her to have to wait there or to have to walk up that steep hill in the heat. Cordelia got home about thirty seconds after Scott got her friend here, and the two of them went into Cordelia's room and seemed to be happy. (We'd been kind of worried because the other girl looked kind of out of it and wouldn't talk to either of us.)

I had tried calling the other girl's mother and texting her mother while Scott was getting her but failed to reach her. She called us on the landline about fifteen minutes after her daughter got here. It took her another half an hour to get here because she had to take the bus. The girl said she'd called Cordelia because she didn't have any other numbers for our family, and her mother said she'd correct that oversight as she (the mother) has my cell, Scott's cell, and our landline numbers.

The last I heard, the other girl was doing okay, but that was last night. I kind of suspect that she's not at camp today, but I don't know.

Monday is going to suck hugely. I need to be up for Cordelia at 6:30 and do a fasting blood draw sometime after 8:30 or 9:00 (need to check when UHS opens) which probably means getting down there by bus. At 1:00 I have a uterine ultrasound, also at UHS. In the evening, we need to take Cordelia out to East Ann Arbor for a blood draw.

I wanted to do Cordelia's last night since the place was open until 7:30 (only until 5:30 today and so utterly impossible unless Scott was willing to do it before going to bed which he wasn't). Scott thought that we ought to give Cordelia at least a day's notice. I disagreed strongly, but he went ahead and told her right before he left for work last night. She spent the next hour having something approaching a panic attack and blaming me for it. I am decidedly unhappy with Scott about this.

Also, doing it last night would have made it more likely that, if she needs vitamin supplements or thyroid medication we could still manage to get the camp permission slips for those signed and turned in before departure. Cordelia's pediatrician requires a two day turnaround for those things, so Thursday is the absolute latest we can turn them in and still have them for the orientation meeting the following Monday evening (departure is at 8 a.m. on Tuesday with Cordelia needing to be there at 7 a.m. which is going to be vastly fun given that going by cab means a choice between risking being late and being almost certain to have a half an hour to sit outside the building before they let us in).

I talked to one of the camp organizers Wednesday afternoon about medications and such. She clarified that, although all the forms say that prescriptions need to be held and dispensed by either the nurse or the cabin counselor, prescription topical acne medications are not included under that. I'd have thought, given the age group, that those medications would be common enough to merit some sort of mention of them being an exception.

One of Cordelia's prescriptions has changed dosage, and the bottle is too full for us to be able to get a new one with the new dosing information. The camp is completely inflexible on that. They will administer medications exactly according to label no matter what other documentation you have.
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I really loathe dealing with Aetna member services. A call that should have been a five minute, yes or no thing took more than half an hour and left me without an answer. The person I talked to seems to have completely misunderstood what I was asking.

So I get to ask Cordelia's pediatrician to give us a referral for the blood tests the out of plan specialist ordered today. It's nothing very complicated. We're just trying to rule out underlying causes for ongoing fatigue before we write it off as a medication side effect. (Even though it probably is because it started when she started the medication several months ago.) None of the tests are things that ought to be controversial, just thyroid checks, vitamin levels (D, B12, and Ca2+), a comprehensive metabolic panel, and a CBCPD.

I was hoping that we could go to Taubman tomorrow for the blood draw because my parents could drop us off there on their way to Kellogg after lunch. Going on Friday will mean a bus trip. Going next week... Well, Cordelia won't be home until 4:15, so our options will be very limited. I think East Ann Arbor (not on the buses) does blood draws that late, but getting there would be nasty given construction and the time of day. Taubman's likely open until 5:00, but it's also awful to get to at that time of day. And I don't want to take Cordelia for a blood draw when she's dehydrated after more than 8 hours outside.

I don't think I'm going to manage the other urgent call today. I've got 40 minutes until that office closes, and I'm utterly fried. My head's hurting, and I want a hug and someone telling me that I did a good job to just get the Aetna call out of the way.
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My word count for July is the highest so far this year, 26171 words. It's the first time I've broken 20K words during any month this year. I hit 19K in February, but mostly, I've been around 15K or 16K each month.

I finally got around to getting a shingles vaccination yesterday. Since I'm 50, my insurance covered it entirely, so there was really no reason not to do it. Shingles is not something I want, and a reduction in risk and in likely severity if I'm unlucky enough to get it in spite of the vaccine is more than worth a needle in the arm.

We went to the bank and took care of the business we had there. The teller was very friendly which helped. We put the insurance claims into the mailbox outside the Green Road post office before we went to the bank because Scott thought that traffic in that direction was only going to get worse if we went later. When there isn't construction, the bank and the post office are only a minute or three apart, depending on whether or not one gets stopped at the light.

The sleep disorders people called and offered me an appointment in September instead of in December. I took it, of course. I'm not sure what will come of it, but at that point, I'll have been taking Ativan nightly for almost three months. Or, maybe, I'll reach the point of no longer needing the Ativan to be able to sleep with the c-PAP on. I don't know.

I didn't quite get seven hours of sleep last night, but all of it was with the c-PAP on. I'm tired enough right now that I'll probably lie down to nap later on, but right now, I'm waiting for [personal profile] evalerie to pick up some things that we want to donate. I also want to get a couple of household chores taken care of before I lie down.
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Cordelia stayed home from camp yesterday to go to lunch with my parents and brother. We ended up going to Evergreen since all of us were okay with it. My stepfather kept joking about going to Dairy Queen. Cordelia and I ended up ordering exactly the same thing-- shrimp with mixed vegetables, a spring roll, wonton soup, and white rice. My mother got an eggplant dish that I wanted to try until she realized there were green peppers and jalepeno peppers in it. (Garlic and ginger, too, but those would have been fine for me.) My brother got a lamb stew. My stepfather got some sort of vegetarian lunch. He specifically wanted to avoid garlic and such because he had a doctor's appointment in the early afternoon.

We spent a little time in the large Asian grocery next door to Evergreen after we finished lunch. Then my stepfather dropped me, Cordelia, and Mom at our house and went to his appointment. Once my brother got there, he and Mom took Cordelia to Book Bound (where she refused Mom's offer to buy her something) and for a walk along the river. Scott woke and showered while they were out. He came out of the bathroom about five minutes after they got back here.

Then we all sat around for quite a while and worried because my stepfather's appointment was at 2:00, and it was after 4:00. Then it was after 5:00, and the website for Kellogg says they close at 5:00. He called Mom at about 5:45 to say he was waiting to have at least one more test done and that he wouldn't be able to drive for 30 minutes after and didn't know yet if he was going to have to stay overnight, either at the hospital or at a hotel in town.

Mom was understandably more than a little freaked out. The appointment was about a tumor in one of his eyes (the found it about two weeks after my breast cancer surgery in 2015). The specialist he's been seeing in New Orleans wanted him to see a higher level specialist about it. That doctor suggested flying to Houston or Memphis but thought Kellogg would be great when my stepfather pointed out that he'd be spending the summer in Michigan.

There was some concern about their dogs. They'd left the dogs back in Lawton, about two hours away. They have a dog door, so the dogs could go in and out, but they didn't have food and water for another day alone. My brother, who lives in Kalamazoo, about twenty minutes away, said he could very easily go and feed the dogs after he drove home last night.

It ended up not being necessary. The doctors want my stepfather, insurance approval allowing, to come back next week for a procedure involving an injection and some sort of laser treatment. Wanting to get him in next week is largely a matter of his schedule as he needs to be back in Baton Rouge in time to prepare for classes before the semester starts. I'm pretty sure they need to leave around the 10th. If they can't get the procedure done before that, he'll have to fly back to Michigan later for it, either waiting until December or taking time off from teaching.

We ended up canceling our game session last night. By the time we got to 6:20, Scott was really drooping and needed another nap if he was going to be able to go to work. Fortunately, I was able to reach everyone by phone to tell them we had to cancel.

Scott and I need to work things out in terms of the changeover between him getting up and leaving and me going to bed. Each of us thought the other was going to turn off the living room and bathroom lights last night. I was actually in bed before he left with my c-PAP on and all that by about 10:00, but I'm pretty sure he didn't realize that I was. He needs to leave about 10:15 in order to get to work on time. I realized, when I was almost asleep in spite of the lights, that it was late enough that he had to have already left and therefore didn't need those lights (and wasn't going to turn them off for me), so I hauled myself out of bed and turned all the lights off. I was pretty cranky about it.

He's definitely working nights next week, too. Then he'll have a week of vacation to get back to the right schedule for working days again.

I used the c-PAP for about seven hours last night.
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My sleep was only middling last night. I was stressed out at bedtime and didn't end up turning out the light until much later than usual because I wanted to unwind a bit. I used the c-PAP for part of the night. It had been my intention to use it all night, but I took it off in the middle of the night. I don't know why. I remember doing it and that it seemed important to do so, but I can't remember why.

I decided to make use of being up early to do a chore that I've been putting off for months. I pulled all of the books I've already read off the shelves in bedroom (two shopping bags filled to the top) and consolidated the other books as much as I could. I've dusted some of the shelves. I don't know that the dust quite made it to the dust bunny stage, but I at least had dust mice.

I want to clear enough space that I can have one shelf for library books. Having them in six different places isn't conducive to remembering to read them. I also want space for my thumb splints and some place level to land my laptop over night when I've been using it in there before bed.

I need to figure out what to do with the jigsaw puzzles. I like puzzles, but we don't really have a place for me to do them. Setting up a card table isn't really feasible for space reasons, not unless I'm going to finish the puzzle in a single afternoon while I'm home alone.

Scott scheduled today as a vacation day so that he could deal with two medical appointments. The way work schedules things, that means he has tonight off. Their book keeping considers third shift to be on the day that it starts rather than on the day it ends. This is partly so they can say that third shift works M-F instead of Tu-Sa. At any rate, his first appointment is at 11 and the second at either 2 or 3. Right now, the plan is for him to shower and then try to nap for an hour before the first appointment.

We need to wash Scott's work clothes today, and I'd like to change the sheets and run a load of laundry for us and maybe for Cordelia. I need to shower, too, and I'd like to nap if I can. Oh, and it's trash day. Great fun.

Tomorrow, my parents will be in town briefly because my step-father has an appointment about that growth in his eye. They suggested that we go to lunch. I'm pretty sure that they were hoping to see Cordelia, but they never did much to build a relationship with her, so she's got zero interest. She'd go along if she had nothing else going on, but she's not going to skip part of her volunteering in order to see them.

Scott gave me a ride to and from my appointment yesterday. I wouldn't have asked, but I was feeling really miserable due to cramping. He took the opportunity to pick up an interlibrary loan book that had come in for Cordelia.

My psychiatrist suggested that I try to find some sort of online, at home work to earn money to help while we're financially strapped. I'm looking at that as a huge can of worms. There's not a lot I'm able to do because of not being able to commit to regular hours or even to a set number in a week. Also, most of the online work options aren't things I'd be good at or aren't things that my anxiety would permit.

I'm also concerned about the possibility that earning money, even sporadically, might affect my disability status with either Social Security or my long term disability insurance through my former employer. The LTD insurer is always looking for any hint that I might not be disabled. I might be able to work for a while before I wrecked myself, and that might well be long enough to lose the LTD insurance payments and the medical insurance that goes along with the money.

My writing might be marketable, but I think that would wreck me, too, because there'd need to be a lot of it, and I'd need to figure out how to sell it and work at making sure that people saw it and... I'd stay awake all night worrying that I had or hadn't done something that would just wreck everything. Also, the sort of writing that might bring in money within any sort of helpful time frame would likely be some sort of ebook porn short stories. I can write porn. Sometimes. I can even write it quickly. Sometimes. I just... I write dark and complicated, and sometimes, I can't write at all for days or even weeks.

My psychiatrist also said that, if I'm still exhausted the next time I see her, we can talk about stimulants because insurers will cover them for people with sleep apnea who have been using a c-PAP for at least two months. I'm not entirely optimistic. Provigil (modafinil) didn't help me at all, and I suspect that caffeine has more of a psychological effect for me than a physiological one. Well, if I've recently had caffeine, sleeping is harder because I have to get up to pee every twenty minutes, but I'm not sure that counts.

It's frustrating that she's the only medical professional I'm dealing with who understands that the things that the other doctors are worried about all derive at least in part from fatigue/exhaustion and from anxiety and pain making sleep difficult. And each of those things makes all of the others worse.

I did some edits on my second Pod Together fic yesterday, all things that my partner requested. I'm hoping that the changed text will be easier to read. I still need to do one check on the pronunciation of the name of a minor character. I think I remember how it was pronounced, but I don't want to rely on that.

I also wrote about four hundred words on chapter 7 of Auguries of Innocence. I need to go back to the early part of the chapter to lay some groundwork for the things that just occurred to me as necessary. It's all about a character who hasn't been in any of the previous chapters, so I don't need to tweak anything earlier in the story. (This is an advantage of using point of view characters who don't think the way that most people do, Draco because he's unmoored in time, and Luna because she never did.)
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I'm 1700 words into my Captive Audience story. It's not due until 2 September, but I can already tell that it's likely to be long, so I guess having that time is good. I think this one will flow better during the writing than the second Pod Together story did. I might still hit a snag, but I'm hoping not.

My period finally started today after almost a month of off and on spotting. On the plus side, this makes having one on the 7th of August when I go in for the uterine ultrasound a lot less likely.

Scott's going to be working third shift this week and, probably, next. He originally thought that next week was his vacation, but I pointed out that that's actually another week further on. The only reason they didn't tell him to work third shift next week was that he told them he'd be on vacation. He emailed his boss to tell him of the error as soon as I told him (Scott didn't have access to his calendar right then). Third shift is down to four out of seven employees, and two of those left are supervisors who aren't supposed to run machines apart from covering for lunches and breaks. At other times, they move from machine to machine, making sure that everything's going okay and helping with whatever problem they judge most urgent.

Neither our nephew nor our niece were at the family gathering yesterday, so it was Cordelia and six adults. She retreated to the basement after dinner to read her book in isolation. I think she felt that four hours of being polite to adults was plenty.

I ended up sitting in the living room with Scott's father while Cordelia was in the basement and everyone else was out on the sun porch playing Ticket to Ride Europe. I didn't think it would be a good thing for us to sit in silence, so I initiated conversation, and we talked until the folks playing the game came back in. At that point, it was 9:00, and we were all ready to go home.
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Scott's response on giving away the crock pot was "Hallelujah!!" We just have to figure out an easy way to transport it. Our cleaning lady is thinking that she'll bring a sturdy bag and take one piece a week. I think the base the lid are light enough to go together, but the stoneware inserts are really, really heavy.

I ended up not writing yesterday. The afternoon and early evening got devoured by insurance related stuff. There's a receipt I can't find that I'm about 60% sure I submitted for a claim, but I can't find any indication on the Aetna statements that they ever got it. I also haven't managed to find it in any of the places I keep those receipts.

Then, while we were eating dinner, our power went out for about an hour and a half. Scott and I decided to go out in search of some sort of dessert, but the first place we tried had too long a wait for seating. The second had already closed for the evening. We went to Plum Market for the half price baked goods and then ended up at Wendy's for frosties. After we had paid, they handed them to us with straws, telling us that they were out of spoons and that, if we really wanted, they could give us forks instead of straws.

Cordelia's pediatrician told me that I will have to talk to the sports medicine people about guidelines for what she can safely do in gym class. I really hope they don't need to see her in order to do that because there's pretty much zero chance that they could see her for that before October, not the way non-emergency appointments go at the U.
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I'm feeling so very, very overheated right now. I know that part of the problem is that the only way I can get caffeine right this moment is by making and drinking hot tea (cold brewed will take about twenty hours, so it's not an immediate option). Well, I could spend a couple of hours going to the store to buy something. Decidedly not worth it to.

I'm at home alone right this moment. Cordelia had a volunteer shift at the downtown library this morning and plans to meet up with friends at the Traverwood library in the afternoon. She'll go home with them, and we'll pick her up at 9:30, after movie night with her friends. Their current plan is to watch Grease.

A couple of nights ago, I cooked the remaining ground turkey in the instant pot with some great northern beans and turkey bacon. I added chicken broth and some herbs/spices. I think I misjudged that because it almost gives me reflux. It doesn't actually; I can just tell that I'm near the tipping point.

I've managed the two most urgent phone calls, but neither matter is resolved yet. The second call is almost certainly going to end up with me having to call a different doctor's office about parameters/limitations for Cordelia's knee in high school gym. I was hoping not to have to because that's the doctor that wanted us to do surgery. The first call went to voicemail, so nothing's resolved until I actually manage to talk to the person.

The other call I should make is to Shar Instruments to ask about buying a viola and whether or not we can do it on installments. Of course, buying a viola kind of requires us to be fairly sure Cordelia's done growing. She's only grown half an inch in the last year and a half, and she's in the height range where all the women in my family tend to fall (5'1 to 5'3"). It's just that everyone in Scott's family is tall, so Cordelia's still hoping she'll get taller.

I'm trying to decide whether filling out insurance forms is more important than starting to write right this moment. My procrastination levels are set to 11 at the moment. The forms are important, very much so, but would there be any harm in having Scott fill the dratted things out this evening?

I have given our old crock pot to our cleaning lady. She'll actually use it, and we haven't touched it in years. The stoneware inserts are really too heavy for me at this point. I don't think this is the sort of thing that's worth holding onto for the years until Cordelia moves out and might want it. Plus, I'm pretty sure she'd rather have an Instant Pot instead.

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