the_rck

Scott and I have received our absentee ballots. I had been a little worried. The election isn't until the first week of August, but I want time to research. For most local offices, the primary is the deciding election, and I want to make an informed choice. I also want time to take long breaks between each bit of marking I have to do. Holding a pen well enough to control it hurts like hell, and it gets worse the longer I keep going. Fourteen sections will take a while.

I'm seriously considering asking either Scott or Cordelia to help me with the marking of my ballot, but that will involve extra paperwork in terms of documenting who they are, how they're related to me, and that they really and truly did exactly what I told them to do.

I had three face to face medical appointments in June. One was my mammogram, and the other two involved tests that also couldn't be done remotely (allergy and urology). The mammogram follow up with the cancer center clinician was done remotely. I understand why, but I'm unhappy about it because, five years ago, the lump didn't show on mammogram or ultrasound but could be found manually.

I need to schedule another allergy thing later in the year, but it's going to be difficult because I need two appointments, about 48 hours apart, and have no good way to get to the office. The nearest in-service bus stop is two miles away, and most of the distance doesn't have sidewalks (and is otherwise pedestrian unfriendly). I don't know when those buses will start running again.

The allergist said that three days between the appointments was too long as I might have serious adverse reaction to one or more of the patches. The testing that we were able to do at the appointment was the scratch test stuff which I didn't much feel that I needed but that my current doctors felt I did. My last test results were from the late 80s and are too difficult to retrieve even though I'm still in the same medical system. These results were exactly what I told them they'd be-- cats, trees, ragweed, mold, dust mites. In practice, I'm allergic to other mammals in addition to cats, but I don't react as quickly or as badly to dogs or mice or whatever.

The allergist mentioned the possibility that my occasional breathing difficulties in response to things like rosemary might be mild (mild in as much as I never cease being able to breathe; I just have difficulty) laryngospasms rather than an unexpected resurgence of my asthma or any sort of anaphylaxis. Since I have GERD, laryngospasms wouldn't be unexpected. What would be unexpected is them lasting for hours which these issues do. There's also apparently damn all that I can do about them beyond what I normally do for GERD.

The urology appointment ended with a referral for pelvic floor PT that is on hold until the after the current crisis. Part of that is transportation, and part of that is that the problem is something I've lived with for years. I would like to resolve it, but I won't be harmed by waiting. If I was going to go out for PT or OT, it would be for my hands, and I'm not going out for them, so.

( Cut for urology details )

The buses are running reduced routes and only one bus per route per hour. They cap the riders at 15 people because they can't seat more than that with social distancing. If someone's at a stop and there are already 15 riders, that person will have to wait an hour for another bus that might have space. I took the bus home after my urology appointment, and I got the next to last seat.

I used the ARide for my mammogram, but that meant being prepared for pickup more than an hour and a half before I had to be at my appointment. ARide service is limited, too, right now, but is a better option than the bus since at least one knows whether or not a particular trip is even possible. I try not to use the ARide, generally, as it's meant for people who are unable to use the fixed route buses due to disability. Most of the time I can take the regular bus and do.

I last used the ARide regularly when I was recovering after radiation. At that point, I wasn't sure of my ability to walk to and from bus stops. For a while after that, I used regular cabs off and on, mostly for going to appointments from which I'd then take the bus home. Going somewhere is much harder than the trip home. Stepping out the door is often hardest because, once I'm out the door, I don't let myself think or feel much of anything.

I talked to our dentist's office yesterday. I had an appointment on the 20th but have put it off since I don't know if I'll have a good way to get there and home again. They're conveniently close to a bus line, but that doesn't help right now. Also, given that I'm not currently having trouble with my teeth, being in that space seems like an extraordinarily high risk undertaking.

The receptionist told me that they're quite busy due to many people trying to get in for cleanings that were due while the office was closed. I understand that the staff there are being careful and are really in need of getting paid, but... Routine dental care seems unwise right now.

The weather has gotten very nasty today. One of Cordelia's friends got into an accident while driving to school (I'm pretty sure that the other girl has zero experience with snow because she just moved north this year). Scott left for work half an hour early and arrived late anyway.

Cordelia's school let out twenty minutes early which I think was meant to help keep the buses more or less on schedule for the middle school students and then the elementary school students as the same buses transport all three age groups, just at different times of day. I'm not sure if the early release gained the buses much time. Cordelia didn't reach her stop particularly early relative to the normal arrival time.

I'm not sure what the weather is going to look like tomorrow. I have an appointment with the LTD vocational counselor at 10:30, but if the roads are still bad, he may opt not to drive to Ann Arbor. My benefits run out on the 24th, and the only reason we're meeting is so that I'm compliant enough to keep them. I don't pay him; the LTD insurance management company does.

( Stressing about future paperwork )

( UCon game writing related babble )

ETA: And there will be no school tomorrow, so I can put off deciding about which FAFSA information session to attend.

Please assume that I haven't read anything here in the last ten or so days. My brain has been refusing to deal with DW recently.

I've had about ten days of just not being able to cope with everything I needed to do. Appointment after family thing after paperwork after chores after choir thing... And on and on. At this point, I've lost track of what I did when.

I have given up my driver's license. I hadn't driven in more than 20 years, and it had been more than a decade before that occasion since I last drove.

I've printed the paperwork for me and Scott get certified copies of our birth certificates. We need them in order to get i.d. that will let us fly once the laws about acceptable i.d. change next year. I expect to need to fly some time in the next few years as my father and his wife are both in their mid-70s and in New Mexico. My mother is in the same age range with my stepfather just shy of 65. Neither of us has yet filled out the paperwork yet.

Cordelia turned 16 on the 17th. We went out to lunch at Red Lobster the next day because she wanted crab. We went early enough that I was able to have shrimp scampi without ill effects. I didn't order crab legs because I don't think my hands are up to the task any more.

Scott ordered a four place setting set of Corelle tableware. We're in the process of rearranging our storage to accommodate that. Scott's more willing to go with moving things to the basement than his is to go with throwing anything out. I'm not convinced that saving the cost of replacing a box of plastic spoons is enough to justify storing that box in the kitchen cupboard for a decade. They don't go bad, and we use a few every year, but... The basement is a compromise.

My mother and stepfather got a local rental for three nights and went home this morning. They found a place that allowed dogs. They attended Cordelia's choir concert last night and went back to Lawton this morning. Scott's parents are attending tonight's concert.

Cordelia had a half day of school yesterday, so she and I and my parents went to Totoro for lunch. The ladies there gave us free edamame with our meal.

I stepped back the PT that the doctor I saw on the 3rd suggested. I think that it may have caused the ongoing headache I had the following week. I'll be seeing a physical therapist I trust on the 6th. I also had one session with a psychologist who specializes in pain management. I'm not putting a lot of reliance on her coming up with anything helpful, but I'm willing to find out.

The psychologist appointment was exhausting because I made two mistakes with the bus trip. I got off too early on the way there (and walked down a deadend that I thought went through) and made a mistake about the route of the bus home that meant I had to walk quite a lot farther than I expected before I found a bus stop.

I found my curvy back thingy still in one of the suitcases in the basement. My guess is that I took it to UCon and didn't get it out of the suitcase before Scott closed it up and stuck it in the basement. I'm finding it helpful, but we're having trouble figuring out where/how to store it because it's an inconvenient shape.

I've gotten nice recipient comments on my two recently posted exchange fics. Both exchanges are still anonymous, though, so I can't yet link to them. I think author reveals are late on Sunday for both exchanges, so I'll likely announce the stories here on Monday.

PT went well yesterday. It was nice outside, so I walked around the hospital garden between getting off the bus and checking in for my appointment (I got there about 45 minutes early). After, I walked slowly from the main hospital down to Plymouth Rd.

There's a diner right there, so Cordelia and I met there and had a meal then took the bus home. I think she enjoyed it, too.

The PT person thinks that my elbow problem is caused by a particular muscle not doing its job, so she's given me some exercises. I'm to do those three times a week and gradually work my way up to doing them more often and with more weight. All four are wrist movement things. I'm doing them empty handed now and will move to one pound weights later. I'm still working out the best way to do them in terms of how my elbow is relative to my wrists. I may need to look online as the sheet explaining the exercises doesn't seem to say.

I melted down a little last night over the way that the next several weeks look with regard to scheduling and Things That Must Be Done. There isn't anything Scott can do to help because the problem appointments are all dead in the middle of the day. Getting me to and from an hour long 2 p.m. or 3 p.m. appointment means missing a lot of work.

I'm working on an email to ask my mother, MIL, and SIL if they can help, but right now it keeps devolving into a rant about how impossible it all is with a long list of the other things going on close enough to drain the resources to make it impossible.

The one week when I thought I had elbow room for the two big errands turns out to be Art Fair which makes everything those days vastly more complicated. Cordelia and I need to go to the Secretary of State's office that week, and we need to go to the bus headquarters that week. Cordelia doesn't see why she should have to go along for the latter, but I think it will be a lot easier for me if she comes along. She's old enough now and responsible enough to help my agoraphobia a bit rather than make me more hypervigilant while we're out.

Art Fair is an issue because every bus route detours and runs wildly off schedule and because Blake Transit Center, the downtown transfer point, is in the heart of the crowds. We have to go there, both ways for each trip, because the bus system is set up with spokes that don't generally interconnect.

Cordelia's 7 a.m. drive this morning got rescheduled (this time with advance notice) to the 13th at noon. They still haven't rescheduled the missed class session which is a problem since the last normal session is tonight.

Technically, I could sleep in until 8 a.m. today, but Scott's final leave-the-house-now alarm woke me at 7:10. It's very loud and irritating, and it repeated several times before he shut it off.

At that point, it had been long enough since I last ate that I had a headache, so I just hauled myself out of bed. The only thing that treats that morning headache is a combination of sugar and caffeine (one without the other doesn't do the entire job. Two teaspoons of honey and zero caffeine does considerably more than normal levels of caffeine with just stevia). Medications don't help at all until after I've gotten some sugar in.

I'm pretty sure that this is some degree of hypoglycemia. I've had problems for years any time I sleep late (so weekends mostly), but I think that the amount of time I can fast is decreasing. The problem is that the amount of time I need between when I eat dinner and when I lie down is increasing. Well, I can eat very, very simple carbohydrates near to bedtime. I don't know that that's a thing that could help.

I suspect that what I need to do is to shift when I take my thyroid medicine and to take it earlier in the day so that I can eat between 6 p.m. and 7 p.m. I can handle very lean meat or protein fortified oatmeal that far from bedtime.

I had PT again today. My left elbow was acting up the the therapist poked at it a little and told me I had several trigger points there. She used some sort of machine to loosen those which decreased the pain level considerably.

I took the shorter trip for getting home from the hospital, and I probably should have spent the extra 30-45 minutes for the long way because I almost didn't make it up the hill from the bus stop. It's hot and humid, and the hill is quite steep. I had a full water bottle, but it didn't help much.

The next five weeks are going to be really, really exhausting. Every week has at least one appointment, and most have three or four. Then I'll have a week of nothing much followed by a week on vacation with Scott's family (which I expect to be bad along a couple of different health angles). Then... more appointments, including getting out to Skyline for Cordelia to register. September only currently has two appointments. I kind of expect that to change, though.

I've been draggingly tired all day today. I'm not sure why because I slept pretty well last night. The only thing I can think of is that having gotten yesterday's appointment over with is letting my body relax a bit. (It wasn't the appointment that was stressing me out as much as it was the leaving the house bit of things.)

Cordelia and I had lunch at Totoro yesterday afternoon. I had an 11:30 appointment downtown. When it was done, a bit after noon, I called and asked her if she wanted to meet take the bus in and meet me, and she said, "Why not?"

I picked up my library holds on the way from my appointment to Totoro because I knew I had plenty of time. I still got to the restaurant about ten minutes before Cordelia did.

When we finished, it was about two minutes too late for the bus I wanted to take home, the one that drops off at the top of the hill. I was willing to wait half an hour for the next bus, but Cordelia decided to take the other route, the one that lets off at the bottom of the hill, so she took off and left me behind.

She got home about ten minutes before I did because that bus takes longer to get near our house and, likely, also because it's a longer walk from the stop.

I should have spent another ten minutes at the restaurant before leaving myself because it was too wet for me to be able to sit at the bus stop. That meant I was exhausted and in pain by the time the bus finally came. Maybe that's why I'm so tired today. I don't know.

My new ATM card needs to be activated, and I can't do it by phone because we no longer have the number we had when we set up the account. Also, it's been long enough since I used the dratted thing that I don't remember the pin number. I know I changed it once by adding one and that I had to reset it again after. I just don't remember if the reset required changing the number; it might not have. If it did, though, I might have added one or subtracted one. That was a few years back.

Basically, I haven't done anything but teller transactions since Cordelia was born, and all of those have been about her savings account. Scott does ATM stuff, but me getting to an ATM would mean that he was with me, so there hasn't been a point, or I'd have made sure I could use the card already.

Okay. Today is fired. I'm pretty sure that Scott agrees.

I had a wedged in appointment scheduled with my doctor at 3:15. The cleaning lady arrived at 2:00. We always talk a bit, so I didn't call for a cab at 2:00 when I normally would have.

At 2:16, the cab company dispatcher said, "I'm sorry. I can't get you a cab."

At 2:20, I was out the door to get the bus. I was feeling tired and wobbly to begin with (by this late in the week, I'm running on fumes), and I deal really badly with abrupt changes in plans.

It took me about 12 minutes to get to the bus stop. I just tried not to look around too much because that was really going to make me freak out (agoraphobia does that). I'd had just enough time to check the expected arrival time of the next bus (6 minutes 37 seconds) when Cordelia texted me to say she thought she had the flu because she felt awful and was afraid the nausea would turn into something else before she got home.

She was already on the school bus home. Scott was a half hour from getting off work. I was 85% sure I couldn't make it back up that hill without sitting somewhere for at least ten minutes first. It was 22F with a windchill of 16F. Therefore, I was definitely getting on that bus.

So I was frantically texting when the bus pulled up. I got on and kept frantically texting. I can't hear to talk on the phone when riding the bus. Something about the rumble does it (clothes driers have had the same effect on me for at least 32 years. I don't understand how Scott can listen to audiobooks in the car. I miss a lot when he's got stuff while I'm riding with him).

I got off the bus at 2:55 and got to the clinic a tiny bit after 3:00. When they took me back for my vitals twenty minutes later, I was shaky and light headed. My blood pressure was way high for me. I'm usually around 100/70 these days, but this afternoon, I was 145/85.

I managed to get a message to Scott while I was waiting, and he managed to get out of his after shift stuff to go straight home. He got home while I was talking to the doctor, so I missed his texts about Cordelia not having a fever and saying she wanted food.

I have lost 20 pounds, unintentionally, since September. It may be a bit more, but I'm not dedicated enough to weigh by boots (which are hiking boots that double as snow boots). That, combined with the exhaustion, is enough that my doctor wants a cortisol blood test. That needs to be done in the morning, so we'll do it Saturday at the same clinic as last week's blood draw.

The problem is that I'm 50, so my body is kind of expected to be doing any subset of an apparently infinite list of perimenopausal crap. I don't think there's anything I've had happen in the last decade, apart from the broken foot and cancer in 2015, that isn't of the lists of possible perimenopausl symptoms (and for the broken foot, I had to have a bone density check because of perimenopause). We can't do anything at all that will mess with my hormones because the breast cancer was hormone positive, very strongly so. This includes any herbal remedies anyone may want to suggest.

There are at least half a dozen separate things that changed in late August/early September that could be having an effect here. Two new medications. The c-PAP. Changing my sleep schedule. Changing my medication schedule. Changing my meal schedule. Cordelia suddenly being at a school that I need an hour of advance notice to get to.

My doctor took my blood pressure again, and it had gone down to 120/80. I had also nearly stopped shaking. I was still light headed/exhausted.

I asked Scott to come and pick me up from UHS because I didn't think I'd make it home by bus. On the way home, Scott said, "What about Lyft? Why didn't you try that when you couldn't get a cab." I gave him serious stinkeye because he's only known me-- what? --30 years. Trying to deal with something new when pushing a deadline to get somewhere would have been a dozen times more upsetting than going for the bus because I know how to ride that bus line. I know that there's a bus every fifteen minutes and that getting to central campus takes about fifteen minutes.

I'd still have been kind of freaked out if Cordelia hadn't suddenly dumped worry about her having the flu on my head.

I shouldn't make appointments on Thursdays. The fact that the cleaning lady comes always has me stressed to begin with (she's a really nice person. It's not that).

But, of course, next week, I have an appointment on Thursday at 2:00. Why did I do that?

Yesterday, I took a cab in and had it drop me at the library so that I could return a few things. I wanted to stop at the post office a block away and in between the library and my appointment, but stopping there to pay the cabbie would have been considerably less convenient. There's a drive next to the library, running between 5th Ave and Division, that's there partly for access to the lot next door and partly for people to be able to wait while someone else runs in for a minute to return something. Staying there long enough for the cabbie to run my credit card didn't block traffic or risk upsetting people.

I only had to wait about thirty seconds at the post office. Oddly, the clerk tried to close my order without dealing with the package I'd laid on the counter (I also sent a certified letter). My guess is that, in dealing with the paperwork for the letter, he lost track of there being anything else even though the dratted thing was clearly visible.

Many of the portals around the library and post office were unclaimed. I didn't have the resonators to fill them out completely, but I captured all I could (and then, while I was at my appointment, someone else came through and captured them so that I was able to take them back again for more points). After my appointment, I walked up William to State and had lunch at Totoro. Then I walked back down Liberty to Division and caught the bus home. I might have had time to get the three blocks to Blake in time to catch the bus there, but I didn't want to risk being stuck for another half an hour.

Today's entire agenda (apart from a few short chores) is writing and more writing. I'm worried that I don't have a strong grasp of one of my characters and that I may be going down a false path in the story right now, but the damned thing needs to be done today if I'm going to edit or even proofread at all. I'm hoping to limit my cat waxing because I just don't have time for it. Sometimes, it helps me to think, but not today.

I've written a lot less this month than I'd hoped to. Scott's vacation and issues with Cordelia have pretty much killed my time and energy. I'm trying to finish this story without resorting to junk food to keep my brain working while I write. We don't have much in the house that fits the description, so I'd have to ask Scott to buy it for me.

I called Mom last night to see how they're dealing with the weather. They're in Baton Rouge, so it's much less bad than in coastal Texas, and they live in the highest part of the city. Mom said that it's a very, very good thing that this hurricane didn't and probably won't hit New Orleans hard because many of the pumps there aren't working so that the flooding would be beyond horrific.

I'm currently trying to figure out my best course for the Medequip appointment tomorrow. Medequip is (according to Google) 0.1 miles from Shar Instruments, the place to which I need to return Cordelia's rented viola. I think that, if I get it back tomorrow, I won't have to pay for September. I need to check when they bill me as we might still have some time, but if they bill on the 1st, that's Friday.

I will be carrying my entire c-PAP, too. From a timing POV, going to Shar after my appointment makes more sense since I don't know how long Shar will take. It might be five minutes. It might be longer if they're busy. Shar only opens an hour before my appointment, and my arrival time is kind of unpredictable

From a carrying crap POV, however, going to Shar first makes sense. I'd take the A-Ride there and only have to carry my c-PAP during the section that I'll be walking. It's just that the A-Ride is so unreliable about timing. Shar opens at 10, an hour before my appointment, so I can't possibly have more than an hour for turning things in and getting to Medequip. Also, the A-Ride folks will tell me that I should ask for a pick up at 9 if I want to be certain to arrive by 10:30, but that's very likely to leave me sitting on the ground outside for forty five minutes until they open. Except when it doesn't. One or two rides out of every ten involve long delays to either pick up or arrival.

I need to look at what I'll be carrying and at how much space it will take. The A-Ride has restrictions on that because they want to be able to fit three people in the back seat if necessary. That might be an argument for going to Medequip first and only going to Shar if the cabbie tells me that we won't be picking up other people on the way (and if the cab isn't filled when it arrives here). I haven't always had shared rides, but it's not at all rare, maybe thirty to forty percent of the time. I've only been in a cab with four total passengers (plus the driver) once.

My current plan is to take the bus home after. Going home by bus is easier, anxiety wise, than going out by bus. This is probably because I'm heading toward perceived safety and because the alternative is staying where I am which is unacceptable to the anxiety brainweasels.

Okay, time to make my decision and call the A-Ride people. Or maybe I should shower first and then call?

I did a little writing last night, less than 300 words. I was just too tired to focus.

When I tried to call a cab for getting to my appointment yesterday, I discovered that the company's phone was out of service. I used it nine days ago for getting to UHS, so it's a very recent development. I was at a point in time when I really couldn't afford to call around to see if any of the other companies I found listed on Google actually still exist (at least one listing was for a company that I know absolutely doesn't), so I ran for the bus.

I got lucky in that the bus was only about half full. I'd expected it to be packed at that time of day (around 8:30 in the morning) because that bus links commuter lots to the university medical center/hospital and to central campus. Possibly the fact that the students are gone made the difference, but I'm used to every bus before 9:30 being standing room only and not letting anyone on for the last three stops before the hospital. (We're four or five stops back, a couple of miles away.)

The clinician I saw agreed that, if I feel worse and am not sleeping using the c-PAP, that it's not actually helping. She prescribed a different mask, just in case that will help. The main reason, if I understand correctly, is that this mask and headgear shift where the hose is so that it may not cause me so much anxiety. Otherwise, we're going to hold off until after I see my psychiatrist on the 20th. The hope is that she can prescribe something, other than Ativan, that I can take at night so that I sleep more deeply. I have no idea what that might be. Benadryl doesn't make me sleepy. Melatonin gives me headaches that last for days. Ambien is off the table entirely because of my genetics being a terrible match for it.

After the appointment was over, I wandered around the medical center a bit, doing Ingress. Then I took the bus downtown, doing more Ingress along the way. About ten minutes after I got off the bus, I reached level 10 in Ingress. I had been hoping to do that on my birthday, but I was so sick that day and the next that it wasn't even remotely an option.

After that, evalerie and I met at Jerusalem Garden for lunch. I got a chicken shwarma sandwich that proved spicier than I wanted to be. I also got fries which the menu said would have sumac on them, but the waitress told me, when she brought them, that they don't put sumac on any more, just a pre-mixed salt and pepper (including cayenne) blend. I wouldn't have ordered them at all if it hadn't been for the promise of sumac, so I was disappointed.

Cordelia ended up eating my leftovers, half the sandwich and a lot of fries, when she got home. She complained about the spice in the sandwich but ate it anyway.