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Yesterday, we had a playdate with my sister-in-law and her kids. It was originally going to be a trip to a local park that has a lake with swimming and a bit of a waterpark (I've not been there before, so I'm not sure how elaborate it is). We were going to be going along with some sort of group from their church. The trip got canceled due to thunderstorms, and I must admit that I was relieved. I don't enjoy parks much.
My sister-in-law took home some of my dried winter savory and some rhubarb. I tried to persuade her to take some of the other herbs from my raised beds and boxes, but she wasn't really sure what she'd do with pineapple sage or chocolate mint or lemon balm. I was glad to get rid of some winter savory because the plants have been growing fast and crowding adjacent plants. I cut it back fairly severely in late June, and I need to do it again. I just want to wait until it's done blooming.
I've got seven sage plants, three regular plants, one pineapple sage, one purple sage, and two variegated sage (one golden) plants. The pineapple sage has grown huge, and the regular sage plants are well established. I'm less optimistic about the other three because they've ended up overshadowed by neighboring plants. If they make it through the winter, I think it'll balance out, but I'm not sure they're going to be well enough established to survive.
(A note to anyone local-- If you want to harvest some winter savory, just ask. I've got plenty. I have apple mint, chocolate mint, Corsican mint (as ground cover) and cat mint, too. I have pennyroyal, rue, lemon balm, various types of sage, and a little bit of thyme. I'm not using anything but the winter savory just now. I selected them for ease of growing and for smelling nice without really thinking about using them for anything, so I haven't really been harvesting anything. The pennyroyal, mints and thyme are transplantable. The winter savory and lemon balm might be.)
In the evening,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cherydactyl's husband brought their kids over to stay with Delia while I headed for a pre-school meeting that started at seven. (Scott had to work until at least seven, so a babysitter was critical.) Delia has stated that she's 'getting lucky' in having so many playdates in so short a time. She was thrilled enough not to get too upset when I left.
The meeting went fairly well. Getting there early was an advantage because it meant that I could sign up for various contributions before the sitting and listening to people talk part of things. The auction donation requirement for this year is $50 rather than $30. I wish I knew what my scarves went for last year. That would give me a better idea of how many to aim for. I wish I were better at following patterns. I can't crochet anything complicated because I have trouble counting stitches. I'm not willing to put in the time that would be required to make a blanket, but a hat or a shawl or a cowl seem like they ought to be within my reach in terms of time required. Assuming I can ever figure out how to make any of them without getting hopelessly tangled up...
This year, there's a family in Delia's class that lives relatively near here (they're over by the nature center where Delia's camp meets). I don't know if that will translate into playdates or help with transportation, though. The other family has three little boys, including one who'll be in afternoon kindergarten. The mother is going to be struggling to manage pick up and drop off for both kindergarten and pre-school. The days she assists are going to be a challenge. I'm trying to figure out if I can help her out. The elementary school isn't quite two blocks from here, and it might be possible for me help-- maybe by picking up and/or dropping off her kindergartner on the days she assists in return for her taking Delia in and bringing her home?
I also took a moment last night to apologize to another mother for having freaked out at her via e-mail the day before. Usually, e-mail and other written communication are fairly safe for me because the delays involved build in some time to stop panicking. In this case, the delays didn't help. It wasn't her fault, either. She just unknowingly said some quite reasonable things that utterly punched my 'Panic! Panic! Panic! I'm under attack and must stand up for myself or the world will blow up' buttons.
Really, she wasn't being unreasonable. She just stated that the pre-school's policy would require me to make a phone call at a very specific time (in about a ten minute window) next Wednesday. For most people, that's not panic inducing news. For me, however... Well. There are days when I could make such a phone call. There are even days when I could handle being told that I have to make such a phone call. Being told is more stressful than doing it, especially with a long run up to the actual call. A week is more than enough time to utterly fall apart over something that will take ten minutes to do but that can't be done and gotten over yet. (This may be my equivalent of stage fright. I don't get stage fright. I can give speeches and perform without much trouble. Phone calls on the other hand...)
Basically, every family in the pre-school has an appointment to see the teacher some time next week. The times are assigned, and Delia's not available for our scheduled time, so we had to switch. (The appointment is as much about giving each kid a little individual time with the teacher as with anything else.) After the appointment, each family signs up for their assist days, and the order of sign up will be reversed next semester. That means that us moving our conference from near the end of the day (2:00) to the beginning of the day (9:00) moved us out of order on assist sign up. That's not allowed. I have to do the assist sign up at 2:20.
Since Scott's off work next week, he'll just drive me in for sign up. I'm not really happy about going down there twice in one day, but it's a *lot* better for me than making a phone call. If Scott weren't available, I'd either have to make the call or ask someone else for a ride (I can't get down there by bus, sign up and get back to pick Delia up from camp on time).
Well, actually, if Scott weren't available, I'd probably be begging the person in charge of assist sign-up (who happens to be the mother I mentioned earlier who lives near us) to call me instead since I have no real trouble receiving calls. There's still stress in anticipating a scheduled call and not having control over when it finally comes or *if* it actually comes, but it's a lot less, and it's something that I can define. I can't figure out what it is that terrifies me about making calls. I know that it's easier to call if I know I'll get a machine, probably because I know what to expect. It's easy to call my mother, probably also because I know what to expect. It's also easier if I don't have any time to think about the call beforehand (which makes setting up dental appointments and such hugely unpleasant).
I think that part of my panic came from the timing of her message. It came Tuesday, whilecherydactyl was here. She was supervising the kids in the yard. She offered to help with transportation, and that reminded me that Scott would be available, but I was still too caught up in my freak out to factor that in and realize that it would be okay. Panics always take time. I'll seem utterly rational, but I won't be. That's why genuine, useful offers of help get rejected out of hand and why I argue vehemently that something's of the utmost importance when it obviously (to everyone else) isn't.
::sighs:: There's a reason I'm on disability.
I think that it's the unpredictability that creates the most anxiety for me. I like having a sense of knowing what all the possibilities are so that I can have a sense that I have plans for dealing with all of them or at least of being capable of dealing with all of them. Weirdly, it's not so much that I panic over not being able to deal with something as that I panic over not knowing whether I can or not. If I know that I can't do something, I don't have to do it, and that's okay (or mostly okay. If it were fully okay, I wouldn't spend so much time worrying that I'm letting Delia down or making life too hard for Scott).
Planning days is hard because I can estimate how many spoons I might have, but I can never be absolutely sure. I might actually have a lot less than expected due to poor sleep the night before or due to bad weather or due to falling down the day before or... The possibilities are endless. I also might have a lot more than expected just because I'm lucky.
Some days, like this last Monday, I end up scheduling myself beyond exhaustion. I knew that I was doing it, too, but I also needed to do all of those things and wasn't going to get another chance without equal over-scheduling. I avoided adding in a trip to the post office or to the library because those weren't critical and because the odds of successfully getting to either place were extremely low.
We don't have plans for any playdates today. Last night, I asked a couple of the pre-school mothers who've taken Delia for playdates this summer, but both families were busy (the third I'd been hoping to ask wasn't there). I kind of fail at this reciprocity thing. The summer's nearly gone, and Delia has camp every afternoon next week, so there will be no playdates then. The week after that, pre-school starts.
My sister-in-law took home some of my dried winter savory and some rhubarb. I tried to persuade her to take some of the other herbs from my raised beds and boxes, but she wasn't really sure what she'd do with pineapple sage or chocolate mint or lemon balm. I was glad to get rid of some winter savory because the plants have been growing fast and crowding adjacent plants. I cut it back fairly severely in late June, and I need to do it again. I just want to wait until it's done blooming.
I've got seven sage plants, three regular plants, one pineapple sage, one purple sage, and two variegated sage (one golden) plants. The pineapple sage has grown huge, and the regular sage plants are well established. I'm less optimistic about the other three because they've ended up overshadowed by neighboring plants. If they make it through the winter, I think it'll balance out, but I'm not sure they're going to be well enough established to survive.
(A note to anyone local-- If you want to harvest some winter savory, just ask. I've got plenty. I have apple mint, chocolate mint, Corsican mint (as ground cover) and cat mint, too. I have pennyroyal, rue, lemon balm, various types of sage, and a little bit of thyme. I'm not using anything but the winter savory just now. I selected them for ease of growing and for smelling nice without really thinking about using them for anything, so I haven't really been harvesting anything. The pennyroyal, mints and thyme are transplantable. The winter savory and lemon balm might be.)
In the evening,
cherydactyl's husband brought their kids over to stay with Delia while I headed for a pre-school meeting that started at seven. (Scott had to work until at least seven, so a babysitter was critical.) Delia has stated that she's 'getting lucky' in having so many playdates in so short a time. She was thrilled enough not to get too upset when I left.The meeting went fairly well. Getting there early was an advantage because it meant that I could sign up for various contributions before the sitting and listening to people talk part of things. The auction donation requirement for this year is $50 rather than $30. I wish I knew what my scarves went for last year. That would give me a better idea of how many to aim for. I wish I were better at following patterns. I can't crochet anything complicated because I have trouble counting stitches. I'm not willing to put in the time that would be required to make a blanket, but a hat or a shawl or a cowl seem like they ought to be within my reach in terms of time required. Assuming I can ever figure out how to make any of them without getting hopelessly tangled up...
This year, there's a family in Delia's class that lives relatively near here (they're over by the nature center where Delia's camp meets). I don't know if that will translate into playdates or help with transportation, though. The other family has three little boys, including one who'll be in afternoon kindergarten. The mother is going to be struggling to manage pick up and drop off for both kindergarten and pre-school. The days she assists are going to be a challenge. I'm trying to figure out if I can help her out. The elementary school isn't quite two blocks from here, and it might be possible for me help-- maybe by picking up and/or dropping off her kindergartner on the days she assists in return for her taking Delia in and bringing her home?
I also took a moment last night to apologize to another mother for having freaked out at her via e-mail the day before. Usually, e-mail and other written communication are fairly safe for me because the delays involved build in some time to stop panicking. In this case, the delays didn't help. It wasn't her fault, either. She just unknowingly said some quite reasonable things that utterly punched my 'Panic! Panic! Panic! I'm under attack and must stand up for myself or the world will blow up' buttons.
Really, she wasn't being unreasonable. She just stated that the pre-school's policy would require me to make a phone call at a very specific time (in about a ten minute window) next Wednesday. For most people, that's not panic inducing news. For me, however... Well. There are days when I could make such a phone call. There are even days when I could handle being told that I have to make such a phone call. Being told is more stressful than doing it, especially with a long run up to the actual call. A week is more than enough time to utterly fall apart over something that will take ten minutes to do but that can't be done and gotten over yet. (This may be my equivalent of stage fright. I don't get stage fright. I can give speeches and perform without much trouble. Phone calls on the other hand...)
Basically, every family in the pre-school has an appointment to see the teacher some time next week. The times are assigned, and Delia's not available for our scheduled time, so we had to switch. (The appointment is as much about giving each kid a little individual time with the teacher as with anything else.) After the appointment, each family signs up for their assist days, and the order of sign up will be reversed next semester. That means that us moving our conference from near the end of the day (2:00) to the beginning of the day (9:00) moved us out of order on assist sign up. That's not allowed. I have to do the assist sign up at 2:20.
Since Scott's off work next week, he'll just drive me in for sign up. I'm not really happy about going down there twice in one day, but it's a *lot* better for me than making a phone call. If Scott weren't available, I'd either have to make the call or ask someone else for a ride (I can't get down there by bus, sign up and get back to pick Delia up from camp on time).
Well, actually, if Scott weren't available, I'd probably be begging the person in charge of assist sign-up (who happens to be the mother I mentioned earlier who lives near us) to call me instead since I have no real trouble receiving calls. There's still stress in anticipating a scheduled call and not having control over when it finally comes or *if* it actually comes, but it's a lot less, and it's something that I can define. I can't figure out what it is that terrifies me about making calls. I know that it's easier to call if I know I'll get a machine, probably because I know what to expect. It's easy to call my mother, probably also because I know what to expect. It's also easier if I don't have any time to think about the call beforehand (which makes setting up dental appointments and such hugely unpleasant).
I think that part of my panic came from the timing of her message. It came Tuesday, while
cherydactyl was here. She was supervising the kids in the yard. She offered to help with transportation, and that reminded me that Scott would be available, but I was still too caught up in my freak out to factor that in and realize that it would be okay. Panics always take time. I'll seem utterly rational, but I won't be. That's why genuine, useful offers of help get rejected out of hand and why I argue vehemently that something's of the utmost importance when it obviously (to everyone else) isn't.::sighs:: There's a reason I'm on disability.
I think that it's the unpredictability that creates the most anxiety for me. I like having a sense of knowing what all the possibilities are so that I can have a sense that I have plans for dealing with all of them or at least of being capable of dealing with all of them. Weirdly, it's not so much that I panic over not being able to deal with something as that I panic over not knowing whether I can or not. If I know that I can't do something, I don't have to do it, and that's okay (or mostly okay. If it were fully okay, I wouldn't spend so much time worrying that I'm letting Delia down or making life too hard for Scott).
Planning days is hard because I can estimate how many spoons I might have, but I can never be absolutely sure. I might actually have a lot less than expected due to poor sleep the night before or due to bad weather or due to falling down the day before or... The possibilities are endless. I also might have a lot more than expected just because I'm lucky.
Some days, like this last Monday, I end up scheduling myself beyond exhaustion. I knew that I was doing it, too, but I also needed to do all of those things and wasn't going to get another chance without equal over-scheduling. I avoided adding in a trip to the post office or to the library because those weren't critical and because the odds of successfully getting to either place were extremely low.
We don't have plans for any playdates today. Last night, I asked a couple of the pre-school mothers who've taken Delia for playdates this summer, but both families were busy (the third I'd been hoping to ask wasn't there). I kind of fail at this reciprocity thing. The summer's nearly gone, and Delia has camp every afternoon next week, so there will be no playdates then. The week after that, pre-school starts.