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Dec. 20th, 2019 05:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckI ended up not going to Cordelia's concert on Wednesday because I had a migraine with nausea that was coming and going in waves. I'd taken the meds, and I knew I'd get worse if I went but might feel better if I didn't. She had said it was okay if I didn't. I still feel bad about it, though.
Scott's parents and his sister and our niece all went, so he had company.
I had been thinking that I might not be up to doing both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Scott's family. It's just always so exhausting because there aren't any breaks and because there are a lot of bits and pieces to be managed. Scott nodded and said he understood when I mentioned it, and Cordelia said it really didn't matter to her (she's in the age range where the gatherings are no longer fun and also aren't yet valuable for family connection).
I dithered about it because the food's better on Christmas Day, but the day is longer and more crowded. Christmas Eve is, traditionally, a pizza dinner (which I can no longer eat), a birthday cake for Baby Jesus, and church. The expectations are more formalized in a way that makes things simpler, if that makes sense, and the fact that it's half as much time means it's less exhausting on that axis, too, but it's a lot more time in the car.
Yesterday, Scott's sister called and told me that her son, who is home on break from MSU, has a cat. This means that I absolutely can't go to the Christmas Day gathering at their house. That makes the decision about which day for me, and I resent having things forced that way. It also means that a lot of future family gatherings are going to be closed to me because Scott's sister hosts most of them and because it will take weeks after the cat is gone for me to be safe going there.
In light of this, Scott's mother has asked us to come about four hours earlier than normal on Christmas Eve. I think they're all feeling like the cat thing makes me feel unwelcome and like not a part of the family. That's not 100% wrong, but there's a reason I refer to these occasions as 'days of family obligation' rather than as things I look forward to for months in advance.
Scott's sister also asked for advice on how to make Cordelia 'feel more included' in family gatherings. Like me, Cordelia doesn't play most games. She'll watch, but she'd much rather sit on the couch and read or have individual interactions. Cordelia is happy with that, but it bothers Scott's family. I'm not sure how to balance that.
I did point out that one of our Seattle nieces would much rather read on the couch than participate in group activities. Her mother will force her to put down her book and play games because they only see the Michigan relatives once every year or three. I'm not willing to do that to Cordelia; Scott's not either.
Yesterday, we went to lunch with some local Ingress players. It was nice to put faces to some of the handles. The restaurant, Frita Batidas, wasn't one we'd tried before, and Scott and I both decided to be conservative about what we ate. We shared a bag of fried plantains, and I had 'fresh lime' milkshake.
We're all kind of puzzled by the fact that the other team hasn't done much of anything during the last 2-3 months. The area where Scott and I live tends to be reliably held by our side, but downtown and campus and medical campus and so on are usually held by the other side or very hotly contested. At this point, it's not that the other side is doing nothing but that they're doing maybe 20% of what we consider normal.
We still don't know when (or if) Scott will go back to first shift. I'm kind of assuming that it might be months. They haven't hired anyone for the job he left in September, and it's possible that they're hoping he'll go back to that. I'm torn because it was much better for him, physically, but really wrecked him mentally and emotionally.
Scott's concerned about the duration of being on second shift because him taking time off every time Cordelia needs transportation isn't sustainable. He could manage all of the concerts, but there's too much else, and much of it isn't scheduled anything like far enough in advance.
Scott's parents and his sister and our niece all went, so he had company.
I had been thinking that I might not be up to doing both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Scott's family. It's just always so exhausting because there aren't any breaks and because there are a lot of bits and pieces to be managed. Scott nodded and said he understood when I mentioned it, and Cordelia said it really didn't matter to her (she's in the age range where the gatherings are no longer fun and also aren't yet valuable for family connection).
I dithered about it because the food's better on Christmas Day, but the day is longer and more crowded. Christmas Eve is, traditionally, a pizza dinner (which I can no longer eat), a birthday cake for Baby Jesus, and church. The expectations are more formalized in a way that makes things simpler, if that makes sense, and the fact that it's half as much time means it's less exhausting on that axis, too, but it's a lot more time in the car.
Yesterday, Scott's sister called and told me that her son, who is home on break from MSU, has a cat. This means that I absolutely can't go to the Christmas Day gathering at their house. That makes the decision about which day for me, and I resent having things forced that way. It also means that a lot of future family gatherings are going to be closed to me because Scott's sister hosts most of them and because it will take weeks after the cat is gone for me to be safe going there.
In light of this, Scott's mother has asked us to come about four hours earlier than normal on Christmas Eve. I think they're all feeling like the cat thing makes me feel unwelcome and like not a part of the family. That's not 100% wrong, but there's a reason I refer to these occasions as 'days of family obligation' rather than as things I look forward to for months in advance.
Scott's sister also asked for advice on how to make Cordelia 'feel more included' in family gatherings. Like me, Cordelia doesn't play most games. She'll watch, but she'd much rather sit on the couch and read or have individual interactions. Cordelia is happy with that, but it bothers Scott's family. I'm not sure how to balance that.
I did point out that one of our Seattle nieces would much rather read on the couch than participate in group activities. Her mother will force her to put down her book and play games because they only see the Michigan relatives once every year or three. I'm not willing to do that to Cordelia; Scott's not either.
Yesterday, we went to lunch with some local Ingress players. It was nice to put faces to some of the handles. The restaurant, Frita Batidas, wasn't one we'd tried before, and Scott and I both decided to be conservative about what we ate. We shared a bag of fried plantains, and I had 'fresh lime' milkshake.
We're all kind of puzzled by the fact that the other team hasn't done much of anything during the last 2-3 months. The area where Scott and I live tends to be reliably held by our side, but downtown and campus and medical campus and so on are usually held by the other side or very hotly contested. At this point, it's not that the other side is doing nothing but that they're doing maybe 20% of what we consider normal.
We still don't know when (or if) Scott will go back to first shift. I'm kind of assuming that it might be months. They haven't hired anyone for the job he left in September, and it's possible that they're hoping he'll go back to that. I'm torn because it was much better for him, physically, but really wrecked him mentally and emotionally.
Scott's concerned about the duration of being on second shift because him taking time off every time Cordelia needs transportation isn't sustainable. He could manage all of the concerts, but there's too much else, and much of it isn't scheduled anything like far enough in advance.
