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Scott will have less than twenty four hours off to change his schedule so that he can go from working third shift to working first shift. They told him that the only other option was to give him zero time between shifts (third shift starts at 11 p.m. and is, for bookkeeping purposes, considered entirely part of the day that it started, so it wouldn't technically be a mandatory double shift). All employees are working either Saturday or Sunday this weekend.

I was going to try to go to north campus this morning, but it's raining. I really don't feel like walking around in the rain today. I do need to go downtown to buy bus tokens for Cordelia. There's no rush on it because she has a pass right now that's good for another couple of weeks. We bought it when we thought she'd be at Community and would be using it at least ten times a week. Now... three or four times a week. Tokens are cheaper at that level of usage because they don't expire.

It used to be that you had to go to the main business office for the bus company in order to get the half price tokens, but according to the company website, the half price tokens are available at Blake now. At least, the listing for Blake says 'Tokens' while other places say 'Full fare tokens'. I'm assuming that that means Blake has all types of tokens now. It never made much sense to me to have the half price tokens only at the headquarters. They're good for people who're K-12 or receiving Medicare/Medicaid or in their mid-60s.

If I go down there later today, I can pick up my interlibrary loan copy of Prince of Tennis 30, read it immediately, send it back, and request v.31. We lose MelCat requesting access on Monday the 2nd. The library's holdings for PoT pick up again with v.34. Part of me wants to request All The Things via ILL right now because I won't be able to get anything for months, but I also don't think that's a great idea. I should get the books at points when I'm sure I'll have time to read them. If I could get multiple volumes of a given manga series at once I would (the system chokes on such requests and insists that they're duplicates of requests I currently have in process).

I'm leaning strongly toward not signing up for Yuletide. I very much want to, but I don't think I have better than a 50% chance of being able to write a complete story (and the actual chance is probably lower). I'll just save off some possibilities for treats and write those if I end up having time and inspiration. If all goes well with Cordelia's recovery, next year will be better for this sort of thing.

Or I could work on one of the many, many prompts I've got squirreled away in various places... I think I need to weed those down to prompts that are very specifically things I want to write or that are from people I know. That is, if I look at the request and think, "Writing that fandom would be fun, but I don't have any ideas based on this," I shouldn't keep the prompt. If I've got fewer than 300 prompts saved right now, I'll be astonished, and that's with weeding.

I've been applying heat to my elbow. It helps more than the cold packs do, and it only takes 50 seconds in the microwave to refresh the rice pack as opposed to 4-6 hours in the freezer for the gel packs.

I'm trying to come up with ideas for things I could do to reward myself for achieving goals. I just... I'm drawing a complete blank. I don't want to buy books, music, etc. I'm trying to limit sweets. I don't collect anything and don't want to start. There isn't anything that I really want to do. I enjoy an occasional lunch out, but... I really can't use that because going out for lunch is really, really, really difficult unless I'm already out of the house for something necessary and quite near somewhere to get food or have some other adult with me. Lunch out once a week is also more money than I want to put into this (I'd like to stay under $5 a week).

In days gone by, CDs or books (saved for gradually) or a treat like baklava or a candy bar would have been easy go-tos, but they just aren't now. And the agoraphobia and physical limitations eliminate a lot of other things. There aren't any shows streaming that would make reasonable rewards, either. First, I'm pretty picky, and second, I completely forget to follow even things that I enjoy. Even without considering the agoraphobia, I can't handle movies in the theater. Plays and concerts hit the agoraphobia big time. Even with Ativan, I end up spending my time focused on escape plans.

I don't think Scott and Cordelia actually understand how much me being on my phone, playing Ingress, is a shield against panic when we're out of the house. It gives me something completely mindless to do.
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Getting to Skyline yesterday was stressful, and getting home was worse. The bus company website doesn't actually provide accurate information about the bus line that runs out there-- The schedule I could access on my phone claimed two buses around when school starts and three around when it ends with nothing in between. I knew it was a lie, but I couldn't get the site to cough up anything else. The first bus to come by as I waited was going to go out of service at the next stop, so I had to wait another half an hour for a bus to come.

What I really wanted to do was to find somewhere to get coffee and food and to sit for a while before I dealt with the bus, but there is absolutely nothing out by Skyline. Zilch. To walk anywhere useful, I'd have to cross three traffic circles, two of them connected to highway entrances/exits, and none of them having any design considerations for possible pedestrians. By the time I was actually on the bus, the idea of getting off again was horrific. I didn't do it until I had to transfer downtown.

It wasn't quite 10:30 when I got downtown, and I didn't feel like I could walk to try to find somewhere to sit and try to calm myself, so I just walked down the block to where the bus I needed would come.

I left both my water bottle and Cordelia's somewhere along the way. I only realized that I didn't have them when I was gathering my things to get off the bus at the stop by our house. They might be at the Skyline bus stop. They might be on the bus I took into town. They might be at the transit center. I couldn't deal with calling to try to find them, so they're gone. Scott bought me a replacement that I need to wash before I start using.

I can't tell how much of how bad going back and forth to Skyline was yesterday was due to it coming at the end of a horrible, horrible week and how much was the trip being intrinsically difficult for me. It's probably a bit of both.

I got pretty angry at Scott yesterday (and a few times earlier in the week) because he wasn't bothering to give me any encouraging words or anything. He gave Cordelia a lot, and he was having an awful week, too, but it would have been nice to get a comment indicating that he had my back on anything at all. I don't think he realizes how much he left me flapping in the wind all week. If I asked for something very specific, he'd do it, but there wasn't anything at all that I didn't ask for. Not even a "I know this is hard for you, but you can do it."

I think Scott also doesn't realize that Cordelia going to Community gave me a brief feeling of intense relief that I wouldn't have to deal with a huge, huge problem that I've seen coming for literally years-- The problem of me getting her from school for appointments and then back to school after. Nothing about the trips I've made to Skyline has made the problem seem less severe or more easily addressed. I really am thinking that Scott going to third shift may be the only sustainable solution, but if he does that, him ever getting back to first shift is unlikely.

I suppose the first thing I have to do is to find out whether or not I can get Skyline to let Cordelia sign herself out for documented appointments and then back in again after. That would make things actually manageable and could be argued as an accommodation for my disability every bit as much as letting me use the elevator when I visit the building.

I'm really, really hoping that next week I can start doing something other than putting out immediate fires. I don't think writing is going to happen while Cordelia's home because she tends to turn up and sit next to me for twenty to thirty minutes at a time and express disapproval over me using my laptop at all. She also reads what's on my screen.

Today's main goal is to read some library books so I can return them tomorrow. I've got more than I like just sitting on my shelf unopened. Also, the interlibrary loan stuff needs getting through quickly. The system won't let me request multiple volumes of the same manga title at once because it considers them all the same book in spite of the numbering difference. This means that from October 1st until maybe April next year, I won't be able to move forward on Natsume's Book of Friends, Case Closed (Detective Conan), or Prince of Tennis. That last is particularly frustrating because the library is missing 29-32 and 36. It has 33-35 and 37-40 (are there volumes out beyond 40? I don't know. I haven't looked yet). I have v.29 waiting for me to pick it up. If I read it fast and return it immediately, I might be able to get v.30 by the end of the month. I just don't see managing four volumes in that time because of the time it takes to get ILL books.

I also have a movie that's due tomorrow and can't be renewed. I can probably either finish it today or reach a point in it where I'm sure I don't care about finishing.

Cordelia has a birthday party to go to later this afternoon. They're going to a Tigers game as part of it. They did the same last year for this girl's birthday. My guess is that they'll have fun again and that it will be rather more about being there as a group of friends than about the game.
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Getting Cordelia enrolled at Community was mostly painless. We had to wait for the people we needed to talk to to arrive, so my worry that we'd be late was groundless. There was one other new 9th grader enrolling, and the woman in charge of the process declared the 9th grade class officially full once she had both kids in the system. Some of the other classes still aren't quite full, though, so she's not done with the process yet. She told us that they had a lot of last minute drop outs this year and that it's highly unusual.

The building is a much more manageable size than Skyline is. It's three floors but still probably not bigger than Cordelia's older school because that sprawls more. We were able to find all of Cordelia's classes. Then her friend who has been there since day one managed to get out of class about twenty minutes early (the classes are in long blocks) and came out to keep Cordelia company. I left then and just barely missed the bus (I got turned around, and none of the people I asked for help in finding the right exit gave me the correct directions). Since it was half an hour until the next bus I started walking.

I missed the next bus because I'd detoured into a park to hack some portals I hadn't before. That was on me. I ended up walking another twenty minutes and then stopping to wait for the next bus. Standing and waiting was much, much harder than walking. I almost fell over while waiting because my legs just couldn't.

On the plus side I earned a silver badge for deploying mods in Ingress.

Cordelia decided to take Spanish rather than to try to find a way to take Chinese. Taking it at Skyline wasn't likely to work due to the bus schedule. We're still trying to figure out how to make choir at Skyline work, but getting back to Community in time requires catching a bus only one minute after the class ends (she can get to Skyline on the school bus because it's a first period class). Basically, any bus option for getting to Community by 9:35-- which she must do-- requires leaving before first period ends.

I'm not enthusiastic about relying on the teacher letting her go early and on Cordelia being assertive enough to point out that she has to. Still, I've emailed the teacher and will try calling her cell phone (which I have because of camp) a bit later one. We need to figure it out by 6:50 tomorrow morning so that Cordelia can got to Community if she's not going to choir. (Yes, the bus to Community is almost twenty minutes earlier than the bus to Skyline.)

I have to get her textbooks back to Skyline. She'll be using the same text in geometry at Community, but bureaucracy dictates using a different copy. If Cordelia keeps taking choir, she can take them in herself, either all three at once or one at a time, but I'm kind of assuming that we're not going to figure out a solution.

Hopefully, Cordelia figured out where to buy school lunch. Community has an open campus, so most kids buy lunches outside, and the school doesn't have a cafeteria. They told us that she can buy lunches at school, using her prepaid account, but they didn't give us a clear idea of where she needed to go. Her friend didn't know because she hadn't ever done it.
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I'm routinely using my c-PAP at night from when I turn out the light until when Scott's alarm goes off. I keep intending to put the dratted thing back on after Scott gets up (we cuddle for a while after I've taken my thyroid medication), but I always fall asleep first or realize that I'm not going to sleep any more at all. Still, this is about five hours of c-PAP use, and they told me I should aim for a minimum of four hours a night. Scott's alarm goes off right around the time the Ativan wears off, so I don't know if putting the c-PAP rig back on would be something I could handle or if it would mean no more sleep.

I can function on five hours a night for a little while, and I'll pretty much have to when Cordelia starts school in the fall. I will have time for napping later in the day, but I don't know if I'll be able to make use of it. I couldn't this last spring.

I started looking at the bus company website today to try to figure out getting to Skyline. It looks like, if all the transfers and such go exactly right, the trip is roughly fifty minutes. There are two options for getting there, but one of them requires a twenty minute walk between the nearest stop and the school. I'm kind of confused by the route of the bus that actually stops near the school (five minute walk) because some things seem to indicate that one can catch it at the downtown station but other things indicate that one has to catch it three blocks away from the station.

My best guess is that there's something seriously broken in the current route planner when one says one wants to start at the transit center-- I kept having it, regardless of my destination, tell me that, in order to catch a bus there, I had to catch a bus from about three blocks away and take it to the transit center in order to transfer. I can only respond with a resounding ???? If I'm already at Blake, why would I walk down to Packard to catch a bus to take me back to Blake?

Scott and Cordelia both really enjoyed the Spider-man movie. Cordelia apparently asked Scott, as they left the theater, if we'll be buying the movie as soon as it comes out. He said we would.

I managed to write a bit of the Labyrinth story yesterday, maybe three hundred words, but it's all tedious, so I will probably chop it out. I think I might be starting at the wrong point for the chapter. Maybe I can use bits of it as tiny flashbacks? The first two paragraphs contain information that has to be in the chapter for it to make sense, but they're at a different point in time from the rest of the chapter, and transitioning is not working. There's one sentence near the end of what I wrote that I also want to keep, but I think that will fit pretty easily into stuff set later: "Lies were almost as dangerous as thoughtless wishes."

I spent most of my potential writing time yesterday doing things like making mashed potatoes and doing laundry and taking out the trash and so on. Today, I need to put away the laundry and change our sheets, but neither of those will take more than ten minutes, so I can't use them as an excuse not to write.

Oh, and I should fill out some insurance paperwork so that I can mail it tomorrow. I should also email Cordelia's doctor to ask if she can provide us with something written and official about Cordelia's knee for the high school or if we have to go back to the sports medicine clinic. I'd much, much rather deal with the pediatrician because there's a substantial difference in the copay between seeing her and seeing a specialist.

I'm probably going to tweak my offers for [personal profile] captiveaudience. There are things I offered that nobody's requested yet or for which there are requests I'm not convinced I could write well and things I didn't offer but could write if I match some specific requests. There's still almost a week left of sign ups, so I will likely wait a few days to see what happens in that direction.

I'm almost at 110000 words for the year to date. I'm really boggled by that.
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I slept terribly last night. My body wouldn't relax enough for sleeping for the first few hours. I'm pretty sure that it was mostly stress over needing to go out today for an appointment. I should have taken an Ativan, but getting up to do it seemed like way too much effort.

Cordelia dragged me out of bed in a panic at midnight because she'd looked at the bus website and discovered that the bus she'd planned to take to the Traverwood library today and Thursday is detoured and won't go there. There's a chunk of the route that's completely closed, so they have a bus (the A shuttle) covering the part of the route from our place to the closed area and then a bus (the B shuttle) covering from the closed area to the other end of the route. The first bus, on its way back toward downtown, takes a longish detour out to Kroger in order to let people transfer to the bus for the other half of the route. That other half seems to go to the library, but it looks like it would take a good bit longer than the normal route.

Right now, the plan is for Cordelia to catch either the A shuttle just as it starts its detour to Kroger or the bus that normally runs up and down that road and to get off at the street that leads to the library. She'll have to cross a busy road, but there's a light there, and I don't think the walk is all that far. It is possibly farther than I could comfortably walk right now, but I can't walk all that far.

I'm glad to know about the detour because that's the bus I would normally take to get to Kroger, and I'd have absolutely panicked if I got to the point where the road is closed and didn't know what was going on. I don't like the other bus option for getting there, even though the trip is shorter, because it requires crossing five lanes of traffic and because I'm not quite sure where the stop is along there.

Cordelia went downtown to the library yesterday because she had some holds that came in late on Sunday, after we'd already been down there. She was really pleased by how easy it was to get there and is trying to get me to suggest destinations that she might enjoy.

I'm hoping that my psychiatrist (who I'll see today) will have some ideas for making the c-PAP work. All of the alternatives available to me sound pretty terrible. I think it's possible that she'll tell me to take Ativan every night for a week or two to see if I get to the point where my brain accepts that the c-PAP doesn't actually reduce my chances of surviving an emergency. I'm pretty sure that that's my basic problem, and it's not amenable to me wearing the gear while awake to get used to it because it's not the gear that's the problem-- It's my sense that, when asleep, I'm hugely vulnerable and can't afford anything that makes me less able to react. This is a problem that I've had with medications that make me mentally fuzzy.

Today's to do list )
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I think that stopping the Tamoxifen is actually changing how I feel, physically. It's only been a few days, though, so I'm not certain that it's that.

I took the bus to PT yesterday and then a cab home. My Achille's tendon was hurting pretty badly by the time I got to the front entrance to the hospital, and I just could face ten minutes of walking from the bus stop to home.

On the way to PT, I got on the wrong bus and ended up having to go to central campus to transfer to the correct bus which added about twenty minutes to my travel time. I'd allowed an hour, so I was still there in time, but it was stressful. On the up side, going the extra long way let me hit a lot more Ingress portals. I'm not even remotely convinced that was a good trade off.

The physical therapist taped my tendon. He said the tape would stay on for days, but one of the pieces was peeling by the time I got home. I had Scott trim the parts that wouldn't stick before I went to bed last night because they were sticking to everything but me. I didn't think that having it stick to the sheets would make for comfortable sleeping. I don't think that particular bit is going to last the day.

Scott got me carryout last night from Qdoba. They'll let you pick a bunch of ingredients to wrap in a tortilla. I should have thought and not put in lettuce because, of all the ingredients, that was the one that gave me problems. I just keep forgetting that it's a risky thing because romaine lettuce seems like a ridiculous thing to cause digestive upset.

I managed to reach my father for his birthday yesterday, but I still haven't talked to my grandmother or sister for theirs. Grandma's birthday was Wednesday, and my sister's was Thursday.

I haven't managed to write anything in the last few days. I must do so today and tomorrow. I need another 2000 words to make my minimum word count for Fandom5K. I'm still trying to find a transition from one section to another, and I can't seem to find a way in. I'm also trying to figure out the next step in We Are Where We Began, but I think that I need to ignore everything but the Fandom5K story just now.

I think that part of my problem is that my brain has been foggy for days now. I can't focus enough to read even the easiest book, and everything I try to watch seems... How to put it? I can't quite understand the stories, partly because I can't focus enough to follow what's going on and partly I can't manage to care.

Scott is out doing the grocery shopping. Cordelia is in the backyard working on a science project with a friend. I might lie down again and see if I can nap now since I didn't sleep as well last night as I'd hoped (mostly due to the lettuce). When Scott gets back, we'll go to the library. I expect he'll keep up his binge watch of the new MST3K. He watched four episodes last night which was at least two more than I wanted. I'd rather watch one of the two Netflix DVDs we've got or one of the two DVDs waiting for us on the hold shelf at the library. Neither of the latter can be renewed, so I can probably insist. Cordelia wants to see both of them, too, but she says she doesn't want to see them with us.
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I got part of the Aetna hoop jumping done yesterday. I’m not sure if I can do the rest today or not. Waiting until Monday isn’t a great option because they have to mail me something and then I have to fill it out and mail it back. I realized, after making an unnecessary phone call, that I had mixed up what the Medicare refusal of payment was for. Unfortunately, that means that I might actually be on the hook for $5500. I think that the only problem is that the company didn’t bill Aetna before asking Medicare to pay, but I’m not sure.

Scott and I started listening to a new to us podcast last night and got through three episodes.

I need to shower and to watch a library DVD that’s due tomorrow. Cordelia has an essay to write that I’ve promised to proofread and provide moral support for. I should make banana bread or throw out the bananas. I’d like to take down the Christmas tree, but Scott and Cordelia are decidedly unenthusiastic.

Scott plans to do the grocery shopping today. I haven’t finished the list yet, though. I’m trying to think of food that I can put on there that will take little to no effort for me eat. I’m going to be pretty exhausted for the foreseeable future, and that makes me have problems with simple food preparation like opening a package and microwaving something. Almonds and dried fruit are good options, but they’re horribly expensive, and it’s hard to convince Scott that they’re worth the money. They also have the advantage that I can eat them when Cordelia is wanting my attention and not wanting me to get up and go to the kitchen.

Cordelia and her friend did go downtown yesterday and managed to get themselves back, too, with only one call to ask me what bus they needed and where to catch it. Cordelia hasn’t quite got the idea that, generally speaking, one can get the bus home on the opposite side of the street from the stop where one got off the bus coming into town. I have to check to see if the bus company’s app is working now because something of the sort could be useful for Cordelia. The last time I checked, they’d withdrawn the app and had a new version 'under development.'
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I want to do the Snowflake Challenge, but I keep looking at it and realizing that I don’t currently have the mental resources. I guess there’s nothing to stop me doing it in February or July or something.

I’ve been looking at Fandom Stocking, last night and this morning, and trying to see if there’s anything that I think I could write that would be short (under 3000 words). I’ve copied out about a dozen specific requests, but I don’t know if I’ll manage to write anything for any of them. Part of that is mental resources, part of that is other things I need to do, part of that is that I’ve only seen one person interested in dark stuff (I can probably write something not dark, but dark is still easier at the moment).

And I’m not getting stuff done now because Cordelia’s trying to figure out how to visit a friend by bus. There are about six different ways she could get there, and she’s never tried any of those routes before. The easiest route would take twice as long because it would involve going to central campus (to a place she knows) in order to catch the second bus she needs. All of the other routes involve going the other direction, getting off at a stop she doesn’t know (there are two or three options), and walking 5-10 minutes to catch the second bus.

Right at the moment, she’s charging her cell phone (which is at 75%) and dithering.
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I am not sure how regular I’ll be about updating for the next few days. I should be back on Sunday or Monday, I hope. I’m just kind of wrecked by anticipatory anxiety and by some stuff going on with Cordelia, all leading to a migraine and to exhaustion.

I don’t have any help with getting to and from the recount site, so I’m not really sure what to do about that. I was going to arrange for a subsidized cab, but things with Cordelia meant that I missed the window to schedule that in advance for tomorrow. I might still be able to get one, but the timing would be iffy for the trip there. The bus would be more reliable and cheaper, but it would be forty minutes including a transfer and trying to find the right stop and the right place once I got the right stop. A regular cab would get me there more reliably close to the right time, but would cost an arm and a leg.

I’m also concerned about getting there with a long wait until the doors open. They didn’t tell us how early we’ll be able to get into the building. I really don’t want to be standing in the cold for forty minutes, waiting for someone to let me in. There isn’t any place easy to get to where I could wait, either. The bus option I’m looking at would get me there about fifteen minutes before the recount starts, and that seems like a reasonable time to arrive in terms of the doors likely being open.

There are a dozen things I ought to have done today but that I couldn’t manage because my brain wouldn’t work or because I couldn’t get Scott to answer texts or emails. (I’m feeling sufficiently migraine type crappy that getting up and asking him seems insurmountably difficult.) I still need to make three business phone calls— ordering books for Christmas presents, scheduling an eye exam for myself, and finding out if my preferred hotel for the visit to my parents has pet free room options (they welcome pets. I’m very allergic. The other two hotels are abysmally terrible).
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My knee is a bit better today than it was yesterday. I was able to go down into the basement for laundry and then come back up. Which is good because I’ve got at least two loads of stuff that I need to wash today. In terms of volume, it could have been one load, but I’m pretty sure that Cordelia’s red blanket will bleed, so I didn’t want it with whites. It’ll be fine with dark blue towels.

I have actually won a GoodReads giveaway. I’m surprised. I enter a fair number, but I just assume that I’ll never win. It’s a non-fiction book called Aphrodite and the Rabbis: How the Jews Adapted Roman Culture to Create Judaism as We Know It by Burton L. Visotzky. According to GoodReads, the author is a rabbi and a professor of 'midrash and interreligious studies' at the Jewish Theological Seminary. The reviews indicate that the book is quite readable by people who know nothing about the subject, so I’m hoping that I’ll learn something.

There is construction on Pontiac Trail for the next five or six weeks, so the bus that I use to get back from downtown won’t be running where I need it to. Cordelia also won’t be able to use the bus to visit her friends the way she had been planning to. There are a lot of people who live out Pontiac Trail who are going to be miles from the nearest in service bus stop. Cordelia has a birthday party to go to on Sunday that’s out that way, and if Scott’s working, I’m pretty much going to have to send her in a cab. Fortunately, they bill by milage rather than time and tell one up front how much the ride will cost, so I can pay up front and not worry about giving Cordelia the cash.

I did very little writing yesterday, but I did manage some. I’m not sure that today will be better because Cordelia had another bad night. I got to bed after 1:00 and then had Cordelia in two or three times plus Scott getting up at 5:00.

I offered to let Cordelia stay home, but she was completely appalled by the suggestion.

Scott had to be ready to go in early this morning. Fortunately, they called at 11:10 to say that they didn’t need him until the start of his normal shift. I’m not sure what the rest of the week looks like. Cordelia asked him to try not to need to go in early on Saturday morning, but I kind of doubt he remembered.

I’ve got too many things to do today, especially when I’m low on sleep. I need to cook two different things, one that will take a lot of work and one that will take a medium amount. Scott took out the trash last night but didn’t move the bins to the curb. I mentioned laundry earlier, and I ought to change our bedding and Cordelia’s if I can come anywhere near to managing it.
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Scott managed to dig up the account number for Comcast, so my laptop is now using that internet. Some parts of my phone are using it, and some aren’t. Specifically, Chrome on my phone can’t use the internet. Well, it kind of can. Comcast will demand that I sign in. I do and then can visit one webpage. When I try to visit a second page, Comcast demands that I verify the account again. Over and over and over. I tried restarting Chrome and then restarting my phone. No luck. I feel kind of like this is some sort of very mean cosmic joke.

Cordelia has just headed out with two friends. They’re in plenty of time to catch the bus they want because it’s three minutes from here to the stop. The bus won’t arrive for at least another ten minutes (about fifteen minutes after they actually left here). The main worry is the driver giving them a hard time about paying the under 18 fare. Cordelia has her student i.d. from last year, and it’s pretty silly to think she went from middle school last year to suddenly being done with high school, but some drivers enjoy petty power and being nasty.

We’ve got a mediocre family tracker app on our phones, so I can see that Cordelia’s at the bus stop now and will know when she starts moving from there. The app is frustrating because it considers anything within about three blocks of our house as the same as the person being at home. It is possible to get it to zoom in and show that Scott is at the science and nature center, for example, or that Cordelia is at school and on the playground, but I have to push for that information. The app is also apt to report us as in three quite different locations when we’re all in the car together. It can be a matter of a few feet or of many yards. I think that that is an artifact of us having different phones with different speeds for GPS processing.

And Cordelia’s on the bus. The bus goes out and back, so the absolute worst thing that can happen is that they miss their stop and have to get it on the way back.
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We’ve got internet right now. I’m trying to decide whether I should just assume that things are fine or spend the resources involved in chasing AT&T and Earthlink customer support, trying to figure out what’s going on. There’s a little bit of static on the landline, and static can make the DSL not work. I’m just not sure that this is enough to be a problem like this.

We usually need to get AT&T to fix the line about once a year. If I understand correctly, the problem is likely squirrels. AT&T always insists that the problem must be internal to the house, most likely our phones being terrible since we didn’t buy from them, and issues dire warnings about how much they’ll charge us if that is the case. The problem is always, always the external line. I have no idea who would/could fix that if we didn’t still have a landline and so guaranteed service from AT&T.

Scott power cycled the modem, but that actually made the problem worse. He and Cordelia were trying to do some research into possible destinations for our trip while Scott’s on vacation. They didn’t get very far because of the internet issues. My guess is that we’ll end up in Chicago because it will be easier to find a reasonable place to stay with a week’s notice than it will be in Traverse City or Mackinaw City. There’s also a lot more to do in Chicago. Traverse City and Mackinaw Island would be pretty boring if the weather turned bad, and with only about two days wherever we end up going, that’s a pretty large consideration.

Scott talked about going further away, but Cordelia and I both think that a drive longer than about five hours is undesirable unless we can stay longer.

Naturally, my laptop wants to do a huge software update that would take hours with reliable DSL, and Cordelia wants to download a movie right this second. I’ve put off the update, but the OS will eventually start the download without asking my permission. It no longer gives me the option of refusing updates for things like the digital camera software that I have never and will never use.

I realized last night that part of the problem I’m currently having with the WIP Big Bang is that Cordelia is spending a lot of time sitting next to me, snuggled up. I can’t write anything at all while she’s doing that, and I never know when she’s going to be joining me. Even when she’s just sitting a couple of feet away, watching a movie, I can’t write this particular story because it’s got nasty, terrible things happening to children. I have no idea at all what to do about this problem because I don’t want to tell her to go away or anything. Her wanting to spend time with me is precious, and she’s been feeling really rotten (though better today and able to do without medication). We’re watching Disney’s Alice in Wonderland right now, and we cuddled from the start of the Tweedledum and Tweedledee interlude through the end of the business at the White Rabbit’s house.

But I’ve only got a week to get this story done.

This is also the worst week out of the year for our internet to be flaky. Going downtown to the library or to a coffee shop is a terrible, terrible idea this week because of Art Fair. It doesn’t start until Thursday, but things downtown will be focused entirely on preparations today and tomorrow. Scott suggested going to the Traverwood library, but I’m not sure I can handle the bus for that without freaking out. I can almost certainly get there. I’m just not sure I can get home again. I pointed that out to Scott, and he suggested that I just stay late enough that he could come get me. I’m not enthusiastic about that because it makes me feel trapped.
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I have not yet made it in for my fasting blood draw. I had a terrible time sleeping last night. I got to bed at 11:30 but didn’t actually sleep until some time after 2:30 (Scott got up at 2:00 so he could be at work at 3:00). Then I woke at 6:30 and didn’t sleep again until some time after 7:00. I was awakened about 10:15 by a phone call and was so out of it that I grabbed the wrong phone (I have no idea why we still have the old phone sitting on my night table, right next to the working phone. Probably because unplugging it would require major moving of furniture).

At any rate, I wasn’t prepared to try to go out under the circumstances. I also need to figure out what’s going on with the bus I would take there and back. There’s a road closure between here and UHS in a spot where there is no reasonable alternate route, so I don’t know where the bus is and isn’t going. I don’t see it skipping either the hospital or central campus, but getting between the two is very difficult right now.

Ah. Okay. I just checked the website. Part of what I thought was closed is apparently open, so the bus can turn right instead of left at a particular intersection that I thought was completely impassable. The detour will add several minutes to each trip, but the bus will still go to the stop I need. Unfortunately, due to a completely different construction project, the outbound buses on that route will be skipping my stop. The nearest stop is too far away for me to walk home. I can, in theory, get off the outbound bus there and then cross the street and wait and catch the inbound to get to my stop, but that’s… Well, it feels really stupid to do when it’s only about half a mile. There aren’t any stops in between the two. But, you know, I can’t walk that half mile and then walk the quarter mile up the hill to home. I’m not absolutely sure I can walk that half mile at all, even without considering the additional distance.

My other options for getting home are calling a cab and walking several blocks to catch a different outbound bus that will get me close to home. I prefer that bus because it drops me at the top of the hill, but it means a pretty long walk to catch it. I’m not sure I’ll want to do it (or be able to) after a fasting blood draw. I think the closest thing to a restaurant serving breakfast in between UHS and that bus is a coffee shop that sells pastries and muffins. Most places around central campus don’t open until 11:00 or 11:30. I’m not sure if there are any benches along the way that would be in the shade where I could eat something that I brought with me. That is, I’m sure there are benches. If nothing else, there are some immediately outside UHS, but those are definitely not shaded.

Scott said last night that it’s quite possible he’ll have to go in early tomorrow, too. I’m hoping that that won’t happen, but I’m not holding my breath. At least we have food prepared that will last us through dinner tomorrow and maybe even dinner Friday. I should probably pull a pork shoulder out of the basement freezer and start it thawing. Those things are big and thick, so it’s likely to take several days to thaw. Maybe I’ll pull out some fish, too. Scott forgets that we’ve got that. Unfortunately, the various types of fish aren’t labeled, so we kind of have to guess at the best way to prepare whatever we pull out.

I’m trying to push Scott to buy more meat on sale. We barely use the freezer in the basement, to the point that he keeps talking about getting rid of it. I’d rather start buying stuff on sale and sticking it in there. I don’t want to put vegetables down there because I know we’ll forget them, but I don’t think we’ll forget about meat because it’s more… Central is the wrong word. More that it’s the bit of food preparation that requires the most forethought. Frozen vegetables don’t need to be considered until five minutes before we want to serve them. That makes it less likely that we’ll think of going into the basement after them.

ETA: Probably what I ought to do, with regard to the bus home thing, is to take the #23, the bus I'd normally take to get home, inbound to the downtown station and then transfer to the #22. I don't like transferring downtown (though I have no good reason for it). The worst that happens is that I have to sit for fifteen to twenty minutes. The station building is air conditioned, and I could eat in there if I needed to. (I don't want to wait at the actual stop outside any longer than I have to because there are always people smoking there.)
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My psychiatrist thinks I should find a breast cancer support group, either in person or online. Google hasn't shown me many face to face options. There's a weekly group that meets downtown (I think) in a bank on Wednesday evenings. I could go to that some weeks and not others because we have other things going on on Wednesday evenings. If it is downtown, the bus might even be an option, even after 6 p.m.

There's also a monthly group on Monday evenings at St. Joe's, but that's a pretty long car or bus ride away, and I'm not convinced I'd want to do it. If I did get there by bus, getting home the same way would be much more difficult. The buses run later now than they used to, but they're not, on most routes, more frequent. Hm. Yes, the bus website says that the bus from St. Joe's to downtown runs hourly after 6:30. I'd have a forty minute wait after the meeting and a twenty five minute ride to downtown. The bus from there to home wouldn't leave for another forty minutes. The bus station lobby would be open. I suppose the A-Ride is an option. The time involved would be similar, and $3-$5 each way isn't terrible.

As to online, I know my sister does stuff on Facebook, but... Facebook. The American Cancer Society has online forums, and those are probably okay. I mean, at least I know the organization isn't some fly-by-night thing that's going to sell my data to snake oil salesmen. The other site I found was, and I'm not convinced. All of the pages say they were last updated in April of 2015, and I can't find any indication of more recent content. It may be there, but it's not public. There are personal stories listed, lots and lots of them, but not one is dated as to when it was posted.

I just hate signing up for things like that. Loathe it. Also, from what my sister says, there are some folks in the community who won't consider me a 'real' survivor because I didn't do chemo (and don't consider her a real survivor because she didn't do either radiation or chemo). I really don't want to deal with assholes on the subject. Really, really not.
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[ profile] evalerie came over around 11:00 yesterday morning. She brought a lot of plants from her yard in the hope that some of them would survive transplanting and do well in my raised beds. She yanked out all the weeds in the raised beds and cut back the sage which was trying to take over. I sat and watched, and we talked. She finished around 1:00. Our original plan had involved going to lunch downtown, but we simply didn’t have time. She needed to meet someone else at 1:30, and I needed to be sure of both getting lunch and being home by 3:00. She offered to drop me off downtown so that I could do my errands anyway, but I just couldn’t see taking care of everything, including lunch, and still getting back here in time.

Cordelia, her best friend, and her best friend’s brother all got here a little after 3:00, while the cleaning lady was still working. They ended up in the basement. I think they were watching a movie for a while, and someone did some really awful sounding things with Cordelia’s friend’s violin. I rather hope it was the younger brother, but I don’t know.

Our guests were supposed to bring money for pizza, but they never gave it to me if they had it. I spent about $35 (including tip) on pizza for the five of us.

The fifth grade portion of the orchestra concert ran half an hour. The sixth and seventh grade sections were only ten minutes each. Both older groups played two longer pieces, and the teacher didn’t talk much. I think that part of the half hour for the fifth graders was her explaining what each short piece had taught them.

Scott’s father came to the concert. Scott’s mother went, instead, to an event for one of Scott’s sister’s children (probably our niece, but I’m not certain). I was the only one of the three of us able to find a seat during the fifth grade part of the concert, but the couple sitting next to me left as soon as that was done, so Scott and his father were able to join me.

Scott discovered that the battery for the videocamera has completely died. It will claim to be alive when it’s plugged into a power source and then not so much as power up when unplugged. Scott ended up using my cell phone to record the seventh grade part of the concert. We haven’t tried to retrieve the recording yet, and I’m not sure I’ll believe in it until we do.

Cordelia’s friend’s mother told me that her daughter is starting to ride the city bus alone and wants to learn the ins and outs of taking the bus to our place so that she can visit whenever she wants. The other mother also told me that she’s making a project this summer of teaching her two how to ride the buses and that she’d be more than happy to include Cordelia. I jumped on that opportunity eagerly. Cordelia needs to learn, but she’s not willing to learn from me. I’m also not sure I’m a great teacher given my anxiety levels around riding the bus.

I’m having a devil of a time trying to remember the new names for the bus routes. I’ve been calling the ones near here the #1 and #2 for twenty years, so switching to calling them the #22 and the #23 and #65 is hard. The change also makes the Plymouth Road buses more difficult as the bus that goes downtown, the #23, doesn’t cover all of Green Road. To get that, one has to catch the #65, the bus that starts at central campus. I need to remember both the #23 and the #65 as, if I’m catching a bus from campus, either of them will work to get me home. I think the #65 would be a little bit faster, but the #23 runs more often— once every fifteen minutes between 6:30 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. and then every half an hour until 11:15 p.m. I just try not to take the buses at night because the light inside means that I can’t actually see anything outside of the bus, and only some buses announce time points (and not all stops are time points).

Scott did the bills last night and concluded that we absolutely must cut cable as soon as we can. Right now, his intention is, if he’s not working on Saturday, to take all of the equipment to the Comcast office on Saturday. I’ve started looking a bit at other internet options. I haven’t gotten far at all, and I know Scott has done this work before, but… He hasn’t looked at alternatives for hosting our websites.

Website and internet discussion )

Anyway, for today, I’ve got a few goals— First, I have to find the damned genetics counseling paperwork and finish it. Second, I have to write. Third, I need to do some cleaning in the basement. I will probably end up doing some cat waxing in terms of looking at internet options, though.

Comcast isn’t a good option because they would only be cheaper than Earthlink for the first twelve months (and probably not even that, depending on how much we would have to pay to host our websites offsite). If we could limit our internet use to one device at a time, we could get something that would be cheaper than Earthlink, but there are three of us. The other big option around here is AT&T, but I don’t expect their prices to be better.

In Ingress news, I just got the badge for holding a portal for twenty days. The next step up on that one is steep— Holding a portal for ninety days. I think that’s pretty unlikely ever to happen unless I find a portal somewhere that’s only physically accessible once a year or something. I’m a very long way from most of the other badges. The only one I’ll likely manage soon is the one for consecutive days of hacking. All of the others are going to take months.
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I just walked home the long way after dropping Cordelia at school. On the way, I passed a bus stop. It had a pink announcement flyer on it, so I stopped to take a look. Starting in May, they’re renumbering most of the bus routes. The reasoning for that escapes me— Why call it the #65 instead of the #1 if it still goes to the same places? Numerology? Are double digit designations better somehow? Maybe their computers want all the buses to have labels that are the same length? I really don’t know. It does look, based on the flyer, like there will be more buses going to Skyline, so that’s something. Of course, starting that in May? Makes no sense to me.

Scott and I went to the high school informational open house at the library last night. We got a lot of flyers and talked briefly to several principals. Huron, the school Cordelia’s friend is zoned for, has a new international baccalaureate program which is very appealing. Skyline, the school we’re zoned for, does a bunch of things differently than the other high schools. It’s on trimesters instead of semesters, and each child takes five classes a trimester with each class running 72 minutes a day. Pioneer and Community didn’t pitch quite so hard. Scott picked up a brochure for a private high school that’s less than ten minutes walk from here. I don’t see that happening, but I can understand why he’d want to look.

I returned two library books and six or seven CDs that I’d finished listening to. I chose not to pick up the holds that were waiting for me. I don’t really think I’ll have time to listen to those CDs during the next few days, so waiting until Sunday to get them makes sense.

Cordelia had asked for cookies before Scott and I left for the open house, and she’d been very eager to have time to herself, so we went out to Plum Market after we left the open house. We got there just as they marked down their day old baked goods to half price, so we got two loaves of bread, a cake, and some vegan chocolate chip cookies. Cordelia did not like the cookies because they have sea salt on them, but I think they’re pretty tasty.

My to-do list for today is relatively short, but the tasks will be time consuming. The big one is to pull information from all of the high school flyers to send to Cordelia’s friend’s mother (she couldn’t go to the open house because she has a Tuesday night class). I suspect that will take a couple of hours. I should also load and run the dishwasher, and I think a load of laundry might not be a bad idea. I need to make a mid-week grocery list for Scott, things we could have bought last night if I’d remembered and if we were willing to pay through the nose for them.

Around 2 a.m., our smoke detector started the every five minutes chirping that indicates it needs new batteries. Scott couldn’t deal with that without turning on a light which would have woken Cordelia, so he pulled the entire thing and shoved in, I think he said, the freezer. I think I’ve been hearing it since I got back from dropping Cordelia off (she had the TV on before that), so I should probably see about changing the batteries. I can’t put the stupid thing back on the ceiling. That will have to wait for Scott, but I’m pretty sure I can find new batteries.

I’ve lost track of the accurate number of words I’ve completed for Camp NaNo. I was startled by my word count yesterday because it seemed to be about twice what I expected and then realized, hours later, that I’d counted the entire document instead of starting the count from where the new-in-April words began. At this point, I don’t actually know where that point is. I’ve edited and enlarged the earlier bits of the story. At any rate, I have more than 7000 words of that fanfic that I am absolutely not writing no way no how. I’ve only written about fifty words of any other fic this month.

Scott will have a chunk of next week off. His colonoscopy is scheduled for Wednesday at about 11 a.m., and he thought he’d have an easier time dealing with the prep if he was at home. Well, and I told him that the idea of trying to work the day he was drinking the clean out was plain stupid. He’s got Monday through Thursday off. He asked for Friday, but someone else had scheduled that off already, so he’ll have to go back on Friday. I don’t think he’ll be up to taking me and Cordelia to PT on Thursday, but I suppose we’ll see. I also need to check in with Scott’s sister to make sure she can still come down to drive us home after the procedure.

I’m thinking that I might nap now. I’m dragging. I think I only got about four hours of sleep last night, so I probably need it. I just hate to give up time when I might get other things accomplished.
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It’s very frustrating. About 2:00 every afternoon, I’m getting really, really tired and wanting desperately to lie down and nap. While Cordelia’s at home this week, I cant do that because she’s taken over our bedroom in order to get the privacy she can’t get anywhere else in the house (her bedroom is out because she can’t really do anything in there without help). Next week, she’ll be back at school, but 2:00 is too late in the day for me to nap when I need to be out the door to go pick Cordelia up by 3:00.

I’m not convinced that caffeine is the answer. Admittedly, the last few days, things have been skewed by my only daring to eat crackers and pasta and similar things. Those don’t tend to help me stay awake at all.

I just checked the timing of the upcoming field trips for Cordelia’s class, and one of them conflicts with PT, so she’ll have to miss the field trip. That one, fortunately, isn’t the one being used as the springboard for a huge graded project. The one she’ll miss is a trip to the local food bank. I would like her to be able to, and I’m going to see if I can talk the school into letting her go with the other advisory group which will go on a different day.

Of course, the other field trip is problematic, too, because I don’t know how much walking will be required to get there. They’ll be taking the city bus, and I don’t know how close the bus stop is to their destination. Cordelia would be okay with a block or two, probably, but beyond that, things start getting a lot murkier. She might be fine; she might not. I just don’t want her getting stuck in the middle of street somewhere without the wherewithal to get home. Also, that field trip is the day before her first PT appointment, so I can’t ask the therapist about it. This particular field trip is important because it’s an expedition to interview some people in a retirement home with the intention of writing biographies of them. I have no idea how to get that part of things for Cordelia if she can’t go. Maybe she and I go by cab and meet her class there?

Bearing in mind that I’ve discovered that Google maps is terribly, terribly unreliable when it comes to bus route planning, I think, based on that ride planner, that she can probably manage the walking involved. Well, assuming they take the #1 to the #16 which seems to stop very close to their destination (Google says two minutes walk from the stop to the destination). Any other route suggested by Google maps would involve more walking than she can do.
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I spent some more time researching ways of getting to local high schools yesterday. Getting Cordelia’s friend to the school Cordelia’s zoned for is likely to be harder than getting Cordelia to the school her friend is zoned for. Basically, there are only two bus runs that arrive at Skyline before the first bell, and I can’t figure out a way for Cordelia’s friend to reach either bus, a later one, yes, but not either of those. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a way, just that I haven’t found it yet. There are ways for her to get downtown faster, but that particular bus doesn’t go downtown at that time of day. For some weird reason, between 6:30 and 9:30 in the morning, that bus runs between the university’s children’s hospital and Skyline and doesn’t actually go downtown. Later in the day, it runs between the downtown transit center and Skyline. I think there’s a park and ride lot out toward Skyline, so that might be a factor.

Our DVD of Kiki’s Delivery Service has apparently died. Cordelia wanted to watch it, but it started freezing and skipping at about twenty minutes in. I intend to try cleaning it to see if that helps, but I haven’t done that yet (and I’m not optimistic). Other DVDs play fine, so it’s not the player. Which is a relief because I’m not sure we could find another player with the same features now. I’m trying to decide how much of a priority replacing Kiki is. We’ll do it. I just don’t know if we’ll do it soon.

I’m feeling physically just bad enough not to want to do anything that’s not absolutely necessary. I’m not sure if it’s anxiety or if I’ve caught an intestinal bug. Both are plausible. I have just enough mental energy to to do things like researching bus routes without being able to string words together to make fiction. The bus routes thing isn’t quite cat waxing because the information will be useful. It’s just not useful right now.

Scott filled my prescription yesterday. He had to go to Kroger anyway to find something to cook for dinner. He got another pork loin because that was the least expensive option, and he got it in the oven early enough that it was ready to eat by about 7:45, but, of course, I didn’t dare eat it, not until my body settles more.

My sister has some ovarian cysts that may signal a bigger problem, one that would affect my care, too. She also has some uterine polyps, but she says those aren’t a big deal. The cysts may mean that she needs her ovaries and uterus removed. The doctors just aren’t sure yet. She’s mainly focusing on being pissed off at the idea of a fourth major surgery this year. I think, at this point, she’s pretty much assuming she’ll have to go through with that.
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Okay, I think I’ve got some accurate-ish numbers about the city bus going to the three big high schools in town. The trip to Skyline, the school we’re zoned for, will take the longest and, depending on time of day, may require two transfers. This is the route I’m iffiest on because Google maps proved to be really horrible at ride planning on our bus system when I started to look at getting to Huron.

It basically never considered that we could take an outbound #1 or #2 bus and suggested some really ridiculous methods of getting from our house to Huron. It seemed to think that the only way we could catch the #22 was by going out to the Meijer’s on Carpenter Road, and the #3, the route they suggested, doesn’t actually go there. The #5 does, but it takes more than half an hour on its way. Other suggestions involved walks that Google thought would take more than half an hour.

I threw up my hands and gave up on Google maps and their ride planner when it came to Huron. I just looked at the #22 and figured out where it intersects with the #2 and the #1. It only intersects with the #2C which runs once an hour and probably wouldn’t be feasible for getting to school in the morning. I’m not sure how long the wait would be between when the #2C arrived and when the #22 did, but the time on board buses would be about twenty five minutes. The #1 bus runs every half an hour. Again, I’m not sure about the wait to transfer. It would take eighteen minutes to get from the stop nearest us to the transfer stop and then nine minutes to get from the transfer stop to Huron.

Weirdly, Pioneer, the school that’s furthest from us as the crow flies, is the shortest bus trip of the big three. That would be the #1 inbound to the transit center, a ride of about ten minutes, then the #7 outbound to Pioneer, a ride of about seven minutes.

Community is on the inbound #1 route and so would be a trip of less than ten minutes.

Ease of travel is not going to make or break our choices about high schools, and the routes may change between now and fall of 2017, but this is at least a start.
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The knee MRI went okay. I don’t know when we’ll hear what the results are. 7:00 p.m. on Friday is well after all of the senior doctors have gone home for the weekend, so I don’t really expect to hear until Monday. I didn’t get the impression that the two technicians were at all worried by what they saw, but who knows?

We went to the IHOP after the MRI. Scott and I had been trying to come up with some that Cordelia would like and consider a reward. She rejected book shopping as too hard to do on crutches, and she was decidedly meh on ice cream or frozen yogurt.

Scott had to go to bed as soon as we got home because there was a possibility he’d have to go in early for work. He didn’t end up having to, but he’d have been going in on about four hours of sleep if he had. Cordelia was pretty tired, so I got her ready for bed after Scott went to bed. I didn’t sleep for quite a while because I started having reflux problems as soon as I started to fall asleep. I couldn’t come out into the living room to use my laptop because of Cordelia, so I read LJ and DW on my cell phone. I saw several things that I wanted to comment on, but the phone isn’t good for that because it starts putting what I type underneath the text already displayed on the screen. Also, I’m still tired enough and stressed enough that I’m apt to open up a comment window and then stare at it blankly for ten minutes before I close it. I’m reading everything, though.

I’m trying to get myself to focus enough to write. I set a 15000 word goal for the month with Camp NaNo, and I’m still at zero words total. I’m not worried yet, but I don’t want to ignore the commitment.

I hacked a dozen or so new to me portals (and a lot of ones I’d done before) while we were driving around last night. The system was kind of slow, so sometimes I didn’t see a portal on my phone until after we’d gone past it. I also had a lot of hacks that resulted in no items acquired. Scott, while waiting for me and Cordelia to emerge after the MRI, ended up hacking some portals at Mott to the point that they shut down and wouldn’t let him hack them any more. I was able to hack them later, so we’re assuming that they were gone just for him.

I tried to get the local bus company’s website to tell me what would be involved in taking the city bus to the various high schools that Cordelia’s interested in, but I couldn’t get the ride planner feature to work right. She’s only in seventh grade, so it’s not like this is urgent, but it would be a really bad thing if I needed to plan a right now trip to somewhere. I suppose I’d have to call them and ask for information. Not something I’m eager to do.

October 2017

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