the_rck

I survived today’s interview. I didn’t expect not to, though, and I still don’t know what will come of it, I’m still freaking out a bit. At least this guy understands table top rpgs as not easily monetized. He did, however, ask me repeatedly whether or not a doctor had told me I couldn’t drive. None have, but that’s mostly because I already didn’t. I don’t see any way that I would pass a driving test or course, given my physical issues.

This is just a fight I don’t want to need to have. My anxiety is where it was two decades ago, and I’m losing my hands in two different ways. I don’t see very well, and my hearing is a bit iffy. I have particular trouble following words if there’s a vibratory sound— a fan, a dishwasher, a lawnmower, traffic — in the background. That’s a big reason I want captions. Of course, then I’m left with the glasses issue. I can’t read tv captions with my computer glasses or my screen with my distance glasses. The bifocals only work for my screen if I use one hand to move them so that I can look through the right bit. I can’t do that and type. This is a big reason why I’m muddling along without using my glasses much. Swapping glasses is challenging because I have to find the right pair, get them out, put the other pair away, and then do it all again when I need to manage a different distance. I can fit one pair of glasses in my purse; two or more means an additional bag. My hands hate the glasses cases I have, and I have issues with zippers, snaps and buttons now.

While I was inside the library having the interview, someone on my side in Ingress went through downtown and cleared out a lot of portals without capturing them. That means I captured about 60 portals today. I need about 340 more for the badge. It will be slow going though because I’m low on gear. I’d normally need a lot of bursters for clearing and capturing that many portals. I considered trying the Harry Potter game, but it has time and accuracy components that I really can’t manage. I never tried Pokémon Go for similar reasons, and there are bits of Ingress (glyph hacking) that I avoid. I don’t want to deal with the hand tremor combined with trying to perform under pressure. The rewards aren’t sufficient to justify the anxiety.

We have three tarot decks posted on eBay. One even has a bid. The current plan is for Scott to walk Cordelia through these and then have her manage the other things. Most of what we have is tarot decks, so packing them for shipping shouldn’t be too bad.

Scott’s parents visited yesterday for more yard work. Scott’s father considers it very important that we get rid of the old screen door that’s in the garage. Maybe I can have Cordelia make the call to see if Habitat for Humanity wants it enough to pick it up.

Cordelia's choir concert is this evening. I expect every bit of the day after noon to be stressful and overwhelming because it's also Thursday which means the cleaning lady will be here. (She'll also be going with us to the concert. She considers Cordelia something akin to a granddaughter and had asked me to let her know when the next concert would be.)

I still need to call Totoro about my glasses. If they're there, I should go downtown and pick them up. I need to empty the dishwasher and tidy a bunch of things.

I've got another couple of phone calls I should make, but I'll probably put them off until tomorrow. I could make banana bread and then manage the tidying while it bakes. What I do after that will depend. Right now, I want sleep, but that might be me not having had a proper breakfast yet. If I'm energetic, going for a walk might make sense. I just need to be home by 2:00.

I took a two hour walk yesterday. My intention was to go to north campus so that I could see about Ingress missions, but I got side tracked by a nature trail that I didn't know existed. I got to north campus in the end, but I didn't have time to do much. I got eleven unique captures, but I still need almost three hundred more for the badge. I didn't get anywhere near any missions, though.

Scott picked me up from north campus on his way home from work. I wasn't able to reach the spot where I'd hoped to meet him because it turned out that the path my map showed wasn't actually there and that the intervening terrain wasn't pedestrian friendly. Scott found me via Life360 in much less time than it would have taken me to get to a landmark we'd both recognize.

I claimed a pinch hit that'll be due in May. That gives me two stories due then. I've started both, just barely. I think the pinch hit is something I could very nearly write in my sleep. I have a nearly complete first draft for a thing that isn't related to any of my open assignments. I'm not sure what I'm going to work on first. Finishing the nearly complete story might make senses because then it's off the list; then again, there's no one waiting to see this one.

I overdid yesterday. If it hadn't been Thursday, I'd have been okay. If it hadn't started pouring as I got off the bus near Arborland, I might still have been okay. I didn't have an umbrella because I'd been out of the house for hours at that point. I don't habitually carry one because of the weight.

All of the stuff I needed to get done before I left for my appointment took longer than I expected it to, and there were always half a dozen things that needed doing with no clear priority as to which were more important.

I got to my appointment with plenty of time to spare, and they saw me on time. At that point, I walked up to the Mott bus stop and caught the Washtenaw bus to get to Arborland. I've not taken the bus that way since before Cordelia was born, so I wasn't sure exactly where the stops were or where the crosswalks were. I got off the bus earlier than I probably needed to.

After I got my glasses, it was past 1:00, and I needed to eat something. I didn't want to have to cross Washtenaw twice, so I limited myself to considering what was on the side of the street where I'd need to be to catch the bus back. I ended up getting a burger a couple of doors down from the glasses place. I considered Noodles & Company and a sandwich place, but the former tends not to have great options for, and the latter was across a pretty big parking lot. I didn't consider Chili's for more than about two seconds because I'm pretty sure they have zero things on the menu that are me-safe without major modifications.

The burger wasn't terrible, but it also wasn't spectacular. I didn't get fries because they had big signs saying they fried in pure peanut oil. I considered stopping at Coldstone Creamery after that, but I was still soaked and chilled and needed to catch a bus home.

There are multiple buses running along Washtenaw, and I didn't care which one I got as long as I could connect to one of the two buses that pass near our house. I ended up on one that took a longish route to get to the downtown transit center, so it's possible that I could have gotten home sooner if I'd waited. It was also chilly on both buses on the way home.

I discovered that the awnings at the Blake Transit Center actually leak at the seams and are really weirdly placed. They cover the parts of their driveway where the buses park but not the sidewalk where people stand while waiting or walk while going to a different bus.

The cleaning lady was here when I got home at 3:30. I kind of really wanted to shower in order to warm up and also wanted to sleep for a week. She was cleaning the bathroom, however, so I couldn't get in there until after 5:00. Dinner and a Gatorade woke me considerably, enough so that I had trouble falling asleep at bedtime.

My right calf muscle has been cramping since around the time I got to my appointment yesterday. I've taken naproxen which has helped, but I don't want to do much walking right now. Which is inconvenient because it would be very useful if I'd managed to get myself out to Kroger as we've run out of a few things. It's a little late for me to do it now without Scott having to make an extra trip to bring me and the groceries home.

The next bus there would get me there near 5:00 which is when Scott leaves work. He might hit Ann Arbor as early as 5:30 or as late as 6:00, so it's still possible. I just don't want to.

I'm trying out my 'computer' glasses now. They help considerably at my normal laptop distance and normal reading distance (which is apparently not the distance for which 'reading' glasses are optimized). My suspicion is that I'll end up using these most of the time when I'm at home and keep the distance and reading glasses for very specific times. Sadly, when I leave the house, I'm likely to need all three distances.

Unfortunately, the computer distance glasses still won't let me read things like the Netflix menu at the side of the screen. I can't figure out how to get Netflix to give me captions on Miraculous Ladybug (Cordelia got them for one episode, but they vanished as soon as Netflix went to autoplay the next episode, and I haven't been able to figure out the necessary key combination). I can't read the credits for the show or the episode blurbs, but I'm getting more details in terms of the characters and background.

I'm also having issues with going back and forth between looking at the TV and looking at a book or my laptop. I don't know if that's something that will get easier with time; I hope so, but I'm not sure it will given how it went with crocheting while watching TV.

I'm debating the merits of running an errand versus baking banana bread. Banana bread will probably win just so that I don't need to deal with it tomorrow. Also, I have appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. Going out today will make the week more exhausting.

Two of my three calls are done. I'll be leaving in about an hour to head for the ophthalmologist's office. Once I post this, I'll get dressed and make sure I can find all of my glasses as she wants to check them over. I also want to copy the disability review paperwork for my records. With luck, I can drop it off today while I'm out for the eye doctor.

If I have time after I'm ready to go out but before I leave, I'll see about calling the first electrician.

Once I'm home, I need to watch several episodes of Elementary season 5. That's due Sunday and can't be renewed. I also have Elementary season 6 which is due a week from Sunday and can't be renewed. Me watching both is possible. I just don't know how likely it is because I'm more prone to a leisurely watch.

I can likely get season 5 again in a month or, at most, two. Season 6 having just arrived in the system has a long waitlist. I won't be desperately upset if I don't finish, but I'll be a bit annoyed with myself.

Scott and I went back to the glasses place to double check that my progressives are actually the right prescription. Two different people double checked the glasses against the copy of the prescription. The glasses they made match the prescription I had, so I'm going to have to talk to the ophthalmologist.

I'm pretty sure that wearing an eye patch and changing it back and forth frequently would make the glasses useful, but that seems like it wouldn't be a good longterm course.

Scott and I did the grocery shopping after the glasses store. I wore the progressives there and managed to get by, but they're really most workable at a distance. I got to the point of being able to walk without feeling dizzy, but I still couldn't read the list with both eyes open and the glasses on.

I'm hating my bras right now. I can't tell if it's them getting old or me being more sensitive the last few weeks. Possibly it's both? The problem is largely in the band and is 95% underneath the breast that had the lumpectomy which is suspicious. I don't want to buy more bras right now. Maybe I can start doing without a bra for more of the day. I'd like to. I spent nearly thirty years not wearing the damned things and only started after the lumpectomy.

( Cut mostly for meandering length )

Possibly the meandering above would flow better if I number the topics? Or otherwise signal transitions? Definitely asking for opinions here.

According to my spreadsheet, I’ve written 50000 words so far this year, almost all of it Amber fic. I had to double check the numbers because I didn’t believe it, but they add up. Huh. I’m just short of 4000 words so far in April which puts me well ahead for my CampNaNo goal of 25000 words.

I have four library DVDs this week that can’t be renewed. One, I got just for Scott, and he’s almost done with it. One is for all of us. I don’t know when we’ll watch it. The other two, nobody but me is interested in watching. I’m not sure how I’ll fit them in when Scott and Cordelia aren’t interested and are constantly here.

I had trouble sleeping after about 4:30 this morning due to temperature issues. I was uncomfortably chilled with just a sheet and uncomfortably warm the moment I added a thin blanket. During the time I did sleep, I had anxiety dreams— I dreamed about going in for the c-PAP titration and waking up after to discover that they hadn’t bothered to do any of the necessary testing/work. Then the place morphed into a library, but I was only allowed to take three books even though I wanted many more because I’d never seen any of them anywhere before. They also were double and triple shelved in no particular order, and I somehow knew that I’d never be able to come back (How on earth I was going to return whatever I did take out, I have no idea. Dream logic is not logical).

At any rate, today is going to be interesting because the sleep clinic people specifically don't want me to have caffeine or to nap. Given less than five hours of sleep... I have no idea. The only thing likely to work is eating pretty constantly which I really don't want to do.

Today’s to do list starts with a shower. Then I need to call in a prescription refill and to pack for my overnight. Once all of that is done, I must work on insurance claim forms for as long as my hands will tolerate. The amount of money involved is not trivial given how badly stretched we are. I’m at the point of trying to figure out if there’s anything I can do to bring in any money that won’t wreck me physically or emotionally and won’t jeopardize my disability status.

Oh, and we need to go to the bank to transfer money from Cordelia’s savings to our checking. It’s Social Security money and meant to pay for things like this, but… We really wanted to save something for her for later. There’s also not much left, and I worry what happens when that money runs out. We’re getting a little bit more every month but not all that much.

My reading glasses arrived a few days ago and seem to fit well enough. I haven’t used them a lot because, any time I’m interrupted, they become visually uncomfortable. I think they’ll be good for reading when I’m at home alone or otherwise able to focus entirely on what I’m trying to read. I’ll be using them for filling out the insurance forms because those have teeny print, but that means I’ll need to do them somewhere other than the living room because Scott will have the TV on. I’m not sure I can be in there and not keep glancing up at the TV.

I slept soundly from a little after 11:00 last night until about 4:30 this morning. I didn’t sleep at all after that. I don’t currently have a headache. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the dratted thing stays gone.

Cordelia is doing okay at school in terms of getting around with her crutches. I think there’s less stuff that she goes downstairs for this year than there was last year, and they’re not doing any classes in the basement any more. Tomorrow is a half day, so I’m going to have to remember to set my alarm to tell me to go pick her up very early. Thursday, I have an oncology appointment at 1:00.

Before Cordelia’s injury, I wasn’t worried about getting back before school ended because our cleaning lady will be here then. Now, though… If I see the nurse on time, I should easily be home in time, but if they’re running very late, it gets tight. Normally, Cordelia stays at school until about 3:45 on Thursdays for the GSA meeting, but that meeting gets canceled sometimes with no warning, so I want to be home by the time school ends at 3:03. If I’m done at oncology by 2:30, I can probably make it. If I’d known last Thursday that Cordelia would need help getting home, I’d have talked to our cleaning lady and asked if she was willing to do it if I wasn’t home in time. At this point, I could call her and try to explain over the phone, but English isn’t her first language, so that’s challenging for something complicated. I could leave her a note, but leaving a note wouldn’t give her a chance to say no.

Scott has come down with the cold Cordelia and I had (and still kind of have).

I poked at the Zenni Optical website last night. I measured the frames of my current glasses according to the instructions and discovered that I’m either doing it wrong or have a really weird head. The frame width on my old pair is 125 mm (I measured four times and had Scott check that I wasn’t miscounting). The website considers that to be a child’s size. I can’t find anything at all that matches the measurements I got from my old pair, not even approximately. If one dimension matches, others don’t. There aren’t any instructions I can find for measuring one’s head to figure out sizing. I’ve never had problems finding frames that fit when shopping in person.

Yesterday, I did three loads of laundry, baked a cake for Scott, did the dishes, took out some of the trash, and cleaned out my two dresser drawers and the floor of my closet.

I have one overstuffed trash bag of things that I think are still wearable and therefore worth donating. I have one trash bag about 1/4 full of things that aren’t worth donating for resale. I know that most of the places around here sell such stuff by the ton to companies that do… something with it.

I haven’t done much weeding of what’s hanging in my closet yet. I might get to that today, and I might not. The closet is packed, and it’s going to be challenging. I have a lot of dresses that are cotton knit and that are too worn at the seams for me to wear them in public without feeling self-conscious (most of the wear, I doubt anyone but me would notice). The dresses are 1X petites, long sleeved mock-turtlenecks, with elastic waists and A-line skirts that go down to mid-calf on me (I’m 5’2"). There’s a lot of fabric in each that’s still in excellent condition, some of it in big pieces, but it’s only going to be useful to someone who sews and who can make something else out of it or take it in to be worn by someone smaller than I am. I’m wondering if I should try the local freecycle list or something similar.

I haven’t really worn dresses since the cancer diagnosis in 2015. I couldn’t wear them immediately post lumpectomy and didn’t want to deal with them during radiation. Once I started the Tamoxifen, I couldn’t deal with clothing that heavy/warm. I haven’t worn anything long sleeved since December 2015. No, I take that back. There was one afternoon I felt chilly and wore a cardigan. (After Cordelia’s concert, Scott’s mother kept trying to get me to zip up my coat before we went outside. She didn’t say it directly but kept talking about how very cold it was out there. If I’d zipped up my coat, I’d have melted by the time we got to their car. I finally realized that I needed to explain that.)

I’m trying to decide how much to keep and how much to get rid of in terms of the things I’m not going to wear while taking Tamoxifen but will wear again after. I’ve got almost four years of Tamoxifen left, and that’s a long time to keep things, but, you know, cotton turtlenecks aren’t going to spoil or anything if I store them for a while. Buying replacements would be expensive.

At any rate, my first priority today is changing the sheets (that became urgent this morning). The second is the rest of the trash. Then I must make about three phone calls (well, ideally, I’ll intersperse the calls with other things). After that, I’ll consider my closet.