![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Aug. 11th, 2016 08:22 amI really, really should have taken that last Ativan last night at bedtime. I didn’t sleep much at all (why I didn’t just get up and take the damned thing when I realized things were bad, I couldn’t tell you). I have an appointment downtown in three hours. My intention is to take the bus in, leaving here an hour before my appointment. My best guess is that the sleeplessness is related to anxiety over taking the bus into town more than about the appointment itself. There’s probably worry about things like leaving at the right time and getting there on time and…
Right now, I’m trying to decide if the #22 would be less stressful than the #23. They’re close to the same distance from the house, but I almost always take the #23 because it comes every fifteen minutes while the #22 is once every half hour. But the #23 is much, much less crowded, and that might help a lot. At 9:30, the #23 would likely only be 1/2 to 3/4 full because it’s not during the school year and because most park and ride commuters have already gotten into town, but…
And I may end up taking a cab in and the bus home anyway. There are fewer decision points with a cab
Thursday is a terrible time for me to be low on sleep. The cleaning lady comes at 2:00 and stays for two to three hours. While she’s here, I can’t lie down because Cordelia holes up in our room. I can’t lie down before she comes because of my appointment and the timing of meals and medications and such and all of the stuff that I need to do before she arrives.
I’m also trying to decide what of my planned things to do downtown I can manage on two to three hours of sleep. I have to go in for the appointment. There’s no flexibility on that. The library is three blocks from the appointment, and I do want the holds that expire today, tomorrow, and Saturday. Lunch out would be kind of nice, just for variety, as it would be food that I don’t normally eat, but I don’t have to do it, and I may not have the resources to cope with that one more thing and still get home.
Ingress is probably not going to happen much, but that’s mostly because I somehow ended up with a popped blister on the sole of my foot (not a wet blister, thank goodness, but the skin there is still very sensitive). My best guess for where that came from is the walking we did with Scott’s sister on Saturday, but that seems a very long time ago to just be coming up now. But Ingress is fairly useful for keeping my mind occupied when I have to be out on my own. It helps me pretend that there aren’t quite so many people around and distracts me from worrying quite so much about things I can’t yet do.
I can’t tell how much of my anxiety problems the last few months are changes in my response to stress, how much are that, for health reasons, I gave up a lot of things I used to do that were necessary and, because I was kind of used to them, only sort of stressful. That last means that things that were not easy but manageable are now huge and really, really difficult. It’s also possible that my body is still recovering from radiation last fall (the physical therapist said, typically, it takes eighteen months) and that that’s making me freak out more about dealing with scary things like bus rides.
I shouldn’t have used thyme with the lentils. It really does make me think I’m eating dirt. The soup wasn’t otherwise inedible, but I also should have added some salt. Scott always buys low sodium chicken broth, so there was less coming from that than there might have been. On the plus side, Cordelia liked it. Scott cooked up the rest of the lentils, using considerably less water than I had, and mixed the results into the soup to thicken it. I haven’t tasted the result, but I rather strongly suspect that it will have lost most of its flavor given that it’s nearly doubled in volume.
I need to send in a story summary for Iddy Iddy Bang Bang. That probably won’t happen until I’ve slept because I can’t muster any sort of urgency for it. My odds of matching are pretty low since I’m writing darkfic for a Yuletide eligible fandom.
Right now, I’m trying to decide if the #22 would be less stressful than the #23. They’re close to the same distance from the house, but I almost always take the #23 because it comes every fifteen minutes while the #22 is once every half hour. But the #23 is much, much less crowded, and that might help a lot. At 9:30, the #23 would likely only be 1/2 to 3/4 full because it’s not during the school year and because most park and ride commuters have already gotten into town, but…
And I may end up taking a cab in and the bus home anyway. There are fewer decision points with a cab
Thursday is a terrible time for me to be low on sleep. The cleaning lady comes at 2:00 and stays for two to three hours. While she’s here, I can’t lie down because Cordelia holes up in our room. I can’t lie down before she comes because of my appointment and the timing of meals and medications and such and all of the stuff that I need to do before she arrives.
I’m also trying to decide what of my planned things to do downtown I can manage on two to three hours of sleep. I have to go in for the appointment. There’s no flexibility on that. The library is three blocks from the appointment, and I do want the holds that expire today, tomorrow, and Saturday. Lunch out would be kind of nice, just for variety, as it would be food that I don’t normally eat, but I don’t have to do it, and I may not have the resources to cope with that one more thing and still get home.
Ingress is probably not going to happen much, but that’s mostly because I somehow ended up with a popped blister on the sole of my foot (not a wet blister, thank goodness, but the skin there is still very sensitive). My best guess for where that came from is the walking we did with Scott’s sister on Saturday, but that seems a very long time ago to just be coming up now. But Ingress is fairly useful for keeping my mind occupied when I have to be out on my own. It helps me pretend that there aren’t quite so many people around and distracts me from worrying quite so much about things I can’t yet do.
I can’t tell how much of my anxiety problems the last few months are changes in my response to stress, how much are that, for health reasons, I gave up a lot of things I used to do that were necessary and, because I was kind of used to them, only sort of stressful. That last means that things that were not easy but manageable are now huge and really, really difficult. It’s also possible that my body is still recovering from radiation last fall (the physical therapist said, typically, it takes eighteen months) and that that’s making me freak out more about dealing with scary things like bus rides.
I shouldn’t have used thyme with the lentils. It really does make me think I’m eating dirt. The soup wasn’t otherwise inedible, but I also should have added some salt. Scott always buys low sodium chicken broth, so there was less coming from that than there might have been. On the plus side, Cordelia liked it. Scott cooked up the rest of the lentils, using considerably less water than I had, and mixed the results into the soup to thicken it. I haven’t tasted the result, but I rather strongly suspect that it will have lost most of its flavor given that it’s nearly doubled in volume.
I need to send in a story summary for Iddy Iddy Bang Bang. That probably won’t happen until I’ve slept because I can’t muster any sort of urgency for it. My odds of matching are pretty low since I’m writing darkfic for a Yuletide eligible fandom.
