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Jun. 3rd, 2019 10:44 pmI did not manage to get myself to bed before Scott and Cordelia got home last night, but Scott didn't set his alarm, so we all got about six hours of sleep instead of the five and a half I was expecting. (Not that I wasn't exhausted. I was. I very much was.) I tried to nap through part of the morning but don't think I actually slept.
Scott had scheduled a vacation day, and he and I went to the Northside Grill for lunch. Then we dealt with some paperwork. Scott went to the store to pick up some things that we'd forgotten on Saturday. After that, he mowed the lawn. I emptied and filled the dishwasher and am currently working on laundry.
I also did some research on the two hotels next to the one where the FanWorks Con will be. Both of them look safe with regard to pets, but I'm feeling overwhelmed at the idea of committing to going because, the more I look at it, the more I realize that it's only really feasible if I drag somebody else along.
I can get to the hotel unaided. I just can't get to the hotel with everything I'll need for three days unaided. If I didn't need to consider food, I could get there, but my dietary restrictions really do mean that I will need to assume that I can't get food, once I'm on-site, without access to a vehicle.
Our niece might be interested in going, and she can drive, but I don't know that she could afford to pay for anything. I can think of a couple of local people who might be interested, but asking just feels like more of a hassle than just not dealing with it.
I can't tell where the edges are of me not being able to deal with x, y, and z right this moment versus me biting off more than future-me will be able to chew. Over the last two decades, my life has contracted gradually but pretty steadily. A lot of it has to do with me only being able to do so much, and I've spent the last several months teetering in a gray area. I can't tell if I'm actually less able to do things or just worried that I'm less able and so restricting myself.
Misjudging that line-- I want to be able to do All the Things, but, if I misjudge, then I can't do any of the things. I'm hobbling a bit today because my calf muscles are cramping from all the walking I did yesterday. I knew that that might be a consequence when I went out walking yesterday, and I looked at today's must-do list and decided that it would be okay if I couldn't do most of it.
I'd have been in deep trouble if something necessary had come up yesterday evening or today, anything that required more than my body could manage. (What my body can manage limits what my mind can manage more definitely than the other way around.) And I wasn't able to prepare dinner yesterday as I'd planned because I misjudged.
At any rate, my social connections have been suffering because of this. I've always been bad at answering emails/comments promptly, but it's gotten worse. I will kind of drop those things for a while and then not want to deal with trying to catch up. I will simply not start conversations or not go to specific sites where I would normally interact or even semi-interact (here, for example, or FB. I really need to go back to FB because there's a friend who likes to chat there, and I've just been pretending the site doesn't exist).
Maybe I need to schedule things with a timer and make myself deal with this stuff for, say, fifteen minutes at a time, a couple of times a day? I know that that sort of scheduling can work for me, but I don't do it often. I'm not sure why.
Well, no, I do know why. Once I establish a routine like that, I'll be very upset with myself if I need a nap or have to deal with something else I haven't planned for. Brains are tangled things.
Scott had scheduled a vacation day, and he and I went to the Northside Grill for lunch. Then we dealt with some paperwork. Scott went to the store to pick up some things that we'd forgotten on Saturday. After that, he mowed the lawn. I emptied and filled the dishwasher and am currently working on laundry.
I also did some research on the two hotels next to the one where the FanWorks Con will be. Both of them look safe with regard to pets, but I'm feeling overwhelmed at the idea of committing to going because, the more I look at it, the more I realize that it's only really feasible if I drag somebody else along.
I can get to the hotel unaided. I just can't get to the hotel with everything I'll need for three days unaided. If I didn't need to consider food, I could get there, but my dietary restrictions really do mean that I will need to assume that I can't get food, once I'm on-site, without access to a vehicle.
Our niece might be interested in going, and she can drive, but I don't know that she could afford to pay for anything. I can think of a couple of local people who might be interested, but asking just feels like more of a hassle than just not dealing with it.
I can't tell where the edges are of me not being able to deal with x, y, and z right this moment versus me biting off more than future-me will be able to chew. Over the last two decades, my life has contracted gradually but pretty steadily. A lot of it has to do with me only being able to do so much, and I've spent the last several months teetering in a gray area. I can't tell if I'm actually less able to do things or just worried that I'm less able and so restricting myself.
Misjudging that line-- I want to be able to do All the Things, but, if I misjudge, then I can't do any of the things. I'm hobbling a bit today because my calf muscles are cramping from all the walking I did yesterday. I knew that that might be a consequence when I went out walking yesterday, and I looked at today's must-do list and decided that it would be okay if I couldn't do most of it.
I'd have been in deep trouble if something necessary had come up yesterday evening or today, anything that required more than my body could manage. (What my body can manage limits what my mind can manage more definitely than the other way around.) And I wasn't able to prepare dinner yesterday as I'd planned because I misjudged.
At any rate, my social connections have been suffering because of this. I've always been bad at answering emails/comments promptly, but it's gotten worse. I will kind of drop those things for a while and then not want to deal with trying to catch up. I will simply not start conversations or not go to specific sites where I would normally interact or even semi-interact (here, for example, or FB. I really need to go back to FB because there's a friend who likes to chat there, and I've just been pretending the site doesn't exist).
Maybe I need to schedule things with a timer and make myself deal with this stuff for, say, fifteen minutes at a time, a couple of times a day? I know that that sort of scheduling can work for me, but I don't do it often. I'm not sure why.
Well, no, I do know why. Once I establish a routine like that, I'll be very upset with myself if I need a nap or have to deal with something else I haven't planned for. Brains are tangled things.
