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May. 26th, 2004 11:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckI'm feeling a need to whine about one of the things currently stressing me out. I'm hoping that writing about it will help a bit.
Part of me wants to strangle my sister-in-law right now. And it's not even her fault.
Basically, my husband's father has one sibling, a sister. Her family and his have been close for a long time but haven't really seen much of each other in recent years as the logistics have become more complicated as more members of the family have become adults with more demands on their time. Scott's great-aunt, her children and grandchildren (plus a great-grandchild or two close to Delia's age) live about three hours drive away from us. It's not a really long trip. Except that it is.
Scott's sister decided to organize a family gathering in a town that's about halfway between here and there. The idea is for everybody to have the chance to see each other again, spend time together, get to know the new kids and become better acquainted with the spouses. This is a great idea, very admirable.
So why am I feeling homicidal?
Because the meeting place is a zoo. Her plan is for us to walk through the zoo all afternoon (starting at noon, right when I should be putting Delia down for a nap) and then have dinner together before driving home. Because I can't walk for very long at all. That means we're going to have to gtt a wheelchair, an unpowered wheelchair because that's all they've got at the zoo (assuming we get there before they've given out the ones they have. First come, first served, after all), and that in turn means that I will have no control over my own movement.
I can't not go because if I don't go Delia can't go and because that would constitute a fairly grave insult to Scott's whole family. Scott really wants to do this. He's looking for ways to make it easier on me. I think that, from his point of view, it's simple, but... From my point of view, it really isn't.
With or without the wheelchair, this is going to be physically exhausting. It's also going to be emotionally stressful (big dos with his family always are). If the question of Delia's baptism doesn't come up, I'll be extremely surprised (This is the aunt who wants to crochet Delia's christening gown). Scott understands the former but not the latter. From his point of view, his family members are good and supportive people. He's even right about that. It just doesn't matter. They're my in-laws. There's no way that I'm not going to be stressed about a day with all of them.
But the part that Scott really doesn't understand is that it will also be humiliating. I can deal with my friends seeing my limitations in such a stark way. I can even deal with my family seeing it. Or strangers. I'm not happy about it, but I can say, "Well, this is how it is." But Scott's family is different in some basic emotional way. I can't even exactly explain it.
Some of it has to do with feeling like my disabilities make me not good enough for Scott. Or worse, not good enough for Delia. Some of it has to do with needing help from them and not really having gotten it. From their point of view, my pregnancy was easy, and Delia's first year has been a cake walk. They don't understand why I'm not doing more, and very often the help they do offer isn't really what I need, what we've actually asked for. I suppose it would help them if my limitations were all visible or if they were constantly the same.
I can do this. I know I can. I'm going to hate it, but I'll survive it. Now I just have to manage not to stress out between now and then.
Part of me wants to strangle my sister-in-law right now. And it's not even her fault.
Basically, my husband's father has one sibling, a sister. Her family and his have been close for a long time but haven't really seen much of each other in recent years as the logistics have become more complicated as more members of the family have become adults with more demands on their time. Scott's great-aunt, her children and grandchildren (plus a great-grandchild or two close to Delia's age) live about three hours drive away from us. It's not a really long trip. Except that it is.
Scott's sister decided to organize a family gathering in a town that's about halfway between here and there. The idea is for everybody to have the chance to see each other again, spend time together, get to know the new kids and become better acquainted with the spouses. This is a great idea, very admirable.
So why am I feeling homicidal?
Because the meeting place is a zoo. Her plan is for us to walk through the zoo all afternoon (starting at noon, right when I should be putting Delia down for a nap) and then have dinner together before driving home. Because I can't walk for very long at all. That means we're going to have to gtt a wheelchair, an unpowered wheelchair because that's all they've got at the zoo (assuming we get there before they've given out the ones they have. First come, first served, after all), and that in turn means that I will have no control over my own movement.
I can't not go because if I don't go Delia can't go and because that would constitute a fairly grave insult to Scott's whole family. Scott really wants to do this. He's looking for ways to make it easier on me. I think that, from his point of view, it's simple, but... From my point of view, it really isn't.
With or without the wheelchair, this is going to be physically exhausting. It's also going to be emotionally stressful (big dos with his family always are). If the question of Delia's baptism doesn't come up, I'll be extremely surprised (This is the aunt who wants to crochet Delia's christening gown). Scott understands the former but not the latter. From his point of view, his family members are good and supportive people. He's even right about that. It just doesn't matter. They're my in-laws. There's no way that I'm not going to be stressed about a day with all of them.
But the part that Scott really doesn't understand is that it will also be humiliating. I can deal with my friends seeing my limitations in such a stark way. I can even deal with my family seeing it. Or strangers. I'm not happy about it, but I can say, "Well, this is how it is." But Scott's family is different in some basic emotional way. I can't even exactly explain it.
Some of it has to do with feeling like my disabilities make me not good enough for Scott. Or worse, not good enough for Delia. Some of it has to do with needing help from them and not really having gotten it. From their point of view, my pregnancy was easy, and Delia's first year has been a cake walk. They don't understand why I'm not doing more, and very often the help they do offer isn't really what I need, what we've actually asked for. I suppose it would help them if my limitations were all visible or if they were constantly the same.
I can do this. I know I can. I'm going to hate it, but I'll survive it. Now I just have to manage not to stress out between now and then.
