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Jan. 21st, 2008 03:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckThe last couple of weeks have been filled with literal headaches and other bodily rebellions. That means that I haven't accomplished much else. I did manage two meals yesterday that were more than simple carbohydrates, so I feel accomplished.
I'm fiddling with things, trying to see if I can change anything to get rid of the headaches. Right now, I'm stopping the magnesium supplement (I started it last week) for a few days to see if that makes a difference. I also should probably learn how to irrigate my sinuses because pressure there seems to be setting off migraines. Sudafed and Mucinex and lots and lots of water helps but isn't solving the problem (plus, lots and lots of water isn't an option within three hours of when I want to sleep).
The folks doing the long term disability review have decided that they can, this time, take my psychotherapist's opinions in spite of her not having an MD. I wonder how much this has to do with the nasty letter that I wrote about the behavior of the psychiatrist they sent me to last time and the fact that I cc'd an attorney (my uncle) on it.
On the down side, my psychotherapist has retired. Due to the various illnesses in the family and the holidays, I hadn't seen her since early October. She retired at the end of October but didn't want to tell me by phone or letter, so I found out last Tuesday. She's set me up with someone else who she hopes will be a good match for me. I'm not happy about the change, and anxiety over it is certainly contributing to my current headaches, but I'm also not really surprised. Lena is seventy and not in very good health. I'd had a worry about her retiring (or dying) in the back of my head for a while but had been unwilling to say anything because I knew that doing so would make the anxiety solidify and hurt me.
(Yes. It sucks big time to have that sort of block against being sensible. I have a sort of weird constant calculator going in the back of my head that measures the relative cost of pre-planning versus waiting and dealing with things only when I have to. It's not conscious, but I do know it's going on. It's part of what I refer to when I talk about dissociating from things that make me anxious. It's a crutch, but it lets me walk.)
I'm fiddling with things, trying to see if I can change anything to get rid of the headaches. Right now, I'm stopping the magnesium supplement (I started it last week) for a few days to see if that makes a difference. I also should probably learn how to irrigate my sinuses because pressure there seems to be setting off migraines. Sudafed and Mucinex and lots and lots of water helps but isn't solving the problem (plus, lots and lots of water isn't an option within three hours of when I want to sleep).
The folks doing the long term disability review have decided that they can, this time, take my psychotherapist's opinions in spite of her not having an MD. I wonder how much this has to do with the nasty letter that I wrote about the behavior of the psychiatrist they sent me to last time and the fact that I cc'd an attorney (my uncle) on it.
On the down side, my psychotherapist has retired. Due to the various illnesses in the family and the holidays, I hadn't seen her since early October. She retired at the end of October but didn't want to tell me by phone or letter, so I found out last Tuesday. She's set me up with someone else who she hopes will be a good match for me. I'm not happy about the change, and anxiety over it is certainly contributing to my current headaches, but I'm also not really surprised. Lena is seventy and not in very good health. I'd had a worry about her retiring (or dying) in the back of my head for a while but had been unwilling to say anything because I knew that doing so would make the anxiety solidify and hurt me.
(Yes. It sucks big time to have that sort of block against being sensible. I have a sort of weird constant calculator going in the back of my head that measures the relative cost of pre-planning versus waiting and dealing with things only when I have to. It's not conscious, but I do know it's going on. It's part of what I refer to when I talk about dissociating from things that make me anxious. It's a crutch, but it lets me walk.)
