(no subject)

[the_rck]

I'm still in hunkered down survival mode. I think I may have to shift out of it deliberately. I hate to do it, though, because it involves accepting a new status quo-- A good portion of my current stress is due to pain, specifically in my right leg and hip. Shifting out of survival mode means accepting the pain as permanent.

There's some possibility that the pain is permanent. X-rays show arthritic deterioration in my right hip. I'm not clear on how bad it is, but I'm being referred to a specialist. The referral in itself doesn't tell me much-- My primary care doctor refers just about everything to other people. I won't know until I actually see the specialist. I suppose how soon the appointment is will tell me something. Right now, I'm waiting to hear from the managed care office which is in charge of the scheduling.

The pain runs all along the back of my thigh and does seem to involve the joint. Walking hurts a little. Standing up from sitting is agony. Sitting sometimes hurts and sometimes doesn't; I haven't found a pattern to that. Heat helps the pain in the joint and the upper part of my thigh. Ice helps the pain nearer the knee. I've been taking anaprox with no benefit (beyond whatever it may do for the inflammation). I've tried an occasional vicodin, being cautious to avoid constipation, with sporadic benefit.

I'm frightened of the idea that this pain will stay. I'm used to injuries that come (often) but then go away again. Pain recurs but it passes. I know I'm getting older. I know my body's changing. I've just avoided looking at what that may mean.

For right now, I'm trying to avoid sitting for prolonged periods. Getting up hurts, but staying up isn't so bad apart from being tedious, not once I've gotten through the first minute. I'm trying to figure out the right balance of walking to loosen things up without making anything seize in reaction. School days are better than weekends because I both have a chance to lie flat and apply heat and to walk around following an externally imposed schedule.

If I can't get myself out of survival mode, I won't be signing up for Yuletide this year. I very much want to do it, but I can't write when I'm like this. I have time to write, but I can't do it.

Comments

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Take care of you. Yuletide can wait.

[the_rck]

Thanks.

I just want very much to do Yuletide. I look forward to it. I just don't want to sign up and then discover that I can't manage it. Last year didn't go well what with getting so sick, but.... How likely is that to happen again?

[evalerie.livejournal.com]

I was thinking just yesterday that I hadn't heard from you in a while.

**hug**

(In general I've found that pain that I am worried may be permanent generally turns out not to be. So I am hoping for that for you.)

[the_rck]

::hugs back::

I've lost all of September to this (It started in late August). Scott's annoyed with me because I didn't go to the doctor until this last Wednesday. I just kept hoping that it would get better on its own, and I wasn't at all sure what the doctor could do.

[evalerie.livejournal.com]

My favorite cure for most things is "ignore it and hope that it goes away," so I totally think it's reasonable to have waited to see if the pain would get better on its own.

[the_rck]

Mostly, I go in when I'm not sure what's going on or when I need medication. For most pain issues, I can assume that it's either muscle trouble or tendonitis. There's not a lot a doctor can do about either except advise patience, prescribe stronger pain killers and refer me to physical therapy. PT isn't very feasible when walking is painful as it's a big journey to get there.

[sorcycat.livejournal.com]

Is there a chiropractor you can see?

[the_rck]

I've never seen one. I have no idea how to find one who's physically accessible, either. That's even without considering whether or not our budget will stretch that way. We're at a bad point for added expenses.