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May. 14th, 2002 02:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckSince Scott was working, Suzanne's sister-in-law, Wendy came to pick up Jeff and me to take us to the service. She was babysitting a puppy, so half the backseat was taken up by a crate filled with dog. She hadn't expected that Jeff and I would be bringing anything but ourselves. Jeff's suitcase had to go on top of the dog's crate, and everything else had to stay on our laps. Jeff had, in addition to his suitcase, his laptop and a bag containing Scott's clothes (Scott was supposed to take them to work with him but forgot them). I had my purse, the bag containing my spare clothes and my knitting, and a large container of bean salad as my contribution to the lunch gathering. I found out the hard way that the container was not watertight, but fortunately all that leaked was vinegar. That dried without leaving a mark; if I'd ended up with oil in my lap…
We were the first of our family group to arrive. Jeff and I wandered through the church complex while Wendy walked the puppy. Jeff had attended the church with his parents during high school and was startled by how much it had changed. It was a rather uncomfortable time for me since there seemed to be a number of people who recognized me, at least as Scott's wife, but who I barely remembered.
I found the service a bit disconcerting in spite of knowing what to expect (We did this three years ago for the nephew). I'm still startled by the fact that this congregation applauds soloists and the bell choir. That seems inappropriate to me somehow-- It makes parts of the service into a performance, into something that's about the people performing rather than about the community relating to their deity. The applause makes me feel a separation between the congregation and the service rather like that between actors on a stage and their audience. My sense of the presence of the deity sort of disappears into that gap.
Admittedly, this time, in honor of Mother's Day, I suspect, half of the performances were by groups of children, and interactions like that with children are automatically different. But I've seen the same thing with the adult bell choir.
I'm also increasingly uncomfortable with the parts of the service that require me to say that I'm Christian. I have nothing against the faith. I just can't fit my ethics and view of the universe into what the Christian churches I've encountered offer. I allow my in-laws to think of me as Christian because it makes them happier. I don't really have any clearly labeled faith (different from not having a clearly defined faith!), and my sense of the deity doesn't require any particular names (but does require not excluding any particular names).
I think that some of it is that I've always been uncomfortable with group ritual. I felt the same way at high school pep rallies, for example, as I felt in that church on Sunday-- A sense that I didn't quite belong there, that I was not able to, or even able to want to, participate fully in the ritual going on around me. (And anyone who doubts that a pep rally is a ritual isn't paying attention!) Sometimes, a Catholic mass can work for me, stylistically, but not quite…
We were the first of our family group to arrive. Jeff and I wandered through the church complex while Wendy walked the puppy. Jeff had attended the church with his parents during high school and was startled by how much it had changed. It was a rather uncomfortable time for me since there seemed to be a number of people who recognized me, at least as Scott's wife, but who I barely remembered.
I found the service a bit disconcerting in spite of knowing what to expect (We did this three years ago for the nephew). I'm still startled by the fact that this congregation applauds soloists and the bell choir. That seems inappropriate to me somehow-- It makes parts of the service into a performance, into something that's about the people performing rather than about the community relating to their deity. The applause makes me feel a separation between the congregation and the service rather like that between actors on a stage and their audience. My sense of the presence of the deity sort of disappears into that gap.
Admittedly, this time, in honor of Mother's Day, I suspect, half of the performances were by groups of children, and interactions like that with children are automatically different. But I've seen the same thing with the adult bell choir.
I'm also increasingly uncomfortable with the parts of the service that require me to say that I'm Christian. I have nothing against the faith. I just can't fit my ethics and view of the universe into what the Christian churches I've encountered offer. I allow my in-laws to think of me as Christian because it makes them happier. I don't really have any clearly labeled faith (different from not having a clearly defined faith!), and my sense of the deity doesn't require any particular names (but does require not excluding any particular names).
I think that some of it is that I've always been uncomfortable with group ritual. I felt the same way at high school pep rallies, for example, as I felt in that church on Sunday-- A sense that I didn't quite belong there, that I was not able to, or even able to want to, participate fully in the ritual going on around me. (And anyone who doubts that a pep rally is a ritual isn't paying attention!) Sometimes, a Catholic mass can work for me, stylistically, but not quite…
