Looking for brainstorming help

[the_rck]

I'm looking for brainstorming and revision help with some Weiss Kreuz fics for weissvsaiyuki. I'm not sure how much canon knowledge is necessary for any of these. They're all Schwarz-centric, so there's less canon to work with (I don't even try to be consistent with the drama CDs and manga, just the anime).

One is either T or M rated and complete, but I think the ending is weak and possibly too rapid. I'd like a second opinion on it. The story is dark. I'm trying to end with a glimmer of hope, but that's one of the things I'm not sure even vaguely works.

The second is somewhere between one third and three quarters done. I'm at a point where I have to make a story decision and can't get myself to because none of the options quite work for me. I'm pretty sure I'm missing something. I'm not sure where to put the rating on this one-- Probably T for now with the possibility of it going upward depending on where it goes from here. Right now, it's gen (but could be read as Crawford and Schuldig being involved off screen. Or not), and I'm not planning to change that, but...

The third is E rated and potentially squicky due to noncon. I think it's half done. At about 2000 words in (out of about 3400 currently), it took a sudden left turn from PWP into character development that I think is not consistent with the first part of the story. I'm just too close to the story to be able to tell for sure, and I want a second opinion on that and on whether I should axe the character development to go back to the PWP or rewrite the first part to support the character development.

Comments

[lauand]

I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have myself and I don't want to distract myself from my own bunnies and ideas (I lose focus incredibly easily), but I can take a look at one of your stories and tell you what I think.

I'm never rude, but I tend to be honest, so let me know what kind of concrit you are looking for, if you just want some positive push in one direction or another or if you want me to tell you what doesn't work for me and why. Also, I can't beta grammar or idiomatic nuances because, as a non-native, I'm not confident on my skills.

If I can choose, I'd rather have the least dark story (I'm a delicate flower), but you can send me the one you prefer.

My email is my username at yahoo.de, feel free to send me a message.

[the_rck]

I'm about to lie down for a little bit, but I will get back to you later on. I'm not in a huge rush because the posting window is so long.

Thank you.

[the_rck]

Just to let you know, I haven't done any further work on the story you looked at. I definitely plan to work heavily on the descriptions, etc. that you suggested. I appreciate the feedback. I've just been tired enough that I haven't thought I could work on something I find that difficult.

(Generally speaking, I'm happy enough reading things that take place entirely in white space with occasional necessary objects showing up exactly when I need them. I know that's weird for many other people.)

[lauand]

Oh, wonderful! I was really worried about having said something wrong, or being too harsh or just generally unhelpful.

About the descriptions, maybe I wasn't totally clear: it's not really necesary to describe the place to the dot, but it's a good idea if you know how it is, if you have it in your mind. You don't need to go all: "the room was big with brass pipes crossing the ceiling and iron pannels covering the floor and the walls". But it might help to ground the conversation if you mentioned a small detail here and there with the action, like: ""We're the third team they've sent," he reminded them, starting a controlled pacing, footsteps echoeing weirdly in their improvised meeting room, the sound rebounding off its metallic walls."

Know what I mean? Once you have a very clear idea of how things are, you can just give a hint here, a hint there, nothing too heavy or too disruptive with the scene, which is focused on the multiple conversations, as it should. But if you mention that the room has a sink, or that the table has glasses and a jug of water or whatever, we will understand better where the glass of water that Nagi offers Crawford comes from. He's planning on showing them the visions and he wants them hydrated, you know that, you can mention the water at some point so that there's a reason for it to be there and it doesn't just appear from the void. That kind of thing. No need to go into detail with the descriptions, that's not what I meant.

But, as you said, if you like it that way because that's how you work, I don't want you to change your entire style for me. I just prefer the kind of cinematic writing where I can imagine the setting, not through being told how everything else, but for a few details here and there (sometimes it's the light, the temperature, the sounds, the materials...) and that way reading is like watching a movie for me.

But, as I said, if you don't want to do it that way, that's perfectly fine. We can just discuss the plot and brainstorm a bit more about the characters and their goals. It's your story, just let me know how I can be of help.