(no subject)

[the_rck]

I ended up going with Scott to take Cordelia and her friend to the restaurant. The plan was that I'd wait wherever he and I ended up for dinner until after he took the 3-4 kids to the dance. We had trouble finding a restaurant and ended up at Seva, a vegetarian place. We tend not to go there because my food options are severely limited by needing to avoid tomatoes and peppers and walnuts and peanuts and eggs.

I ended up ordering a cup of soup and two sides, asparagus and sweet potato fries. The soup wasn't edible by me, and Scott didn't care for it either. The menu said 'butternut-apple bisque,' and I couldn't taste either apples or butternut squash. It went more toward the savory end of flavor, and I couldn't place the herbs, so I didn't force myself to eat more than a couple of spoonfuls. I was concerned that the soup contained something that would make me sick. The restaurant ended up removing the soup from our bill. We hadn't asked them to. I'd have been cranky about spending $4 on a cup of inedible soup, but I did order it, so...

I also got dessert, banana cheesecake. It was recognizably cheesecake, but even though I could see banana chunks, I couldn't taste the banana at all. Scott tried it and also couldn't taste the banana, so I'm again puzzled. I think that, when something with a particular flavor is in the name, it's weird not to be able to taste even a trace of that in the food.

Cordelia's only comment about the dance was that it was loud and that the music was terrible. I'm not sure if the latter refers to sound quality or to song choice.

Scott's parents have reserved a house for a family vacation next summer. They didn't consult with us about potential conflicts first but did consult Scott's brother and sister, so we're a bit puzzled. We won't know for at least another month whether or not Scott can get that time off, and I'm pretty sure that the timing will mean that Cordelia couldn't do choir camp even if she wanted to. (Though Scott thinks the location of the house is actually kind of near Interlochen.) Scott's parents have promised to 'help' us with the costs but want us to tell them how much we can afford to pay. Which is both reasonable and burdensome because Scott finds it shaming.

To be honest, I'm not sure we can afford anything but gas money and our share of the groceries. I'm not convinced that Scott will be able to tell his parents that. He was able to say, months ago, that we couldn't go because we couldn't afford it. Now, we can't just not do it. We have to figure out what we can scrape together and ask for the rest. I understand why Scott's parents want everyone there. They're both 75 (and will be 76 next summer), and their oldest grandchild is 18 and in college. The odds of getting him to come to future family vacations aren't really all that great. The odds of Scott's parents being up to such a vacation in three years, five years, ten years... Yeah.

Is it weird that I feel that 'tell us what you can afford, and we'll cover the rest' is more embarrassing than 'because you can't afford it, we'll cover the expenses'?

Comments

[evalerie]

Possibly useful: At Seva they have a "book of ingredients" that you can request, to see a complete list of what's in anything on their menu. For specials, I've found that I can ask what the ingredients are and they are usually able to bring me a printout with the complete list. I find it helpful to see these things before ordering.

I think any discussion of covering expenses gets awkward, but that it's worth pushing past the awkward in order to make things happen and not break the bank for anybody.

[the_rck]

Just going by the ingredients mentioned on the menu, there was only one entree I could eat without having at least two ingredients omitted. I was dubious about that one because it included something that might be okay and might not.

So I was already a bit desperate to find something I could eat.

[rmc28]

I think being asked to detail just *how much* you can't afford is quite a bit more intrusive than just taking your word for it that you can't. Like they have a right to know the details of your finances so they can so-graciously fund your attendance at something they've organised to meet their own desires.

The way my family handles our wealth disparity (in which I'm among the richest) is either to involve people at planning/budget stages, or to have a kind of "my choice my treat" approach. Or sometimes offer options e.g. I'll pay the first £X towards this, you cover the rest.

[the_rck]

I think they're hoping that things will have changed by next August so that we can afford it. Sadly, we're not likely to be unless medical expenses suddenly vanish. I can't imagine that is going to happen.

[ramenkuri]

Maybe that is one way to answer:
At the moment, with our medical expenses, we think we would be able to get there and cover our food.
Or something like that?

[the_rck]

Something like that. I just have to nail Scott down and make him say that to them.

[ramenkuri]

Good luck!

[jerusha]

I can understand why someone would say, "Let us know what you can afford, and we'll take care of the rest," but I do agree that it would be more embarrassing. A few years ago, my parents wanted to take us (me, my brother, and our significant others) on a trip. They basically said, "We'll pay for the place to stay and other incidentals, and you guys just have to get there." It worked really well, because Tyson and I didn't have much money at the time, and we knew far enough in advance that we could budget for the airfare.

In comparison, if my parents had proposed the trip and asked us to tell them what we could afford, I'm not sure we would have gone at all. We'd bought a house and had some other incidental expenses, and it would have been tough.

[the_rck]

At this point, we have no idea what things will look like because we don't know how much we'll have to spend on Cordelia's medical needs. We may not be able to afford much of anything. Scott's trying to avoid having to replace his phone because the cost of that is the same as one appointment for Cordelia.