(no subject)

[the_rck]

I slept really, really badly last night. We went to bed a little after 11, and at 3, I was still awake. I think I slept through Scott getting up to go to work. At least, I don't remember him going. During the not sleeping part of things, I was in that state where my body was almost relaxed and my mind was too unfocused for getting up to do something else (I couldn't have kept my eyes open), but I couldn't get either mind or body to let go and actually sleep. If sleeping were falling, this would be the equivalent of getting snagged on something three quarters of the way down. I couldn't go back up, and I couldn't make it to the bottom either. (I know-- The analogy's not great since falling is painful and undesirable and sleep is beneficial. Just go with me. I can't think of anything better.)

This getting stuck at the almost asleep stage is really pretty common for me. It's why I always boggle at the folks who say that, if I can't sleep, I should get up and do something else and go back to bed when I can sleep. I have no idea how getting up to do something else would be possible when the only part of my brain that's functioning is the tense, anxious bit that says that letting go is dangerous and/or wasteful.

I end up spinning a lot of stories when I'm in that state. I can't tell, though, if the stories prolong the difficulty or just fill the time. Or, maybe, even are a beneficial side effect since my plausibility editors tend to be offline just then which can lead to me having ideas that I actually can turn into stories later.

Scott and I mostly just relaxed at home last night. We took a walk out around 7 p.m. because someone from the other side in Ingress hit the science and nature center. I was confused by the rhythm of how the attacks went and by what was attacked when, but all was explained when we got there and found the place full of people. There was a Halloween event for families, and pretty much all of the timing weirdness makes sense if the other player had a kid or kids and was following them and only playing when they stopped for long enough to be safe.

Scott made level 10 as a result, so it was all good. He sent a thank you to the other player over the game comms which we hope was taken as sincerely as it was meant. He doesn't get much chance to play, especially this time of year, unless something happens at the science and nature center.

I need to go back through my journal and check against the other records I've been keeping, but last night gave me a strong indication that the breakthrough menstrual bleeding I've been having for months might actually correlate with when I take long walks. I think that will be a project for tomorrow while Cordelia's at school. I'll be seeing the gynecologist on the 9th, and I don't think I need to have that checking done any sooner than that.

Comments

[jerusha]

I know exactly what you mean about not getting up. I take Lunesta every night, and it's rare that I can't sleep, but it happens. I'll sometimes get up to use the restroom and take an Ativan in the hopes that helps, but I won't get up and DO anything.

[the_rck]

I've thought for many years that 'sleep hygiene' for insomnia was a lot like 'just exercise more' for fibromyalgia of chronic fatigue syndrome.

[rahirah]

ETA: Sorry, that dressing gown comment was supposed to go on the next entry on my reading list.

That kind of difficulty falling asleep is sadly familiar. I've never found getting up very helpful, either.

[the_rck]

Not a problem. I know how that can happen.

[evalerie]

When I'm trying to sleep and it's not working, I find that thinking about regular things keeps me awake. If I can bore myself by thinking about, say, focusing my entire mind on slowly counting my breaths and picturing the number going around in a circle for each breath, that's usually enough to get me all the way to sleep. I have no idea if that would work for anybody other than me, though.

[the_rck]

Counting like that wakes me up. I've tried it in the past, and it requires more conscious focus than I have at that point.

[lunabee34]

I don't want to get up and do things either; that wakes me up.

Even when I can't sleep, I'd rather lay quietly in the dark than get up and do something.

[the_rck]

I generally feel that, as long as I lie there and relax physically, I'm at least getting some sort of rest.

[lunabee34]

*nods*

Me, too.

It's just not enough sometimes, and if I go too long with only a few hours of sleep at night, I hit this period where I just feel physically awful and mentally deranged. Not a good point. LOL

[the_rck]

I've tried explaining the problem to Scott, but he thinks 4-6 hours of sleep a night is normal and that anybody can do it. He doesn't seem to get the fact that he functions better with more sleep because he views sleep as a time thief.

[lunabee34]

I never realized how important sleep is until I developed insomnia. I usually cope with it pretty well; I get up five days a week before seven; when I do sleep in on the weekends, it's never past 8:30 and usually I get up before. I don't take naps, I go to the gym, I power through. But it's cumulative, and eventually I get so emotionally mixed up: angry and bitchy and irritable and crying and mean and I get so stupid feeling. It just sucks. 3-6 hours is what I usually get,and it's not nearly enough.