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Nov. 19th, 2009 02:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckThere've been a couple of parenting challenges recently. The first and more easily resolved was our discovery that one of the little boys at Cordelia's table in class had been saying unspecified mean things to her. That came out when I was asking her why she didn't eat her snacks any more. She told me that her tummy hurt too much at snack time.
When pressed, she didn't want to talk about the details. Scott and I both tried, but she still thinks that not talking about things makes them less real. The lack of information limited our options when we talked to her teachers. She's now sitting at another table as part of a larger reshuffle, but watching and trying to see what happens with the little boy is about all the teachers can do. They can't talk to him without more information from Cordelia or another witness.
The second challenge is longer term and thornier-- The school sent home a note asking parents to talk to their children about race and about not making unkind comments relating to race. Cordelia is aware of race in a very vague way but not as much as she could be. I haven't wanted to scare her, and I still have my own issues with early training that race was never to be spoken of.
I'm not entirely sure how to explain race in a way that's both accurate and makes sense to a six year old. I need to do it, though. She and one of her best buddies (the home schooled black boy who lives down the block) made plans for her to *buy* him. I was appalled and had to explain to her why I was appalled. Cordelia found the idea of slavery sufficiently terrible that she denied that it ever happened. She doesn't want reality to include misery or malice.
I think that the plan may have owed some confused connection to the fact that the little boy is adopted. Cordelia said he wanted not to have to listen to his parents. She also said she can't tell him that their 'plans have melted' even though they have. I think she's a bit worried that he'll bring it up again and expect her to do something I've told her is wrong.
At any rate, I want to do this right so as to help Cordelia be a good human being who treats other people well. I want to do it without unnecessary trauma to her (or to anyone else). I just have to guess what's necessary.
When pressed, she didn't want to talk about the details. Scott and I both tried, but she still thinks that not talking about things makes them less real. The lack of information limited our options when we talked to her teachers. She's now sitting at another table as part of a larger reshuffle, but watching and trying to see what happens with the little boy is about all the teachers can do. They can't talk to him without more information from Cordelia or another witness.
The second challenge is longer term and thornier-- The school sent home a note asking parents to talk to their children about race and about not making unkind comments relating to race. Cordelia is aware of race in a very vague way but not as much as she could be. I haven't wanted to scare her, and I still have my own issues with early training that race was never to be spoken of.
I'm not entirely sure how to explain race in a way that's both accurate and makes sense to a six year old. I need to do it, though. She and one of her best buddies (the home schooled black boy who lives down the block) made plans for her to *buy* him. I was appalled and had to explain to her why I was appalled. Cordelia found the idea of slavery sufficiently terrible that she denied that it ever happened. She doesn't want reality to include misery or malice.
I think that the plan may have owed some confused connection to the fact that the little boy is adopted. Cordelia said he wanted not to have to listen to his parents. She also said she can't tell him that their 'plans have melted' even though they have. I think she's a bit worried that he'll bring it up again and expect her to do something I've told her is wrong.
At any rate, I want to do this right so as to help Cordelia be a good human being who treats other people well. I want to do it without unnecessary trauma to her (or to anyone else). I just have to guess what's necessary.
