(no subject)

Half of our spoons are unpleasantly rough because they’ve had a close encounter with the garbage disposal. They’re not tall enough to show if they slip into the disposal. Nine times out of ten, I remember to check before I start the disposal, and most of the time, when I don’t there’s nothing there, but it adds up. Scott doesn’t notice the roughness, but I always feel like I’m going to cut my lip and tongue. He says he might be able to smooth the edges, but I can’t actually ever get him to take the time to do it. Last night, I had another spoon in the disposal incident and was really angry with myself about it.

Scott and Cordelia went out last night to look for dress shoes and a Christmas dress for her. They didn’t leave until 7:30, but DSW was open until 9:00 or so, and Kohl’s was open until either 11:00 or midnight (Cordelia and I found conflicting information. I think I found the December hours, and she found the regular hours for the rest of the year). I don’t think that Scott realized that Cordelia was looking for a Christmas dress because they bought an entirely black dress. It looks really very nice on Cordelia, but I’m going to have to figure out something she can wear to brighten it up. There was apparently another dress that they both liked better, but that one was $85 while the black one was $30. They also got her black shoes (flats).

I finally gave in and took an Ativan last night. That took the headache down to a level where I was still very aware of it but could at least think again, but the relief only lasted an hour. Pressure on very specific spots on my left shoulder and on the back of my neck helps but only for as long as it’s being applied, and I can’t get the right angle to put enough pressure on with my own hands. Apart from that, this feels like a migraine because it’s all on the left side and feels like there’s a spike through my head just above my left eye. I’m also kind of odor sensitive which is a migraine thing for me. I don’t have nausea, though, and that’s a normal migraine thing for me.

Lying down with my head hanging off the edge of the bed helps, but the pain is worse for a while after I sit up than it was before I lay down. Bending forward helps some, too, but isn’t comfortable for the rest of my body and has the same rebound problem.

I’m desperate enough to try a small amount of alcohol now in the hope that that will relax the spasmed muscles. I really didn’t want to go that way because dosing is hugely imprecise, because of the sugar and calories involved, because many of my medications say to be cautious with alcohol. Also, all we’ve got in the house is some schnapps nearly as old as Cordelia is. Experience says that an amount equivalent to about one wine cooler should help for several hours, however, and I can do that more than once a day.

But, saying that one is using alcohol medicinally, freaks people out even more than saying that one’s using a controlled substance constantly. I just haven’t had a headache this bad since August 2015 (well, maybe the one around the colonoscopy…) while I was waiting for the lumpectomy. That was only two weeks. This stress could go on a lot longer, and I’m going to need to be able to think and to leave the house and to do laundry, dishes, etc.

Update: And an hour after having some alcohol, the headache is less intense but more general. That is, I can actually open my left eye and read with it, but the right side of my head now hurts noticeably, too. It’s now a 4 or a 5 instead of an 8.

Time to go see if I actually have clean clothes to wear. Going out today is not optional, so the sooner I know, the better.

(no subject)

We can’t find Cordelia’s snow boots, so she’s been wearing my secondary pair. That secondary pair is easier to put on and take off than my primary boots but isn’t as good for walking around in because it’s not well insulated on the bottom and because it eats socks. Cordelia seems not to have the sock problem, that or she doesn’t care about it. When I wear these, it’s generally for things like taking out the trash where five to ten minutes of putting on boots is annoyingly long compared to the thirty seconds I’ll be out in the snow.

My primary pair of snow boots are more hiking boot sort of things. They’re a major chore to get into and out of. They’re also lace ups, and the last time I asked for laces, because I didn’t specify a length, Scott got the longest available. This means that I’ve got more than a foot of excess lace on each side of the boot. I have to wrap the laces around my legs and double knot things in the hope that I won’t end up walking on the laces and falling over.

I need to figure out what length of laces I actually need and then get them. It’s just been very low on my list of priorities that I only think about it when I’m about to go out.

(no subject)

Drat. I wrote this hours ago and then forgot to post it. Here it is anyway:

Getting through this afternoon’s appointment actually did kill the headache. I’m actually feeling pretty good as far as that goes right at the moment. I wish I could get my body to respond to this sort of anxiety/stress in a less agonizing and debilitating way. Of course, this serves as a reminder of how I felt 80-90% of the time when I was working.

I fell while we were out, though, so I’m bruised between my ankles and knees on both legs. The left leg is worse because of course it is. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do my Achille’s tendon/calf muscle stretches for a little while. My hands are a bit sore, too, because I caught myself on them. It was snow along the curb when I got out of the car. Rock hard snow.

Scott and Cordelia are out, seeing Rogue One. Cordelia’s with several friends as part of a birthday celebration. Since Scott had to drive her there and pick her up after, it made sense for him to watch the movie at the same time. He wanted very much to see it, of course, because Star Wars is one of his passions.

Scott did the library run on his own this afternoon because I couldn’t deal with going out. Somehow, he missed six of my holds, so we’re going to have to go back for them tomorrow.