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Oct. 12th, 2020 03:16 pmI'm concerned that I'm not going to finish my Fic in a Box assignment. I'm at 2400 words out of a minimum of 10000, and the characters aren't cooperating. I can't find interesting things for them to do. I'm doing procrastinatory house cleaning and cooking rather than writing, and my body is extremely displeased about it.
I'm also feeling generally down. It may be hormonal. It may be anticipatory stress about having to wait until January to find out what the hell is going on medically that makes my doctor thing I need an urgent neurology appointment (experience suggests that, whatever it is, the specialist will shrug and say that it's some other specialty's problem). It may be having just listened to my daughter and her friends do a lunch Zoom thing with one of the girls sounding desperately depressed. It may be me working on my Christmas list for Scott's parents and realizing (again) that it grieves me that my parents are insufficiently interested in any of us (including my siblings and my nephew) ever to ask what we want or need.
There's also a certain amount of me knowing that Scott's parents will look at my list and buy something that's almost what I asked for but sufficiently different that I can't use it all while congratulating themselves on having found something better for the purpose. I have four things on the list that I need and will have to buy for myself if I don't get them for Christmas and three things that I'd like to have but won't buy for myself.
I've showered to try to break my mood, and I might go for a walk. We have a tele-appointment in an hour, though, so a walk might not work since I can't be sure how long I'd be out. After the appointment might work, but it will be close to dusk. I don't know.
Cordelia went to a socially distanced gathering for choir last night and had a lot of fun. This is the first time she's gone to a high school social gathering that she enjoyed. I regret the three years of her not having that but am grateful that she has it now.
We've gotten notice that the high school has sent out Cordelia's transcripts, but we haven't yet heard confirmation that any of the universities have received them. I'm assuming that notice will come in the next day or two.
I'm also feeling generally down. It may be hormonal. It may be anticipatory stress about having to wait until January to find out what the hell is going on medically that makes my doctor thing I need an urgent neurology appointment (experience suggests that, whatever it is, the specialist will shrug and say that it's some other specialty's problem). It may be having just listened to my daughter and her friends do a lunch Zoom thing with one of the girls sounding desperately depressed. It may be me working on my Christmas list for Scott's parents and realizing (again) that it grieves me that my parents are insufficiently interested in any of us (including my siblings and my nephew) ever to ask what we want or need.
There's also a certain amount of me knowing that Scott's parents will look at my list and buy something that's almost what I asked for but sufficiently different that I can't use it all while congratulating themselves on having found something better for the purpose. I have four things on the list that I need and will have to buy for myself if I don't get them for Christmas and three things that I'd like to have but won't buy for myself.
I've showered to try to break my mood, and I might go for a walk. We have a tele-appointment in an hour, though, so a walk might not work since I can't be sure how long I'd be out. After the appointment might work, but it will be close to dusk. I don't know.
Cordelia went to a socially distanced gathering for choir last night and had a lot of fun. This is the first time she's gone to a high school social gathering that she enjoyed. I regret the three years of her not having that but am grateful that she has it now.
We've gotten notice that the high school has sent out Cordelia's transcripts, but we haven't yet heard confirmation that any of the universities have received them. I'm assuming that notice will come in the next day or two.
