the_rck

I'm concerned that I'm not going to finish my Fic in a Box assignment. I'm at 2400 words out of a minimum of 10000, and the characters aren't cooperating. I can't find interesting things for them to do. I'm doing procrastinatory house cleaning and cooking rather than writing, and my body is extremely displeased about it.

I'm also feeling generally down. It may be hormonal. It may be anticipatory stress about having to wait until January to find out what the hell is going on medically that makes my doctor thing I need an urgent neurology appointment (experience suggests that, whatever it is, the specialist will shrug and say that it's some other specialty's problem). It may be having just listened to my daughter and her friends do a lunch Zoom thing with one of the girls sounding desperately depressed. It may be me working on my Christmas list for Scott's parents and realizing (again) that it grieves me that my parents are insufficiently interested in any of us (including my siblings and my nephew) ever to ask what we want or need.

There's also a certain amount of me knowing that Scott's parents will look at my list and buy something that's almost what I asked for but sufficiently different that I can't use it all while congratulating themselves on having found something better for the purpose. I have four things on the list that I need and will have to buy for myself if I don't get them for Christmas and three things that I'd like to have but won't buy for myself.

I've showered to try to break my mood, and I might go for a walk. We have a tele-appointment in an hour, though, so a walk might not work since I can't be sure how long I'd be out. After the appointment might work, but it will be close to dusk. I don't know.

Cordelia went to a socially distanced gathering for choir last night and had a lot of fun. This is the first time she's gone to a high school social gathering that she enjoyed. I regret the three years of her not having that but am grateful that she has it now.

We've gotten notice that the high school has sent out Cordelia's transcripts, but we haven't yet heard confirmation that any of the universities have received them. I'm assuming that notice will come in the next day or two.

So the cold turned into bronchitis. There was some risk that I had pertussis as it's around in the schools right now. My having gotten exposed in the middle of September's run of prednisone was entirely likely as I accompanied Cordelia to her physical and could easily have picked it up in the waiting room.

We ended up going to urgent care last week for the cough. The clinician there took a sample for the pertussis culture and then freaked out because me having antibiotic allergies meant that her check list of things to do didn't work. She had no idea what to do. She gave me more prednisone, this time at a much higher dose, but kept asking if I was really sure I was allergic to Augmentin and Zithromax because her checklist said she needed to give me prophylactic antibiotics while we waited the week it would take to the culture results.

The second run of prednisone made me feel much worse which was terrifying. I felt like I was never going to feel any better because each dose was worse. Fortunately, I started feeling noticeably better once I finished the five days. Pretty immediately so. I ended up seeing a doctor at UHS that same day, though. There's not much to do at this point but to rest and hope to feel better quickly.

I haven't been able to use my c-pap in a couple of weeks because it makes me choke and cough. I had a few nights when I was afraid to fall asleep. I breathed much better when lying flat on my back, but I wasn't breathing strongly and worried about sleep making that slower/weaker. I cut my sleeping medications entirely for a while and then went to 25% of my normal dose.

My current plan is to try the c-pap tonight and see how it goes. Scott's not working tomorrow, so if it doesn't work, he'll still be able to get a reasonable night of sleep. I'd probably have tried it a night or two ago, but he worked Wednesday through Friday.

( Talk about my hand issues )

I think I'm not going to sign up for Yuletide. I'm not 100% sure that I'll be able to prepare the scenarios I've committed to for UCon. I don't want to make any other promises at this point.

My LTD appeal is still in process. I need to proofread, edit, and sign a statement that my mother has drafted for me. I simply haven't been able to cope with it this month.

Scott's going to be working 2nd shift from the second week of November onward. He says it's temporary, but I'm worried that it won't be. Him working 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. will be incredibly awkward even short term, and it will mean that he and Cordelia don't see each other at all during the week. It will also mean that I'll need to sleep roughly 2 a.m. to noon and won't have any time when I can be noisy.