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Feb. 21st, 2014 12:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckAs far as I know, it hasn't frozen yet. There's a lot of water on the ground, puddling up in the low areas. When we were driving to Cordelia's appointment yesterday, there were a lot of times when we drove through big, deep puddles. I was very glad that our car isn't low to the ground-- We might have gotten stuck in some of those puddles if it were.
The social worker mostly talked to me and Scott. I think Cordelia only got about ten minutes. With Scott's help, though, we were able to bring up more concerns with the social worker, things we all need to work on. Cordelia is so reluctant to try anything where there's the slightest risk of unexpected failure (She's okay with something like the Science Olympiad where failure is likely but there's a chance of winning, but she can't face a new board game).
I do need to think of a better answer when Cordelia asks why I love her. I tend not to have a good answer because the reason I love her is that she's my daughter, and that's not why she's looking for when she asks. She wants to know what makes her special and different from all the other possible daughters I could have had. She wants something other than what parents give automatically. My love for her apparently doesn't count because I'm her mother.
The social worker mostly talked to me and Scott. I think Cordelia only got about ten minutes. With Scott's help, though, we were able to bring up more concerns with the social worker, things we all need to work on. Cordelia is so reluctant to try anything where there's the slightest risk of unexpected failure (She's okay with something like the Science Olympiad where failure is likely but there's a chance of winning, but she can't face a new board game).
I do need to think of a better answer when Cordelia asks why I love her. I tend not to have a good answer because the reason I love her is that she's my daughter, and that's not why she's looking for when she asks. She wants to know what makes her special and different from all the other possible daughters I could have had. She wants something other than what parents give automatically. My love for her apparently doesn't count because I'm her mother.
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Date: 2014-02-21 08:51 pm (UTC)I do have ideas, about what I would tell my daughter if I had one, or what I think my mother would tell me if I asked, but this is such a personal thing that I hesitate to share them with you uninvited.
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Date: 2014-02-23 04:26 pm (UTC)If you feel it's too private to put in a public comment, feel free to PM me.
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Date: 2014-02-22 02:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-22 07:57 pm (UTC)Instead, I'd personally b tempted to answer in a different form that answers both questions. "I love you because you're my daughter, and I always will. I also really enjoy it when X" or "And I'm really proud of you for Y" or the like.
To fill in X or Y - if you were talking about how proud of her you are, or about what's going on in her life in a positive way, to someone who knew you but didn't know her, what would you say? If you had to describe her ongoing positive characteristics, what would you say?
For example, Drew has a great sense of humor, a compelling grin, and he is really good at inventing stories. Ian has an infectious giggle, he's game for anything and always bounces back if something doesn't work, and he's mechanically inclined and so interested in figuring out how things work! (...yes, some of those can also be negatives, but they aren't always, and they're awesome parts of who the boys are. They are more awesome when Drew is telling us a story and not a lie, and Ian is exploring his play tool bench and not trying to disassemble the Wii-motes, but obviously I wouldn't mention those things in a positive comment, even glancingly.)
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Date: 2014-02-23 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-21 06:04 pm (UTC)Reading the last paragraph, I have a suggestion. This is not based on anything... just an idea that popped into my head. From your description, I read that she is looking for a more specific answer, though there isn't one to give.
Tell her things you love *about* her. Tell her explicitly these are things you love *about* her not *why* you love her. Ask her things she loves about herself and things she loves about you. If nothing else it could spur interesting and loving conversation, and maybe give her some confidence.
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Date: 2014-02-23 04:32 pm (UTC)I fear that she'll say there's nothing she loves about herself. Girls are socialized not to value themselves, and it's so pervasive.