(no subject)

[the_rck]

Scott and I are thinking about discontinuing Cordelia seeing the social worker. Cordelia really resents missing school, and I'm not sure she's at all willing to work on any issues (or to acknowledge them) that she still has. We have to make a decision in the next few days, probably by the end of the day Monday.

The social worker suggested that we continue to work by having me talk to Cordelia and then come and talk to the social worker without her, ferrying information and instructions back and forth. That doesn't sound particularly workable to me. Cordelia won't talk to me about any of this stuff. She's only kind of started opening up to the social worker.

I did wonder if this was a sort of underhanded way of getting me into therapy instead of Cordelia. I certainly have issues enough, but I'm not at all convinced that therapy would help me. I've tried it before, multiple times, and it's not been useful.

The social worker did say that Cordelia has admitted to some issues at school-- anxiety caused by a belief that she has to be perfect mainly. I suspect that Cordelia did not intend to have that repeated to me. I want very much to help her, but I'm at a loss as to what's best to do.

Comments

[kyrielle]

I happened across a book at the library today, completely by chance, that a quick skim had me fascinated - I have no idea if it's as good as the skim suggested, or if my eyes just caught on bits that seemed relevant. It was Lawrence Cohen's _Playful Parenting_. I'll be reading it, but I haven't yet.

Anyway, researching him, he also has a book called _The Opposite of Worry: The Playful Parenting Approach to Childhood Anxieties and Fears_.

I'm wondering whether your library might also have any of his titles? I don't know if it would be at all helpful, but...I figured I'd mention, because I thought of you when I saw that second one.

[the_rck]

Our library doesn't have the book in question, but I've put in an interlibrary loan request for it. The reviews on Amazon are encouraging.

Thanks for letting me know the book exists!

[evalerie.livejournal.com]

I think it's pretty common for therapists to meet with parents and let the parents do the interacting with kids. So my guess is that the suggestion was what she said it was, and not an attempt to get you into therapy.

One of my kids has been schlepped around to a lot of therapists. This kid isn't particularly helpful and doesn't want to be there, and the therapy takes place behind closed doors without parents there, so I am never sure what goes on or if it is helpful in any way. How much *can* a therapist help an unwilling person? I don't know. But I do think that the most recent therapist has been helpful, unwilling kid or no. Most of the others in the past, however, I don't think have been particularly helpful. But as a parent I get so little information that I just don't know.

We only once had a therapist who wanted to interact with us and not with the kid. We didn't go back, but did buy a book that he recommended, a self-help book for kids about I think it was either sleep or anxiety, and then later on we bought the other book too. I don't think any of our kids has ever looked at that book, though.

[the_rck]

I have the impression that it's hard for a therapist to help someone who's unwilling. Those who specialize in working with kids must have techniques for getting cooperation, but I can't imagine what they would be. It's hard when the kid thinks that the way things currently are is fine and doesn't need changing.

Cordelia is very private and already has the adolescent tendency to refuse to talk to us about things that matter. She's never been inclined to tell us much about school or her friends or anything about the parts of her life that we don't experience with her (and she's wanting more and more space without our presence. She really doesn't want Scott helping with her soccer team. She's no longer trying to talk him out of it, but she's made it clear that she'd rather not have him there. She'd rather that I stopped volunteering at the school, too, or at least stopped volunteering with her class).

I'm torn because we have made some progress. I feel like we ought to keep trying to make more progress. It's just that the issues are so intangible. We'd do better if we had some solid things to work on, things with definite points to mark progress.