(no subject)

[the_rck]

On a whim, I did a Google search today for a friend we lost touch with about the time Cordelia was born. He was someone who role played with us regularly while he still lived in Ann Arbor, and he rented our spare room (the one that's now Cordelia's room) for about three months between when his lease ended and when he got married and moved to Chicago.

The first search result was an obituary. He passed away in 2010, and we never knew. None of the obituaries I found mentioned how he died, but he would have been about thirty seven. It was definitely him. He had a rare name, and I recognized his wife's name.

I'm not at all sure what to do with this information. Four years is kind of late to send condolences even if we had a current address for his wife. We just assumed that he was getting on with his life. I don't know.

Comments

[untonuggan]

♥

sympathies. loss is hard no matter when you find out about it.

[the_rck]

Thank you. This loss is muted for me as he'd been gone from my life for more than a decade, but he was a good man, and I'm glad to have known him.

[loligo]

I'm so sorry -- grief is tough enough, without coming in a strange and disconcerting way.

[the_rck]

I feel like I ought to have known somehow. We were good friends once. We just lost touch when Cordelia was born.

[kyrielle]

My condolences.

I'm not sure there is anything to do about it, or that needs to be done, other than whatever you need to do for yourself to come to grips with it.

[the_rck]

Yeah, I don't think there's anything to be done. I'd be tempted to write to his wife, but I have no idea how to find her. The obituary indicated that they'd moved to a different state.

[evalerie.livejournal.com]

I am sorry. (And I would be curious to know who it was.)

[the_rck]

I don't think you ever met him. His name was Cass Buscher.

[ramenkuri.livejournal.com]

I am sorry too.

This is where I look up advice from Miss Manners and Carolyn Hax because I don't know what is appropriate.

But maybe a simple card expressing your condolences?

I have wondered what to do about my elderly Japanese teacher. She was not in the best of health and I am rather sure that she passed away, but I don't know her family at all. But I would love to honor her, she was an amazing woman.

[the_rck]

If we had an address, I'd consider it, but his wife's name is fairly common, and we don't even know what state she lives in. Judging by the obituary, four years ago, they were in Pennsylvania, so the last address we had, in Chicago, no longer applies, and the post office only forwards for about six months.

For your teacher-- Maybe write a letter addressed to her. If she's passed away, either it will get returned to you, or the family will open it. If you say how much she meant to you, they'll be pleased. Of course, if it's not important that the family know, you could donate something in her name to a charity you think she'd support.

[ramenkuri.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I will try sending a card.

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

for what it's worth....I moved into my grandmothers home and kept her former phone number after she passed. I'd been there about two years when an old friend of hers called to get back in touch, she had not heard of my grandmothers passing. she was shocked to find about it, I personally appreciated the opportunity to talk with someone who had known her and who could share a few fond memories of her. it's just my opinion, but taking the time to recognize that the person existed in your life and you thought enough of them to look for them, even at this late date, is respectful, but that's just my opinion. I would probably send a card.

[the_rck]

Unfortunately, we don't have an address. The obituary indicated that they'd moved to a different state from the last address we have for them, and his wife's name is fairly common. I don't expect I could track her down easily.

[evalerie.livejournal.com]

Hm. What if you wrote something about him and posted it on the Internet? Then when people searched for his name someday, they might find you and you could connect with them about it then.

[booniverse.livejournal.com]

Well crum. I'll let Matt-Matt know...every once in a while Cass's name comes up when we talk role playing lore. As to what to do...I have no idea.

[the_rck]

I hadn't really thought about Cass in a while, and I was curious to see how he was doing. I wonder what happened...

I don't think there really is anything to be done except maybe to pass along the information to people who knew him when he lived here.

We still occasionally get mail for him. The most recent was a voter card that I sent back. Mostly, it tends to be advertisements that we throw out.