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Jul. 27th, 2003 04:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckWell, I asked ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
theshunter to interview me. I must say, I think she came up with some challenging questions.
If you want me to interview you:
1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
1) A lot of people say that having a baby is worth all the sleepless nights and other pains, is this the case for you? and if so, could you give an example of what has made Delia worth it all.
This is a hard one. Having Delia's absolutely worth all the trouble, but... I'm not sure I can put the why into words. To some extent, it can't be answered. I suspect that we're all programmed to want to take care of babies (as my mother says, babies wouldn't survive otherwise), to enjoy holding them and playing with them. All of the negatives seem to dissolve in the face of things like:
She's smiling now and seems glad to hear our voices. When we put her down to play, she's happier and more energetic if we're there with her. The things she needs are things I actually can provide. Sometimes, she simply sleeps in my arms, trusting that I'll take care of her.
What else do I need?
2) Where do you want to go with your writing?
I'm not certain that it's so much that I know where I want to go with it as that I'm not happy when I'm not writing. It doesn't really have to go anywhere except in as much as it's much more satisfying if I can finish whatever I start on. I'm one of those people who can get drunk on words. When they're properly put together, words create whole new realities.
I guess that part of it is a need to share the stories and characters who are running around in my head. Communication's important to me. I want the words to convey what I'm describing as if it were the only reality. I don't so much want my readers to see what I describe as to be present in the story on a more visceral level.
PlotLucks have been a wonderful outlet for plots and characters, for getting them out of my head, since there are so many characters and plots involved in each game. PlotLucks, however, are a little less satisfying because the characters seldom play out as I would write them. Often there's a certain emotional impact that I'm looking for that just can't happen people are playing a character in a LARP.
I realized while working on the fanfics that have restarted my fiction writing that I try to write characters in situations that create, legitimately, the same levels of stress that my anxieties place on me. I suspect that this is because I know that my fears are irrational and unjustified-- Writing this sort of thing gives me something to do with those feelings that's at least marginally worthwhile. It also, in a weird way, lets me write what I know.
3) It is obvious that you and Scott are in love, could you describe some of why you think this is?
Why it's obvious or why we're in love?
Seriously, though... Scott's a genuinely nice guy. (My sister was appalled when I described him that way. She said that I should never call any guy I was interested in "nice." Of course, my sister also always claimed that she could never date anyone who was a friend and seemed puzzled when I responded that I couldn't imagine dating someone who wasn't or who I didn't at least think could be.)
We have enough interests in common to have things to do together and to discuss but also enough individual interests that we don't smother each other. And we listen to each other talk about what matters to us. It may be a purely polite listening, the sort with nods and noises of agreement in the right places (and we both know it), but we both do it.
When we have conflicts (and we do), we talk about them. We don't always do it immediately. Often we both need a little time to let our emotions calm. We just make sure we come back to the issue rather than trying to pretend it's not there. Once we do talk, we both compromise. Neither of us expects the other to change radically or immediately; real people simply can't do that. We also assume that both of us will have to change. We couldn't survive together if either of us tried to make the other surrender all the time.
We share the good and the bad. We don't always agree on the solutions to problems, but we maintain a certain humor about it. What I own belongs to Scott, too, and what he owns is mine. He's never been bothered about the fact that, due to my disabilities, I contribute far less materially to our relationship. He helps me deal with the things I genuinely can't manage but makes me face the things that I can do but don't want to (and it can be a difficult distinction sometimes). I'm well aware that many relationships founder in the face of chronic illness/disability. The strain on the healthy partner is immense.
4) If you could change anything in your life, what one thing would it be?
Difficult question-- I can see a lot of things that might make my current situation better. Still, when I get down to it, I think there's one really good answer. I'd like to be completely healthy, physically and mentally. At the moment, my life is circumscribed by the barriers produced by fibromyalgia and anxiety.
I don't know that I'd wish never to have had these disabilities, though. A lot of who I am has been shaped by my various illnesses. I'd be afraid of diminishing myself, losing my compassion or my creativity or... But I miss so much, too. I find myself thinking now about trying to take Delia to a museum or to the zoo and realizing that I physically can't do it-- I can't walk that much at one time, and I can't push her stroller from a rented wheelchair (and Scott can't push both of us around at the same time).
The idea of as profound and sudden a change as magically becoming healthy would be is rather scary, too. I suspect it'd take me a long time to fully adjust since my habits are all geared toward current reality.
5) What is your favorite childhood memory?
I don't know that there's a specific single moment that's my favorite. I remember lazy summer days that more or less blurred into each other, times when I found peace climbing a pair of mulberry trees in a neighbor's yard. One tree was male and the other female, and they grew so close together that you'd think they were one tree if you didn't think about the fact that only one bore fruit. I'd climb up there and sit and think and do nothing in particular. It was a private time for me, something I needed during the days when my mother ran a daycare center in our house (I seem to need solitude and social interaction in about equal quantities, not an easy balance to find).
I was heartbroken when the folks who owned the property chopped down the trees. Fortunately, it happened while I was away visiting my grandparents, so I didn't have to watch it. I don't know what I'd have done. That was my first real experience of loss.
theshunter to interview me. I must say, I think she came up with some challenging questions.If you want me to interview you:
1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
1) A lot of people say that having a baby is worth all the sleepless nights and other pains, is this the case for you? and if so, could you give an example of what has made Delia worth it all.
This is a hard one. Having Delia's absolutely worth all the trouble, but... I'm not sure I can put the why into words. To some extent, it can't be answered. I suspect that we're all programmed to want to take care of babies (as my mother says, babies wouldn't survive otherwise), to enjoy holding them and playing with them. All of the negatives seem to dissolve in the face of things like:
She's smiling now and seems glad to hear our voices. When we put her down to play, she's happier and more energetic if we're there with her. The things she needs are things I actually can provide. Sometimes, she simply sleeps in my arms, trusting that I'll take care of her.
What else do I need?
2) Where do you want to go with your writing?
I'm not certain that it's so much that I know where I want to go with it as that I'm not happy when I'm not writing. It doesn't really have to go anywhere except in as much as it's much more satisfying if I can finish whatever I start on. I'm one of those people who can get drunk on words. When they're properly put together, words create whole new realities.
I guess that part of it is a need to share the stories and characters who are running around in my head. Communication's important to me. I want the words to convey what I'm describing as if it were the only reality. I don't so much want my readers to see what I describe as to be present in the story on a more visceral level.
PlotLucks have been a wonderful outlet for plots and characters, for getting them out of my head, since there are so many characters and plots involved in each game. PlotLucks, however, are a little less satisfying because the characters seldom play out as I would write them. Often there's a certain emotional impact that I'm looking for that just can't happen people are playing a character in a LARP.
I realized while working on the fanfics that have restarted my fiction writing that I try to write characters in situations that create, legitimately, the same levels of stress that my anxieties place on me. I suspect that this is because I know that my fears are irrational and unjustified-- Writing this sort of thing gives me something to do with those feelings that's at least marginally worthwhile. It also, in a weird way, lets me write what I know.
3) It is obvious that you and Scott are in love, could you describe some of why you think this is?
Why it's obvious or why we're in love?
Seriously, though... Scott's a genuinely nice guy. (My sister was appalled when I described him that way. She said that I should never call any guy I was interested in "nice." Of course, my sister also always claimed that she could never date anyone who was a friend and seemed puzzled when I responded that I couldn't imagine dating someone who wasn't or who I didn't at least think could be.)
We have enough interests in common to have things to do together and to discuss but also enough individual interests that we don't smother each other. And we listen to each other talk about what matters to us. It may be a purely polite listening, the sort with nods and noises of agreement in the right places (and we both know it), but we both do it.
When we have conflicts (and we do), we talk about them. We don't always do it immediately. Often we both need a little time to let our emotions calm. We just make sure we come back to the issue rather than trying to pretend it's not there. Once we do talk, we both compromise. Neither of us expects the other to change radically or immediately; real people simply can't do that. We also assume that both of us will have to change. We couldn't survive together if either of us tried to make the other surrender all the time.
We share the good and the bad. We don't always agree on the solutions to problems, but we maintain a certain humor about it. What I own belongs to Scott, too, and what he owns is mine. He's never been bothered about the fact that, due to my disabilities, I contribute far less materially to our relationship. He helps me deal with the things I genuinely can't manage but makes me face the things that I can do but don't want to (and it can be a difficult distinction sometimes). I'm well aware that many relationships founder in the face of chronic illness/disability. The strain on the healthy partner is immense.
4) If you could change anything in your life, what one thing would it be?
Difficult question-- I can see a lot of things that might make my current situation better. Still, when I get down to it, I think there's one really good answer. I'd like to be completely healthy, physically and mentally. At the moment, my life is circumscribed by the barriers produced by fibromyalgia and anxiety.
I don't know that I'd wish never to have had these disabilities, though. A lot of who I am has been shaped by my various illnesses. I'd be afraid of diminishing myself, losing my compassion or my creativity or... But I miss so much, too. I find myself thinking now about trying to take Delia to a museum or to the zoo and realizing that I physically can't do it-- I can't walk that much at one time, and I can't push her stroller from a rented wheelchair (and Scott can't push both of us around at the same time).
The idea of as profound and sudden a change as magically becoming healthy would be is rather scary, too. I suspect it'd take me a long time to fully adjust since my habits are all geared toward current reality.
5) What is your favorite childhood memory?
I don't know that there's a specific single moment that's my favorite. I remember lazy summer days that more or less blurred into each other, times when I found peace climbing a pair of mulberry trees in a neighbor's yard. One tree was male and the other female, and they grew so close together that you'd think they were one tree if you didn't think about the fact that only one bore fruit. I'd climb up there and sit and think and do nothing in particular. It was a private time for me, something I needed during the days when my mother ran a daycare center in our house (I seem to need solitude and social interaction in about equal quantities, not an easy balance to find).
I was heartbroken when the folks who owned the property chopped down the trees. Fortunately, it happened while I was away visiting my grandparents, so I didn't have to watch it. I don't know what I'd have done. That was my first real experience of loss.
