(no subject)

[the_rck]

Yesterday's crankiness transformed into a nasty headache and nausea by the end of the evening, which in turn became depression. Delia was being a bit higher maintenance than usual, and I started feeling like my only role in this world is being her mother. Sort of a "nobody but Delia wants/needs me for anything" mood.

I knew I was being silly, but intellectual understanding that I'm being ridiculous seldom does anything to affect my emotional state.

Once Delia was finally asleep, I took a longish bath. That didn't help the headache but did at least help me feel warm again. (Sometimes I wonder why I live in Michigan. I hate being cold. It hurts, and I have trouble getting warm again.)

I think I babbled at Scott at some point during the night about feeling useless and disconnected. That was at a point when Delia'd been up twice in less than an hour, and we were both hoping that she'd sleep for a while this time. He rubbed my back a bit and told me to go back to sleep.

I should say that I don't feel like this all the time, not even most of the time. It's just that sometimes the mood sneaks up and ambushes me. Sigh... I think I'd rather be cranky than depressed. I suppose that the cranky moods are often a shield against being depressed. That is, if I can be angry, I'll have too much energy going to get really down.

But it only works for so long.

Comments

[hoya99.livejournal.com]

HUG

[missysedai.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I know that feeling. I think every mother must have that thought occasionally, that no one sees them as anything but somebody's mother.

And word on the winter thing. Mark doesn't understand why I get upset with him when he starts dancing around and getting all happy about cold weather and snow. He doesn't grasp the whole "Cold physically hurts me." train of thought.

[retsuko.livejournal.com]

*hugs*