(no subject)

[the_rck]

Delia keeps talking about 'her baby brother.' It's very cute and also makes me want to cry. She's not going to have a baby brother or a baby sister. I can't take care of her *and* a baby, and we'd have trouble shoehorning another person into our house (and into our budget, but I suspect we'd manage the money give the reality of another child). I think I've gotten it through to her that the baby brother is going to remain imaginary because she's started announcing that she doesn't have one and asking me if she can have a sister.

My mother says, and I think she's right, that Delia would hate the reality of having another child around all the time. She could learn to deal with it and accept it as normal, but she really doesn't like sharing very much. Sharing her parents would drive her crazy. It might be good for her, of course.

Bah. I need to stop thinking about that. It's hard to be a responsible adult sometimes, to want something that's a dreadfully bad idea and to turn away from it because it's a bad idea.

Comments

[chichiri-no-da.livejournal.com]

Aww, I find this terribly cute, because my parents have always told me that when I was Delia's age, I asked my parents for a baby brother, and lo, I got one. I don't know how much of it was really a cause an effect thing, but my mother always reminded me when my brother was a pain, that I asked for him XD

[the_rck]

::laughs:: I can imagine that happening with Delia, too.

And why do I think that being reminded didn't make you any less annoyed with him?

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

I've discovered over the years that many little munchkins talk about imaginary siblings when they are ready to begin socializing. Preschool or school will often fulfil that wish!

[the_rck]

It started after she'd been in pre-school for a few weeks, so I think that she's looking at the other kids and imagining herself with the families they have. It's a co-op pre-school, so there are always different parents there who talk about their other kids and kids who talk about their siblings. As I recall, the discussion of baby brothers started after one of the mothers worked a session while carrying her six week old in a chest carrier (she was exhausted by the end of the session, but she'd been hesitant to leave him in his carseat on the floor with eighteen three year olds running around).

She adores pre-school most of the time. Sometimes, she'll try to order me not to take her there, but I think she'd be very disappointed if I gave in and let her stay home (she's always eager once I get her out the door).

To be honest, I don't think she's got any sense of what having a sibling would actually mean. I think she's seeing them as possessions with status rather than as potential playmates.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Yep. Makes total sense.

[scribblemoose]

Delia will be fine either way - I think every kid pesters their parents for a kid brother or sister at some point, but then every kid pesters for a puppy, too. It's just her working through how families work.

The maternal instinct can be overwhelmingly strong, though. Why not take it six months at a time? See how you're coping that bit further down the line and re-evaluate. That can be a lot easier to live with than the Final Decision thing - and it also allows for change.

*slides back under rock*

[the_rck]

Well, the finality of the decision comes from a bit of arithmetic. I'm 39 now, and when Delia's in kindergarten, I'll be 41. I definitely couldn't care for her full time at home while being pregnant, even if I had an 'easy' pregnancy as I did with her. That's in terms of basics like feeding her and making sure she's clean and dressed and so on without even considering things like getting to pre-school or having play dates. That's also only looking at my physical disabilities.

Also, having another child means that many more years of (a) not writing and (b) not being able to safely try new medications for my anxiety. I don't think I can face the former (I'm counting months till kindergarten), and the latter might make day to day life easier (or harder or no different) in other ways. It's just that, given the side effects I've had in the past from anti-anxiety meds, it would be utterly irresponsible to try anything of the sort while Delia's still at home alone with me for long stretches of time. At least one anti-anxiety medication made me weepy and suicidal. The possibility of anything like that right now is horrific and is the fundamental reason why I'm refusing to try meds just now. Even lesser side effects like falling asleep every time I sit down aren't acceptable with a child around.

[retsuko.livejournal.com]

That is cute, but I can see why it hurts you. When I was little, I didn't want a baby sister, just a pet (dog or kitty). And I got a sister. *grins* I like her now, but I sure didn't then. Perhaps this is the prelude to having an imaginary friend?

In the words of the stupid TV show from years back, kids do say the "darndest things" and this may be just a phase. Who knows what she'll want next month?

[the_rck]

She already has an imaginary friend of sorts. She keeps talking about going to visit her friend or making art to give to her friend. So far as we can tell, though, the imaginary friend is always somewhere other than where Delia is. I've no idea if that's at all usual, but it's not something I've heard of before.

I'm sure it is just a phase. ::grins:: Of course, I'm also sure that, when she's a teenager, she'll tell us we ruined her life by forcing her to be an only child. The teenage years seem to make every single event or decision in the past a source of misery and evidence of bad parenting, at least in the child's mind.

I was too young when my sister arrived to want her or not want her, really. I was only fifteen months old when she was born. I expect that I was jealous, but I probably also didn't have much sense of the possibility of not having her around. I was eleven when my brother arrived, and that was entirely different. I was very eager for an additional sibling then.