(no subject)
Jun. 25th, 2007 11:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckThis is something I started back in May and didn't post because it wandered into talking about things that I can't quite articulate about my disabilities and such. I'm posting the parts that deal with Delia's birthday which was the 17th of May.
Delia's birthday party went pretty well, I think. We had five little girls as guests, and two parents stayed to help out. I'd originally planned for one extra parent, but one of the little girls got very upset at the thought of her mother leaving, so her mother stayed. As it turned out, four adults was about what we needed, and Kafi's presence meant that it wasn't a big deal when![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
evalerie, the other mother present, had to leave to deal with her son having injured himself (he turned out to be mostly okay, just sore and bruised, but they were afraid of broken bones, especially since he'd just recovered from a broken collarbone).
Delia'd asked for a 'princess party.' We did that by putting up a Disney princess banner, having napkins, plates and cups with princesses on them and letting the girls decorate foam tiaras with glitter glue and foam stickers. Scott also found a bat and ball with Disney princesses on them, and the girls played with that a little. Mostly, though, we had them out in the backyard, playing on the swingset.
Our cleaning lady, Hawa, gave Delia a birthday cake, a beautiful store bought one that can't have been cheap. We used that for the party. It saved me a lot of work. Hawa also gave Delia a pair of shoes. Hawa likes giving Delia gifts, but I always feel a little bad when she does. She gets $10 an hour and only works a few hours for any given employer (at least I know she's got health insurance. There's a cooperative locally of people with disabilities who need PAs that makes sure that people like Hawa can get benefits. I don't know how much longer the cooperative will be able to keep going given the rising cost of health insurance. I try not to think about that too much) and takes the bus to get from one place to another. She also sends regular payments to her relatives in Africa (I can never remember which country she's from. At this point, I'm embarrassed to ask again. I should be better at remembering something that important about someone who comes to my house every week).
I have weirdly mixed feelings about having Hawa come in every week. I need her help, and she's a very nice woman, but I also have huge anxiety about having someone else come in and see so much of my life. I think some of it is fear that she'll judge my parenting, my housekeeping, my level of disability and so on and disapprove. I can ignore the opinions of people I encounter briefly, but Hawa's here every week. She's only occasionally given me indications of opinions (she thought I nursed Delia for too long and didn't push her to potty train soon enough but approves of my insistence that Delia tidy her own room before Hawa changes the sheets on her bed and mops the floor). Some of my discomfort also comes from knowing that I *could* do the things I have her do. It would just mean that I couldn't do some of the other things that I do-- I could clean the bathroom if I were willing to do nothing else that day but sit and fiddle with my laptop while Delia watches TV.
Delia's birthday party went pretty well, I think. We had five little girls as guests, and two parents stayed to help out. I'd originally planned for one extra parent, but one of the little girls got very upset at the thought of her mother leaving, so her mother stayed. As it turned out, four adults was about what we needed, and Kafi's presence meant that it wasn't a big deal when
evalerie, the other mother present, had to leave to deal with her son having injured himself (he turned out to be mostly okay, just sore and bruised, but they were afraid of broken bones, especially since he'd just recovered from a broken collarbone).Delia'd asked for a 'princess party.' We did that by putting up a Disney princess banner, having napkins, plates and cups with princesses on them and letting the girls decorate foam tiaras with glitter glue and foam stickers. Scott also found a bat and ball with Disney princesses on them, and the girls played with that a little. Mostly, though, we had them out in the backyard, playing on the swingset.
Our cleaning lady, Hawa, gave Delia a birthday cake, a beautiful store bought one that can't have been cheap. We used that for the party. It saved me a lot of work. Hawa also gave Delia a pair of shoes. Hawa likes giving Delia gifts, but I always feel a little bad when she does. She gets $10 an hour and only works a few hours for any given employer (at least I know she's got health insurance. There's a cooperative locally of people with disabilities who need PAs that makes sure that people like Hawa can get benefits. I don't know how much longer the cooperative will be able to keep going given the rising cost of health insurance. I try not to think about that too much) and takes the bus to get from one place to another. She also sends regular payments to her relatives in Africa (I can never remember which country she's from. At this point, I'm embarrassed to ask again. I should be better at remembering something that important about someone who comes to my house every week).
I have weirdly mixed feelings about having Hawa come in every week. I need her help, and she's a very nice woman, but I also have huge anxiety about having someone else come in and see so much of my life. I think some of it is fear that she'll judge my parenting, my housekeeping, my level of disability and so on and disapprove. I can ignore the opinions of people I encounter briefly, but Hawa's here every week. She's only occasionally given me indications of opinions (she thought I nursed Delia for too long and didn't push her to potty train soon enough but approves of my insistence that Delia tidy her own room before Hawa changes the sheets on her bed and mops the floor). Some of my discomfort also comes from knowing that I *could* do the things I have her do. It would just mean that I couldn't do some of the other things that I do-- I could clean the bathroom if I were willing to do nothing else that day but sit and fiddle with my laptop while Delia watches TV.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 05:09 pm (UTC)There's a cooperative locally of people with disabilities who need PAs that makes sure that people like Hawa can get benefits.
That is all kinds of awesome.
I don't think you should worry about Hawa giving Delia gifts. She sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulders, and I'm guessing she wouldn't do it if she couldn't afford it. And I definitely don't think you should feel guilty about having her do things (though I do get the part about not wanting someone to see too intimately into the daily workings of your life).
All very easy for me to say from here, I know. Maybe I should have just offered a hug or snoogle instead.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-27 01:31 am (UTC)As far as the gift giving goes, I find myself wondering if I'd be as generous if I had as little. It's not so much that I fear she can't afford it as that I'm comparing what she manages with what I manage. It's a stupid thing for me to do because such comparisons are usually apples and oranges and overlook a lot.