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Aug. 24th, 2018 05:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckYesterday was overall awful for me in ways that were due to other people being completely thoughtless in understandable ways. I'm still kind of mad at Scott because we've been married for 25 years. I ought to be able to count on him to be paying attention and to advocate for me when I can't do it myself.
He feels that it's unfair for me to expect him to understand and to keep current on all of my health issues. From his point of view, I need to tell him specifically when there's an issue and then remind him when it's pertinent. Every damned time it comes up.
There was a family outing yesterday afternoon, and Scott's parents said they'd either walk around downtown Traverse City with me or drop me off there so that I could do that on my own. Instead, they stopped at a putt-putt golf place and told me they'd take me there after lunch. There was a packed lunch for everyone else, but I hadn't packed something because I needed something involving red meat (preferably chicken liver, but beef would do) which wasn't something we had in the house.
It was 2 p.m., and I needed to be done eating some time before 3 p.m., so I ended up hiking to a restaurant to eat. By the time I got done, at about 2:30, everyone was heading off for something I physically couldn't do, and they left me on a bench like an inconvenient package. They all kept doing those things for the next two hours.
It was so hot, and there were so many people around that I couldn't stay there. (I'm agoraphobic. Sitting there, exposed, was never going to work. I took Ativan before we left the house, so I couldn't get further help from that. Also, if I walk, I overheat less badly. I'm not sure why that's the case, but it is.)
Sadly, I was fasting and had no cash, so I couldn't go somewhere and buy a drink and just sit there. Buying a $2 item with a credit card is a crap thing to do to a small business (even if they let you), and buying something more expensive that I wasn't going to eat or drink wasn't a thing I was willing to do. There wasn't really anywhere to go.
I ended up walking about two miles total, and there was damn all but really heavy and fast moving traffic and clouds of tiny insects. There were crosswalks at '3 Mile' and '4 Mile,' and there was a pedestrian overpass near 3 Mile that required major stair climbing. At least the sidewalk was even.
I just... Walking along about two yards from vehicles doing 60 mph is kind of terrifying. Keeping going, however, kept me from crying.
I texted Scott several times to ask what was going on. His phone shunted them into a secondary thread, and he missed them entirely. He tried to tell me that he couldn't be expected to notice that. As if that mattered when he'd just been saying that I should have told him there was a problem. I *did* tell him. Repeatedly. I just didn't want to ruin everyone's fun or make a scene in public.
Scott's parents would like to argue that it didn't matter where I walked, just that I got in my 'steps.' Most of the family doesn't understand why I didn't just tag along and watch everyone else play putt-putt, etc., given that I could walk. Sadly, the sort of walking required for putt-putt or museums wrecks me. I can walk for hours if I don't stop for more than a few seconds. I can't stand still for very long, though, even when it's not mixed in with walking. Mixing stopping and standing with walking is the worst thing for me.
If I'd been walking in downtown Traverse City, there likely would have been more than three Ingress portals and some options for exploring something interesting to look at.
I was upset enough last night that I just stayed in our room and didn't interact except with Scott and Cordelia. I was afraid that I'd either break down crying or actually punch somebody. (One BIL mansplains loudly and constantly. My FIL is evangelical about whatever he's currently into and won't accept the possibility that the research is questionable).
Nobody intentionally hurt me. I had hoped to avoid having people realize that it was more than me feeling physically unwell, but Scott tells me that everyone knows I'm upset.
Scott went out and got me a tiny container of Haagen-Daaz last night. I watched a bunch of episodes of Murder She Wrote and tried to calm down. I just still found myself getting cranky and picking at inconsistencies and misuse of vocabulary and generally not being to sort of person who could handle being around extended family.
Today, I ended up with both a menstrual migraine and cramps and so only went downstairs briefly for breakfast. I took Tylenol when I got up. I took naproxen two hours later and an Amerge not long after that. I took another Amerge four hours after the first. I can sit up without dizziness/head pain now. I still have nausea and cramps.
I don't usually get both cramps and migraine, so yesterday's upset may be contributing. It might also just be perimenopause and crap timing.
I expect to go down for dinner, but mainly, I want to go home and not have to deal with this.
He feels that it's unfair for me to expect him to understand and to keep current on all of my health issues. From his point of view, I need to tell him specifically when there's an issue and then remind him when it's pertinent. Every damned time it comes up.
There was a family outing yesterday afternoon, and Scott's parents said they'd either walk around downtown Traverse City with me or drop me off there so that I could do that on my own. Instead, they stopped at a putt-putt golf place and told me they'd take me there after lunch. There was a packed lunch for everyone else, but I hadn't packed something because I needed something involving red meat (preferably chicken liver, but beef would do) which wasn't something we had in the house.
It was 2 p.m., and I needed to be done eating some time before 3 p.m., so I ended up hiking to a restaurant to eat. By the time I got done, at about 2:30, everyone was heading off for something I physically couldn't do, and they left me on a bench like an inconvenient package. They all kept doing those things for the next two hours.
It was so hot, and there were so many people around that I couldn't stay there. (I'm agoraphobic. Sitting there, exposed, was never going to work. I took Ativan before we left the house, so I couldn't get further help from that. Also, if I walk, I overheat less badly. I'm not sure why that's the case, but it is.)
Sadly, I was fasting and had no cash, so I couldn't go somewhere and buy a drink and just sit there. Buying a $2 item with a credit card is a crap thing to do to a small business (even if they let you), and buying something more expensive that I wasn't going to eat or drink wasn't a thing I was willing to do. There wasn't really anywhere to go.
I ended up walking about two miles total, and there was damn all but really heavy and fast moving traffic and clouds of tiny insects. There were crosswalks at '3 Mile' and '4 Mile,' and there was a pedestrian overpass near 3 Mile that required major stair climbing. At least the sidewalk was even.
I just... Walking along about two yards from vehicles doing 60 mph is kind of terrifying. Keeping going, however, kept me from crying.
I texted Scott several times to ask what was going on. His phone shunted them into a secondary thread, and he missed them entirely. He tried to tell me that he couldn't be expected to notice that. As if that mattered when he'd just been saying that I should have told him there was a problem. I *did* tell him. Repeatedly. I just didn't want to ruin everyone's fun or make a scene in public.
Scott's parents would like to argue that it didn't matter where I walked, just that I got in my 'steps.' Most of the family doesn't understand why I didn't just tag along and watch everyone else play putt-putt, etc., given that I could walk. Sadly, the sort of walking required for putt-putt or museums wrecks me. I can walk for hours if I don't stop for more than a few seconds. I can't stand still for very long, though, even when it's not mixed in with walking. Mixing stopping and standing with walking is the worst thing for me.
If I'd been walking in downtown Traverse City, there likely would have been more than three Ingress portals and some options for exploring something interesting to look at.
I was upset enough last night that I just stayed in our room and didn't interact except with Scott and Cordelia. I was afraid that I'd either break down crying or actually punch somebody. (One BIL mansplains loudly and constantly. My FIL is evangelical about whatever he's currently into and won't accept the possibility that the research is questionable).
Nobody intentionally hurt me. I had hoped to avoid having people realize that it was more than me feeling physically unwell, but Scott tells me that everyone knows I'm upset.
Scott went out and got me a tiny container of Haagen-Daaz last night. I watched a bunch of episodes of Murder She Wrote and tried to calm down. I just still found myself getting cranky and picking at inconsistencies and misuse of vocabulary and generally not being to sort of person who could handle being around extended family.
Today, I ended up with both a menstrual migraine and cramps and so only went downstairs briefly for breakfast. I took Tylenol when I got up. I took naproxen two hours later and an Amerge not long after that. I took another Amerge four hours after the first. I can sit up without dizziness/head pain now. I still have nausea and cramps.
I don't usually get both cramps and migraine, so yesterday's upset may be contributing. It might also just be perimenopause and crap timing.
I expect to go down for dinner, but mainly, I want to go home and not have to deal with this.
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Date: 2018-08-25 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 11:55 am (UTC)I ended up sick for most of the rest of vacation (due to menstrual things rather than fall out from this) which meant that Scott's attempts to try to make it up to me didn't work very well because I wasn't up to doing much at all.
Scott's the only one who apologized. I was trying to pretend that it hadn't happened, so I'm just as happy that nobody else tried to talk to me about it. I'm not sure I could have been civilized, and I'd have felt worse if I couldn't.
Cordelia came and gave me hugs several times, though.
I have told Scott that we're not going as passengers to anything like this again. We have to have a vehicle so that he can help me leave if I need to. He's agreed to that. I'll have to remind him when it comes up, but he'll hold to it once I do.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 01:35 am (UTC)I get so mad at your husband sometimes that I want to reach out through the screen and punch him.
No, he can't be expected to keep track of the details of what exactly is wrong with you and why you have your limitations, but he can damn well keep track of your current limitations and make sure your needs are met.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 11:48 am (UTC)That said, he and I are still cranky with each other over this. He knows that he screwed up. We just haven't had the private time we need to talk things out.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 05:55 am (UTC)You and I are falling to pieces bodywise. Let's go see the Wizard of Oz (or the Cylons) to give us new healthier bodies.
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Date: 2018-08-25 06:05 am (UTC)One of the episodes I watched made me wonder where the Jessica/Seth/Amos curtain fic is.
I’m trying season 1 of Elementary now and really liking it. I hated the episode and a half I watched of Sherlock, so I wasn’t optimistic.
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Date: 2018-08-25 10:30 am (UTC)I watched the first two seasons of Sherlock earlier this year with the Husband, but the first episode of the third season was absurb. I shall be watching no more.
I haven't seen Elementary, but I'm tempted to read the actual Arthur Conan Doyle novels and stories eventually.
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Date: 2018-08-28 11:36 am (UTC)I prefer Doyle's short stories about Holmes to the novels. I'm not sure if that's because they're actually better, though, because I generally prefer mysteries in short story form. They are of their time in as much as you are likely to smack into unexamined racism, sexism, etc., but Holmes is sufficiently part of our cultural mythology that I think reading a story or two for the origin and context of that is worthwhile.
I like the adaptations of the stories that star Jeremy Brett as Holmes. Brett's is the face I think of when I think of the character.
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Date: 2018-08-25 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 11:10 am (UTC)Sadly, my body kept me mostly in bed the next two days. I'm really, really ready for menopause. On the upside, I watched most of the first season of Elementary.
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Date: 2018-08-25 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 11:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 11:08 am (UTC)Also, he and his brother have always been each other's best friends. Because of his brother's wife's job being in Seattle, they only get a little bit of time together every year or three. They spend a lot of time playing board/card games online, but it's not the same.