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Nov. 26th, 2019 10:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckI just got a call from my father to tell me that his younger sister has passed away. I've been expecting that call, in a sort of general way, for many years. She spent a long time in hospice care because, in the area where she lived, there weren't any other agencies that provided in-home oxygen tanks.
I don't know when the funeral will be or if it will be possible for me to go. Scott's parents might be willing to drive me north for it if Scott can't get time off (and I don't think he can), but I'm not sure if they could or if I should ask given that this is probably the first of several funerals in the next year or three.
But, if I go to this funeral, I can probably see Grandma one last time. That's not going to happen under any other circumstances.
I should call my cousin who lives up there as I think the odds are pretty high that he's the one making the arrangements. His parents are both too sick to manage it, and Grandma can't track things long enough. My aunt's husband might be able to, but he has no money without going through my cousin (who manages Grandma's trust), so I think my cousin will be involved.
I'm very glad to be well away from that part of things. My father, his brother, and his brother's family all loathe my aunt's husband. The situation has been complicated because they think he may have mistreated her before she contracted meningitis. There's no evidence of abuse after she got out of the hospital. Grandma supported the two of them financially, and they moved up to live near her and my other aunt and uncle so that there'd be other people to help care for her (mostly by spending time with her as she couldn't be left alone).
I told Cordelia that I'm all right, but I think I'm less so than I thought I was. I don't know that it's about my aunt so much as about knowing that this is only the first of the funerals I'll have to try to figure out whether or not to attend. Grandma will be 95 this April, and I think she might slip away any day. My uncle up there is on borrowed time and hoping for a double lung transplant that I don't think is coming. His wife has heart trouble and is trying to manage so that everyone has regular meals and clean clothes and so on.
The aunt who just passed away hadn't been the person I knew in childhood for almost twenty years. She lost a lot of memories and had a bit of a personality change after suffering brain damage (she was in a long coma due to meningitis compounded by alcoholic malnutrition).
I didn't spend enough time with her afterward to get to know the new her. She remembered who I was, and I think she mostly remembered Cordelia's name for the duration of our visits, but she lost track of things very easily. She couldn't safely use a stove or oven because she'd forget what she was doing. A microwave was safe, though, because it would turn itself off.
I'm not sure how my father is doing. He's definitely too far away to come for the funeral. He had to know it was coming, too, but I think he always hoped that he'd go before any of his siblings did because he's the oldest. He's now looking at the likelihood that he'll be the only one left.
I don't know when the funeral will be or if it will be possible for me to go. Scott's parents might be willing to drive me north for it if Scott can't get time off (and I don't think he can), but I'm not sure if they could or if I should ask given that this is probably the first of several funerals in the next year or three.
But, if I go to this funeral, I can probably see Grandma one last time. That's not going to happen under any other circumstances.
I should call my cousin who lives up there as I think the odds are pretty high that he's the one making the arrangements. His parents are both too sick to manage it, and Grandma can't track things long enough. My aunt's husband might be able to, but he has no money without going through my cousin (who manages Grandma's trust), so I think my cousin will be involved.
I'm very glad to be well away from that part of things. My father, his brother, and his brother's family all loathe my aunt's husband. The situation has been complicated because they think he may have mistreated her before she contracted meningitis. There's no evidence of abuse after she got out of the hospital. Grandma supported the two of them financially, and they moved up to live near her and my other aunt and uncle so that there'd be other people to help care for her (mostly by spending time with her as she couldn't be left alone).
I told Cordelia that I'm all right, but I think I'm less so than I thought I was. I don't know that it's about my aunt so much as about knowing that this is only the first of the funerals I'll have to try to figure out whether or not to attend. Grandma will be 95 this April, and I think she might slip away any day. My uncle up there is on borrowed time and hoping for a double lung transplant that I don't think is coming. His wife has heart trouble and is trying to manage so that everyone has regular meals and clean clothes and so on.
The aunt who just passed away hadn't been the person I knew in childhood for almost twenty years. She lost a lot of memories and had a bit of a personality change after suffering brain damage (she was in a long coma due to meningitis compounded by alcoholic malnutrition).
I didn't spend enough time with her afterward to get to know the new her. She remembered who I was, and I think she mostly remembered Cordelia's name for the duration of our visits, but she lost track of things very easily. She couldn't safely use a stove or oven because she'd forget what she was doing. A microwave was safe, though, because it would turn itself off.
I'm not sure how my father is doing. He's definitely too far away to come for the funeral. He had to know it was coming, too, but I think he always hoped that he'd go before any of his siblings did because he's the oldest. He's now looking at the likelihood that he'll be the only one left.
