(no subject)

[the_rck]

I’ve started but not finished four stories since the beginning of the year. I have an initial spurt of interest/motivation, and then… Well two things happen. First, some other wonderful idea occurs to me, and I want to write that instead. Second, I start doubting that I should be writing what I’m writing. This is not precisely a question of whether or not anyone would be interested in reading it (though that comes into it, too). It’s actually a case of me questioning whether or not the story is… I don’t know— Morally sound, maybe? That sounds ridiculous given that I’m fascinated by darkfic and non-con and terrible choices, either wrong choices with consequences or situations where none of the choices are good.

When I get ideas that don’t come from prompts, they’re pretty much always some form of darkfic. (Well, except for To The Least of These. I wrote that with no prompt, and it’s without a doubt the sweetest, fluffiest thing I’ve ever written.) I don’t write darkfic for exchanges unless it’s specifically requested, and most of my completed fics are for exchanges, so they’re not darkfic.

At any rate, I seem to be hitting a point where I have about 3000 words and then… I stop. I argue with myself about maybe working on something that isn’t so dark. I think that part of me wishes that I wasn’t interested in darkfic and that I didn’t find writing it actively useful in various ways. And I enjoy writing darkfic. I enjoy other types of writing, too, but darkfic draws me.

Intellectually, I know that this isn’t a moral thing, not precisely, but part of me thinks it is. I know that people are likely to read whatever I write, darkfic or otherwise, not lots of people but I’m not aiming for a gazillion readers or I’d be writing very different fandoms.

Darkfic gets massively less feedback in my experience, however. I think that some of it is that feedback somewhere like LJ or AO3 is public. Giving it admits to reading the story to begin with. My G rated gen fics get more hits than my E rated slash does, but I can’t tell how much of that is a difference in fandoms. All of my E rated slash is Weiss Kreuz (and my three least popular fics on AO3 are all Weiss Kreuz gen that’s focused on female characters) which simply isn’t as big a fandom as it once was. Going by kudos, three of my top five stories are Narnia gen. #2 is Rheotaxis which is anomalous pretty much no matter how I sort things (I started it in 2001, it’s a WIP, and it’s god-awful long and intense. There are only three Weiss Kreuz fics in my top 20, sorted by kudos, and I’ve written twenty stories in that fandom), and #5 is How Old My Heart which was written for Yuletide 2014.

I’m not sure what I’m getting at here. Maybe that I need to just accept that I write whatever I write and that it may have readers or may not. Maybe that there’s not anything wrong with me for writing darkfic. I don’t, after all, think there’s anything wrong with other people reading it (though I’m less eager to admit to reading it myself) or writing it. I’m very careful about warning, labeling and tagging so that people aren’t clicking on, say, Rheotaxis, expecting to get more like To the Least of These. Or the other way around, I suppose.

I write better if I’m writing for an audience, however, and right now, I’m not feeling very connected in that way. I think a big part of that is that I’ve gotten used to doing exchanges where I have a specific single person in mind as audience. It’s hard to keep an audience when I skip from story to story and don’t settle, however.

I should probably focus on either my latest Weiss Kreuz thing (writing for someone in particular) or my latest Narnia thing (also written for someone in particular though I’m not sure it’s going places she’ll want to follow). The thing I started this week has multiple strikes against it; the biggest one being that I’m working with a canon I know mostly via fannish osmosis. I feel more morally conflicted about that than I do about any of my other recent stories. That might be a good sign since I suspect that’s the bigger fannish sin.

Comments

[maramcreates]

Hits and kudos on fanfic are really difficult to parse, in my experience. There are just too many factors and not enough data, I feel. There's the fandom itself, as you've mentioned, and then the reading habits of folks in said fandom. There's even which pairings or characters that really stand out in a fandom (and thus carry the most readership), as you also mentioned. I know of folks that have read fics that they've totally enjoyed and recommend, but haven't clicked the kudos button for any number of reasons (they've bookmarked the fic, which counts for them; they're not logged in; or whatever). Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't let hits and kudos affect what you decide to write and post.

As far as darkfic itself goes, I'm all for writing what speaks to you. I've got a few WIPs that I'm chipping away at that deal with the same pairing in the same fandom (Leliana/Elissa_Cousland in Dragon Age) but from a variety of angles. Some are very dark, some very fluffy, and some a bit more balanced. All those stories need to be told, I feel, so I intend to tell them. Having an audience helps too, of course, but I feel like there will probably be one.

[jerusha]

I think it really depends on the fandom. I don't often write darkfic, but I do read it, and there are fandoms where it seems both prevalent and very well received (Sherlock BBC is one, Supernatural is another). Personally, I think there's nothing morally wrong or suspect in writing darkfic, although I think it's important to rate and warn (or choose not to warn, or tag) appropriately. As long as the reader isn't going to be blindsided by, say, non-con, or at least knows that they may run across some dark ideas, then the reader can just enjoy it.

[the_rck]

I'm very broad in my definitions of non-con. I've labeled some things that where the characters definitely didn't think it was. I also warned for it on a fic that didn't contain explicit sex but did have the POV character, as part of her backstory, having sex with a slave.

I really don't want anyone opening one of my fics and ending up blindsided by something that hurts or upsets them or even that makes them uncomfortable at a point when they don't want to be.

I'm not bothered about the idea that tags and warnings spoil things because, personally, I've never considered spoilers a big deal. I will occasionally put a text warning at the top of a fic as an author's note if there's something that I couldn't figure out tags for that I think people need to see coming.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I write a lot of angst and dark fic and I do agree that there's less feedback for it, but please don't berate yourself for writing it. There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing whatsoever.


Gabrielle

[the_rck]

I think this is one of those cases of judging myself for something I'd find unremarkable in someone else. Sort of like the idea that, say, anxiety is a reason for other people to act in a certain way, to do or not do certain things, but I'm weak if I can't leave the house or take the bus or make that phone call or whatever.

It's so terribly easy to undercut oneself that way. Most of the people I know well do it. I'm just not sure how to stop. Being aware of it doesn't seem to help much.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I understand that. People always say that awareness is the first step, but it's not a very helpful step when you can't seem to put your foot on the second.


Gabrielle

[jedibuttercup]

I agree that you need to write what you need to write; provided you tag appropriately, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. I don't write much in the way of darkfic per se, but I will say that the fic I absolutely felt the most burning need to write in the last couple of years was my 43500-word Falling Skies post-apocalyptic slashfic where the hero made much more pragmatic choices than in canon, and until I got it out of my system, I had a very hard time getting anything else done that year. It also got very little feedback at the time (though it's since picked up some traction). And I'm currently partway through a projected 100,000ish-word sequel that is, once again, eating my imagination whole and not leaving room for much else.

I think part of it, for me, is that my characterizations in that particular universe-- and some other fic I've written with grittier settings or more flexible moral boundaries-- involve a lot more use of real-life experiences and emotional venting than the crossovers I'm more generally known for (which I generally write to please specific audiences) or my tailorbuilt wishlist and yuletide stuff. I'm writing stories like this for me. And I definitely feel better when they're done, even if some of the stuff in them might make me wince afterward and post notes like "character's stated opinions not necessarily the same as the author's."

[the_rck]

The story that's currently chewing on me wants to play with DCU characters. I want elements of Justice League/Justice League Unlimited and elements from other parts of the extensive canon and especially to use Smallville (which I know only by fandom osmosis) for the backstory while altering the canon for Krypton pretty radically.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Interesting ... I get the same dilemmas, both writing and reading. I don't intellectually see anything wrong with pushing the boundaries in fiction writing, but I'm still conflicted about it, and don't read so much now because my mental porn reel seemed to be getting more and more extreme, and I felt I was getting ... I don't know, jaded, I guess.

[the_rck]

I tend to think that fic writing, given that it's a hobby, ought to be able to go wherever it goes. (I know the exceptions when I see them, but...) As far as porn goes, I have a hard time finding people who write what I'm interested in in the way I'm interested in it. I definitely prefer depth of characterization to go with my porn.

Sometimes, I'm browsing on AO3, and I see a story that claims to have three pairings and twenty different sex acts or toys or what-have-you but still only runs five hundred words. I can't bring myself to look, even if the story looks interesting, because I don't see any way that they can't be terrible.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

"I definitely prefer depth of characterization to go with my porn."

Oh, absolutely!

[snogged.livejournal.com]

There is nothing wrong with writing dark!fic. That and angst is usually what I prefer.