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Mar. 26th, 2007 08:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_rckOkay, so I'm going to write LJ entries rather than doing any of the other things I should be doing... Delia's still asleep, but writing about her is almost as helpful as hugging her.
Delia likes 'typing with letters.' That is, she likes having me open a word processing document so that she can type and see the letters appear on the screen. She's liked that for quite some time, but it used to be that she'd just hit keys randomly to see what showed up on the screen. Now, she likes to have me spell out words for her and help her find the right letters on the keyboard so that the words will appear on the screen. She's not yet making any attempt to write letters by hand, but she's utterly fascinated by the computer. (Probably because she sees me use it so much.)
Right now, she's particularly interested in the fact that she can say any word (any real word, anyway) and have me tell her how it's spelled. I think this represents a step forward in realizing that letters can be put together in patterns that have meaning.
We do run into some problems because my keyboard is worn. Several of the letters can no longer be identified just by looking at the keys. That's not a problem for me since I touch type, but it's a problem for Delia. I have to point out the S, the C, the N, the M, the K and the L every time she needs them. I've considered trying to relabel the keys, but I'm not sure how to do it without risking damage to the laptop, paying a lot of money or doing something utterly half-assed.
Delia can now recognize her name when she sees it written. She can also recognize the names of some of the other kids in her pre-school when she sees them in context. I can tell that she's using some level of letter recognition because the ones that she confuses are generally a little be close, things like 'Adam' and 'Alec,' for example.
I'm not sure what the best next step is towards getting her reading. I don't want to push her. Some days, she won't even try it. Some days, she'll do a little bit, maybe two or three minutes, before she says, "You read it." Some days, she'll do more than that. I think I need to set aside some time each day (probably by setting some sort of alarm for myself, maybe using my cell phone, so that I can't keep putting it off until that nebulous later) for working on word recognition. She's interested. She just doesn't want to work too hard all at once, especially when it *is* hard.
We're also still working on potty training. Delia will be four in May, and she's still in diapers. She simply refuses to use either the potty seat or the toilet. It's become a control issue of sorts, I suspect, even though we've tried hard not to let it.
She has the bladder and bowel control to manage toilet training. I can get her to pee in her diaper just by telling her that it's time to, and she can decide that she's not going to pee at all while she's somewhere where a diaper change would be inconvenient (for her. She doesn't care much about our convenience) or delayed. She also announces immediately and loudly when she's filled her diaper and wants the situation taken care of immediately. She can make it through most nights with a dry diaper and even wait a couple of hours after getting up before she goes.
(She once went 37 hours without peeing. That scared the hell out of me. I called the pediatrician when I realized that it had been more than 24 hours. It was last Thanksgiving, so I had just assumed that somebody else had changed her while we were with Scott's family. Then I realized that we still had all the diapers I'd packed for the day, and I called around to see if anyone else had changed her or gotten her to use the toilet. Nobody had.)
Scott and I have been making her wait for changes more frequently these days (except in the middle of the night. I don't want to wait that long before going back to sleep then, and her yelling to demand the change *now* might wake Scott when he doesn't need to get up). She dislikes it, and we're hoping that that will make using diapers seem less appealing. In response, she's started climbing up on her changing table, taking off the wet diaper by herself, and lying there, yelling at us to come and change her, until we finally do so.
I've also informed her that daytime diapers will go away on her birthday. She's accepted this and even talks about it as something good. I'm not at all sure that she'll be so happy when it actually happens. (Part of the reason I'm putting it off until her birthday is that it's a concrete event for her, and part of it is that it will be very close to the end of the term at pre-school. There'll only be two class sessions with no diapers, and I'll arrange to stick around for them. I don't want the other parents to have to fight that battle with her. Of course, if it all goes well, there'll be no fighting... I can dream, can't I?
We've been giving Delia stickers for sitting on the potty seat for at least a few minutes at a time. Twelve stickers earns her a trip to Fantasy Forest. She gets one sticker for sitting on the seat and will get two for peeing and three for pooping.
We've also bought her underwear that she very much wants to wear. We've gone through two sets as she's grown. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to wear them enough to use the potty seat or to give up diapers. She just talks about the underwear with a little wistfulness and looks at it from time to time.
At the start, I think that part of the issue was that Delia has no real desire to be a big girl. She kept insisting that she was a baby (after all, we still call her 'baby.' That must mean that we want her to be one, right? ::bangs head:: ). She kind of likes the idea that she's getting bigger and can do more, but she doesn't want it to require any changes that she doesn't choose for herself.
Sadly, Delia has figured out that she can use sitting on the potty seat as a bedtime delay. She's willing to sit there for a couple of hours if it means she doesn't have to go to bed. Because of that, I've banned potty seat attempts after she's in her pajamas. Scott doesn't like that. He thinks we shouldn't ever ignore her when she says that she wants to use the potty seat, but so far at least, I've prevailed in insisting that we not give in on that point. She's perfectly happy to sit on the dratted thing from 8 pm until whenever we force her off it as long as we keep her company or keep supplying her with books. (And then, once she finally does go to bed, Scott complains about the time he's lost and the fact that he's got twelve billion things to do that he can't possibly finish before he has to go to bed because he just lost two hours. No. Not doing it again.)
I've had a few people say that I should just let her do things in her own time and a few people say that I should take her diapers away right now. I'm trying to steer a middle course. I wish we'd managed to avoid having this become a control issue. As it is, I've chosen to fight the battles over her coming to the table at dinner time rather than the battles over getting out of diapers. (We won't even talk about the issue of whether or not she eats dinner. We gave up on that one a long time ago. We've let her go hungry if she chooses, and she generally doesn't any more.)
Delia likes 'typing with letters.' That is, she likes having me open a word processing document so that she can type and see the letters appear on the screen. She's liked that for quite some time, but it used to be that she'd just hit keys randomly to see what showed up on the screen. Now, she likes to have me spell out words for her and help her find the right letters on the keyboard so that the words will appear on the screen. She's not yet making any attempt to write letters by hand, but she's utterly fascinated by the computer. (Probably because she sees me use it so much.)
Right now, she's particularly interested in the fact that she can say any word (any real word, anyway) and have me tell her how it's spelled. I think this represents a step forward in realizing that letters can be put together in patterns that have meaning.
We do run into some problems because my keyboard is worn. Several of the letters can no longer be identified just by looking at the keys. That's not a problem for me since I touch type, but it's a problem for Delia. I have to point out the S, the C, the N, the M, the K and the L every time she needs them. I've considered trying to relabel the keys, but I'm not sure how to do it without risking damage to the laptop, paying a lot of money or doing something utterly half-assed.
Delia can now recognize her name when she sees it written. She can also recognize the names of some of the other kids in her pre-school when she sees them in context. I can tell that she's using some level of letter recognition because the ones that she confuses are generally a little be close, things like 'Adam' and 'Alec,' for example.
I'm not sure what the best next step is towards getting her reading. I don't want to push her. Some days, she won't even try it. Some days, she'll do a little bit, maybe two or three minutes, before she says, "You read it." Some days, she'll do more than that. I think I need to set aside some time each day (probably by setting some sort of alarm for myself, maybe using my cell phone, so that I can't keep putting it off until that nebulous later) for working on word recognition. She's interested. She just doesn't want to work too hard all at once, especially when it *is* hard.
We're also still working on potty training. Delia will be four in May, and she's still in diapers. She simply refuses to use either the potty seat or the toilet. It's become a control issue of sorts, I suspect, even though we've tried hard not to let it.
She has the bladder and bowel control to manage toilet training. I can get her to pee in her diaper just by telling her that it's time to, and she can decide that she's not going to pee at all while she's somewhere where a diaper change would be inconvenient (for her. She doesn't care much about our convenience) or delayed. She also announces immediately and loudly when she's filled her diaper and wants the situation taken care of immediately. She can make it through most nights with a dry diaper and even wait a couple of hours after getting up before she goes.
(She once went 37 hours without peeing. That scared the hell out of me. I called the pediatrician when I realized that it had been more than 24 hours. It was last Thanksgiving, so I had just assumed that somebody else had changed her while we were with Scott's family. Then I realized that we still had all the diapers I'd packed for the day, and I called around to see if anyone else had changed her or gotten her to use the toilet. Nobody had.)
Scott and I have been making her wait for changes more frequently these days (except in the middle of the night. I don't want to wait that long before going back to sleep then, and her yelling to demand the change *now* might wake Scott when he doesn't need to get up). She dislikes it, and we're hoping that that will make using diapers seem less appealing. In response, she's started climbing up on her changing table, taking off the wet diaper by herself, and lying there, yelling at us to come and change her, until we finally do so.
I've also informed her that daytime diapers will go away on her birthday. She's accepted this and even talks about it as something good. I'm not at all sure that she'll be so happy when it actually happens. (Part of the reason I'm putting it off until her birthday is that it's a concrete event for her, and part of it is that it will be very close to the end of the term at pre-school. There'll only be two class sessions with no diapers, and I'll arrange to stick around for them. I don't want the other parents to have to fight that battle with her. Of course, if it all goes well, there'll be no fighting... I can dream, can't I?
We've been giving Delia stickers for sitting on the potty seat for at least a few minutes at a time. Twelve stickers earns her a trip to Fantasy Forest. She gets one sticker for sitting on the seat and will get two for peeing and three for pooping.
We've also bought her underwear that she very much wants to wear. We've gone through two sets as she's grown. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to wear them enough to use the potty seat or to give up diapers. She just talks about the underwear with a little wistfulness and looks at it from time to time.
At the start, I think that part of the issue was that Delia has no real desire to be a big girl. She kept insisting that she was a baby (after all, we still call her 'baby.' That must mean that we want her to be one, right? ::bangs head:: ). She kind of likes the idea that she's getting bigger and can do more, but she doesn't want it to require any changes that she doesn't choose for herself.
Sadly, Delia has figured out that she can use sitting on the potty seat as a bedtime delay. She's willing to sit there for a couple of hours if it means she doesn't have to go to bed. Because of that, I've banned potty seat attempts after she's in her pajamas. Scott doesn't like that. He thinks we shouldn't ever ignore her when she says that she wants to use the potty seat, but so far at least, I've prevailed in insisting that we not give in on that point. She's perfectly happy to sit on the dratted thing from 8 pm until whenever we force her off it as long as we keep her company or keep supplying her with books. (And then, once she finally does go to bed, Scott complains about the time he's lost and the fact that he's got twelve billion things to do that he can't possibly finish before he has to go to bed because he just lost two hours. No. Not doing it again.)
I've had a few people say that I should just let her do things in her own time and a few people say that I should take her diapers away right now. I'm trying to steer a middle course. I wish we'd managed to avoid having this become a control issue. As it is, I've chosen to fight the battles over her coming to the table at dinner time rather than the battles over getting out of diapers. (We won't even talk about the issue of whether or not she eats dinner. We gave up on that one a long time ago. We've let her go hungry if she chooses, and she generally doesn't any more.)
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no subject
Date: 2007-03-26 01:05 pm (UTC)My grandmother couldn't see the pale grey letters on her ecru keyboard, so my uncle bought her an inexpensive set of black stickers with large white letters on them and all are now extremely visible.
So... perhaps stickers?
no subject
Date: 2007-03-26 01:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-26 02:11 pm (UTC)It's frustrating. I have no answers, because it definitely seems to be a control issue, and an issue about his parents breaking up, etc. He's better for me, when he's just with me, but he definitely is not with his parents. Weird, huh?
no subject
Date: 2007-03-26 02:47 pm (UTC)I wish you luck with Griffin. Fear of heading toward kindergarten with the matter unresolved is one of the reasons I've set Delia's fourth birthday as the deadline. I'm hoping that that will give us plenty of time to iron out any problems.
Is it possible that the diapers are something that Griffin can force his parents to do for him that reassures him of their affection? I do think that Delia's afraid she'll get fewer hugs if she stops getting them on the changing table. It's a time when we have to interact with her in a specific, predictable way.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-26 04:58 pm (UTC)As to the potty training, both my kids were around four, as I recall. Gregory was pottytrained JUST before his sister was born, finally, so I only had one set of diapers at a time, and she got mostly done around the summer of her third - fourth year, while she was at my inlaws. It was more touch and go with her though, as it felt like my inlaws forced the issue, and she is stubborn, and wasn't in her mind ready.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-30 05:47 pm (UTC)I probably will look for stickers. My main fear is that I won't like how they feel on the keyboard, but I can't know that until I try them, so I might as well try. Besides, something I can feel on a few keys might help keep me from getting my hands off by one key.
I'm glad that you weren't stuck with two in diapers at once. I can imagine that all the years of one child in diapers were hard enough.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-30 08:50 pm (UTC)My baroness uses the almost blind person letters. I have not noticed them feeling to wierd, when I was on her computer.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-04 01:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-26 10:12 pm (UTC)I think advice is only meant to be given as anecdotal "Well, here's what we did. It may turn out this will work for you." And that's the spirit in which I offer my so-called advice...
Basically, we didn't manage to toilet train my stepdaughter until she was 3 and a half, which I felt was abysmally late given that I was sick to death of the potty-training dance. It wasn't even the diapers, it was just the "will she? won't she? can we just get it over with? WHAT THE HELL?" She didn't really want to wear diapers, it wasn't a physical control issue, and yet. We couldn't get there.
What worked for us was going on vacation. Something about the change in venue, combined with Nana's attention (we were off at the cottage with Dann's parents) plus Dad's attention and a totally different, more relaxed routine for a week worked the magic. I know it's not going to work that way for you, but maybe there's some small nugget of info in there that will help.
I think the deadline is going to work wonders, btw. She's probably looking forward to it at this point. As far as I can tell, you'll never know what will actually get the kid to buy in to the whole thing. One friend wasn't trained until four and a half, when his parents said, "Well, you can't go to kindergarten unless you can use the potty." He wanted to go to school more than anything. For me, it was the deal of not wearing diapers anymore--I apparently hated them so much that when I made the mental link, I was trained overnight at age two and a half. If nothing so far has tempted Delia, you're on the right track with building anticipation. And it sounds like you have the food thing under control--which is to say, you're not trying to control it. Brava.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-30 05:52 pm (UTC)I am hoping that the deadline will work. Delia's looking forward to her birthday for a variety of reasons, and I think the diapers going away is getting some positive from the other parts of wanting her birthday.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 04:04 am (UTC)They've given him the deadline of summer daycamp, since the camp won't take someone untrained. We'll see...
no subject
Date: 2007-04-04 01:44 pm (UTC)I wish them all luck with the deadline.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-27 01:40 am (UTC)Just some ideas, mind you. We didn't have to fight this hard, as the "peer pressure" incentive worked pretty well in both our cases.
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Date: 2007-03-30 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-27 06:14 pm (UTC)With the older one, I don't think he was physically ready until age 4 1/4, when he finally trained. With the younger one, she was ready very early but for some reason was just *not* willing to try it. I finally got out my copy of "Toilet Training In Less Than A Day," modified the book's process to include her as more of a partner in the process than a recipient of it, and together we worked through the things the book said to do. I think what was worrying her was that she thought she wouldn't be successful, or she wasn't sure what to do, or something along those lines. So she seemed to really like having an official concrete procedure to go through in order to be officially toilet trained. It worked!
(If I've said all that before, I apologize. I'm repetitve because I'm stupid, not because I intend to be repetitive.)
I don't think Delia's concerns are exactly the same ones as those, so I don't necessarily think that what worked at my house would work at yours.
Oh, and I vaguely remember telling Delia recently that she was getting big and that it was cool and impressive. It might have been about toilet training; I'm not sure. If I caused problems with my comment, I apologize!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-30 06:01 pm (UTC)I did talk to Delia about the process when I was looking at Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. At that point, she was crying at even the suggestion that she sit on the potty seat, so I put the book aside. We've worked instead on trying to make the potty seat seem less scary and more comfortable. I think it's worked given that she's now willing to sit on the dratted thing.