the_rck | Entries tagged with parenting

I keep starting things to post here and then not finishing them because they get tangled up in my health and loss of function and fears about the future. So I'm going to try starting with some bits about things that don't relate to those. I'll try to post most of them over the next couple of days as they're all written now.

*Cordelia turned 18 in May. She was very puzzled by how Scott and I reacted with a We Did It! She doesn't feel different, and it's not like we think we're done parenting, but we got from infant to legal adulthood. Milestones. They're a Thing.

*Cordelia got her driver's license two days after her birthday. This required multiple trips to the Secretary of State because she had to have a learner's permit to test. The first one expired on her birthday and couldn't be replaced until after it had expired. Fun times with bureaucracy. Because she's 18, she has no curfew on the license.

*Cordelia graduated on June 7th. The ceremony was on the school's football field. It had rained all afternoon but stopped early enough that the seats in the bleachers were only a little bit wet. We'd brought towels and umbrellas, so we were set. Each graduate got four tickets. There was supposed to be separate seating for vaccinated and unvaccinated (or mixed) groups, but I couldn't see that. There were a lot of people because there were 330 kids getting diplomas (and some who weren't there but had to be named). The guy announcing Cordelia's part of the class mispronounced her last name.

We were lucky. It was a rain or shine event. At least one of the other local high schools had their entire ceremony in pouring rain.

*There was a post-graduation upset due to the school removing some already posted photographs from Facebook and then editing the video of the ceremony online. One of the graduating students carried a Palestinian flag with her (they searched the kids for 'contraband' before letting them put on their gowns, so someone official knew in advance). The superintendent tried to tell everyone that that footage 'distracted from' the proper focus of the occasion. The student had been allowed to walk across the stage with the flag without interference and had their official diploma; their 'right to free speech' had been respected. A week or so later, the photos and footage were restored. As far as I can tell, a handful of parents complained to begin with, prompting the removal, and then a rather larger number, including members of 'the Jewish community' (which is not small enough here to have a single opinion on anything). The superintendent sent out an email about how, after consulting with 'our Arab community leaders and our Jewish community leaders,' she'd decided that she'd been wrong to yank the footage.

I came very close to going back to Facebook entirely to express disapproval about removing the photos and footage.

Getting to Skyline yesterday was stressful, and getting home was worse. The bus company website doesn't actually provide accurate information about the bus line that runs out there-- The schedule I could access on my phone claimed two buses around when school starts and three around when it ends with nothing in between. I knew it was a lie, but I couldn't get the site to cough up anything else. The first bus to come by as I waited was going to go out of service at the next stop, so I had to wait another half an hour for a bus to come.

What I really wanted to do was to find somewhere to get coffee and food and to sit for a while before I dealt with the bus, but there is absolutely nothing out by Skyline. Zilch. To walk anywhere useful, I'd have to cross three traffic circles, two of them connected to highway entrances/exits, and none of them having any design considerations for possible pedestrians. By the time I was actually on the bus, the idea of getting off again was horrific. I didn't do it until I had to transfer downtown.

It wasn't quite 10:30 when I got downtown, and I didn't feel like I could walk to try to find somewhere to sit and try to calm myself, so I just walked down the block to where the bus I needed would come.

I left both my water bottle and Cordelia's somewhere along the way. I only realized that I didn't have them when I was gathering my things to get off the bus at the stop by our house. They might be at the Skyline bus stop. They might be on the bus I took into town. They might be at the transit center. I couldn't deal with calling to try to find them, so they're gone. Scott bought me a replacement that I need to wash before I start using.

I can't tell how much of how bad going back and forth to Skyline was yesterday was due to it coming at the end of a horrible, horrible week and how much was the trip being intrinsically difficult for me. It's probably a bit of both.

I got pretty angry at Scott yesterday (and a few times earlier in the week) because he wasn't bothering to give me any encouraging words or anything. He gave Cordelia a lot, and he was having an awful week, too, but it would have been nice to get a comment indicating that he had my back on anything at all. I don't think he realizes how much he left me flapping in the wind all week. If I asked for something very specific, he'd do it, but there wasn't anything at all that I didn't ask for. Not even a "I know this is hard for you, but you can do it."

I think Scott also doesn't realize that Cordelia going to Community gave me a brief feeling of intense relief that I wouldn't have to deal with a huge, huge problem that I've seen coming for literally years-- The problem of me getting her from school for appointments and then back to school after. Nothing about the trips I've made to Skyline has made the problem seem less severe or more easily addressed. I really am thinking that Scott going to third shift may be the only sustainable solution, but if he does that, him ever getting back to first shift is unlikely.

I suppose the first thing I have to do is to find out whether or not I can get Skyline to let Cordelia sign herself out for documented appointments and then back in again after. That would make things actually manageable and could be argued as an accommodation for my disability every bit as much as letting me use the elevator when I visit the building.

I'm really, really hoping that next week I can start doing something other than putting out immediate fires. I don't think writing is going to happen while Cordelia's home because she tends to turn up and sit next to me for twenty to thirty minutes at a time and express disapproval over me using my laptop at all. She also reads what's on my screen.

Today's main goal is to read some library books so I can return them tomorrow. I've got more than I like just sitting on my shelf unopened. Also, the interlibrary loan stuff needs getting through quickly. The system won't let me request multiple volumes of the same manga title at once because it considers them all the same book in spite of the numbering difference. This means that from October 1st until maybe April next year, I won't be able to move forward on Natsume's Book of Friends, Case Closed (Detective Conan), or Prince of Tennis. That last is particularly frustrating because the library is missing 29-32 and 36. It has 33-35 and 37-40 (are there volumes out beyond 40? I don't know. I haven't looked yet). I have v.29 waiting for me to pick it up. If I read it fast and return it immediately, I might be able to get v.30 by the end of the month. I just don't see managing four volumes in that time because of the time it takes to get ILL books.

I also have a movie that's due tomorrow and can't be renewed. I can probably either finish it today or reach a point in it where I'm sure I don't care about finishing.

Cordelia has a birthday party to go to later this afternoon. They're going to a Tigers game as part of it. They did the same last year for this girl's birthday. My guess is that they'll have fun again and that it will be rather more about being there as a group of friends than about the game.

I really wanted to sleep in this morning, but it’s a good thing I didn’t because Scott’s parents came half an hour earlier than they’d said they would. Scott and his father are currently in the basement, making building things noises. Scott’s mother just left with Cordelia, Scott’s sister, and our niece to go to the local Kiwanis sale. They took a small bag of books and CDs that I want to get rid of.

I’m thinking that I may lie down and see if I can ignore the noise from the basement and nap. Scott keeps implying that I shouldn’t complain about lack of sleep because that’s just how he lives. It makes me want to shake him because I actually get sick after four or five days of limited sleep (4-6 hours a night).

Scott and I watched the first DVD of LEGO Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures last night. The season is two DVDs, and I got it from the library. It’s due tomorrow and can’t be renewed. We actually enjoyed it. It’s got the right blend of goofy and serious to fit with the other LEGO Star Wars stuff.

Cordelia stayed out quite late last night. She didn’t want Scott to pick her up until 11:15. I’m debating whether or not we should tell her she can’t stay out that late, but she’s with friends we know, and they’re not leaving the house or doing anything stupider than jumping on the couch. But it might be a bad precedent for when she’s wanting to go out with friends who can drive in a couple of years or for when she can drive herself.

Crossposts: http://therck.livejournal.com/1029446.html

I am officially off the Zoloft. My psychiatrist said I could drop from 25 mg a day to 12.5 mg if I wanted or just stop altogether if I preferred. The 50 mg tablets I’ve got are oblong. They’re scored for cutting in half but not for quartering, and quartering an oblong pill is imprecise and challenging. And completely not worth it. Also, I’m feeling much more awake and together without the Zoloft today. I think I’ll actually be able to manage a real walk.

She also gave me links to look at information of the GeneSight test. I’m torn. Medicare will cover the full cost, so I could afford it. (It’s $3600+ otherwise.) But it’s not very reliable, maybe 50%. Then again, I’ve been trying different medications since 1989 without finding anything useful except Ativan, so I’m not convinced that it could be worse than our current method of selecting.

We went to the library about 4:30 yesterday. I picked up nine holds, and we left a bag of books for the Friends of the Library book sale. We took a slightly different route home than usual, and I was able to capture eight portals I hadn’t ever done before, just dropping single resonators on each as we passed.

For some reason, the mail carrier didn’t pick up the Netflix DVD that I had in the mailbox on Saturday. I know that they saw it because, when I retrieved the new mail, the Netflix envelope was in front of that. Is the postal service having some sort of issue with Netflix or was it just this carrier? (And today’s carrier took the Netflix envelope, so I have no idea.)

Because I’ve been kind of spacey, I keep seeing references to the Doctor Strange movie and reading them as 'Doctor Strangelove.' That makes some of the comments not quite make sense. Such as: Me: "Wait. I don’t remember a training montage in Doctor Strangelove. WTF? Oh… Right." Of course, I then spent a while trying to figure out what sort of training montage might fit with Doctor Strangelove. I came to no conclusions.

Scott is trying to figure out if there’s any way Cordelia and her friends will let him or some other adult tag along for trick or treating. I’m not so invested in it because they’re all thirteen. There are four of them. They know how to cross streets safely, and knowing these girls, the wildest thing they’re likely to do is to hang out at the school playground on the swings. Oh, and raid our leftover candy after they get back here. Our neighborhood is pretty thoroughly safe at night, and they’re going to be out no later than 8:30 (the city ends trick or treating officially at 8:00, and most houses stop giving out candy at that point). People tend to walk the neighborhood for trick or treating rather than driving it, so that’s not an issue.

Crossposts: http://therck.livejournal.com/988124.html

I tried sock glue again yesterday. It worked reasonably well and didn’t leave my skin red or otherwise upset. I learned, however, that it’s better to use the glue about an inch below the upper edge of the sock and that I must not fiddle with the sock because, if I do, the skin where the sock is glued down will start hurting and continue to do so for hours. Removing the socks required getting the upper part wet (the glue is water soluble). Some bits could be pulled off without pain, but other bits couldn’t.

I woke with a headache again today, but this time it was pretty clearly sinus related. I had a headache come on toward the end of the evening last night, too, which was an anxiety thing. That is, Ativan helped. My guess is that the anxiety is an intersection between the things I need to write for the UCon game and the appointments I have this week.

I want to go for a walk this afternoon, but I kind of suspect that it won’t happen. Once I take the Zoloft, I will become a lump and have difficulty getting myself off the couch for anything at all. My current plan is to deal with the dishes and the trash before I take the Zoloft. If that doesn’t exhaust me, I may walk. I can’t do it after Cordelia gets home because she’s bringing a friend. The two girls are, in my opinion, old enough to be left alone for half an hour or so while I walk, but I would want the other parents to okay it before I do it.

Cordelia and her movie watching group are trying to watch all of the Studio Ghibli movies available to them in production order. The next one up is The Grave of the Fireflies which… Well, I told Cordelia what it’s about and that it may be too depressing for them, but she and her friends are quite certain that it will be okay. I have no idea if they’ll actually watch all of it.

I’m trying to decide whether or not I need to see a doctor about my hand. It feels fine right now, but I haven’t done much with it today, so I’m not sure that means anything. I think I’m mainly afraid that they’ll tell me to stop touch typing because I suspect that hitting the space bar so often is a factor in the problem. Which means I ought to stop doing it, but I like being able to type as fast as I do. It makes writing much, much easier. Maybe setting a timer and taking breaks would help?

Today’s audiobook is Northanger Abbey which I have not previously read (I tried once and kind of bounced). I didn’t finish The Wolves of Willoughby Chase, but I thought that varying what I listen to might be a good thing. I’ve got about a dozen books on my laptop, and I want to listen to all of them so that I can delete them. Having so many helps because, when I hit a point with one where I can’t go on right then, I can switch to another until my anxiety over the previous one(s) subsides.

Crossposts: http://therck.livejournal.com/985664.html

I’m probably going to be exhausted and headachy all week because Scott’s sleep schedule and need for sleep doesn’t mesh well with mine. When I point out that I need more sleep than I’m getting, he just kind of shrugs and points out that, when he’s working, he gets between four and six hours a night (tending toward four). But I am not him. My body falls apart after about three nights of six hours or less. Also, that amount of sleep means he’s pretty wrecked by the end of his work week.

Cordelia was eager to go to the library yesterday because she had two holds to pick up. She also grabbed my holds before I got there but must have missed one because I have a hold still on the online list, one that expires tomorrow. She was moving so fast that I really didn’t have a chance to double check that we had everything. Scott and I will probably pick that up tomorrow (today, I have a genetic counseling appointment and need to get blood drawn).

I’m actually hoping that this blood test turns up something that we can address. It’s very frustrating to have sucks-to-be-you be the only result.

Scott took the kleenex to the school today. Cordelia had forgotten her lunch and emailed me to ask for us to drop it off, so he took that, too, while I was still eating breakfast.

We ended up ordering pizza for the girls yesterday. I thought that three girls would eat a lot of pizza, so I ordered a large. The fourth girl is now vegan, so she asked me to order her some breadsticks (I offered salads as an option, but she wasn’t interested). Fortunately, I remembered in time to call and ask them to leave off the garlic butter. The girls ate sixteen bread sticks and three pieces of pizza (total not each). I have no idea why the bread sticks were more appealing than the pizza, but they must have been because I really don’t think that the vegan girl ate all of them herself.

Crossposts: http://therck.livejournal.com/982954.html

I woke this morning with a migraine because we lost power repeatedly last night which means than none of us got much sleep. Between 3:00 and 3:25, the power blipped on and off four or five times. At about 3:25, the power went off and stayed off. It didn't come back until just before 8:00 this morning. This means that Scott only got about three hours of sleep last night, and that there were about four hours when I didn't sleep.

DTE has called three times since 10:00 to give me different estimates for when our power will be restored. The most recent one said that they have no idea when it will be. Which... We have power, but the calls don't give a stop calling me option.

It started raining and kind of vaguely thundering about fifteen minutes after the power went out. I've heard that other parts of the area had heavy thunder and lightning. DTE says the problem was 'trees on private property,' but the outage area, looking at the map on their site in the early morning was pretty large.

We had a scare yesterday afternoon. Everything worked out fine, but... The younger brother of Cordelia's best friend missed the school bus after school. When that happens, he's supposed to come here, and he didn't. His sister didn't realize he wasn't on the bus until after it was underway, too late for her to get off. All she could do was call their mother. She, in turn, called me because someone had told them that the boy had been seen walking toward the city bus stop at the bottom of the hill. He's nine or ten, and he had no money. He's also never ridden the city bus alone, so even if he'd had money, getting home that way wouldn't have been sure. It requires taking the Plymouth Rd bus outbound and then getting off at a particular stop to transfer to the route that actually goes near their home. The routes have all changed in the last month, so what he remembered might not have been valid any more.

As it turns out, he got a ride home from a friend's family and it's just that no one thought to let his mother know.

But I sent Cordelia out twice, looking for him on her bike, because we were afraid he was trying to walk home which is three kilometers as the crow flies (looking at an Ingress portal near where they live) and involves crossing some streets that are very, very busy. I told his mother that, if we didn't find him in the next ten minutes or so, it would be time to call the police. Fortunately, it didn't come to that, but... If he had been trying to walk home, he'd have been on Plymouth Rd for a very, very long way, so finding him there should have been easy. We were mostly worried about him getting exhausted, getting lost, or getting hit by a car.

I went for a longish walk yesterday before the school day ended. I twisted my ankle relatively early on, but it felt okay after a few steps, so I went on. Then, twenty minutes later, while I was on my way home, it started to hurt. Right now, it's okay when I walk, mostly, but aches when I'm sitting still or lying down. I wrapped it about an hour ago. I'm not sure it's helping. It hurts to walk with it wrapped, not a lot but noticeably, and I'm constantly aware of the pressure from the bandage at other times.

On the plus side for the walk, I managed to find an easier route into the science and nature center. The route I knew involves climbing a steep hill along a long path with absolutely no shade at all. I haven't been willing to do it in the last few months because I'm afraid that climbing that hill will wear me out enough that I can't climb the hill I need to in order to get home. This route is a path through the woods. It's entirely shaded and a good bit shorter and with a gentler slope. It lets out right by the community gardens, on the same level of the park as most of the Ingress portals.

In the evening,

cherydactyl came to visit. She hadn't been sure that she was going to be able to, but she ended up coming after all. We ended up just sitting and talking for a couple of hours. That was really nice.

I need to eat something healthy now. Because of the migraine and all of that, I've mostly had very sugary things so far today. I'm not feeling bad from that, fortunately, but something healthy would be very nice. I also need to get the dishwasher running before the cleaning lady comes (in about an hour and fifteen minutes). I've moved the things I have to move, and I put away most of the clean laundry. Apart from eating and the dishes, most of what I need to do is to find a bag or box in which to put the rest of books that we plan to send to Scott's parents' yard sale. I've got one full bag already.

I tried a new to me Stash tea today. It's an herbal blend, chocolate orange. I didn't actually like it. I couldn't taste either flavor, just some bitterness. Fortunately, I only had one bag of it, so nothing's going to go to waste.

I've got thirty messages in my email inbox right now. They're all things I want to/need to answer. I have no idea if I'll get to them.

Gah. Throwing out stuffed animals and dolls feels like I’m killing them. I’m not sure I can do it. But we can’t store many of the dratted things. We want to limit that to the ones to which we have real emotional attachment.

Other parents of older children, have you gone through this? How did you handle it?

I'm trying to decide if I'm being reasonable as a parent-- Back during the ice cream social (so early June), there was another mother of a girl Cordelia's age who has forbidden her daughter ever to be alone with a boy. That seemed to me to be unreasonable, both because the kids are only eleven and because it shows so little trust in her daughter (though I suppose she could be worried that the boy might not take a no seriously).

I let Cordelia be in her room alone with a neighbor boy who's also eleven. Sometimes his ten year old sister comes, too, but sometimes she doesn't (or sometimes she comes without him). That seems like a reasonable thing for me to do, but then I remember that other mother and wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

I mean, they're only eleven, and some day, when Cordelia's older, she'll have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and we'll leave them alone together then. I can't see driving all of us crazy trying to police Cordelia's every action in order to protect her.

Am I overlooking something?

This weekend promises to be busy with chores and errands. I also need to make some phone calls and absolutely must wedge writing time in there at every point I can manage.

I had hoped to have a bit more time to for writing yesterday and today. Cordelia went to Scott's parents' place on Wednesday, and the plan was for her to stay through today. Yesterday, however, she insisted on coming home. If Scott's parents hadn't been set on bringing her back (not wanting a meltdown), I'd have suggested distracting her and keeping her there. I find the timing suspicious because she decided to come home when rain interrupted their planned activities. I think she decided the fun was over when her cousins went home.

I have fragments of a first draft of my Remix fic. They don't fit together right yet, but I think I can use large chunks of the three fragments. I have to decide where the story starts and where it ends. I think I can complete a coherent draft this weekend which is good as I need to get it done and posted before family visits start in July.

Part of this weekend will focus on getting the crap in the basement cleared out. We might need to have guests stay there the night of the 6th and will definitely need the space either the night of the 10th or the night of the 11th. We have boxes down there from our couch (which we bought in December). We have stacks of books waiting to be cataloged and shelved. We have bags of clothes and boxes of stuff that need to be put in proper storage so they don't cover the floor. Then we need to find a bed of some sort (probably a heavy duty air mattress).

Getting the basement cleared of debris this weekend will allow for dusting, mopping, sweeping and so on next weekend. I've asked our cleaning lady if she can give me an extra hour next week. She said maybe and that I should let her know if we manage to get the crap out of the way (she didn't put it like that) because she won't do it unless we do. I'll call her to schedule after we make some progress.

Cordelia spent every afternoon this week at camp. I read a vast number of manga volumes while sitting and waiting for the sessions to end. Normally, I read down near the community gardens. There are benches there and shade and a pleasant breeze.

On Monday, however, the bugs were so bad that I had to retreat. Most of them weren't biting bugs, but they were all over and wanted to crawl on me. I couldn't take it, so I spent the week sitting on a bench just outside the building where Cordelia's group met. I suppose I should count myself lucky that she was in the Nature House as that's the best of the lot for waiting outside. The Critter House has no shade and no bathroom access, and the Leslie House has no bathroom access.

One of the counselors wasn't sure who I was and kept giving me weird looks all week. This afternoon, he finally asked if I was one of the parents and looked relieved to be told that, yes, I was. He'd only seen me drop Cordelia off and pick her up all week.

I was lucky in that it wasn't all that hot this week. The Geodon inhibits my ability to sweat and so limits my ability to cool off. I took twice as much water with me as I did last year but ended up realizing that it benefitted me more to put it on my face and neck than it did when I drank it. August will be less fun, I suspect. I'm hoping I'll have some better coping mechanisms by then.

My right leg is not entirely happy about camp because getting there and coming home involves steep hills. I'm supposed to avoid those when I can as it aggravates the tendonitis. The leg isn't hurting, but it is red. I have two ways to control the swelling. The first is those support socks they sell for travelers. The second is ankle socks. My primary care doctor suggested the former, and the sports medicine doctor she referred me to suggested the latter. The ankle socks are much, much cheaper and can be laundered normally, so I have six pairs of them and only one of the support socks.

(The left knee issue has been confirmed as a bone bruise. It'll be a few more months before I should expect it to be gone. The sports medicine doctor suggested that, if I need to kneel a lot, I buy heavy duty pads. He liked the idea of a six inch thick foam mattress that could be cut up into smaller pieces and also mentioned auto sponges. I'm doing neither and just trying not to kneel, instead. I can manage 98% of my life without kneeling. Figuring out a way around the other 2% is cheaper than his solutions.)